Choose your door. Choose your pain.

Open this door or that one?

Healing is no easy task. And yet, at the same time, it is very rewarding work. Making the decision to heal is accepting the invitation given to our soul to do the necessary work it’s been procrastinating on. And like a domino effect, when we do our necessary work, our minds, hearts, and spirits expand in abundance and energy.

This expansion occurs because unresolved trauma, drama, undealt with brokenness, shame, insecurities, and the lies we have believed about love that has held us back so long has been dismantled.

Narcissistic relationships steal, kill, and destroy your power, soul and identity, sense of self and reality, ways of reasoning, and method of operating in life in general.

In order to reclaim you, you have to deconstruct these areas, and then rebuild. The problem comes in when you’re presented with pain on the front end. No one wants to deal with pain.

However, if we think of pain in terms of deciding which one is most beneficial, we can make progress. Pain that causes more pain and works through the bloodline going from generation to generation through the viper spirit is perpetual pain.

Pain of doing soul work that leads to abundance, freedom, and wholeness is temporary pain. Wholeness means that none of the parts of your life story is compartmentalized. Nothing is swept under the rug when it comes to its reality.

This means that you accept, resolve, and reframe each and every part of your story and integrate each of these parts into who you are.

When we compartmentalize, we leave certain issues untouched. This is equivalent to stuffing clothes and other miscellaneous things to the max in a closet, reminding yourself, spouse, and kids,, “Never open that door.”

It sounds good in theory. However, if the door is never opened, the things in the closet are never dealt with. The door is meant to be a forever and ever closed door.

But then what happens if we have company over, and that company needs to hang up their cost? You tell them to hang their coat up in the hallway closet. But you have two hallway closets: one you use, and one you never use.

One person goes and opens the wrong door. Piles of clothing falls on him, along with the corner of an old vinyl player, creating a gash in his head.

Wow, he is standing there with an open wound in his head, you yell out, “why did you open that door?” He looks at you like you’ve seriously lost your mind. It was the wrong door. He had no way of knowing. It was an accident.

This is how it works with healing. We make the decision to never open that door. That door stays closed. But then, you reach a fork in the road where your drama, Trauma, and life in general catches up with you.

You’re overloaded and need to release what you’ve been holding. Someone comes along and threatens the bubble you’ve been living in. He says something that hits your childhood wounds, and you iterally snap his soul into millions of pieces of an emotional toxic bath.

He didn’t know It wasn’t safe for him to open the door. You did. And instead of apologizing to him for now damaging him, you blame him for being the one who opened the door.

Having a broken arm is painful. Having this broken alarm reset is even more painful. However, the latter pain leads to a rebuilt and functional arm. The former pain leads to a broken, limited mobility and functional arm.

What will happen when they open the doors of your soul? What will happen when you need to choose your arm? Which life will you choose: the one that the thief has left you with, or the one that Jesus died on the cross for?

John 10:10

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Cinthia Hiett on Toxic Relationships, Healing, Handling Conflict, & Emotional Maturity

When we don’t like who and how God created and designed us to be, it will be an all-time war until we have a come to Jesus moment, and then accept ourselves for who we are. We expect other people to be just like us. Contort to what we want. Be pumped out of a factory, so to speak. God created all of us differently, and when we honor and remember the needs and priorities of our unique design, we fair better.

Cinthia Hiett on Toxic Relationships, Healing, Handling Conflict, & Emotional Maturity

We want to feel good all the time, but is this realistic? Therapist and Relationship Coach Cinthia Hiett states that the way we handle conflict and emotions is a reflection of our emotional maturity level. When meanness, anger, jealousy, envy, arrogance, hatred, and malice hits your heart, mind, soul, and spirit, so does disease and venom.

#love #narcissist #freedom

Where is Your Journey Taking You?

The Journey represents unresolved trauma, undealt with brokenness, wounds, disappointment, discontentment, disillusionment, despair, the LACK cycle of addictions, and the pit.  Your journey represents the 3 part anointing of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit on your uniquely designed destiny with your name on it.

Joseph took The Journey to elevation.

David’s 3 part anointing was called “your journey” to elevation.

Both are necessary.

Both are difficult.

Both require testing.

Both require investing.

How badly you want your journey will determine how well you tackle The Journey. 

You Choose to Become Friends With Control

When you choose to ignore the Sabbath, you choose to become friends with control.

Being in the driver seat of control means that God is not even riding shotgun. As a matter of fact, you have placed him somewhere in the trunk.

Why?

As humans we believe that our solutions are better than God’s. This disillusionment and tunnel vision focus leads to bondage. And in turn, this bondage leads to coming up with false concepts about God and his love for us.

Our addiction to being in the driver seat means that we value:

Toxicity over purification

Control over trust

Slavery our freedom

Harmful over beneficial

Why?

Because we focus on what we have a right to do. And Paul tackled this clearly:

1 Corinthians 6:12 NIV

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.

