You have finally gotten out of the toxic relationship you were in.
And you’re probably thinking now you can throw a party, and everything will go back to the way it was before you entered it.
Just like you had magical thinking when you were in the toxic relationship, thinking that you will walk out from under A toxic relationship with a narcissist or any other toxic person unscathed Is like walking outside in a thunderstorm Without an umbrella and thinking that you won’t get wet.
The most important thing that you can do after being discarded from a toxic relationship is to give yourself grace. You will need tons of it. Not only from yourself, but from other people.
The biggest teacher for accepting grace from others is giving it to ourselves first.
The first thing that you will think is, “ Okay, This just happened. And it hurt. But now, All I need to do is to pick myself up by the bootstraps, put on my big girl pants, and move on.
Uh, Yes and no.
We don’t ever want to lie down in victim mode. However, you have had a lot of things done to you, and that reality hasn’t settled in.
First of all, the damage that has been done to your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical being is enormous.
It literally might take a few months before this manifests. And even after that, the physical damage won’t manifest itself maybe until six months later, once the exhaustion sets in.
Although you have been going and going like the energizer bunny in the relationship, your body has taken on way more capacity than it should have been for years.
Our minds, bodies, and souls work together, with the mind handling 50% more than what our bodies can. However, for some reason, the effect on our bodies catch up after the effect on our brains.
The second most important thing that you must do is to go “ No Contact”.
If you have children with a narcissistic person, then you would follow the “low contact rule”.
What does “no contact” mean?
It literally means just the way it sounds. You have to eliminate all contact from the person you were in the toxic relationship with.
This includes texting, in person meetings, phone calls, emails, social media, third-party conversations, etc. Basically, any and all means of communication with this person.
Low contact would mean that you are only interacting with this person for the bare minimal necessities. This looks like: discussion of your children’s doctor appointments, emotional, mental, and physical health issues, visitation schedules, vacation schedules, and emergencies.
No and low contact are the first set of boundaries that you must learn, and then follow quickly.
This is the only thing that has proven most effective for women Recovering from narcissistic abuse and Abuse in general.
And it probably has to do with the fact that nine times out of 10, women who are in toxic relationships form a trauma bond with their toxic partner.
And in turn, this trauma bond causes a soul tie.
Any and all contact with the individual that you have the soul tie with is only going to re-enforce the trauma bond, which reinforces the soul tie.
So in essence, you are working against your self.
You need time to go through withdrawal. And that is a whole ‘Nother level.
When you are going through withdrawal, you are not alone. You are enlisting the help of the Holy Spirit, and building emotional and spiritual resilience to handle the pain.
Remember: You are enough. You do not have to reconnect with your abuser in order to Prove that you are. You are a daughter of the King. And now, you are beginning to reclaim your power and identity by healing and moving forward.
Until next time,