Being Hoovered by a narcissist means that like a vacuum cleaner, you get sucked back into his web.
You may ask yourself, “How in the world did this happen?” The number one way that it happens is that you have not imposed boundaries, and if you have, Instead of only discussing issues that are pertinent to your kids’ visitation and emotional, mental, physical, and financial health, you begin entertaining conversations that are dealing with your ex-husband/partner and his new narcissistic supply involving their vacations, purchases, and problems.
And, of course, after a while, these conversations will eventually end with, “Girl, you know I still love you.” Translation: I want you back. Oooh. Oooh. Oooh. Yeah.
The person with the spirit of narcissism feels you out by first of all checking to see if you will entertain the conversations. If you entertain the conversations, it lets him know that he still holds a significant place in your heart and soul.
Secondly, because you were with him so long, and you are freshly healing, he still remembers what it took in order for you to take the bait and get hooked in line and sinker, so to speak.
Some women also get pulled in by lying to themselves, and pretending that they are looking out for their adult children by calling their narcissistic ex up to discuss the events that are going on in their lives. Unless it’s a literally a matter of life and death, there is really no need to have contact with a narcissistic ex where adult children are involved. It’s a coverup for wanting to see what’s going on in his life with the new supply.
It’s another ploy from Satan to send you straight back to Egypt.
One of the biggest things that plays a factor in you being Hoovered is the fact that you are not engaging in disillusionment management. This means that you have become disillusioned with the healing process, thinking that you are going to drive through McDonald’s and pick up one year of healing For 50 years of trauma. It just doesn’t work like that.
When you think of healing as more of an onion, where each layer has to be taken off, and the fact that each layer has levels to it, and also, remembering that our brains takes 63 days in order to develop new neurons, it helps you to give yourself, grace, compassion, kindness, and truth for the situation.
Pharaoh attempted to Hoover the Israelites back to Egypt. He even asked himself, “what have I done? “ once he let them go.
Laban attempted to Hoover Jacob back to Padan-Aram. God intervened with Laban, letting him know that he had better not say anything to Jacob, good or bad.
God new Laban’s heart and his MO. And just like the narcissistic knows your MO from when you were in the relationship with him, you know his as well.
Having an understanding, and or new knowledge of narcissism doesn’t mean that we can’t serve as the Holy Spirit for the narcissist. That is God’s job. And trying to take over God’s job will be placing yourself right back in the position you were in before.
Each time that you get Hoovered and go back into a relationship with a narcissist, the abuse is more intense, and the cycles are shorter in length.
Remember, you’re already enough. Learning about narcissism does not equal going back to rescue the narcissist.
Learning about the narcissist does not equal telling him that he is a narcissist, and is able to get some help for his problem.
Learning about the narcissist gives you the tools to educate, empower, and impact your emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, sexual, and financial health, and move forward.
Grab your keys to the kingdom and get your inheritance.