Communal Narcissists Bonus Episode

There is nothing communal about the communal narcissist. It’s only a guise. Listen in to this bonus episode to learn about how the communal narcissist gets away with his/her mess. Be blessed! #love #empath #narcissist #narcissism #toxicrelationships #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder

Communal Narcissists Bonus Episode

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It Is Finished-I Release Control

It is finished.

I am finished.

Looking for the perfect hairstyle.

Looking for the perfect clothing.

Looking for the perfect meals.

Looking for the perfect children.

Looking to be the perfect wife.

Looking to have the perfect home.

Looking to my partner as my god.

Have you ever truly said these three words?

When you say it is finished, you sign off to the fact that the striving is over. You will not try to control the outcome of the relationship. You will not beg your narcissistic partner to change. You will not try to fix him, control him, manipulate him a little bit in order to have the best version of him, be the best version of you, and have your needs met.

You will not beg for attention, love, affection, etc. You will not try to Build a Bear when it comes to your narcissistic partner. You will release control. You will allow God to be sovereign. You will be yourself and allow your partner to be himself.

It is finished.

Later, knowing that everything had now been finished, and so that Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.”  A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

John 19:28-30

Episode 66: Do we all really matter?

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 66: Do we all really matter?

Do we all really matter? Podcast Outline:

At one time or another, we have all thought to ourselves, Do I Really Matter?

blackness, episode 66, katina horton, podcaster, lifestyle blog, Jonah, anger, discrimination, racism, privilege, fragility, Mr. Rogers, neighbor, love, love our neighbors, policemen
  • What has been going on?
  • Won’t you be my neighbor?
  • My Encounter with Love
  • What Happened with the Israelites?
  • Can’t Unknow what we know
  • My Charge to you

Bible Passage to Meditate on:

Jonah 1-4

But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry.

And he prayed unto the Lord, and said, I pray thee, O Lord, was not this my saying, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil.

Therefore now, O Lord, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live.

Then said the Lord, Doest thou well to be angry?

So Jonah went out of the city, and sat on the east side of the city, and there made him a booth, and sat under it in the shadow, till he might see what would become of the city.

And the Lord God prepared a gourd, and made it to come up over Jonah, that it might be a shadow over his head, to deliver him from his grief. So Jonah was exceeding glad of the gourd.

But God prepared a worm when the morning rose the next day, and it smote the gourd that it withered.

And it came to pass, when the sun did arise, that God prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat upon the head of Jonah, that he fainted, and wished in himself to die, and said, It is better for me to die than to live.

And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death.

10 Then said the Lord, Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, neither madest it grow; which came up in a night, and perished in a night:

11 And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle?

Have a blessed week!


The Attack

Have you ever noticed the pattern of attack that comes your way at certain times? Our enemy is not creative.  However, he is relentless.  His whole plan is to use people, things, and circumstances as tools to do his dirty work.  We must constantly remind ourselves that we are wrestling against spiritual forces.  They are the root of the problem.  It is not people and things.  

Photo by Sarah Pflug

Think about it.  You have just finished up attending a conference at church, listening to a spirit-filled sermon or podcast, and in the mode of feeling really hopeful and joyous about your future.  Right after allowing the joy to come in, you begin to meditate on how different your reality is in comparison to the miracle that you are believing in. 

If the enemy can get us to feel depressed and down-trodden right after allowing the spirit of joy come in, then he knows that he has us.  We begin to think thoughts like, “Well, you know what happened last time.  So, don’t even feel happy about it.”  Satan knows that if he remains relentless in stealing our joy, then he knows we will choose to squash it when it comes up.  We decide to forego the feeling of having joy altogether.

When we are feeling under the weather, it also becomes the perfect time for the enemy to attack. 

The following is a story that I shared as a guest blogger on another site a little over a year ago:

A couple of weeks ago, the air pressure had changed.  I was having problems forming thoughts in my head.  My nose had started running, and I could feel pressure in my head and nose. 

