Enmeshed

When it comes to enmeshment, things can get real tricky. Just like codependency. Think about having ten necklaces getting tangled together. Trust me, I have had it to happen before. It is not fun. As a matter of fact, the more you try to untangle the mess, the more they get entangled. And before we know it, our emotions are entangled with these necklaces.

We start making headway when we go to the beginning of the first necklace and then start pulling from there. It is the same thing when it comes to relationships.

The more that you try to untangle, the more entangled you will become. Getting to the root of the entanglement/enmeshment is where healing begins. It is also where the pain will lie as well. When you are entangled/enmeshed, you are depending on someone else’s feelings to make you happy, sad, angry, etc., and dictate your behavior in general.

You are literally being controlled by someone else’s emotional state. Another way of looking at it is to picture your backyard and your neighbor’s backyard. You both have fences. The fences serve as boundaries. However, you have decided to make your neighbor’s yard free reign to go in and out as you please.

Would your neighbor be upset? Of course!! Who wouldn’t?

This is what happens in an entangled/enmeshed relationship. You ignore each other’s boundaries to the point of having such free reign, that you suffocate one another. So how do you get out? Some form of therapy is definitely needed.

At the same time, so is getting to the root of your issues with identity, self-worth, and not enoughness where you have other people’s emotions serving as your literal lifeline.

Creating an empowered new chapter of life involves healing from past hurts. And healing from past hurts involves reclaiming your power and identity, and enoughness. Reclaiming this power and identity from healing will give you a new perspective and a higher level of resilience so that you can flourish.

Until next time,

Katina

The Relationship Cycle-Entering the Door-Part 2

As we talked about in my last post, it is normal to be apprehensive whenever you start any kind of relationship. You don’t know what’s going to happen when you open that door.

The other thing that is normal is for both parties to be overly concerned with putting on an impression for the other person. We want to be liked. And we want to appear to be agreeable. If one person says, “Let’s go to the movies. What do you want to see? Then, the other person may say, “Whatever you want to see.” Sometimes that is the case. We don’t care about what it is. We just care about having companionship, doing the social thing, having the work-partnership.

Most times, we are people pleasing, seeking to make that big impression, consumed with the other person liking us. No matter what kind of relationship it is, this plays out real fast. You get sick and tired of going along with everything someone else wants to do. The funny thing about this is that we are the ones who initiated it in the first place.

Now, we seek to come out of it. We want to make our voices known and heard. Be who we really are. Creating an empowered new chapter of life involves having emotional, mental, and physical boundaries.

And this is normal and healthy. But what happens next? Find out in my next post.

She Wasn’t Ready!

When my kids were living with me, they would hang out together, laughing and joking about some teenage drama that had taken place. Whenever something happened that took one of their teenage friends by surprise, they would holler out, “S(he) wasn’t ready!” I couldn’t imitate it if I wanted to. However, it was hilarious.

Now, let’s switch over to watching a movie with a friend. You have been watching a good movie with a girlfriend. You both have pretty much figured out the ending based on all the drama that has gone on throughout the entire movie. This movie is pretty much like real life. After hanging out with people for a while, we become aware of their unhealthy patterns of behavior, and they become aware of ours. You get to the end of the movie, and both of you are completely thrown for a loop. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. In other words, “She wasn’t ready!”

Now what?

You feel cheated. Tricked. Bamboozled. Caught off guard.

Now you have to adjust your emotions, processing what you thought should have happened based upon previous patterns of behavior, but didn’t.

Now, let’s switch scenes again. Jesus died on the cross. The normal process after death is burial or cremation, and then the person’s soul either goes to heaven or hell. The body goes back to dirt eventually. Except with Jesus. His ending on earth defied all logic. And in his case, “They wasn’t ready.” I know it’s bad English, but saying weren’t doesn’t give the full effect. You get the point.

Last scene, you have been in and out of one unhealthy relationship to the next. But, you haven’t been able to decide how your story will end. Will people feel cheated because you defied the odds, and created an empowered new chapter of life, or will they say, “I knew it was going to end this way!” ?

As the director of your movie, only you can decide.

Be blessed.

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 108: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 4

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 108: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 4
/

Our last podcast episode covered a lot. On today’s episode, LaTrae Wilson and I wrap up everything. As always, her no-nonsense, authentic style of communications shines through. One of the main things that we talk about is taking teeny, tiny, toe steps is progress. Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires perspective. Healing from past hurts brings resilience and perspective. Even when it seems small, any step is a move in the right direction when you are directing your new chapter of life. Be blessed and listen in for LaTrae’s final words of inspiration and encouragement.

