Choose your door. Choose your pain.

Open this door or that one?

Healing is no easy task. And yet, at the same time, it is very rewarding work. Making the decision to heal is accepting the invitation given to our soul to do the necessary work it’s been procrastinating on. And like a domino effect, when we do our necessary work, our minds, hearts, and spirits expand in abundance and energy.

This expansion occurs because unresolved trauma, drama, undealt with brokenness, shame, insecurities, and the lies we have believed about love that has held us back so long has been dismantled.

Narcissistic relationships steal, kill, and destroy your power, soul and identity, sense of self and reality, ways of reasoning, and method of operating in life in general.

In order to reclaim you, you have to deconstruct these areas, and then rebuild. The problem comes in when you’re presented with pain on the front end. No one wants to deal with pain.

However, if we think of pain in terms of deciding which one is most beneficial, we can make progress. Pain that causes more pain and works through the bloodline going from generation to generation through the viper spirit is perpetual pain.

Pain of doing soul work that leads to abundance, freedom, and wholeness is temporary pain. Wholeness means that none of the parts of your life story is compartmentalized. Nothing is swept under the rug when it comes to its reality.

This means that you accept, resolve, and reframe each and every part of your story and integrate each of these parts into who you are.

When we compartmentalize, we leave certain issues untouched. This is equivalent to stuffing clothes and other miscellaneous things to the max in a closet, reminding yourself, spouse, and kids,, “Never open that door.”

It sounds good in theory. However, if the door is never opened, the things in the closet are never dealt with. The door is meant to be a forever and ever closed door.

But then what happens if we have company over, and that company needs to hang up their cost? You tell them to hang their coat up in the hallway closet. But you have two hallway closets: one you use, and one you never use.

One person goes and opens the wrong door. Piles of clothing falls on him, along with the corner of an old vinyl player, creating a gash in his head.

Wow, he is standing there with an open wound in his head, you yell out, “why did you open that door?” He looks at you like you’ve seriously lost your mind. It was the wrong door. He had no way of knowing. It was an accident.

This is how it works with healing. We make the decision to never open that door. That door stays closed. But then, you reach a fork in the road where your drama, Trauma, and life in general catches up with you.

You’re overloaded and need to release what you’ve been holding. Someone comes along and threatens the bubble you’ve been living in. He says something that hits your childhood wounds, and you iterally snap his soul into millions of pieces of an emotional toxic bath.

He didn’t know It wasn’t safe for him to open the door. You did. And instead of apologizing to him for now damaging him, you blame him for being the one who opened the door.

Having a broken arm is painful. Having this broken alarm reset is even more painful. However, the latter pain leads to a rebuilt and functional arm. The former pain leads to a broken, limited mobility and functional arm.

What will happen when they open the doors of your soul? What will happen when you need to choose your arm? Which life will you choose: the one that the thief has left you with, or the one that Jesus died on the cross for?

John 10:10

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

When Do I Let Go

One of the hardest things to do is to get to the point of letting go of people, places, things, and ideas no longer serving us.

Two of the main culprits is history and value. You’ve known this friend since high school. Your parents went to school together. You joined the same sorority in college.

But does that mean that this person is the one who has been called to be in your future?

Some of the questions that you can ask yourself when it comes to deciding what needs letting go are the following:

Where am I now?

What are my values?

Where are they now?

What are their values?

What is the mission and vision of my calling?

Does this person, place, thing, or idea align with my values, vision, and mission?

After answering these questions, the truth is what will really often surprise you.

We sabotage our calling when our daily habits, routines, and relationships are incongruent with our mission and vision.

Healing after narcissistic abuse requires letting go of the people, places, things, and ideas/concepts that reinforce a slavery mindset and limited worldview.

Remember, slavery mindset means that you are in Energizer bunny mode 24/7. God solved this mindset and way of living by instituting Sabbath.

