Posted on

So, what’s the difference anyway?-The Relationship Cycle

One of the main things that needs to happen in the relationship cycle in general is to form a healthy separation. When I say separation, I am not meaning separation in the terms of a last ditch effort before contemplating divorce.

Separation in this case is in regard to eliminating symbiosis. I like to think of symbiosis as the “Coming to America effect” where the prince asks his prospective bride what she wanted, and her response to everything was, “Whatever you like”. It means that you are so caught up in pleasing the other person, appearing agreeable and likeable, that you forego vocalizing anything that would rock the boat, or make you appear to have an opinion of your own.

However, one thing about any healthy relationship is that symbiosis needs to turn into differentiation, where both individuals in the relationship are no longer functioning as one person, but two. It can be scary to think about, but very necessary in order for there to be any growth taking place from either party.

And think about it, even in “Coming to America”, symbiosis played out real fast. The prince liked not having conflict at first, but then the prospective bride’s unwillingness to differentiate got on his last nerves after a while.

In my next post, I will discuss what happens when we enter stage three of The Relationship Cycle.

You are enough. Reclaim your power and identity. Grab your keys to the kingdom and get your inheritance.

Until next time,

Katina

Posted on

What happens after the bombing?-The Relationship Cycle

The question that one might ask themselves is: what happens after the bombing? As stated in our previous post, after the bombing comes the sea of shame. And although you would think your soul’s reaction would be enough to make you stop and think, oftentimes, it doesn’t.

There is a small percentage of the cases where the individual takes a time-out based upon their body, mind, and soul’s reaction to love-bombing. However, 9.9 times out of ten, the reason you were picked as a target in the first place was because of your issues with low self-esteem, low self-worth, poor body image, or a combo of all three.

As sad and unsettling as it may sound, you were picked because you were an easy target to be disarmed and molded into what the other broken person in the toxic relationship wanted you to be. What you haven’t figured out yet, is that you are expected to return the favor.

Not the favor and disarming and molding. The worship.

Love-bombing isn’t done just for the sake of it. It is done to pull you in like nothing else has so you can stay all in. Once you have demonstrated that you are all in, the love-bombing ends. That is too much energy to put into any one person for an extended period of time.

The other person in the toxic relationship wants to be worshipped just like you were. However, the rules for their worship is different. Unlike love-bombing that leaves you in a sea of shame, they want the worship without the shame. You can’t ever give constructive criticism, feedback, or point out any wrongdoing.

Why?

Giving your take on any of these areas means that you are tarnishing the perfect, distorted image of what the other broken person in your toxic/unhealthy relationship has created. And that is a no-no.

The worship that belongs only to God has now gone to man. God never intended that to be.

He made that clear when he gave Moses the ten commandments on the mountaintop.

Somehow, as women, with Satan’s help, we twist around the word of God, making ourselves believe that God has told us to do everything that our husbands want us to do. When “obeying” your husband lies in direct conflict of obeying and worshipping God, we definitely have a problem.

You don’t realize the severity of it because your brokenness of unworthiness, low self-worth, and not enoughness is leading you in making decisions. You, as the wounded person is depending on the other broken person in the relationship to provide the enoughness that you are lacking. But only God can do that.

Until next time,

Katina