A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-How to Reach LaTrae Wilson

Latrae Wilson’s Website

Her Book

A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 4 Topics

  • Tiny Toe Steps
  • When Enough is Enough
  • Love Yourself
  • Spiritual Counseling
  • Favorite Books
  • Playlist

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 106: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 2

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 106: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 2
/

In the last podcast episode, LaTrae Wilson and I talked about generation cycles, hiding sin, keeping family secrets, low self-esteem, low self-worth, the pain of healing, and the unspoken reasons why women go back to toxic relationships. This time, we go even deeper. Our topics are processing trauma, accountability, aggression, fear of speaking up, I’m not okay, Pressure to leave the faith, and so much more! Women, you don’t want to miss this! Be blessed.

A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 2 Topics

  • I’m Not Okay
  • Accountability
  • Processing Trauma
  • When Trauma Causes You to Shut Down
  • Fear of Speaking Up
  • Thoughts of Leaving the Faith
  • Kickboxing for Therapy
  • The Therapist Gave Me My Power

Latrae Wilson’s Website

Instagram: destinedtwobeblessed

Facebook: Destined To Be Blessed @Mylast20BCEB

Book

My Last 20 Breaking the Curse to Embrace the Blessing you can find them on Amazon,Google Book, Barnes and Noble or Lulu.com 

Purchase Her New Book: My Last 20

That Beautiful Case

The Appearance

I want to tell you the story of that beautiful case that I saw.

When my son was about 8 years old, I bought all the various computer parts to build him a desktop.  I decided upon a royal blue clear case.  These cases were all the rave at the time.  You could see all the internal parts, and lights, etc.  I knew at his age he would think this was cool. 

The Struggle

The Manufacture of the case boasted “no white-gloves” needed.  Wow!  This was great.  So I thought.  The case should open with no problem.  He was going to be jamming with this cool case.  I pressed and pulled, huffed and puffed to get this case open.  Nothing.  Used tools ⚒️. Nothing. Finally, after getting my adrenaline going at full speed, I got the case to open.  I was worn out. 

The Truth

What they said, and the truth were two different things.  After sitting there for a few minutes, I felt weird.  Like really weird.  I looked down at my hand, and the case had cut a chunk of the inside of my thumb off.  Looking at it made me nauseous and light-headed.  I went down to the kitchen to take care of it.  The kids saw “that Look” on my face, as they call it, and they asked me what happened.  I told them, and they were shocked. 

The Healing

I decided to wrap the wound and bandage it up after using peroxide and Neosporin.  My thumb only has a little bit of discoloration now.  You can hardly tell how badly I got injured.  It’s just a scar.  Just so you know, I sent the case back and got another one instead.

Our Case

Some of you saw that one person’s profile.  It looked good on paper.  As a matter of fact, it sounded good.  But, once you opened the package, you were in for a big surprise.  You were cut so deep, that it left you wounded and bleeding out on everything and everyone. 

Our Reaction

But, for some reason, you are still holding on to that case, without digging deeper into the how’s, why’s , etc.  This person(case), will determine how you select all the others (friends, jobs, partners in ministry, etc.) until you deal with the wounds. 

You don’t have to keep bleeding out on everyone.  You can begin to dissect your cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns.  Even better, you can get bandaged up ⬆️in the process.  The question is:  When will you make that choice?

Are you saying to yourself, “I’m sick and tired of being stuck in one unhealthy relationship after the next. Life should be better than this. This does not look like the abundant life that Christ promised us!” Then this course is for you. It walks you through the process step by step to getting out of the revolving door of stuckness, and into the door of abundant living. But when are you going to open the door? Are you waiting for your friend or someone else to open it for you? That’s what the Course Broken Pieces is all about. It walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter. ****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.