The more we open our minds to curiosity about people, places, things, and ideas, the more we can begin to eliminate the limited worldview stemming from our family’s love story garden, and reinforced by other people, places, things, and ideas along the way, and adopt God’s worldview, solely based on his abundance, sovereignty, and ownership of the world.

Until next time,


Abandonment, Trauma, Toxic Relationships, Healing, and a Story of Redemption

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Abandonment, Trauma, Toxic Relationships, Healing, and a Story of Redemption

Trials, trauma, abandonment, and hardship are all markers for an orphan spirit. With the help of the Lord, and reclamation of our identity in Christ, God can restore all the years the locusts have eaten.

Just like David restored Mephibosheth’s inheritance and identity in his family’s lineage, God restored Shebra’s inheritance and identity in him, opening her eyes to his promises, and seating her with him in heavenly places. Listen in to this candid interview between Shebra Williams and I as she takes you on a journey of grace, hope, forgiveness, and redemption. Be blessed!

I own the rights, license, and permission of performing artist, Timothy Horton GR8, to use Valley of Grace as Valley of Grace Ministries’ theme song.


How to Reach Shebra Williams:


Tiktok: @queenshebrarhianna

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse-The Art of Self-Care


One of the hardest things to do after being in a narcissistic or any other kind of toxic relationship is to practice self-care. Self-care is an art. Not a science.

At first, the temptation can be to write out a list of different things that must be done for self-care to take place. There is no right or wrong way. However, a must-follow list will only have you focusing on rigidity. Self-care shouldn’t be painstaking.


The common things that we think of when it comes to self-care is polishing our nails, going to the spa, shampooing our hair, etc. All these things are part of self-care. However, when you think of self-care in terms of caring for your mind, body, and soul (mind, will, and emotions), the things that you do to enforce self-care will become more of a holistic and natural approach rather than one that is forced.

One thing that helps to reinforce a natural approach is to journal, asking your mind, body, and soul, “What do you need today?”

Narcissistic relationships drain all your resources and energy on every level. This was your norm and has to be unlearned. And as with any other habit, releasing one habit means replacing it with another.

The Challenge

Developing principles of self-care for yourself, and then other care for your children, extended family, and other important relationships in your life will be the driving force for helping you to move forward.

Once you know what these principles will look like, then you can establish boundaries around these principles for yourself and others. For years you have conditioned yourself to placing yourself at the bottom of the list. After your partner. After your children. And after everyone else. And in some instances, not at all.

Self-Care as Self-Love

Self-care is part of self-love. And self-love is part of the practice of developing an intimate relationship with yourself by becoming self-aware of who you are as a person, where you are as a person, and where it is you are going, along with where you want to be.

You are already enough. You do not have to wear yourself down and ignore your self in order to please others and gain approval from others. Grab your keys to the kingdom and get your inheritance.

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse & Parenting With Oxygen


When it comes to healing from narcissistic abuse, it can be so tempting for women to think their number one priority after leaving the toxic ☠️ relationship is pouring everything that they can into their children 🧒 so that they will be OK. 

In theory, it seems like the perfect thing to do. Give them everything that they have been missing and more. 

However, in reality, the best thing that you can do as a mother is to follow the instructions 📄 of the stewardess on the airplane ✈️

You must put your oxygen mask 😷 on first. 

When a person has difficulty breathing 😮‍💨, and is in emergency status, needing to get some serious help, they do not stop 🛑, and say, “let me give away the little oxygen that I have left instead of calling 911.  This is a heroic deed.”

For those who have, what is often said about this person is, “he or she saved everybody else, but could not do what was necessary to save him or her self.”  

There is no trophy 🏆 given out. There is sadness and a realization that this person was so caught up being Superman or Superwoman, that they did not understand their own needs, and the need to put their needs before others was necessary for their own survival.


Although it may seem counterintuitive, we cannot pour from an empty cup.

After a while, your jars of clay will manifest cracks.  And instead of taking heed to the warning, and patching up the cracks with taking care of yourself, you keep using your jar until it completely breaks.


