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IF ONLY I Had

How many times have you used the words, “If Only”? It feels good saying it. However, it doesn’t feel good revealing the “what” behind the “if”. Why? “If only” is part of the bargaining stage. It is only meant as a temporary place of magical thinking in order to resolve our pain and hurt.

What are some of the “if onlys” that you are saying:

If only I had paid attention to how my body was feeling.

If only I had thought about how over the top the attention was.

If only I wasn’t so quick to sin against my body.

If only I had partnered with the Holy Spirit in discerning this person‘s character.

If only I had checked into his previous relationships and familial background.

If only I hadn’t mistaken his contemptuous, condescending, behavior for self-confidence and assertiveness.

If only I saw the eagerness for this person to be an ally for what it was and not what I wanted it to be.

If only I had not got caught up in the value that this person was bringing to the table instead of the messages that my intuition and discernment was giving me.

Charge

You can’t rewrite history. “If Only, Would have, should have, could have”, means you think you can. This will only keep you in victim mode. Standing and waiting at the port for the “If Only, Would have, should have, could have” ship that sailed a long time ago, never to return.

We could stay here all day long. It’s not going to erase the fact that what happened happened. You can’t change it. However, you can move forward and allow God to help you to write your ending. It does not have to look anything like your beginning. The choice is yours.

So, what is the cure for getting out of the “if onlys”. Four words: I can’t change it. Saying these four words means that you have come to a resolve and are ready to move on to releasing blame, guilt, unforgiveness, condemnation, judgment, etc. God is waiting for you to partner with the Holy Spirit in power to move from the “If Only” to the moving forward in life stage.

Until next time,

Katina

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She Wasn’t Ready!

When my kids were living with me, they would hang out together, laughing and joking about some teenage drama that had taken place. Whenever something happened that took one of their teenage friends by surprise, they would holler out, “S(he) wasn’t ready!” I couldn’t imitate it if I wanted to. However, it was hilarious.

Now, let’s switch over to watching a movie with a friend. You have been watching a good movie with a girlfriend. You both have pretty much figured out the ending based on all the drama that has gone on throughout the entire movie. This movie is pretty much like real life. After hanging out with people for a while, we become aware of their unhealthy patterns of behavior, and they become aware of ours. You get to the end of the movie, and both of you are completely thrown for a loop. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. In other words, “She wasn’t ready!”

Now what?

You feel cheated. Tricked. Bamboozled. Caught off guard.

Now you have to adjust your emotions, processing what you thought should have happened based upon previous patterns of behavior, but didn’t.

Now, let’s switch scenes again. Jesus died on the cross. The normal process after death is burial or cremation, and then the person’s soul either goes to heaven or hell. The body goes back to dirt eventually. Except with Jesus. His ending on earth defied all logic. And in his case, “They wasn’t ready.” I know it’s bad English, but saying weren’t doesn’t give the full effect. You get the point.

Last scene, you have been in and out of one unhealthy relationship to the next. But, you haven’t been able to decide how your story will end. Will people feel cheated because you defied the odds, and created an empowered new chapter of life, or will they say, “I knew it was going to end this way!” ?

As the director of your movie, only you can decide.

Be blessed.

Until next time,

Katina

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Episode 5: Woe is Me!

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 5: Woe is Me!







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Outline of the Podcast “Woe is Me!”

Praise God!  We are on Episode 5, entitled, ” Woe Is Me!”.  Last week’s podcast featured Episode 4:  Unhealed Brokenness & Toxic Relationships.  It can be found here.

  • What is Self-Pity?
  • Why is Self-Pity So Bad?
  • What is the End Result of Extreme Self-Pity?

 

self-pity, self-help, spiritual health, mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, anger, abuse, woe is me, valley of grace, character development, victim, victim mentality,
Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com

  • The Competitive Side of Self-Pity
  • Self-Pity is Spiritual
  • View of Self-Pity for other Christians
  • View of Self-Pity for Unbelievers
  • My Experience with Self-Pity

self-pity, self-help, spiritual health, mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, anger, abuse, woe is me, valley of grace, character development, victim, victim mentality,
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

  • Factors for Ahab’s spirit of self-pity
  1. Retirement
  2. Location
  3. Money
  • Ahab’s childish behavior
  • Reminders about Temptation and Lust

  • James 1: 12-20:

12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Listening and Doing

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

self-pity, self-help, spiritual health, mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, anger, abuse, woe is me, valley of grace, character development, victim, victim mentality,

Five Steps to Freedom from Self-Pity

Have a blessed night!

Katina