The Hoover Addiction Cycle Part 1

The narcissist wants to let you go.  But then again, he doesn’t.  Five things won’t let him.  Let’s dive in. #toxicrelationships #loveandfreedom #katinahorton   

The Hoover Addiction Cycle Let My People Go Part 1

The Love ❤️ and Freedom Toxic Relationship Recovery Coach  

Our Mission, Vision, & Why  Our mission is to help women in toxic relationships regain clarity on love and freedom, release control, break soul-ties and unhealthy relationship patterns, build resilience and flourish, and reclaim their power, SOUL, and identity, so they will know they are enough.  

Valley of Grace envisions millions of women owning their stories, provoking them to heal and walk in wholeness, operate in love and freedom, and empower and impact the lives of women in their homes, communities, and around the world.   

We so believe in the emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical well-being of every woman that we donate 100% of the proceeds of The Valley of Grace Shop to Valley of Grace Ministries.  

Valley of Grace Ministries provides many services, including coaching for women, without the financial roadblocks.   

Author Bible Teacher Brand, Business, & Marketing Strategist Love & Freedom Toxic Relationship Recovery Coach Speaker Podcast Host Course Creator Dance Minister E-commerce Store Owner  

1:1 Freedomology Reclaiming You 1 year Coaching Program 

1:1 Freedomology Reclaim Your Calling 2 year Coaching Program  

Leave Egypt Today! 

Book a Love & Freedom Toxic Relationship Recovery Call 

Purchase your Love & Freedom Toxic Relationship Recovery Clothing From  THE VALLEY OF SHOP Today! 

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Purchase books that take you from biblical healing to wholeness, thriving, abundance and freedom!!! https://thevalleyofgrace.com or Amazon  

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The Cycle of Learning & Knowledge Addiction

You’ve been running on the hamster 🐹 wheel 🛞 for a while. What’s keeping you there? You’re running on LACK.

The Lack Cycle of Love. Approval. Comfort. & Knowledge Addictions.

Your knowledge addiction is reinforcing your comfort addiction. The comfort addiction is reinforcing your approval addiction. The approval addiction is reinforcing your love addiction, and your starting and ending point remains the same.

If you could just watch one more video, read one more book, or listen to one more podcast, you know you’d be ready for action.

Stop lying to yourself.

You’ve been in this “learning” phase for over 10 years now.

Email me to start your Love & Freedom Toxic Relationship Recovery Program Without Financial Roadblocks today.

#love#narcissist#narc#freedom#loveandfreedom#lackcycle#theloveandfreedomtoxicrelationshiprecoverycoach#toxicrelationships#blackwomenoftiktok#shop#blackwomen#flourishing#healingjourney#narcabuseawareness#conflict#brokenconflict#humility#empowerment#judging#empath#sillywomen#mindset#cravings

Abandonment, Trauma, Toxic Relationships, Healing, and a Story of Redemption

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Abandonment, Trauma, Toxic Relationships, Healing, and a Story of Redemption
/

Trials, trauma, abandonment, and hardship are all markers for an orphan spirit. With the help of the Lord, and reclamation of our identity in Christ, God can restore all the years the locusts have eaten.

Just like David restored Mephibosheth’s inheritance and identity in his family’s lineage, God restored Shebra’s inheritance and identity in him, opening her eyes to his promises, and seating her with him in heavenly places. Listen in to this candid interview between Shebra Williams and I as she takes you on a journey of grace, hope, forgiveness, and redemption. Be blessed!

I own the rights, license, and permission of performing artist, Timothy Horton GR8, to use Valley of Grace as Valley of Grace Ministries’ theme song.

#story#toxicrelationships#healing

How to Reach Shebra Williams:

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ShebraRhianna-SpiritTruth21

Tiktok: @queenshebrarhianna

Education, Empowerment, Toxic Relationships, And Taking Ownership of Our Healing & Emotions

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Education, Empowerment, Toxic Relationships, And Taking Ownership of Our Healing & Emotions
/

Everyone strives for being educated and empowered. But different words mean different things to different people. Listen 🎧 in to the conversation between Dr. Shali Mukherjee and I as we dissect education, empowerment, toxic relationships, and taking ownership when it comes to healing and emotions. Katina Horton-Valley of Grace Ministries been granted rights and permission by performing artist , Timothy Horton GR8, to use Valley of Grace as its theme song. #educators #education #healing #healingjourney #ownership #empowerment #emotions

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse & Parenting With Oxygen

Analysis


When it comes to healing from narcissistic abuse, it can be so tempting for women to think their number one priority after leaving the toxic ☠️ relationship is pouring everything that they can into their children 🧒 so that they will be OK. 

In theory, it seems like the perfect thing to do. Give them everything that they have been missing and more. 

However, in reality, the best thing that you can do as a mother is to follow the instructions 📄 of the stewardess on the airplane ✈️

You must put your oxygen mask 😷 on first. 