As long as you are OK, healing ❤️‍🩹, walking through the steps of reclaiming your power 💪🏾 and identity, your children will be OK, and can walk into the steps of reclaiming their power and identity by using your actions as a template for theirs.  

And instead of trying to somehow become their therapist, the best thing to do is to help them find a therapist of their own who can assist them in processing what was, what currently is, and what is to come.

Getting back to your true self, the one who’s identity is in Christ, is hard, but not impossible work.  And it begins by displaying love to your children, through the love the Father has for you, and in turn, you are showing to yourself. 

Pouring from an empty or half-full jar 🫙means that you risk single-parent and grief burnout.  Honoring and loving self, with the love of God as your guide leads to honoring and loving your children.


Your brain needs to be retrained. All of this time society has taught you that the best way to take care of your partner and your children is to sacrifice yourself in the process.

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey, and that journey involves a process.  And that process involves a fight. A fight to reclaim your power and identity to get to your true self. Not the old self. 

Remember: the old self misunderstood the concepts of love and freedom. The old self sacrificed everything for the survival of others at your own expense. It didn’t love self enough to honor identity in Christ over every other identity.  The old self didn’t understand that royalty status helps you to value yourself as having enoughness and worthiness in the kingdom of God.

You are saying goodbye to the old self and reclaiming your true self as a daughter of the king, Who lives and walks in royalty, understands self love and boundaries, and knows how to pour out God’s love onto others.

Episode 148: Interview with Coach Christine James on Toxic Relationships, Magical Thinking, Mindset, & Life Part 1

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 148: Interview with Coach Christine James on Toxic Relationships, Magical Thinking, Mindset, & Life Part 1

We often think that it is our Christian duty to stay in that toxic relationship, fix the other person in the relationship, and control the outcome of that toxic relationship. That’s not our job, but somehow we take on these burdens and more.

Christine James Confidence Coach, Strategist, & Speaker

When we lose our voices, we put up with anything. People-pleasing comes into play, self-sabotaging our health, and the lack of boundaries comes in, and unfortunately, to our own detriment. Listen 🎧 in to Christine James and I as we dissect toxic relationships, mindset, magical thinking, and avoidance.

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse: The Art of Grief

One of the most important things that you can do when healing from Narcissistic Abuse is to give yourself permission to grieve.

When we think of grief, we are tempted to think of it as being linear.

Grief is more of an art form. I say an art form because no two people grieve alike.

We are allowed to take grief and transform it to whatever experience that we desire.

It can be sunsets, rainbows 🌈, and beach balls producing perspective and healing ❤️‍🩹, and then other times like waterfalls, waves, and up-and-down rollercoasters 🎢.

Whatever experience that grief is taking you through, it is with the intention of producing a new self, a true self, one that enables you to heal from past hurts, and reclaim your power and identity.

The five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Although these are the five stages, and this is also supposed to be the exact order, The first four stages can actually be mixed in altogether like one massive ball of rubber bands, and then also dealt with individually at the same time.

There is no one ☝️ set of rules.

Grief can be released in several different forms as well. Dancing, walking, talking, exercising, and crying 😭 are all different ways to help grief to travel 🧳 through and be released from its maze in your body.

The first temptation can be to stuff and suppress your emotions when the grief comes. However, as we talked about before, this only leads to alternative construction healing.

Ignoring things never make them go away.

The only way to get to the smooth pavement is to go under construction and fully heal. Going around the healing ❤️‍🩹 can take two to three times as long.

The second temptation is to compare your grief process with someone else’s. Comparison can often lead to self-judgment, self- condemnation, and self-blame.

When you embrace your art 🖼 of grief, you embrace and surrender to your art of healing ❤️‍🩹.

Remember: you are enough. You do not have to surrender to someone else’s idea 💡 of how your healing ❤️‍🩹 journey should be.

This is for you and God to decide.

Until next time,


Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Part 1

You have finally gotten out of the toxic relationship you were in.

And you’re probably thinking now you can throw a party, and everything will go back to the way it was before you entered it.

