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Episode 102: Let it All Out

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 102: Let it All Out
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It’s very tempting to hold in and suppress your emotions. It’s especially tempting when your race/ethnic group has been suppressing their emotions because of generational trauma. What actually happens when we suppress our emotions? What happens when we let it out? I mean let it all out? What would happen if we invite God and our own unique stress response cycle into the mix? Watch today’s episode to find out. Click here for last week’s episode on being stuck in our mess.

podcast, healing our brokenness podcast, resilient, flourishing, Christian podcaster, podcast community, grief, let it all out, emotions, Joseph wept, joseph and his brothers, emotional health, mental health, psychology, katina horton, podcaster
Episode 102

Podcast Outline:

  • The Desire to Suppress
  • What Happens when we Suppress
  • What happens when we let go
  • My Experience with Emotional Buildup
  • Joseph’s Experience with Emotional Buildup

Podcast Transcription

Speaker 0    00:00:23    <inaudible>,   Valley of Grace.

Part 1

Speaker 1    00:01:12    This is the Healing Our Brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And where we also go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. This is podcast episode 102, and this one is entitled, “Let it all out”. Quite a title, right? In this particular episode, we’re dealing with our emotions.

And what happens is once we start being still long enough, we will be able to listen to our bodies and be in tune with our souls and our spirits and realize that something is off. We will be able to say, Oh, grief is built up. This needs to come out. This needs to be released. After learning how to navigate moments of stillness, I now know when grief is trapped in my eye sockets, stomach, chest, back, or throughout my body.  It sounds weird, but it’s true.  Our bodies communicate this to us in our stillness.

Speaker 1    00:02:30   And then there are times where the grief is just deep inside my soul. And I know when it comes out that it’s going to be really intense and really heavy and loud.  I can hear the loudness and intensity of the grief deep inside my soul.  During those times I have to give myself grace because sometimes if I focus on how it should be, rather than how it is, It can lead to me being disappointed.  And then disillusioned.  And then discouragement follows.

Part 2

Speaker 1    00:03:31    The best thing we can do when grief gets backed up is to get it out.  You have heard the old phrase, “Better out than in.”  This is also true when it comes to grief.  When we hold it in and suppress it, we are allowing it to transfer over to trauma.  In Genesis 45, we’re at the scene where Joseph is talking to his brothers, and then you got other officials that are underneath him in rank in the room, his servants, so to speak, and his emotions have built up and he’s realized that. And so it was just like, okay, so what do we do with these  emotions? We have to let it out.

I had a pretty emotional day about a month and a half ago,

Speaker 1    00:04:32    Things had not been going well leading up to that particular day.  It had been a crazy week. A two hour adventure turned into a five hour adventure. I didn’t get home until almost 10 o’clock. I was cold and hungry, and exhausted. While I was in the process of getting all those things done, I could hear the inner voice crying out in my soul.

Speaker 1    00:05:32    Okay. I finally finished up at least 80% of what I had to get done and I got in the car and I said, I’m just going to have to scream and let it out. And it probably was maybe four rounds of that. And maybe another couple when I got home, but I felt so much better. And when it comes to those types of emotions, we have got to be able to get this stuff out. 

Part 3

Sometimes getting it out doesn’t look pretty/ideal/or the way we think they should look.  Either we get it out and we are able to control how it comes out or it is going to control us and who knows what’s going to happen, but it’s got to come out.  And won’t be pretty.  Exploding on others is not ideal nor healthy, and could have been avoided.  We ended up getting sick like that. Usually when it comes on that heavy like that, you have a little bit of a space as a warning, as far as trying to go somewhere, to be able to deal with it in private, if need be. 

Speaker 1    00:06:28    And I just thank God that I was able to get it out. I listened to a particular podcast episode recently where the podcast host, who’s a therapist talked about how sometimes she has to go outside to be able to scream or yell, or whatever kind of way she needs to, to be able to get those emotions out of her.  

Part 4

And with blacks, we have to be careful anyway, because it’s part of our DNA from trauma, we are able to suppress the emotions, more naturally than usual because of that trauma.  The other side of that is that our bodies are keeping tract of everything that we are going through.  It is screaming out from arthritis and all kinds of chronic autoimmune diseaseas.

Speaker 1    00:07:27   We let it out and give ourselves compassion and grace and speak kind words to ourselves. Instead of going into self-blame, self-judgment and self-criticism mode. And we let it out. And what I want to do right now is talk about Joseph and what happened with him when he was in the room. As I mentioned before, he was surrounded by his servants and his brothers.  He wanted to be able to tell his brothers who he was.

Speaker 1    00:08:30    Okay. And it got built up in his system. And I’m going to read what the scripture says. It says Joseph could not control himself in front of his servants any longer. “When Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone leave my presence!” So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers. 2 And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it.

Part 5

3 Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still living?” But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence.”

Speaker 1    00:09:31    Don’t be worried, angry with yourselves because you sold me here. God sent me here ahead of you to say people’s lives. No food has grown the land for two years and there would be five more years without planning or harvest. So God sent me here ahead of you to make sure you have some descendants left on earth and to keep you alive in an amazing way.

So it was not you who sent me here, but God notice that he told them that twice to reassure them. God has made me the official, the highest officer of the King of Egypt. I am in charge of his house. And I am the master of all of the land of Egypt. So leave quickly and go to my father, tell him your son, Joseph, see us, God has made a master over all. Each have come down to me quickly. 

