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Relationships-Who’s Doing the Watering?

The growing requirements of a seed is evident. Our relationships are the same way.

We cannot expect them to grow when they are one-sided. If we are sowing all of the seeds, there is one-sided reaping that will happen. When we don’t have the true light and knowledge of God‘s word to guide us, we get caught up in false doctrine, twisted theology, and limited worldviews.

When we are not checking to make sure that the soil of the person’s heart is healthy, we leave ourselves open to be injured over and over again. When we are not assessing the temperature on the thermometer showing that frigid temps have taken over, we keep trying to hope and pray that some kind of way, our relationships will get watered without the other party doing the work.

What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task.

I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

1 Corinthians 3:6-9

Relationships-Who’s Doing the Watering?

We stay in places, ideas, things, and relationships that have dried up a long time ago because we fail to obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit, our instinct, intuition, and discernment, along with the evidence of the countenance of the individual changing.

We want to idolize the history. We want to idolize whatever small amount of value the individual may be giving us. We want to idolize the good old times. But when we idolize the good old times, the new thing that God is doing is what we miss out on.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:28-19

When it comes to being in relationships with narcissistic individuals, several things will always be present: spiritual blindness, arrogance based on insecurity, hardened hearts, and toxic envy, and jealousy. This means that the empathic, prophetic side of you will always be at war with the demonic side of them seeking to kill, steal, and destroy everything in its path.

At the end of the day, we have to ask ourselves, do we want to live in dry land forever ?

And it came to pass after a while, that the brook dried up, because there had been no rain in the land.

And the word of the Lord came unto him, saying,

Arise, get thee to Zarephath, which belongeth to Zidon, and dwell there: behold, I have commanded a widow woman there to sustain thee.

1 Kings 17:7-9

Until next time,

Be blessed

#relationships #relationshipgoals #watering #seeds #sowing #reaping #narcissism #narcissist #spiritual #empath #love #loveandfreedom #katinahorton

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The Self-Righteous Cerebral Narcissist

Self-righteousness is a stance that any one of us can be guilty of. And being prideful about what it is that we know is also possible.

However, when it comes to an individual who is a self-righteous cerebral narcissist, the concepts of self-righteousness, where an individual loves rules and laws, and how they follow them; along with taking pride in their knowledge and intelligence, we are talking about pathology.

Unfortunately, these two issues are seared into their personality, and have been made this way through the usage of trauma as a portal.

We often correct our children. However, when it gets to the point of adults constantly correcting other adults about their language usage, and understanding of words, it gets to be too much. And overtime, being in relationships with these types of individuals can wear down on your self-esteem and self worth because of the cost and put downs about what you do know.

So how would you know if you are in a conversation with a self righteous, cerebral narcissist?

These individuals will behave just like the Pharisees did in the Bible. And their behavior can become so annoying over time, that it’s just like getting bit by a viper little by little.

You will experience one-upping competitions involving knowledge during the entire conversation. Secondly, they will make you feel like you don’t know anything. Thirdly, they will take the information you gave them and use it to one-up other people they’re in relationship with. And lastly, they will take their entire agenda of how they run their lives, and then force it onto you. They will also add other things on to this agenda that’s especially for you just to get a rise out of you doing them.

Self-righteous cerebral narcissists appear to be extremely responsible and knowledgeable in all areas. However, underneath it all, there exists rigidity, emptiness, and a void in their hearts and souls that is filled by obtaining knowledge, and following mountainous rules, of which they add on legalities, but never coming to the truth and understanding of God’s love.

#psychology #pathology #npd #narcissism #narcissist #selfrighteous #cerebralnarcissist #empath #healing

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The Brood of Vipers

Introduction

Vipers are known for having patterns and colors that blend in well when it comes to their surroundings. So, if you are hanging out with your family on a campground, getting ready to go start a fire for marshmallows and warmth, you might ride up on a viper.

Paul was setting up a fire for himself and the other men after being shipwrecked, and instead of picking up firewood sticks, he picked up a viper that hung onto his hand for dear life.

Why are vipers so successful at what they do? They use ambush foraging.

They are the narcissistic individuals who sit and wait for long periods of time to conserve their energy. Because they wait for the perfect time to attack you by surprise, you are destabilized and immobilized in your body, causing a freeze trauma response.

How does this happen?

When they attack you, they inject venom inside of your mind, body, soul and spirit, wreaking havoc on your emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual being.

Vipers usually hang out in groups like the Pharisees and the Sadducees, waiting to use a second party to entrap the third intended victim. Whenever a viper injects you with their venom, you become the poison container for all of their family’s past and present trials and trauma, the sin of certainty, their Holy Spirit box, and the Leviathan spirit, twisting and turning words around from scriptures, and attacking your motives.

