Personality Issues-It’s Just The Way I Am

Our personality is part of what makes us who we are.  

When someone mentions different things to us that involve our personality, we often say, “Well, that’s just the way I am.  My mother was like that.”  

And that is true in a sense. That is the way you are. And your mother may have been the one who had a huge impact on why your personality is the way it is. However, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t want to work on aspects of our personality that are impeding our growth, next-level assignments, and relationships with ourselves and others in general.

What did Paul say about our right to do things?

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.

1 Corinthians 6:12

There are both strengths and weaknesses to any personality.

We have four learned stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

Let’s take the first personality type of the Enneagram for example:

Type 1:  The Perfectionist 

With this personality type, the fight response looks like expecting perfectionism out of other people when you are under extreme stress or trauma.  And yes, the stress or traumatic event is what caused it.  

Subjectively, a person on the outside looking in may say, “Empathize”.

And yes, empathizing is what we are supposed to do.  Now, look at the situation objectively.

Can you imagine being expected to be perfect when you are in pain as well?

This is where and why partnering up and powering with the Holy Spirit is necessary.  Expecting perfection out of an imperfect human being, particularly during the time of crisis places the individual on the outside in a precarious situation.  Do they interact with the perfectionist, or do they distance themselves until the extreme stress and or traumatic event has passed?

What the perfectionist doesn’t understand at the time is that this fight response of theirs has taken the place of self-care and self-assessment of emotions, needs, etc.

This is not for the purposes of condemnation, but for empathy, knowledge, and understanding how the weaknesses of our personalities affect others so we can learn and grow.

For it is by grace(A) you have been saved,(B) through faith(C)—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works,(D) so that no one can boast.(E)

Ephesians 2:8-9, NIV

Until Next Time,


The Masquerade Party of Lying Prophets, False Intentions, Narcissism, & Disguises Part 2

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Masquerade Party of Lying Prophets, False Intentions, Narcissism, & Disguises Part 2

The Masquerade Party of Lying Prophets, False Intentions, Narcissism, & Disguises Part 2

Although we all wear masks at one time or another, some of us find ourselves living among the never-ending masquerade party of narcissism. Walking in the spirit, as well as being armored up, enables the weapons formed against us not to prosper.

Grab your fancy dresses 👗and colorful masks, as we open door number three of “The Masquerade Party: Lying Prophets, False Intentions, & Disguises Part 2”. Be blessed!!!

I own the rights, license, and permission of performing artist, Timothy Horton GR8, to use Valley of Grace as Valley of Grace Ministries’ theme song.


Who Dropped the Bomb? The Many Faces of Love-Bombing

A lot of people look at love bombing as just over-the-top affection. This would be a quick glanced assessment. When we dive deeper beneath the surface, and peel away the layers, we are staring at abuse.

Plain and simple.

Love bombing is more of the grooming and priming stage of abuse. Just like using primer so the paint will take on your dark-colored wall, love bombing assures that the devaluation stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle will look good on you. But this is not a laughing matter. Nothing about abuse is funny.

Here is a list of things to look out for so that you don’t find yourself caught up in its web.

  1. Checking with you all times of the day. Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. How was your morning? How was your evening? How was your afternoon? This is done repeatedly so that when he pulls the rug from underneath you, and stops doing it, you will be like a drug addict needing your fix. Remember-you already have issues with love and approval addictions, which is part of the reason you got caught up with this individual in the first place.
  2. Playing Mr. NICE GUY with your family by lending out his car so as soon as the abuse starts, people start thinking, “This couldn’t be the same guy who’s hurting you.”
  3. Making his church and family seem perfect and sin-free compared to yours.
  4. Gossiping, judging, and criticizing your church, pastor, family, coworkers, and friends.
  5. Appearance of self-confidence that’s really hiding arrogance, condescending, contemptuous, behavior.
  6. Volunteering to help you with typing and taking notes for your graduate and undergraduate degree program.
  7. Volunteering in children’s ministry, men’s ministry, singing in the choir, and preaching at Christian retreats.
  8. Buying your kids clothes and shoes.
  9. Rubbing all over your belly and making you feel embarrassed in public once you’re pregnant with his baby.
  10. Purchasing expensive homes. multiple expensive vehicles, and then having you to get rid of your homes, inherited property and vehicles, and place everything in his name.

Until next time,