Who Dropped the Bomb? The Many Faces of Love-Bombing

A lot of people look at love bombing as just over-the-top affection. This would be a quick glanced assessment. When we dive deeper beneath the surface, and peel away the layers, we are staring at abuse.

Plain and simple.

Love bombing is more of the grooming and priming stage of abuse. Just like using primer so the paint will take on your dark-colored wall, love bombing assures that the devaluation stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle will look good on you. But this is not a laughing matter. Nothing about abuse is funny.

Here is a list of things to look out for so that you don’t find yourself caught up in its web.

  1. Checking with you all times of the day. Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. How was your morning? How was your evening? How was your afternoon? This is done repeatedly so that when he pulls the rug from underneath you, and stops doing it, you will be like a drug addict needing your fix. Remember-you already have issues with love and approval addictions, which is part of the reason you got caught up with this individual in the first place.
  2. Playing Mr. NICE GUY with your family by lending out his car so as soon as the abuse starts, people start thinking, “This couldn’t be the same guy who’s hurting you.”
  3. Making his church and family seem perfect and sin-free compared to yours.
  4. Gossiping, judging, and criticizing your church, pastor, family, coworkers, and friends.
  5. Appearance of self-confidence that’s really hiding arrogance, condescending, contemptuous, behavior.
  6. Volunteering to help you with typing and taking notes for your graduate and undergraduate degree program.
  7. Volunteering in children’s ministry, men’s ministry, singing in the choir, and preaching at Christian retreats.
  8. Buying your kids clothes and shoes.
  9. Rubbing all over your belly and making you feel embarrassed in public once you’re pregnant with his baby.
  10. Purchasing expensive homes. multiple expensive vehicles, and then having you to get rid of your homes, inherited property and vehicles, and place everything in his name.

Until next time,

Katina

Education, Empowerment, Toxic Relationships, And Taking Ownership of Our Healing & Emotions

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Education, Empowerment, Toxic Relationships, And Taking Ownership of Our Healing & Emotions
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Everyone strives for being educated and empowered. But different words mean different things to different people. Listen 🎧 in to the conversation between Dr. Shali Mukherjee and I as we dissect education, empowerment, toxic relationships, and taking ownership when it comes to healing and emotions. Katina Horton-Valley of Grace Ministries been granted rights and permission by performing artist , Timothy Horton GR8, to use Valley of Grace as its theme song. #educators #education #healing #healingjourney #ownership #empowerment #emotions

I’m Leaving You- The Discard Phase

I’m Leaving You- The Discard Phase

No one wants to hear these three words. Just because you know that the discard phase is inevitable does not mean that you want someone to say this to you. Not only do these words invoke fear, they bring trauma, abandonment, and rejection along with it. So that you are not caught off guard, I am giving you a list of things to look out for in case you are in the storm of a soul-tied toxic relationship with a narcissistic partner.

Number 1:  You disrespect and dishonor yourself to the point of not knowing who you are anymore.  Even though he’s leaving you, he is still trying to convince you to sign up for a Biblical concubine situation.

Number 2:  Everyday your friends keep reminding you about the crazy situation you are living in.

Number 3:  You find evidence that he’s bought another computer(woman).  This one has a 500-watt power supply. 

Number 4:  He’s doing anything and everything to get you to put him out (reverse discard) so he can avoid responsibility for leaving you and tell everybody that you put him out.  If he’s been acting a fool and flaunting his new sidechick, they are NOT going to believe him.

Number 5:  You are reminded of the insecurities you disclosed to him in the beginning. 

Number 6:  He pulls his mask down, telling you different things about himself that he has never told you before.  They all lead up to him being a narcissist.

Number 7:  He keeps stringing you and the kids along about his final leaving date.

Number 8:  He brings all kind of evidence in the house showing that he has new supply, hoping that it will break you down and cause you to put him out.

Number 9:  His final farewell is a fake suicide stunt to regain control as he sees that his grip on you is slipping.

Number 10:  He calls up some of his family members, letting them know that he’s about to sabotage his living situation, and if it’s decent family members, they are encouraging him not to do it.  If not, they will join in and help him destroy you.

Number 11:  His new supply calls and leaves sensual messages on his voicemail, knowing that you are going to hear the messages.

