I like good surprises. Although to be honest, when good surprises come, sometimes they can be so shocking that it leads you to being an emotional wreck. In this case, good surprises can feel like bad surprises as I experienced a few years ago.
When you listen in to this week’s podcast episode, you will see how surprises come up in the beginning of a relationship. You also get to decide how you will respond when these relationship surprises come up. Or will you respond at all? Part of creating an empowered new chapter of life is using our power of choice. Be blessed!
As I stated in my previous post, there are certain things that are normal when you are first starting off in any relationship. Wanting to do everything that another person wants to do is normal when you are in love; and/or if it’s not a romantic relationship. You want to appear likeable and agreeable. Right?
What happens when the honeymoon phase of these relationships are over? What happens when both parties start to exert their likes/dislikes? And even more importantly, what happens when we ignore our own needs, and are so caught up in the needs of the other person? Yes, these are a lot of questions to ponder.
The truth of the matter is, if we do not work at keeping our own individual identity in tact, then we become involved with what psychologists call enmeshment, and/or codependency. The thing about it is that these two situations do not happen over night. It is kind of like the frog in boiling water. Our own childhood wounds and insecurities, along with that of the other person, play a huge part in whether or not these new identities develop.
We will dive deeper into these two areas in the next post. Would love to hear your feedback on how you shifted from the honeymoon phase of your different relationships in order to take the relationship to the next level.
Last time we talked about the first step in the relationship cycle: our cravings. We dissected the normality of it, and how we were created to crave relationship, but the danger is when our relationship cravings turn to lust.
Today, we will discuss the second step: entering a new relationship. When we enter a new relationship, it is like opening a door not knowing what’s on the other side. The first example would be like watching some of the old game shows on TV. The contestant is told to pick a door. That door holds their prize.
The thing about that prize is that it could be good or bad. Desirable or undesirable. We don’t know. It’s all about perspective. What we do know is that they are taking a chance opening that door.
The second example would be likened to going home after work, not knowing whether the kids or people living with you have completely trashed the house, or if all kind of drama will be going on once you open that door.
Will you want to embrace what’s inside, or take off running? Entering new relationships are the same way. Only time will tell what you have gotten yourself into.
What is on the other side of that door?
You don’t know until you open it and explore. It is the chance that you take with relationships of any kind. But relationships are just as essential to life as breathing. We would like to think that we can do life alone. But it’s just not the truth. Even if it takes a while to find the right tribe, we need one.
There’s nothing worse than being out all day, and being hungry. What’s even worse is when you are craving your favorite food that is waiting for you in the refrigerator when you get home, but when you get home, someone in the house has eaten it. You literally feel like crying.
What is going to satisfy the craving that you had for that fried chicken, steak sandwich, quinoa salad, Chinese food, or garbage pizza? The craving is so bad that it leaves you devastated.
You just got out of a toxic relationship. Your soul is craving that person because of the soul-tie that was created. What are you going to do?
You have three options: lean into God, go back to the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns, or go into another toxic relationship instead of giving yourself time to heal.
Which one will you choose?
Listen in to today’s episode to find out what will satisfy our cravings.
When we think of cravings, we often think of food, and not relationship. Cravings are normal. As a matter of fact, they are nothing more than evidence that we are human. Sometimes we can get so holy that we think relationship cravings are wrong. God created Eve so that she could satisfy Adam’s craving for human relationships, even though he already had a relationship with God. God created us to crave relationships.
We get into trouble when our cravings lead to lust, or we place our craving for human relationship above our craving for relationship with God. Our cravings for relationship enables us to know that we were made for community.
Creating an empowered new chapter of life involves healing from past hurts. Healing from past hurts gives us perspective and the ability to see that our whole reason for existence is based upon the concept of relationships.
If we were to dissect the healthy and unhealthy cycle of any relationship, we would notice that both cycles begin with craving. It is what happens next that often gets us in trouble. We will dig deep into the next phase of the relationship cycle in my next post.
