How many times have you used the words, “If Only”? It feels good saying it. However, it doesn’t feel good revealing the “what” behind the “if”. Why? “If only” is part of the bargaining stage. It is only meant as a temporary place of magical thinking in order to resolve our pain and hurt.
What are some of the “if onlys” that you are saying:
If only I had paid attention to how my body was feeling.
If only I had thought about how over the top the attention was.
If only I wasn’t so quick to sin against my body.
If only I had partnered with the Holy Spirit in discerning this person‘s character.
If only I had checked into his previous relationships and familial background.
If only I hadn’t mistaken his contemptuous, condescending, behavior for self-confidence and assertiveness.
If only I saw the eagerness for this person to be an ally for what it was and not what I wanted it to be.
If only I had not got caught up in the value that this person was bringing to the table instead of the messages that my intuition and discernment was giving me.
You can’t rewrite history. “If Only, Would have, should have, could have”, means you think you can. This will only keep you in victim mode. Standing and waiting at the port for the “If Only, Would have, should have, could have” ship that sailed a long time ago, never to return.
We could stay here all day long. It’s not going to erase the fact that what happened happened. You can’t change it. However, you can move forward and allow God to help you to write your ending. It does not have to look anything like your beginning. The choice is yours.
So, what is the cure for getting out of the “if onlys”. Four words: I can’t change it. Saying these four words means that you have come to a resolve and are ready to move on to releasing blame, guilt, unforgiveness, condemnation, judgment, etc. God is waiting for you to partner with the Holy Spirit in power to move from the “If Only” to the moving forward in life stage.
Until next time,