I started to think to myself, ” My sinuses and allergies are in full swing.”  I didn’t manage my time well that morning, and thus, I ended up rushing out of the house while my daughter was waiting outside in the car.  As we were pulling off, I could hear a voice inside my head stating that it was my daughter’s fault that we were rushing.  Right away, I rebuked it.  I noticed that there was a spiritual force trying to blind me from seeing and speaking the truth. 

It took a few minutes.  However, I had narrowed it down to a spiritual attack involved the spirit of blame.  It left.  When I arrived at my writer’s group, I was fighting against it again.

Ephesians 6:10-18 King James Version (KJV)

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

It was at this time, that I knew I needed an extra set of armor for the day.  I had to pray scripture over myself, and fight to keep myself grounded in the truth.  Praise God for his deliverance from this attack!  I also thank him for making me aware of what the real source of the problem was.  Satan always wants you to believe that you haven’t made any progress.  That you will always be the same.  We must fight his words with the words of truth that God tells us about ourselves.

Who Can Separate Us?

Separation causes a lot of things.  For babies, the peak time for separation anxiety is between 10 to 18 months.  Even as adults, separation can be very difficult.  Due to immigration issues or other circumstances beyond our control, separation happens.  Families end up being torn apart.  In marriages, separation occurs for the sake of hoping that broken pieces are glued back together again.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve had close friends that I was separated from for years due to my moving or their moving, and somehow losing contact information.

Photos by Sarah Pflug

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Unfortunately, when I was a teenager, through no fault of her own, my grandmother was separated from her brothers for years.  We didn’t have any of the contact information, and after so many years, she assumed that they all had died except for her.  As God would have it, when I was at my last place of residence a few years ago, I decided to do an ancestry search to see if I could find any information on my grandmother’s side of the family.  Lo and behold, I stumbled upon an obituary showing that there had been one brother left along with my grandmother.  He had died nine months after her. It made me sad to know that my grandmother hadn’t spoken to him in so long, how she must have felt, along with all the “what ifs” floating through my head.

Separation brings on two friends: sadness and loneliness.  These friends can only be mended by God himself, who is near to the brokenhearted.  Because we live in a fallen world, we are prone to separated from anyone and anything.  However, there is one thing that will always stand the test of time.  That is, the love of God.

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Romans 8:35-39 New King James Version (NKJV)

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”

37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Be blessed,


My Blackness

On tomorrow, I will be celebrating the heavenly birthday of my grandmother, Beatrice, affectionately known to her family as Mudear. There isn’t one day that goes by that I don’t think of her “figures of speech, quotes, words of wisdom, or just a matter of fact response to any kind of drama that is going on. I got my first lesson on community from living in her tiny apartment in the projects. Her place was filled with smells of fried chicken, grease popping and cabinets that displayed it, hair pressing, and the love that she had for her family.

I wrote the following poem ” My Blackness”, this past week, after dropping my car off for an oil change, and then waiting for my son to pick me up. I read the poem to my son, and he was surprised that I was able to write it so fast. His response, “Hmmm, I’m surprised that you didn’t need to have the perfect writing conditions present”. My response: “Yes, I know. Totally a God thing.” Me standing there on the sidewalk typing a poem into the Notes app on my phone? I then explained to him that I had read a blog post by a black blogger on the Black Lives Matter topic, particulary Juneteenth, and was immediately inspired to write poetry that helped to express my feelings about everything. Feelings about why we judge, what we judge, and what we think when we just don’t understand.

Well, here goes. Mudear, this is dedicated to you:

My Blackness

Is it the sassy in my voice?

Is the hips I’m given by choice?

Is it the knots that’s in my hair?

That makes the crowds shake heads and stare?

Is it my eyes that’s filled with grief?

Above the teeth that’s clenched by thief?

Is it the music that makes me sway?

That helps me heal from day to day.

