Enmeshed

When it comes to enmeshment, things can get real tricky. Just like codependency. Think about having ten necklaces getting tangled together. Trust me, I have had it to happen before. It is not fun. As a matter of fact, the more you try to untangle the mess, the more they get entangled. And before we know it, our emotions are entangled with these necklaces.

We start making headway when we go to the beginning of the first necklace and then start pulling from there. It is the same thing when it comes to relationships.

The more that you try to untangle, the more entangled you will become. Getting to the root of the entanglement/enmeshment is where healing begins. It is also where the pain will lie as well. When you are entangled/enmeshed, you are depending on someone else’s feelings to make you happy, sad, angry, etc., and dictate your behavior in general.

You are literally being controlled by someone else’s emotional state. Another way of looking at it is to picture your backyard and your neighbor’s backyard. You both have fences. The fences serve as boundaries. However, you have decided to make your neighbor’s yard free reign to go in and out as you please.

Would your neighbor be upset? Of course!! Who wouldn’t?

This is what happens in an entangled/enmeshed relationship. You ignore each other’s boundaries to the point of having such free reign, that you suffocate one another. So how do you get out? Some form of therapy is definitely needed.

At the same time, so is getting to the root of your issues with identity, self-worth, and not enoughness where you have other people’s emotions serving as your literal lifeline.

Creating an empowered new chapter of life involves healing from past hurts. And healing from past hurts involves reclaiming your power and identity, and enoughness. Reclaiming this power and identity from healing will give you a new perspective and a higher level of resilience so that you can flourish.

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 119: An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker Part 2

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 119: An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker Part 2
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Sometimes the hardest part about creating an empowered new chapter of life is trusting God with each and every step. And part of trusting God involves learning to hear God’s voice, and then discerning the direction that he has for your life. Community is so important as you embark on your journey of reclaiming your power and identity. However, we also need discernment in knowing what advice we should and should not take. What does trust look like for you? Listen to Part 2 of my conversation with Cherlyn Decker to find out her stance on these issues.

Podcast Topics Outline Episode 119: An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker Part 2

  • Trusting God
  • Know the End
  • Community
  • What to Say
  • What to Do
  • Is God Enough
  • What Does Trust Look Like?
  • What Does Discernment Look Like?

Follow Cherlyn:

Special Treat here for my listeners from Cherlyn: https://www.cherlyndecker.com/valleyofgrace

Book: www.roarbackbook.com

Website: https://www.cherlyndecker.com/

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 118: An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 118: An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker
/

If I know the ending, then it will make going through the process of recovering from trials, unhealthy relationships, disappointments in life easier. This is the misconception that we often have. The bottom line is that it all comes down to trust. Listen to this episode between Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker and I to find out why this is the case, along with how self-awareness and discernment play a role in reclaiming the power and identity that you lost from being in an unhealthy relationship.

Follow Cherlyn:

Book: www.roarbackbook.com 

Website: https://www.cherlyndecker.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CherlynDeckerAuthor 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cherlyndecker

Twitter: https://twitter.com/cherlyndecker

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cherlyndecker/

Clubhouse: @cherlyndecker 

Special Treat here for my listeners from Cherlyn: https://www.cherlyndecker.com/valleyofgrace

In case you missed the last podcast episode, you can catch that one here. Be blessed!

An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker Podcast Topics

  • Trusting God When you don’t know the ending
  • Why We Stay in Unhealthy Relationships
  • The Role of Discernment
  • How we can allow trials to change us

Until Next Time!

Katina

Episode 117: Healing is a Choice: An Interview with Jennifer Ramirez-Part 3

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 117: Healing is a Choice: An Interview with Jennifer Ramirez-Part 3
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Do you want to get to the good stuff?  I know I do.  We want a magic pill for everything. Forget about the healing and the pain.  Later for that.  It sounds like the perfect plan. However, if your plan is to go from where you are now, to where you want to be, skipping over the pain will only take you back to where you are now. It may seem counterintuitive. However, the only way to the other side is through.  As Jennifer put it in this episode: “Healing is a choice.”  Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires healing from past hurts.  And when you are healed, you gain resilience and perspective that you couldn’t have gained otherwise.  Listen to the last part of this series between Jennifer and I as we dissect healing, our need for instant gratification, not enoughness and so much more.

Podcast Outline

  • Healing
  • Choices
  • Resilience
  • Flourishing
  • Instant Gratification
  • Not Enoughness
  • Fun Things about Jennifer

Until next time,

Katina

Codependency Is Real-Part Three

No matter what situation it is, the hardest part about taking on any task when it comes to self-growth and self development is dealing with you. It feels better to hold up the mirror to everybody else? It makes us feel like we are better somehow.

But guess what? Paying attention to what everybody else is doing is a blinder for minding your own business and digging deeper into our own pile of junk.

When you are playing the role of a codependent, you don’t have time to check in with yourself to see what’s really going on. Your focus is on saving the other person. As mentioned in the last post, codependents stay in the state they are in number one, because of fear, and then number two: insecurities.