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
It’s very tempting to hold in and suppress your emotions. It’s especially tempting when your race/ethnic group has been suppressing their emotions because of generational trauma. What actually happens when we suppress our emotions? What happens when we let it out? I mean let it all out? What would happen if we invite God and our own unique stress response cycle into the mix? Watch today’s episode to find out. Click here for last week’s episode on being stuck in our mess.
Speaker 1 00:01:12 This is the Healing Our Brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And where we also go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. This is podcast episode 102, and this one is entitled, “Let it all out”. Quite a title, right? In this particular episode, we’re dealing with our emotions.
And what happens is once we start being still long enough, we will be able to listen to our bodies and be in tune with our souls and our spirits and realize that something is off. We will be able to say, Oh, grief is built up. This needs to come out. This needs to be released. After learning how to navigate moments of stillness, I now know when grief is trapped in my eye sockets, stomach, chest, back, or throughout my body. It sounds weird, but it’s true. Our bodies communicate this to us in our stillness.
Speaker 1 00:02:30 And then there are times where the grief is just deep inside my soul. And I know when it comes out that it’s going to be really intense and really heavy and loud. I can hear the loudness and intensity of the grief deep inside my soul. During those times I have to give myself grace because sometimes if I focus on how it should be, rather than how it is, It can lead to me being disappointed. And then disillusioned. And then discouragement follows.
Speaker 1 00:03:31 The best thing we can do when grief gets backed up is to get it out. You have heard the old phrase, “Better out than in.” This is also true when it comes to grief. When we hold it in and suppress it, we are allowing it to transfer over to trauma. In Genesis 45, we’re at the scene where Joseph is talking to his brothers, and then you got other officials that are underneath him in rank in the room, his servants, so to speak, and his emotions have built up and he’s realized that. And so it was just like, okay, so what do we do with these emotions? We have to let it out.
I had a pretty emotional day about a month and a half ago,
Speaker 1 00:04:32 Things had not been going well leading up to that particular day. It had been a crazy week. A two hour adventure turned into a five hour adventure. I didn’t get home until almost 10 o’clock. I was cold and hungry, and exhausted. While I was in the process of getting all those things done, I could hear the inner voice crying out in my soul.
Speaker 1 00:05:32 Okay. I finally finished up at least 80% of what I had to get done and I got in the car and I said, I’m just going to have to scream and let it out. And it probably was maybe four rounds of that. And maybe another couple when I got home, but I felt so much better. And when it comes to those types of emotions, we have got to be able to get this stuff out.
Sometimes getting it out doesn’t look pretty/ideal/or the way we think they should look. Either we get it out and we are able to control how it comes out or it is going to control us and who knows what’s going to happen, but it’s got to come out. And won’t be pretty. Exploding on others is not ideal nor healthy, and could have been avoided. We ended up getting sick like that. Usually when it comes on that heavy like that, you have a little bit of a space as a warning, as far as trying to go somewhere, to be able to deal with it in private, if need be.
Speaker 1 00:06:28 And I just thank God that I was able to get it out. I listened to a particular podcast episode recently where the podcast host, who’s a therapist talked about how sometimes she has to go outside to be able to scream or yell, or whatever kind of way she needs to, to be able to get those emotions out of her.
And with blacks, we have to be careful anyway, because it’s part of our DNA from trauma, we are able to suppress the emotions, more naturally than usual because of that trauma. The other side of that is that our bodies are keeping tract of everything that we are going through. It is screaming out from arthritis and all kinds of chronic autoimmune diseaseas.
Speaker 1 00:07:27 We let it out and give ourselves compassion and grace and speak kind words to ourselves. Instead of going into self-blame, self-judgment and self-criticism mode. And we let it out. And what I want to do right now is talk about Joseph and what happened with him when he was in the room. As I mentioned before, he was surrounded by his servants and his brothers. He wanted to be able to tell his brothers who he was.
Speaker 1 00:08:30 Okay. And it got built up in his system. And I’m going to read what the scripture says. It says Joseph could not control himself in front of his servants any longer. “When Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone leave my presence!” So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers. 2 And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it.
3 Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still living?” But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence.”
Speaker 1 00:09:31 Don’t be worried, angry with yourselves because you sold me here. God sent me here ahead of you to say people’s lives. No food has grown the land for two years and there would be five more years without planning or harvest. So God sent me here ahead of you to make sure you have some descendants left on earth and to keep you alive in an amazing way.