Number 12:  You find evidence that he is love bombing the new supply in both the same and different ways that he love bombed you:  receipts from hotels, dinners, poems, songs, doing her advanced degree homework, blankets in the car, taking movies from your home to watch with her and her children, etc.

Number 13:  He tells you that he loves you, but is not in love with you, and still wants to be friends.  Basically, he wants you to sign up to be backup supply a.k.a. a hoover maneuver.

Number 14:  You start seeing instances of spiders, black capes, and all other kinds of spiritual warfare. 

Remember, you are not fighting against flesh and blood. Like in the devaluation phase, the discard phase involves both a lot of drama and trauma.  If you decide to stay until the end, you will need your church community, small groups, and inner circle to walk with you and your kids every step of the way. 

And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.

2 Corinthians 11:14

Until next time,

Katina

Dr. Elizabeth & Dr. Latonya Rainwater-The Black Woman Experience, Power of Choice, Online Dating, Toxic Relationships and Education

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Dr. Elizabeth & Dr. Latonya Rainwater-The Black Woman Experience, Power of Choice, Online Dating, Toxic Relationships and Education
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Our wiring and upbringing is a combination of nature versus nurture. And because the world is comprised of imperfect people, our families’ love story gardens were imperfect, creating imperfect homes and childhoods. Even with all this vulnerability and brokenness going on, we still have a choice. Join me on a personal journey with Dr.’s Elizabeth and LaTonya Rainwater as we talk about the power of choice, online dating, toxic relationships, and education as it relates to The Black Woman Experience. You’re in for a treat.

Bio:

Dr. Elizabeth Rainwater and Dr. Latonya Rainwater are two Atlanta-based entrepreneurs, preachers, and educators. They have a background in psychology and spent years mentoring students in graduate school.

ELRSHOP

Their passion for education is a big part of their journey, which turned into teaching ESL to students in China online for an education center in Florida. It was not intuition, but it was a tug on the heart, which led both educators and doctors to design their own educational and inspirational products as ELRSHOP. The name ELRSHOP stems from the first initial of Dr. Elizabeth and Dr. Latonya’s name giving their online shop a special and unique meaning.

In the ELRSHOP, you can find coloring books, crossword puzzles, math, and grammar workbooks, and more. Age is no factor and there is something for everyone. All proceeds earned from each sale help support their ministry and mission work worldwide.

Any way that they can educate and spread the gospel to people is a step in the right direction and helps them fulfill their purpose in life.

Music played is the theme song for the Valley of Grace Podcast. Katina Horton-Valley of Grace Ministries have been licensed and given permission to use Valley of Grace by performing artist Timothy Horton GR8.

How to Reach Dr. Elizabeth and Dr. Latonya Rainwater

https://www.etsy.com/shop/ELRShop

#bible #story #healing #healingjourney #narcabuse #storytelling #youareenough #blackwomen #blackeducators #elrshop #educators #clergy

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse-The Art of Receiving Advice

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse-The Art of Receiving Advice

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a lot of work. The thing to remember is to always keep the end goal in mind. And what is the end goal? Returning back to your true authentic self. The one that God created. During this time, you will receive advice from many different people. And God also encourages us to take advice.

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.

Proverbs 11:14

However, as with anything, we have to use wisdom, discernment, and our intuition as to whether or not this advice is well-meaning advice or toxic advice that is a mask for control.

There are four different types of advice I would like to discuss with you.

The first kind of advice is projected advice. When we project something, it means that we are taking our own experiences and assigning it to someone else. Projected advice means that the person is giving you advice based upon all of the factors that fit their situation. This kind of device may or may not help you.

Why?

The factors involved can be major deal breakers. Some people who give you projected advice have not been in the situation that you have been in before, meaning they have privilege. And although they are well-meaning, they can actually do more harm than good. When we have privilege, we tend to look at other people’s situation through a privileged lens.

Projected advice gets sticky in areas of finances, court issues, and PTSD/trauma.

The second kind of advice that we often receive is double-minded advice. What is double minded advice? It is based on the Bible verse in James 1:18.

“He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

James 1:18

Double-minded advice comes from individuals who have one standard for themselves, and another standard for you. This person often talks on both sides of their mouth so to speak. One minute they are saying one thing. Then a few minutes later they are totally contradicting what they just said. Which version do you believe?

Good question.

Double-minded advice is evidence that the person giving the advice is unstable, or living incongruent to their values and beliefs.