#christianlifecoach#christiancoach#relationshipgoals#breakingthecycle#frombrokenrelationshipstoresilienceandflourishing#resilience#scars#wounds#katinahorton#christianauthor#ithoughtihadagoodcase#christianpodcaster#coach#christianspeaker

Jiselle Alleyne-Clement’s Interview

Episode 103: An Interview with Jiselle Alleyne-Clement

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 103: An Interview with Jiselle Alleyne-Clement
/

A couple of weeks ago, I had a chance to do an interview with Jiselle Alleyne-Clement. We got a chance to learn about each other, and more importantly, we saw how God moved in the midst of that interview. In case you missed the last podcast episode, you can catch up here. Here is Jiselle’s bio:

jiselle alleyne-clement, empowering women, healing our brokenness podcast episode 104, resilience, brokenness, community
Jiselle Alleyne-Clement

Part 1

Jiselle Alleyne-Clement is a professional of many hats. She is an Academic Librarian,
Educator and Researcher. She received her MLIS in Library Science from Dalhousie
University, Canada. She also holds an MA in Leadership Studies from the University of
Guelph, Canada and is currently reading for her PhD in Gender Studies at the
University of the West Indies with focus on Female Leadership Development in
Caribbean Organizations.

Part 2


Jiselle is the lead Empowerment Speaker, Vision Coach and Mentor, through her
consultancy, ‘Pearls of Great Price Empowerment Services’; a consultancy
developed for women.

  • The empowerment programmes offered through her consultancy are geared to help women manage the transitions in their lives and will treat with topics such as, but not limited to:
  • Transition Management
  • Moving from Potential to Success
  • Tools for Reinventing yourself in the Marketplace
  • Establishing Healthy and Productive (She)Team Cultures
  • Continuous Learning
  • (She) Leadership Development


Jiselle believes that every woman must be given access to this type of development
where they can in turn LEAD within her sphere of influence. This can be done through:

  • Providing women with access to female leaders and mentors
  • Creating leadership opportunities for the women within the society
  • Helping women transition seamlessly and envision and create social change

Follow the Pearls of Wisdom Podcast. And here as well.

Podcast Topics

  • Podcasting
  • Roadblocks to Podcasting
  • Podcasting versus Writing
  • Inspiration for Podcasts
  • Unhealed and Healed Brokenness
  • Resilience
  • Flourishing
  • Home
  • Podcasting Themes
  • Fun Facts
  • Community

Be Blessed!

Katina

At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

Are you saying to yourself, “I’m sick and tired of being stuck in one unhealthy relationship after the next. Life should be better than this. This does not look like the abundant life that Christ promised us!” Then this course is for you. It walks you through the process step by step to getting out of the revolving door of stuckness, and into the door of abundant living. But when are you going to open the door? Are you waiting for your friend or someone else to open it for you? That’s what the Course Broken Pieces is all about. It walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter. ****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

Episode 102: Let it All Out

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 102: Let it All Out
/

It’s very tempting to hold in and suppress your emotions. It’s especially tempting when your race/ethnic group has been suppressing their emotions because of generational trauma. What actually happens when we suppress our emotions? What happens when we let it out? I mean let it all out? What would happen if we invite God and our own unique stress response cycle into the mix? Watch today’s episode to find out. Click here for last week’s episode on being stuck in our mess.

podcast, healing our brokenness podcast, resilient, flourishing, Christian podcaster, podcast community, grief, let it all out, emotions, Joseph wept, joseph and his brothers, emotional health, mental health, psychology, katina horton, podcaster
Episode 102

Podcast Outline:

  • The Desire to Suppress
  • What Happens when we Suppress
  • What happens when we let go
  • My Experience with Emotional Buildup
  • Joseph’s Experience with Emotional Buildup

Podcast Transcription

Speaker 0    00:00:23    <inaudible>,   Valley of Grace.

Part 1

Speaker 1    00:01:12    This is the Healing Our Brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And where we also go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. This is podcast episode 102, and this one is entitled, “Let it all out”. Quite a title, right? In this particular episode, we’re dealing with our emotions.

And what happens is once we start being still long enough, we will be able to listen to our bodies and be in tune with our souls and our spirits and realize that something is off. We will be able to say, Oh, grief is built up. This needs to come out. This needs to be released. After learning how to navigate moments of stillness, I now know when grief is trapped in my eye sockets, stomach, chest, back, or throughout my body.  It sounds weird, but it’s true.  Our bodies communicate this to us in our stillness.

Speaker 1    00:02:30   And then there are times where the grief is just deep inside my soul. And I know when it comes out that it’s going to be really intense and really heavy and loud.  I can hear the loudness and intensity of the grief deep inside my soul.  During those times I have to give myself grace because sometimes if I focus on how it should be, rather than how it is, It can lead to me being disappointed.  And then disillusioned.  And then discouragement follows.