John spoke of the vipers as a brood, meaning that they were a family belonging to Satan, the serpent in the garden of Eden. He knew that the Pharisees and Sadducees, coming to watch him perform baptisms was nothing but a setup for an attack. And if you are not careful, the Pharisees and Sadducees that are in your life will do the same. Their cover is being extremely spiritual/religious, knowing all the rules and regulations, and having an image of being put together. However, their hearts are far from what is being displayed. Double-mindedness, closed-mindedness, and fixed mindsets caused them to perpetuate their legalism.

Catch the next post where I’ll be talking about the python spirit.

Until next time,

Katina

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The Tree of Knowledge

Satan offered Eve false hope, and she drank the Kool-Aid.

There was only one thing that he promised her would do the trick: the forbidden fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

When you met up with your narcissistic partner, he mimicked Satan, the first narcissist.

Satan offered you false hope, and you drank the Kool-Aid. There was only one thing that he promised would provide this hope: the forbidden man who appeared to you as if he were a tree of knowledge.

Which tree of knowledge will you pull from?: God’s or Satan’s.

Until next time,

Katina

#npd #narcissism #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #psychology #narcissisticabuse #treeofknowledge

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Grow or Go?

Never feel like forcing yourself to stay in something that God has obviously released you from is the best option. As a matter of fact, your growth will do the work for you. When people start seeing you growing after narcissistic abuse, they will make comments about you changing and being different, as if it’s a bad thing. It isn’t. They had gotten too comfortable with the “broken pieces” version of you. Either they will eventually hop on board or leave your life just as quickly as they entered it.

healing, grow or go, relationships, the love and freedom toxic relationship recovery coach

Until next time,

Katina

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CRAVINGS, LUST, & THE HOLY SPIRIT

God created us with cravings, and part of these cravings are for people, places, things, and ideas.  When our cravings turn into lost, we have crossed the line from normality to addiction, opening the soul-tie door.  

The only way to reverse the soul tie door is to partner up with the Holy Spirit and severing ties with anything that places worldly comfort over Godly comfort.  The Godly comfort that we receive is the gift of the personhood of the Holy Spirit.  The enemy’s entire goal is to make us forget that we have everything that we need inside of us.

Like the Pharisees, we are tempted to believe that the answer is on the outside of the dish. Looking at things in this manner gives us tunnel vision. We see the trees right in front of us. Yet, we miss the beauty of the entire forest.  

Along with partnering up with the Holy Spirit, the second must-do is allowing your body to go through the withdrawal symptoms that is associated with addiction. This will be very uncomfortable initially. It also requires you to build up resiliency and tolerance for containment.

Knowing that we are not alone, that we are partnering up with the Holy Spirit, our support groups, our inner circle, and our church community will help us exemplify what the true Body of Christ is meant to be: one on which all of its members work together for the common good.

Until next time,

Katina 

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I’m Leaving You- The Discard Phase

I’m Leaving You- The Discard Phase

No one wants to hear these three words. Just because you know that the discard phase is inevitable does not mean that you want someone to say this to you. Not only do these words invoke fear, they bring trauma, abandonment, and rejection along with it. So that you are not caught off guard, I am giving you a list of things to look out for in case you are in the storm of a soul-tied toxic relationship with a narcissistic partner.

Number 1:  You disrespect and dishonor yourself to the point of not knowing who you are anymore.  Even though he’s leaving you, he is still trying to convince you to sign up for a Biblical concubine situation.

Number 2:  Everyday your friends keep reminding you about the crazy situation you are living in.

Number 3:  You find evidence that he’s bought another computer(woman).  This one has a 500-watt power supply. 

Number 4:  He’s doing anything and everything to get you to put him out (reverse discard) so he can avoid responsibility for leaving you and tell everybody that you put him out.  If he’s been acting a fool and flaunting his new sidechick, they are NOT going to believe him.

Number 5:  You are reminded of the insecurities you disclosed to him in the beginning. 

Number 6:  He pulls his mask down, telling you different things about himself that he has never told you before.  They all lead up to him being a narcissist.

Number 7:  He keeps stringing you and the kids along about his final leaving date.

Number 8:  He brings all kind of evidence in the house showing that he has new supply, hoping that it will break you down and cause you to put him out.

Number 9:  His final farewell is a fake suicide stunt to regain control as he sees that his grip on you is slipping.