The third kind of advice is purpose-destroying advice. This kind of advice is often given by individuals who exhibit signs of toxic jealousy, envy, and competition when it comes to your calling. They refuse to own their story, but want partial ownership of yours. They want the highlight reels.

Remember, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Therefore, purpose-destroying advice exists to destroy every aspect of your calling including its power, SOUL, and identity.

The fourth kind of advice that I want to talk about is the “ I heard a word from the Lord” advice. Sometimes this kind of advice is very good. Other times, it involves a combination of the other three kinds of advice that I just discussed plus the gaslighting spirit.

The most important thing that we can do is to test the spirits of people who come to us with a word from the Lord. And we also have to remember that if God has that particular message for us, he will confirm it through us and not just give it to somebody else.

Remember: You are enough. Rebuild your family’s toxic love story garden. Reclaim your power, SOUL, and identity today. Grab your keys to the kingdom and get your inheritance.

Episode 154: Dr. Marni Hill Foderaro on Narcissists, Parental Alienation, & Moving Forward From Toxicity & Flying Monkeys

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 154: Dr. Marni Hill Foderaro on Narcissists, Parental Alienation, & Moving Forward From Toxicity & Flying Monkeys
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A lot of times we find ourselves in toxic relationships trying to figure out what happened. The signs were there all along. You tried to create a lasting relationship between two people with different values, belief systems, and operating systems, hoping the superficial things on your list would be enough. The only thing that did seem to last is the trauma bond and soul tie that the toxic relationship left you with.

One of the main reasons women do not want to heal is because they fear the pain of healing. Making the decision to heal involves pain, and staying right where you are on the hamster wheel of soul-tied toxic relationships with narcissists involve pain. There is no getting around it. The reward is on the other side of the pain. And after getting to the other side, you must set up boundaries so that potential partners can enhance, not restrict their knowledge of you.

How do I Reach Dr. Marni Hill Foderaro to buy her books?

Catch her here: God Came to My Garage Sale

#propheticword #toxicrelationships #narcissist

Episode 152: Toxic Relationships and A Medical Diagnosis with Lauren Roskilly

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 152: Toxic Relationships and A Medical Diagnosis with Lauren Roskilly
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Toxic Relationships and A Medical Diagnosis-It seems easier to trust God with what it is he has told you to do when you know what the outcome is going to be. However, we know that if we only trust God when certainty is involved, that means that we don’t fully trust him. Our trust becomes conditional.

Listen 🎧 in to this candid conversation between Lauren Roskilly and I as we dissect Toxic Relationships, A Medical Diagnosis, Codependency, and Obedience.

In case you missed last week’s episode, grab it here.

lauren roskilly the valley of grace podcast

Lauren is a mum of two beautiful children. She has a BA Hons in Health and social care and also a diploma in CBT. Lauren became a born- again Christian in 2004. She is transparent about her ups and downs with mental health, depression, anxiety and self- harm. But God helped her with these and she has learnt to refocus from the negative and towards Christ. She practices being mindful of Him, thus the name of her blog ‘Mindful of Christ’. She is the author of ‘Christian based Cognitive Behavioural therapy.’ A Speaker and a Christian Life Coach where she helps people to recognise & overcome limiting beliefs & negative mindsets and help them to discover and step into their God given purpose.

Website: www.mindfulofchrist.net

Book: https://amzn.to/3rDwUry

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MoCministries777

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCl_zTzp4-pYQhg1tsfsNY0Q

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindfulofchristministries/

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 151: Toxic Relationships, Mindset, & Anointing with Eston Swaby

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 151: Toxic Relationships, Mindset, & Anointing with Eston Swaby
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Since when did God tell you that being in a toxic relationship was carrying your cross or performing ministry? Satan uses all kind of lies to warp our vision of love and keep us trapped in a vicious cycle of never-ending pain. We think we will get clarity on getting out of a toxic relationship without acknowledging the truth.

But even after acknowledging the truth, you have to act. You cannot just sit and wait on God. Acting on the truth and tackling your mindset will help you in making healthy relationship choices, walking in your identity and purpose, and stepping into your calling. You have been anointed to reach the nations. Listen in to Coach Eston Swaby and I as we tackle these issues and more.