Is it the movies that recall drama

Of taken lives and baby mommas?

It’s part of blackness.

Oh, can’t you see?

My Godly image, “identity”.

Have a blessed Sunday!

The Savior’s Love

Did you know that there are many ways that God exemplifies his love. I believe that the sunsets are a perfect array of this demonstration. The poem below, focuses in on this great revelation.

Sunsets teach us about our Savior.

About his love and his behavior.

The subtle streaks of pink and blue.

Or bolder tones of golden hues.

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Sunset Photo taken by Katina Horton

The artist breaks through every dimension.

To give out love, get our attention.

sunsets, Savior, God's love, beach, sand, reflection, simple functional grace-filled living, katina horton, blogger, blog, poetry, poem, lifestyle, valley of grace
Photo taken by Katina Horton

Abide My Love, Dance With Me

Last night, I attended an “Ask the Author” event with my Writing Group.  It was different in that it was setup like more of a poetry workshop.  We were given several handouts of bible verses, and we had to pick one.  I decided to use John 15, since this particular chapter on love and abiding seems to be the theme of the last two weeks for me.  God has definitely been speaking through that chapter.  The poem below is what I came up with last night.  I added a few more words this afternoon.  It tells the journey of how God had me to relearn what love is after being in an emotionally abusive marriage for 20 years.

abuse, love, healing, trauma
Photo by Burst-Brodie Vissers

My breakthrough came when I heard a message by Joyce Meyer, stating that in order to heal from abuse, we need to study as many bible verses on love as possible.  Romans 8, seemed to tear me up the most.  After studying about God’s love for a while, he allowed me to feel it.  I was so overwhelming, that I was almost knocked off my feet.  God never does anything halfheartedly.  The reckless love that God showed me cannot be put into words.  Sometimes, I would praise dance, and pretend as if I was a tree, and his love would take over.

abuse, love, healing, trauma
Photo by Matthew Henry

At the beginning of the summer, I had to face some very tough trials, and as God revealed himself to Moses, he revealed himself to me, allowing his entire Spirit to penetrate through me for a good four to five hours, reminding me that he was there, holding my hand, and ready to walk me through another storm.  This poem combines the love God taught me a few years ago, and the love that he poured on me a few months ago.  Blessings!

abuse, love, healing, trauma
Photo by Shopify Partners

Abide My Love, Dance With Me

Let his love so overflow,

Through my veins from head to toe.

Fill his presence on overwhelm,

Till that love tank is set at helm.

I now know no other love,

It’s not abuse,

Exploiting of doves.

For his love, we can’t explain.

No real words,

just like the pain.

Helps us heal from the abuse.

No more doormat,

He cut me loose.

Thought it was something that I’d just heard,

Your love engulfed me,

Felt so absurd.

The love you showed,

So overwhelmed,

Your love, it jerked me into a kiln.

Oh, now I know, “it” was the One,

Given to me,

Straight through your Son.

You are so dear, so dear to me,

To let me feel to this degree.

Oh, my Lord, almost too much,

To let me feel your Loving Touch.

Healing those places hurt by trauma,

Loving so fast,

it’s like my momma,

For it’s your love that healed my trauma,

Loving so fast,

it’s like my momma.

No greater love,

No one can copy,

You have the patent,

You own no sloppy.

It makes me dance, Just like a tree,

My arms are waving and feeling free.

I dance and sway, move to the right,

Your love reminds me

“No need to fight”.

Abide in Me, and I in you

Your love protects and helps me through.

You see when everyone is gone,

Your love is constant,

Helps me go on.

It makes me wonder,

How can it be,

That you decided to dance with me.

I can’t believe I danced so high,

And with your love, we touched the sky.

I can’t believe you came so close,

To showing your Spirit,

It made me roast.

In your embrace,

It took some time,

Just pouring and pouring,

Now I’m new wine.


If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.

Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.  John 15: 7-8