So it was not you who sent me here, but God notice that he told them that twice to reassure them. God has made me the official, the highest officer of the King of Egypt. I am in charge of his house. And I am the master of all of the land of Egypt. So leave quickly and go to my father, tell him your son, Joseph, see us, God has made a master over all. Each have come down to me quickly.
Speaker 1 00:10:33 Joseph reminded me of myself, where he realized he couldn’t control himself any longer. He asked them to leave except for his brothers because he felt safe enough to be able to express himself and reveal himself in front of them. And sometimes we can let it out with others, with us. And sometimes we just have to do it by ourselves. The window of time is important, and discernment is important.
Speaker 1 00:11:24 Regulating our emotions is part of being resilient as well as being able to flourish in our relationships. Because if we are walking around in that much misery, we cannot have decent relationships with people. Our focus and our pain are only on ourselves and how miserable we are. We want to let it out, and Get back up again, within reasonable time so we can keep moving. So, I hope it was something that was said here today that will resonate with your hearts as you go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.
Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, etc. So, if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.
At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.
Are you saying to yourself, “I’m sick and tired of being in this state of languishing!” , but you are confused about how to get out? You need someone to walk you through the process, step by step. That’s what the course Broken Pieces is all about. This course walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter. ****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.
Last week, I did an interview with Crystal Daye, a firehouse, on a mission from God. Crystal and I talked about so many different things. And as we carried on our conversation, we lifted each other up in the Spirit.
In case you missed part 1, check it out here. Don’t forget your pen and paper as you listen to Part 2, An Interview with Crystal Daye. Be blessed!
Crystal Daye, an author, speaker, and podcaster is my next guest on the show. And when I tell you that the experience was out of this world, it was. When the interview was over, I was ready for some serious Holy Ghost shouting.
There were so many good nuggets in this interview. Before you listen, you will want to grab a pen and some paper, and take notes on her Holy-Spirit inspired message. Remember, this is black history month, and I want to support my black sisters and brothers in the industry. Please check out Crystal’s new book: Dear Insecurity on Amazon Enjoy!
Crystal Daye is an award-winning author, international speaker, certified empowerment coach for life and business and Jesus Girl, who has mentored and coached countless women of all ages. As a Brand Strategist and COO of DayeLight Publishers, she helps women of faith and solopreneurs to maximize their message through writing books and launching profitable empowerment-based businesses. Due to growing up in poverty, Crystal was told that she would never be successful; she became resolute to not settle for mediocrity but instead she uses her story to impact lives all over the world.
After living a life of partying, poverty, promiscuity, being abused and struggling with feelings of inadequacy, she encountered Jesus Christ in the midst of her brokenness. She now passionately empowers women to live wholesome godly lives through her books, coaching programs and her podcast called “Diary Of A Jesus Girl”. Crystal enjoys cooking, traveling and spending time with her beautiful daughter Christelle.
Yesterday, I posted part 1 of the interview that I had with Woman of God, Bible Teacher, and Author Erin Thompson. If you missed that episode, click here. Today, I will dig into part two of that conversation. Grab a pen and piece of paper to take notes as Erin continues to share her heart and soul with us.
I am a believer of therapy to the fullest. By clicking the link above, you will be taken to an online therapy site. If you purchase from this link, I will receive a commission through Online Therapy’s affiliate market program to help in handling the expenses and logistics of this site.
On Saturday, I had the pleasure of interviewing Woman of God and Author Erin Thompson. We talked about a little bit of everything, included witnessing how the Holy Spirit comes into our creative process. We also talked about identity, what it means, and how we often view ourselves. If you missed the last few podcast episodes, you can catch up by clicking on the links below. In case you missed the last interview, click here. Be blessed as you listen in on the living room conversation between me and Erin.
I am a believer of therapy to the fullest. For some people, doing therapy online is more convenient than in person. By clicking the link above, you will be taken to an online therapy site. If you purchase from this link, I will receive a commission through Online Therapy’s affiliate market program to help in handling the expenses and logistics of this site.