I’m Leaving You- The Discard Phase
No one wants to hear these three words. Just because you know that the discard phase is inevitable does not mean that you want someone to say this to you. Not only do these words invoke fear, they bring trauma, abandonment, and rejection along with it. So that you are not caught off guard, I am giving you a list of things to look out for in case you are in the storm of a soul-tied toxic relationship with a narcissistic partner.
Number 1: You disrespect and dishonor yourself to the point of not knowing who you are anymore. Even though he’s leaving you, he is still trying to convince you to sign up for a Biblical concubine situation.
Number 2: Everyday your friends keep reminding you about the crazy situation you are living in.
Number 3: You find evidence that he’s bought another computer(woman). This one has a 500-watt power supply.
Number 4: He’s doing anything and everything to get you to put him out (reverse discard) so he can avoid responsibility for leaving you and tell everybody that you put him out. If he’s been acting a fool and flaunting his new sidechick, they are NOT going to believe him.
Number 5: You are reminded of the insecurities you disclosed to him in the beginning.
Number 6: He pulls his mask down, telling you different things about himself that he has never told you before. They all lead up to him being a narcissist.
Number 7: He keeps stringing you and the kids along about his final leaving date.
Number 8: He brings all kind of evidence in the house showing that he has new supply, hoping that it will break you down and cause you to put him out.
Number 9: His final farewell is a fake suicide stunt to regain control as he sees that his grip on you is slipping.
Number 10: He calls up some of his family members, letting them know that he’s about to sabotage his living situation, and if it’s decent family members, they are encouraging him not to do it. If not, they will join in and help him destroy you.
Number 11: His new supply calls and leaves sensual messages on his voicemail, knowing that you are going to hear the messages.
Number 12: You find evidence that he is love bombing the new supply in both the same and different ways that he love bombed you: receipts from hotels, dinners, poems, songs, doing her advanced degree homework, blankets in the car, taking movies from your home to watch with her and her children, etc.
Number 13: He tells you that he loves you, but is not in love with you, and still wants to be friends. Basically, he wants you to sign up to be backup supply a.k.a. a hoover maneuver.
Number 14: You start seeing instances of spiders, black capes, and all other kinds of spiritual warfare.
Remember, you are not fighting against flesh and blood. Like in the devaluation phase, the discard phase involves both a lot of drama and trauma. If you decide to stay until the end, you will need your church community, small groups, and inner circle to walk with you and your kids every step of the way.
Until next time,