Part 2

Speaker 1    00:03:31    The best thing we can do when grief gets backed up is to get it out.  You have heard the old phrase, “Better out than in.”  This is also true when it comes to grief.  When we hold it in and suppress it, we are allowing it to transfer over to trauma.  In Genesis 45, we’re at the scene where Joseph is talking to his brothers, and then you got other officials that are underneath him in rank in the room, his servants, so to speak, and his emotions have built up and he’s realized that. And so it was just like, okay, so what do we do with these  emotions? We have to let it out.

I had a pretty emotional day about a month and a half ago,

Speaker 1    00:04:32    Things had not been going well leading up to that particular day.  It had been a crazy week. A two hour adventure turned into a five hour adventure. I didn’t get home until almost 10 o’clock. I was cold and hungry, and exhausted. While I was in the process of getting all those things done, I could hear the inner voice crying out in my soul.

Speaker 1    00:05:32    Okay. I finally finished up at least 80% of what I had to get done and I got in the car and I said, I’m just going to have to scream and let it out. And it probably was maybe four rounds of that. And maybe another couple when I got home, but I felt so much better. And when it comes to those types of emotions, we have got to be able to get this stuff out. 

Part 3

Sometimes getting it out doesn’t look pretty/ideal/or the way we think they should look.  Either we get it out and we are able to control how it comes out or it is going to control us and who knows what’s going to happen, but it’s got to come out.  And won’t be pretty.  Exploding on others is not ideal nor healthy, and could have been avoided.  We ended up getting sick like that. Usually when it comes on that heavy like that, you have a little bit of a space as a warning, as far as trying to go somewhere, to be able to deal with it in private, if need be. 

Speaker 1    00:06:28    And I just thank God that I was able to get it out. I listened to a particular podcast episode recently where the podcast host, who’s a therapist talked about how sometimes she has to go outside to be able to scream or yell, or whatever kind of way she needs to, to be able to get those emotions out of her.  

Part 4

And with blacks, we have to be careful anyway, because it’s part of our DNA from trauma, we are able to suppress the emotions, more naturally than usual because of that trauma.  The other side of that is that our bodies are keeping tract of everything that we are going through.  It is screaming out from arthritis and all kinds of chronic autoimmune diseaseas.

Speaker 1    00:07:27   We let it out and give ourselves compassion and grace and speak kind words to ourselves. Instead of going into self-blame, self-judgment and self-criticism mode. And we let it out. And what I want to do right now is talk about Joseph and what happened with him when he was in the room. As I mentioned before, he was surrounded by his servants and his brothers.  He wanted to be able to tell his brothers who he was.

Speaker 1    00:08:30    Okay. And it got built up in his system. And I’m going to read what the scripture says. It says Joseph could not control himself in front of his servants any longer. “When Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone leave my presence!” So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers. And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it.

Part 5

Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still living?” But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence.”

Speaker 1    00:09:31    Don’t be worried, angry with yourselves because you sold me here. God sent me here ahead of you to say people’s lives. No food has grown the land for two years and there would be five more years without planning or harvest. So God sent me here ahead of you to make sure you have some descendants left on earth and to keep you alive in an amazing way.

So it was not you who sent me here, but God notice that he told them that twice to reassure them. God has made me the official, the highest officer of the King of Egypt. I am in charge of his house. And I am the master of all of the land of Egypt. So leave quickly and go to my father, tell him your son, Joseph, see us, God has made a master over all. Each have come down to me quickly. 

Part 6

Speaker 1    00:10:33   Joseph reminded me of myself, where he realized he couldn’t control himself any longer. He asked them to leave except for his brothers because he felt safe enough to be able to express himself and reveal himself in front of them. And sometimes we can let it out with others, with us. And sometimes we just have to do it by ourselves. The window of time is important, and discernment is important.

Speaker 1    00:11:24    Regulating our emotions is part of being resilient as well as being able to flourish in our relationships. Because if we are walking around in that much misery, we cannot have decent relationships with people.  Our focus and our pain are only on ourselves and how miserable we are.  We want to let it out, and Get back up again, within reasonable time so we can keep moving. So, I hope it was something that was said here today that will resonate with your hearts as you go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.

Part 7

Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, etc. So, if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.

 Valley of Grace.

At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

Broken Pieces Course

Are you saying to yourself, “I’m sick and tired of being in this state of languishing!” , but you are confused about how to get out? You need someone to walk you through the process, step by step. That’s what the course Broken Pieces is all about. This course walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter. ****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

The Sun And Its Effect on Trauma

Bless you,

Katina

Episode 101: I’m Stuck!