“The common areas of insecurities and or brokenness are low self-esteem, low self-worth, poor body image, and not enoughness. Codependents cover up these areas by becoming the Savior of the day in their spouse’s, coworker’s, friend’s, or ministry partner’s life. So, even when you have the come to Jesus moment and stop doing things for the other person, if you don’t take the time to do the self-work, you will be right back to wearing your cape as Savior of the day, and playing Jesus.

Frustration is the catalyst for change. However, that is only if the desire and hard work required to be a better version of you outweighs the pain of staying in the comfort zone of where you are now. “

Katina Horton

Creating an empowered new chapter of life involves healing from past hurts. And in turn, healing from past hurts helps us to gain resilience and perspective. In our next post, I will discuss the dangers of enmeshment.

Episode 116: An Interview with Jennifer Ramirez -Part 2

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 116: An Interview with Jennifer Ramirez -Part 2
/

Next in line to our own brokenness, the number one reason women go from one unhealthy relationship to the next is the fear of being alone. The unspoken rule becomes “I gotta have a man.” And when we follow this rule, and not give ourselves sufficient time to heal, we continue the unhealthy relationship patterns of behavior. Space, time, and stillness gives us clarity, discernment, and the ability to hear God’s voice. However, the craving for a new physical relationship often outweighs the cravings in our hearts for God. Listen to the second part of the interview between Jennifer Ramirez and I to hear more on this topic along with why women often fall victim to narcissistic relationships.

An Interview with Jennifer Ramirez Part 2 Podcast Outline Topics

  • The Unhealthy Relationship Cycle
  • Breaking Free
  • Knowing Your Worth
  • Dealing With Our Brokenness
  • Having a Come to Jesus Moment
  • The Loneliness Factor
  • The Perfect Ingredient for a Narcissist
  • Stepping out in Faith

Stay tuned for Part 3. Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez

In the meantime, check out Jennifer Ramirez’s website so that you are familiar with all of the services that she has to offer.

Until next time,

Katina Horton

Episode 115: Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez-Part 1

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 115: Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez-Part 1
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Have you ever said the following: “Why am I finding myself in the same situation? I need a new man, a new job, and a new house.”? If that sounds like you, then listen to this episode between Jennifer and I as we unpack some of the things that are holding us back. And the answer is not what you think.

Interview with Jennifer Ramirez Podcast Topics:

Stay tuned for Part 2. Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez

In the meantime, check out Jennifer Ramirez’s website so that you are familiar with all of the services that she has to offer.

Until next time,

Katina Horton

Codependency Is Real-Part 2

Ok. You have finally had a come to Jesus moment and realized that you are a codependent. So, what now? And this is definitely a valid question.

Just like dealing with a computer problem, you have to analyze the why in relationships? Like all other sins, codependency is rooted in fear. Fear of the unknown. What will happen if you don’t pay the bills? What will happen if you don’t budget the money?

Does that mean you will end up homeless? What will happen if you and possibly you and the kids have to suffer as well? Will you end up broke? Having to downsize?

The Struggle

As women, we have been trained to take up the slack. Just like tying our kids’ shoes is easier for us than listening to whine and scream, “I can’t do it!” , doing things for other people without the hassle seems easier and safer. Plus, who wants to hear that whining?

As long as we keep tying the shoes, the child doesn’t grow, learn, and understand the concept of struggle as a natural process.

The same becomes true for your partner. As long as you keep tying his shoes, the irresponsibility continues and increases, and there is no struggle or growth. Growth cannot happen without discomfort.

One thing that became hard for me to understand is when my therapist explained that the only reason we continue in unhealthy cycles is because we are getting something out of it.

This is the second part of the why. The first part dealt with fear. The second part is your own brokenness. Codependency works because there is a need in you that is being fulfilled. That need is tied into your own insecurities and unhealed areas. Creating an empowered new chapter of life involves healing from past hurts. And in turn, healing from past hurts helps us to gain resilience and perspective. We will talk more about these insecurities in my next post.

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 114: Juneteenth Celebration

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 114: Juneteenth Celebration
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For the first time in our nation’s history, Juneteenth has been adopted as a national holiday. We still have a long way to go. However, as we already know, creating an empowered new chapter of life means taking any kind of step forward, no matter how small they may be.

In order for us to move forward in our relationships, and in our country in general, certain things have to be there to set the stage. Can you imagine a film director having the video personnel to start recording a movie without the props in place? It would be a hot mess. In order to move forward in our relationships, we have to build them upon a foundation of truth. Today’s recording is meant to inspire, motivate, and challenge you to figure out where you will stand when the film director says, “Action!”

Happy Juneteenth!

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 113: What’s Behind that Door And More…

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 113: What's Behind that Door And More...
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Do you like surprises? Some people don’t.

I like good surprises. Although to be honest, when good surprises come, sometimes they can be so shocking that it leads you to being an emotional wreck. In this case, good surprises can feel like bad surprises as I experienced a few years ago.

When you listen in to this week’s podcast episode, you will see how surprises come up in the beginning of a relationship. You also get to decide how you will respond when these relationship surprises come up. Or will you respond at all? Part of creating an empowered new chapter of life is using our power of choice. Be blessed!

Until next time,

Katina