Number 10:  He calls up some of his family members, letting them know that he’s about to sabotage his living situation, and if it’s decent family members, they are encouraging him not to do it.  If not, they will join in and help him destroy you.

Number 11:  His new supply calls and leaves sensual messages on his voicemail, knowing that you are going to hear the messages.

Number 12:  You find evidence that he is love bombing the new supply in both the same and different ways that he love bombed you:  receipts from hotels, dinners, poems, songs, doing her advanced degree homework, blankets in the car, taking movies from your home to watch with her and her children, etc.

Number 13:  He tells you that he loves you, but is not in love with you, and still wants to be friends.  Basically, he wants you to sign up to be backup supply a.k.a. a hoover maneuver.

Number 14:  You start seeing instances of spiders, black capes, and all other kinds of spiritual warfare. 

Remember, you are not fighting against flesh and blood. Like in the devaluation phase, the discard phase involves both a lot of drama and trauma.  If you decide to stay until the end, you will need your church community, small groups, and inner circle to walk with you and your kids every step of the way. 

And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.

2 Corinthians 11:14

Until next time,

Katina

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Dr. Elizabeth & Dr. Latonya Rainwater-The Black Woman Experience, Power of Choice, Online Dating, Toxic Relationships and Education

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Dr. Elizabeth & Dr. Latonya Rainwater-The Black Woman Experience, Power of Choice, Online Dating, Toxic Relationships and Education
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Our wiring and upbringing is a combination of nature versus nurture. And because the world is comprised of imperfect people, our families’ love story gardens were imperfect, creating imperfect homes and childhoods. Even with all this vulnerability and brokenness going on, we still have a choice. Join me on a personal journey with Dr.’s Elizabeth and LaTonya Rainwater as we talk about the power of choice, online dating, toxic relationships, and education as it relates to The Black Woman Experience. You’re in for a treat.

Bio:

Dr. Elizabeth Rainwater and Dr. Latonya Rainwater are two Atlanta-based entrepreneurs, preachers, and educators. They have a background in psychology and spent years mentoring students in graduate school.

ELRSHOP

Their passion for education is a big part of their journey, which turned into teaching ESL to students in China online for an education center in Florida. It was not intuition, but it was a tug on the heart, which led both educators and doctors to design their own educational and inspirational products as ELRSHOP. The name ELRSHOP stems from the first initial of Dr. Elizabeth and Dr. Latonya’s name giving their online shop a special and unique meaning.

In the ELRSHOP, you can find coloring books, crossword puzzles, math, and grammar workbooks, and more. Age is no factor and there is something for everyone. All proceeds earned from each sale help support their ministry and mission work worldwide.

Any way that they can educate and spread the gospel to people is a step in the right direction and helps them fulfill their purpose in life.

Music played is the theme song for the Valley of Grace Podcast. Katina Horton-Valley of Grace Ministries have been licensed and given permission to use Valley of Grace by performing artist Timothy Horton GR8.

How to Reach Dr. Elizabeth and Dr. Latonya Rainwater

https://www.etsy.com/shop/ELRShop

#bible #story #healing #healingjourney #narcabuse #storytelling #youareenough #blackwomen #blackeducators #elrshop #educators #clergy

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Sabrina Victoria- Abandoned, Caught up in the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle, and Fighting For Freedom

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Sabrina Victoria- Abandoned, Caught up in the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle, and Fighting For Freedom
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Sabrina Victoria, Coach and CEO of Human Better 365, is a freedom fighter. After being disowned by her family, congregation, and friends, she put one foot forward to heal.

But healing was the last thing that happened. Her desire to reconcile her relationship with God led to more trauma, then finding herself in the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle, and finally, using every ounce of courage that she had left to fight for freedom.

You will relate, empathize, and be empowered as you listen 🎧 to her story on The Valley of Grace Podcast.

Music played is the theme song for the Valley of Grace Podcast. Katina Horton-Valley of Grace Ministries have been licensed and given permission to use Valley of Grace by performing artist Timothy Horton GR8.

Sabrina Victoria’s Bio:

Sabrina Victoria is the owner and operator of Human Better 365 a human transformation company focusing on time management and organization within businesses and the family dynamic. In short, she specializes in creating absolute masterpieces out of complete chaos.

As an empath and serial people pleaser, she was always looking for the solution to everyone’s problems, and that attribute eventually became the catalyst for her own survival.

Sabrina always had a burning desire to create, to write, to imagine and to rise above who she was. However, it would take her 28 years to finally see, feel and hear her voice.

To get in touch with Sabrina Victoria at Human Better 365:

Human Better 365

Be blessed!

#narcissists#story#healing