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 101: I'm Stuck!
/

Have you ever tried to squeeze into a space that appeared too small, or not even appeared to be too small; it was simply too small, but you figured you would squeeze into it anyway. This squeeze or force, if you want to call it, left you crying out, Help, I’m Stuck! And you stayed in that position until someone came to help you, or maybe you figured out how to untangle yourself. Being stuck doesn’t help with us being resilient because resiliency involves being able to adapt to change. We all get stuck every once in a while; but when this condition becomes our MO, then what? Tune into this episode to find out. Just in case you missed last week’s episode, click here.

stuck, I'm stuck podcast episode:  keywords:  healing, unhealed brokenness, grief, complacency, time to move on, emotinal health, mental health, psychology, resilience, flourishing, katina horton, timothy horton, broken relationships, lifestyle
Episode 101

Podcast Transcription:

Part 1

Speaker 0    00:00:23    <inaudible>, Valley of Grace.

Speaker 1    00:01:05    This is the healing our brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And we also believe that we’re going from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing, and the title of this episode, episode 101, is “I’m stuck”. Now, when you think of somebody saying I’m stuck, it actually makes me think of my daughter when she was two years old and she would get into the kitchen chair at the table.

And she liked to pretend like she was stuck so I could come over and help her. And, you know, kids do all kinds of things for attention, but that was one of her things. And my son would say, ‘Oh, mom, someone needs to help her. She’s stuck.”  And in turn, I would say, “No, she’s not stuck at all. She’s gonna figure it out.”

Speaker 1    00:02:11   She would keep this up until I ended up going over there and putting  her in the chair or getting on her before she would finally go on and sit down in the chair. And it wasn’t too long before that “I’m stuck” stopped. But anyways,  the kind of stuck I’m talking about today is when it comes to grief. And one thing about grief is that we all have our own timetable. 

It is not something that can be rushed. I would say some of us want to rush it. We wish we can just zoom past/plow through.  That’s not how grief works. Grief is a process, and that process has got to be done. Some people when they grieve, they go through the entire five steps: the anger, the denial, the bargaining, acceptance,etc.

Part 2

Speaker 1    00:03:11    And then some of us may skip over one, do it all kind of ways out of order. I know with me, when I was grieving my divorce, my grief was all over the place. There was anger initially, but then my brain because of the trauma could not process the anger. Instead of processing anger, flashbacks and violent images occurred.  And so the anger started to come in towards the end of my healing process from the divorce. Unfortunately, now in the scriptures, we have Samuel caught up in grieving over Saul.

Speaker 1    00:04:11   Saul was King and God had decided he was done. A done deal due to disobedience, extreme insecurity, and rebellion.  Basically, God said,” You’re not King anymore. I’ve dethroned you. Samuel’s job was to go and appoint a new King.

And it was going to be the one that God was going to anoint. Samuel had been grieving Saul’s dethroning for a while.  When it comes to other people’s grief, we don’t want to be judgment.  However, in Samuel’s case, he was stuck on grieving something that had been going on too long.  The scripture lets us know this by what God said, “the Lord said to Samuel, how long will you griev for Saul? 

Part 3

Speaker 1    00:05:09    When I have rejected him as King over Israel, fill your horn with oil and go, I will send you to Jesse, the Bethlehemite, I have chosen a King for myself among his sons.” Okay. So there are some times when we’re grieving so long that we have to be pulled out by something or someone, but we choose to stay in. Grief can make you comfortable.

And, they can get to the point of being stuck in it and trapped if we’re not careful, you know? And so basically God was telling Samuel we’re done with this. We’re done with a capital D get up, let’s get moving. We’re done. Let’s get back to growing and moving forward.

Speaker 1    00:06:09   With us, there are times when God’s like, “We’re done with that relationship, we’re done with that friendship. We’re done with that job. We’re done with that house, that car, that opportunity.  Get up and move forward. 

As I said before, this is not with everything.  But a lot of things can end up like this if we’re not careful.  God has been telling us we’re done, and we’re still trying to keep it going, drawing it out. And God has closed the door on it, but we’re still trying to stay in the hallway hoping it will open or climb in through the window. When we’re done, we have to make ourselves get up so as to be able to adapt to change and be resilient.

Part 4

Speaker 1    00:07:05    When God says we’re done , we need to be able to be able to say that we’re done in our minds and in our hearts and in our souls. If we go according to what we feel, nothing will get done.  We have to push past the feelings. I don’t feel like washing dishes. I’m not washing dishes. And sometimes that’s just what we need in order to nourish ourselves. We need to not do what we normally do. 