When a person has difficulty breathing 😮‍💨, and is in emergency status, needing to get some serious help, they do not stop 🛑, and say, “let me give away the little oxygen that I have left instead of calling 911.  This is a heroic deed.”

For those who have, what is often said about this person is, “he or she saved everybody else, but could not do what was necessary to save him or her self.”  

There is no trophy 🏆 given out. There is sadness and a realization that this person was so caught up being Superman or Superwoman, that they did not understand their own needs, and the need to put their needs before others was necessary for their own survival.

Ponder

Although it may seem counterintuitive, we cannot pour from an empty cup.

After a while, your jars of clay will manifest cracks.  And instead of taking heed to the warning, and patching up the cracks with taking care of yourself, you keep using your jar until it completely breaks.

Charge

As long as you are OK, healing ❤️‍🩹, walking through the steps of reclaiming your power 💪🏾 and identity, your children will be OK, and can walk into the steps of reclaiming their power and identity by using your actions as a template for theirs.  

And instead of trying to somehow become their therapist, the best thing to do is to help them find a therapist of their own who can assist them in processing what was, what currently is, and what is to come.

Getting back to your true self, the one who’s identity is in Christ, is hard, but not impossible work.  And it begins by displaying love to your children, through the love the Father has for you, and in turn, you are showing to yourself. 

Pouring from an empty or half-full jar 🫙means that you risk single-parent and grief burnout.  Honoring and loving self, with the love of God as your guide leads to honoring and loving your children.

Retraining

Your brain needs to be retrained. All of this time society has taught you that the best way to take care of your partner and your children is to sacrifice yourself in the process.

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey, and that journey involves a process.  And that process involves a fight. A fight to reclaim your power and identity to get to your true self. Not the old self. 

Remember: the old self misunderstood the concepts of love and freedom. The old self sacrificed everything for the survival of others at your own expense. It didn’t love self enough to honor identity in Christ over every other identity.  The old self didn’t understand that royalty status helps you to value yourself as having enoughness and worthiness in the kingdom of God.

You are saying goodbye to the old self and reclaiming your true self as a daughter of the king, Who lives and walks in royalty, understands self love and boundaries, and knows how to pour out God’s love onto others.

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Part 1

You have finally gotten out of the toxic relationship you were in.

And you’re probably thinking now you can throw a party, and everything will go back to the way it was before you entered it.

Just like you had magical thinking when you were in the toxic relationship, thinking that you will walk out from under A toxic relationship with a narcissist or any other toxic person unscathed Is like walking outside in a thunderstorm Without an umbrella and thinking that you won’t get wet.

It’s delusional.

The most important thing that you can do after being discarded from a toxic relationship is to give yourself grace. You will need tons of it.  Not only from yourself, but from other people.

The biggest teacher for accepting grace from others is giving it to ourselves first.

The first thing that you will think is, “ Okay, This just happened. And it hurt. But now, All I need to do is to pick myself up by the bootstraps, put on my big girl pants, and move on.

Uh, Yes and no.

We don’t ever want to lie down in victim mode.  However, you have had a lot of things done to you, and that reality hasn’t settled in.

First of all, the damage that has been done to your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical being is enormous.

It literally might take a few months before this manifests.  And even after that, the physical damage won’t manifest itself maybe until six months later, once the exhaustion sets in.

Although you have been going and going like the energizer bunny in the relationship, your body has taken on way more capacity than it should have been for years.

Our minds, bodies, and souls work together, with the mind handling 50% more than what our bodies can. However, for some reason, the effect on our bodies catch up after the effect on our brains.

The second most important thing that you must do is to go “ No Contact”.

If you have children with a narcissistic person, then you would follow the “low contact rule”.

What does “no contact” mean?

It literally means just the way it sounds. You have to eliminate all contact from the person you were in the toxic relationship with.

This includes texting, in person meetings, phone calls, emails, social media, third-party conversations, etc.  Basically, any and all means of communication with this person.

Low contact would mean that you are only interacting with this person for the bare minimal necessities.   This looks like: discussion of your children’s doctor appointments, emotional, mental, and physical health issues, visitation schedules, vacation schedules, and emergencies.

No and low contact are the first set of boundaries that you must learn, and then follow quickly.

This is the only thing that has proven most effective for women Recovering from narcissistic abuse and Abuse in general.

And it probably has to do with the fact that nine times out of 10, women who are in toxic relationships form a trauma bond with their toxic partner.

And in turn, this trauma bond causes a soul tie.

Any and all contact with the individual that you have the soul tie with is only going to re-enforce the trauma bond, which reinforces the soul tie.

So in essence, you are working against your self.

You need time to go through withdrawal. And that is a whole ‘Nother level.

When you are going through withdrawal, you are not alone.  You are enlisting the help of the Holy Spirit, and building emotional and spiritual resilience to handle the pain.

Remember: You are enough.  You do not have to reconnect with your abuser in order to Prove that you are. You are a daughter of the King.  And now, you are beginning to reclaim your power and identity by healing and moving forward.

Until next time,

Katina