How to get in touch with Coach Eston Swaby:

Facebook

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse-The Art of Self-Care

Introduction

One of the hardest things to do after being in a narcissistic or any other kind of toxic relationship is to practice self-care. Self-care is an art. Not a science.

At first, the temptation can be to write out a list of different things that must be done for self-care to take place. There is no right or wrong way. However, a must-follow list will only have you focusing on rigidity. Self-care shouldn’t be painstaking.

Dissection

The common things that we think of when it comes to self-care is polishing our nails, going to the spa, shampooing our hair, etc. All these things are part of self-care. However, when you think of self-care in terms of caring for your mind, body, and soul (mind, will, and emotions), the things that you do to enforce self-care will become more of a holistic and natural approach rather than one that is forced.

One thing that helps to reinforce a natural approach is to journal, asking your mind, body, and soul, “What do you need today?”


Narcissistic relationships drain all your resources and energy on every level. This was your norm and has to be unlearned. And as with any other habit, releasing one habit means replacing it with another.

The Challenge


Developing principles of self-care for yourself, and then other care for your children, extended family, and other important relationships in your life will be the driving force for helping you to move forward.

Once you know what these principles will look like, then you can establish boundaries around these principles for yourself and others. For years you have conditioned yourself to placing yourself at the bottom of the list. After your partner. After your children. And after everyone else. And in some instances, not at all.

Self-Care as Self-Love

Self-care is part of self-love. And self-love is part of the practice of developing an intimate relationship with yourself by becoming self-aware of who you are as a person, where you are as a person, and where it is you are going, along with where you want to be.

You are already enough. You do not have to wear yourself down and ignore your self in order to please others and gain approval from others. Grab your keys to the kingdom and get your inheritance.

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse & Parenting With Oxygen

Analysis


When it comes to healing from narcissistic abuse, it can be so tempting for women to think their number one priority after leaving the toxic ☠️ relationship is pouring everything that they can into their children 🧒 so that they will be OK. 

In theory, it seems like the perfect thing to do. Give them everything that they have been missing and more. 

However, in reality, the best thing that you can do as a mother is to follow the instructions 📄 of the stewardess on the airplane ✈️

You must put your oxygen mask 😷 on first. 

When a person has difficulty breathing 😮‍💨, and is in emergency status, needing to get some serious help, they do not stop 🛑, and say, “let me give away the little oxygen that I have left instead of calling 911.  This is a heroic deed.”

For those who have, what is often said about this person is, “he or she saved everybody else, but could not do what was necessary to save him or her self.”  

There is no trophy 🏆 given out. There is sadness and a realization that this person was so caught up being Superman or Superwoman, that they did not understand their own needs, and the need to put their needs before others was necessary for their own survival.

Ponder

Although it may seem counterintuitive, we cannot pour from an empty cup.

After a while, your jars of clay will manifest cracks.  And instead of taking heed to the warning, and patching up the cracks with taking care of yourself, you keep using your jar until it completely breaks.

Charge

As long as you are OK, healing ❤️‍🩹, walking through the steps of reclaiming your power 💪🏾 and identity, your children will be OK, and can walk into the steps of reclaiming their power and identity by using your actions as a template for theirs.  

And instead of trying to somehow become their therapist, the best thing to do is to help them find a therapist of their own who can assist them in processing what was, what currently is, and what is to come.

Getting back to your true self, the one who’s identity is in Christ, is hard, but not impossible work.  And it begins by displaying love to your children, through the love the Father has for you, and in turn, you are showing to yourself. 

Pouring from an empty or half-full jar 🫙means that you risk single-parent and grief burnout.  Honoring and loving self, with the love of God as your guide leads to honoring and loving your children.

Retraining

Your brain needs to be retrained. All of this time society has taught you that the best way to take care of your partner and your children is to sacrifice yourself in the process.

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey, and that journey involves a process.  And that process involves a fight. A fight to reclaim your power and identity to get to your true self. Not the old self. 

Remember: the old self misunderstood the concepts of love and freedom. The old self sacrificed everything for the survival of others at your own expense. It didn’t love self enough to honor identity in Christ over every other identity.  The old self didn’t understand that royalty status helps you to value yourself as having enoughness and worthiness in the kingdom of God.

You are saying goodbye to the old self and reclaiming your true self as a daughter of the king, Who lives and walks in royalty, understands self love and boundaries, and knows how to pour out God’s love onto others.