Just like you had magical thinking when you were in the toxic relationship, thinking that you will walk out from under A toxic relationship with a narcissist or any other toxic person unscathed Is like walking outside in a thunderstorm Without an umbrella and thinking that you won’t get wet.

It’s delusional.

The most important thing that you can do after being discarded from a toxic relationship is to give yourself grace. You will need tons of it.  Not only from yourself, but from other people.

The biggest teacher for accepting grace from others is giving it to ourselves first.

The first thing that you will think is, “ Okay, This just happened. And it hurt. But now, All I need to do is to pick myself up by the bootstraps, put on my big girl pants, and move on.

Uh, Yes and no.

We don’t ever want to lie down in victim mode.  However, you have had a lot of things done to you, and that reality hasn’t settled in.

First of all, the damage that has been done to your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical being is enormous.

It literally might take a few months before this manifests.  And even after that, the physical damage won’t manifest itself maybe until six months later, once the exhaustion sets in.

Although you have been going and going like the energizer bunny in the relationship, your body has taken on way more capacity than it should have been for years.

Our minds, bodies, and souls work together, with the mind handling 50% more than what our bodies can. However, for some reason, the effect on our bodies catch up after the effect on our brains.

The second most important thing that you must do is to go “ No Contact”.

If you have children with a narcissistic person, then you would follow the “low contact rule”.

What does “no contact” mean?

It literally means just the way it sounds. You have to eliminate all contact from the person you were in the toxic relationship with.

This includes texting, in person meetings, phone calls, emails, social media, third-party conversations, etc.  Basically, any and all means of communication with this person.

Low contact would mean that you are only interacting with this person for the bare minimal necessities.   This looks like: discussion of your children’s doctor appointments, emotional, mental, and physical health issues, visitation schedules, vacation schedules, and emergencies.

No and low contact are the first set of boundaries that you must learn, and then follow quickly.

This is the only thing that has proven most effective for women Recovering from narcissistic abuse and Abuse in general.

And it probably has to do with the fact that nine times out of 10, women who are in toxic relationships form a trauma bond with their toxic partner.

And in turn, this trauma bond causes a soul tie.

Any and all contact with the individual that you have the soul tie with is only going to re-enforce the trauma bond, which reinforces the soul tie.

So in essence, you are working against your self.

You need time to go through withdrawal. And that is a whole ‘Nother level.

When you are going through withdrawal, you are not alone.  You are enlisting the help of the Holy Spirit, and building emotional and spiritual resilience to handle the pain.

Remember: You are enough.  You do not have to reconnect with your abuser in order to Prove that you are. You are a daughter of the King.  And now, you are beginning to reclaim your power and identity by healing and moving forward.

Until next time,


Episode 115: Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez-Part 1

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 115: Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez-Part 1

Have you ever said the following: “Why am I finding myself in the same situation? I need a new man, a new job, and a new house.”? If that sounds like you, then listen to this episode between Jennifer and I as we unpack some of the things that are holding us back. And the answer is not what you think.

Interview with Jennifer Ramirez Podcast Topics:

Stay tuned for Part 2. Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez

In the meantime, check out Jennifer Ramirez’s website so that you are familiar with all of the services that she has to offer.

Until next time,

Katina Horton

Episode 108: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 4

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 108: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 4

Our last podcast episode covered a lot. On today’s episode, LaTrae Wilson and I wrap up everything. As always, her no-nonsense, authentic style of communications shines through. One of the main things that we talk about is taking teeny, tiny, toe steps is progress. Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires perspective. Healing from past hurts brings resilience and perspective. Even when it seems small, any step is a move in the right direction when you are directing your new chapter of life. Be blessed and listen in for LaTrae’s final words of inspiration and encouragement.

A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-How to Reach LaTrae Wilson

Latrae Wilson’s Website

Her Book

A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 4 Topics

  • Tiny Toe Steps
  • When Enough is Enough
  • Love Yourself
  • Spiritual Counseling
  • Favorite Books
  • Playlist

Until next time,