Speaker 1    00:07:53    But a lot of times we make it our MO.  I don’t feel like doing that. I don’t feel like combing my hair today. I don’t feel like going down the street to the store, but I need more milk. I don’t feel like getting tissue from the store, whatever it is.

We don’t feel like doing it so we can get comfortable and not do it. And then, next thing you know, three months have passed, and we haven’t vacuumed, or whatever we are holding off on.  Grief is the same way.  We can get stuck in it.  We can’t go according to what someone else is doing.  We have to go according to what our system is telling us. And that way we’ll be able discern whether we’re ready to move on or not. And more importantly, whether God is telling us this through sermons,  sitting in stillness, reading his word, using others, etc.

Part 5

Speaker 1    00:09:03    And then we want to be careful judging people who are in grief and need to stay in it longer. Grief shows up differently for everybody. Some people’s grief shows up as rage. Some people’s grief shows up as looting or self-harm. Some people’s grief shows up as promiscuity, alcoholism, drug addictions, indigestion problems, crying, sadness, rage, vomiting, you name it. Some people have blood vessels to burst in their eyes as part of their grief. So when we get to the point of judging grief, we have to be very careful because we never know how we will react when it comes to our turn.

Speaker 1    00:10:08    Staying in grief longer than necessary causes us to engage in broken relationships, hinders resiliency, and our relationships with important people in our lives:   friends, our parents, our children, small group members, etc. We still have live life while we walk through grief. 

Part 6

Speaker 1    00:11:08    There are some times where we need to be alone. Other times, it may not be good to isolate. The devil want us to be by ourselves, which is not God’s plan.   So I hope that something resonated with you from what I said, as we go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing, I want to thank you for being faithful listeners every week. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.


Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, etc. So, if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.  Until Next Time.   Valley of Grace.

Speaker 0    00:12:54    <inaudible>.

The Sun and Its Effect on Trauma

Part 1: The Sun and Its Effect on Trauma

When we think of the sun, we automatically think of its natural ability to provide us with Vitamin D. And boy does it make a difference when it is out as opposed to when it’s not, especially when we are talking about a day like today in the Midwest where it is super windy. Have you ever stopped to think about the sun and its effect on trauma? If not, and you think you are alone, think again. I hadn’t given it that much thought until about eight years ago to be exact.

sun, emotional health, psychology, valley of grace, trauma, ptsd, emotional health, mental health, healing, from broken relatinships to resilience and flourishing
The Sun And Its Effect on Trauma-Photo by Tomas Hustoles at Burst by Shopify

After having a series of events that led to compounded trauma, I started noticing that the sun has a tremendous effect on how I am feeling once the seasons are nearing a significant change. It is so much so, that it can be disorienting. The sun itself is the main trigger, but surprisingly, what goes along with it is the manner and angle at which it is shining, etc. that makes it a trigger.

Part 2-The Sun and Its Effect on Trauma

For example, two weeks of last month was a challenge for me when the sun came out. Thankfully, I had my toolbox available and ready. As I sat at the table taking notes for my class, I observed how beautifully the sun was shining through the kitchen window. I also noticed that my body was having a reaction to it. The birds were singing their tune, and it sounded so pretty, yet something seemed off.

I knew that being still long enough would give me the answer. While listening to the teacher, I reminded myself, “This is a trauma trigger. The source of the sun causing havoc will soon be revealed.” And in no time it did. My mind went back to something that happened literally twenty-four years ago, on my birthday, when I had to rush and leave work because I thought I was having a heart attack, only to find out a few months later. Along with this revelation came the feelings along with it, as I sat there at the table.

Part 3-The Sun and Its Effect on Trauma

I allowed myself to feel the loneliness that I felt back then, allowing myself to remember it, and the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual toll that it took on my health; but then also reminding myself that it happened in the past. I could lean in, discover the origin, feel it, and then process, and move on with my day.

In the comments down below, would love to know if you have noticed how the sun and its presence triggers your trauma. If so, how were you able to get yourself back to a point of resiliency?

Thanks and be blessed y’all.

Katina

The Danger of Burnout

Black Bean Penne Pasta with Tomatoes

At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

Are you saying to yourself, “I’m sick and tired of being in this state of languishing!” , but you are confused about how to get out? You need someone to walk you through the process, step by step. That’s what the course Broken Pieces is all about. This course walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter. ****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.