Part 6

Speaker 1    00:10:33   Joseph reminded me of myself, where he realized he couldn’t control himself any longer. He asked them to leave except for his brothers because he felt safe enough to be able to express himself and reveal himself in front of them. And sometimes we can let it out with others, with us. And sometimes we just have to do it by ourselves. The window of time is important, and discernment is important.

Speaker 1    00:11:24    Regulating our emotions is part of being resilient as well as being able to flourish in our relationships. Because if we are walking around in that much misery, we cannot have decent relationships with people.  Our focus and our pain are only on ourselves and how miserable we are.  We want to let it out, and Get back up again, within reasonable time so we can keep moving. So, I hope it was something that was said here today that will resonate with your hearts as you go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.

Part 7

Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, etc. So, if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.

 Valley of Grace.

At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

Broken Pieces Course

Are you saying to yourself, “I’m sick and tired of being in this state of languishing!” , but you are confused about how to get out? You need someone to walk you through the process, step by step. That’s what the course Broken Pieces is all about. This course walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter. ****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

The Sun And Its Effect on Trauma

Bless you,

Katina

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Episode 101: I’m Stuck!

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 101: I'm Stuck!
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Have you ever tried to squeeze into a space that appeared too small, or not even appeared to be too small; it was simply too small, but you figured you would squeeze into it anyway. This squeeze or force, if you want to call it, left you crying out, Help, I’m Stuck! And you stayed in that position until someone came to help you, or maybe you figured out how to untangle yourself. Being stuck doesn’t help with us being resilient because resiliency involves being able to adapt to change. We all get stuck every once in a while; but when this condition becomes our MO, then what? Tune into this episode to find out. Just in case you missed last week’s episode, click here.

stuck, I'm stuck podcast episode: keywords: healing, unhealed brokenness, grief, complacency, time to move on, emotinal health, mental health, psychology, resilience, flourishing, katina horton, timothy horton, broken relationships, lifestyle
Episode 101

Podcast Transcription:

Part 1

Speaker 0    00:00:23    <inaudible>, Valley of Grace.

Speaker 1    00:01:05    This is the healing our brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And we also believe that we’re going from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing, and the title of this episode, episode 101, is “I’m stuck”. Now, when you think of somebody saying I’m stuck, it actually makes me think of my daughter when she was two years old and she would get into the kitchen chair at the table.

And she liked to pretend like she was stuck so I could come over and help her. And, you know, kids do all kinds of things for attention, but that was one of her things. And my son would say, ‘Oh, mom, someone needs to help her. She’s stuck.”  And in turn, I would say, “No, she’s not stuck at all. She’s gonna figure it out.”

Speaker 1    00:02:11   She would keep this up until I ended up going over there and putting  her in the chair or getting on her before she would finally go on and sit down in the chair. And it wasn’t too long before that “I’m stuck” stopped. But anyways,  the kind of stuck I’m talking about today is when it comes to grief. And one thing about grief is that we all have our own timetable. 

It is not something that can be rushed. I would say some of us want to rush it. We wish we can just zoom past/plow through.  That’s not how grief works. Grief is a process, and that process has got to be done. Some people when they grieve, they go through the entire five steps: the anger, the denial, the bargaining, acceptance,etc.

Part 2

Speaker 1    00:03:11    And then some of us may skip over one, do it all kind of ways out of order. I know with me, when I was grieving my divorce, my grief was all over the place. There was anger initially, but then my brain because of the trauma could not process the anger. Instead of processing anger, flashbacks and violent images occurred.  And so the anger started to come in towards the end of my healing process from the divorce. Unfortunately, now in the scriptures, we have Samuel caught up in grieving over Saul.

Speaker 1    00:04:11   Saul was King and God had decided he was done. A done deal due to disobedience, extreme insecurity, and rebellion.  Basically, God said,” You’re not King anymore. I’ve dethroned you. Samuel’s job was to go and appoint a new King.

And it was going to be the one that God was going to anoint. Samuel had been grieving Saul’s dethroning for a while.  When it comes to other people’s grief, we don’t want to be judgment.  However, in Samuel’s case, he was stuck on grieving something that had been going on too long.  The scripture lets us know this by what God said, “the Lord said to Samuel, how long will you griev for Saul? 

Part 3

Speaker 1    00:05:09    When I have rejected him as King over Israel, fill your horn with oil and go, I will send you to Jesse, the Bethlehemite, I have chosen a King for myself among his sons.” Okay. So there are some times when we’re grieving so long that we have to be pulled out by something or someone, but we choose to stay in. Grief can make you comfortable.

And, they can get to the point of being stuck in it and trapped if we’re not careful, you know? And so basically God was telling Samuel we’re done with this. We’re done with a capital D get up, let’s get moving. We’re done. Let’s get back to growing and moving forward.

Speaker 1    00:06:09   With us, there are times when God’s like, “We’re done with that relationship, we’re done with that friendship. We’re done with that job. We’re done with that house, that car, that opportunity.  Get up and move forward. 

As I said before, this is not with everything.  But a lot of things can end up like this if we’re not careful.  God has been telling us we’re done, and we’re still trying to keep it going, drawing it out. And God has closed the door on it, but we’re still trying to stay in the hallway hoping it will open or climb in through the window. When we’re done, we have to make ourselves get up so as to be able to adapt to change and be resilient.

Part 4

Speaker 1    00:07:05    When God says we’re done , we need to be able to be able to say that we’re done in our minds and in our hearts and in our souls. If we go according to what we feel, nothing will get done.  We have to push past the feelings. I don’t feel like washing dishes. I’m not washing dishes. And sometimes that’s just what we need in order to nourish ourselves. We need to not do what we normally do. 

Speaker 1    00:07:53    But a lot of times we make it our MO.  I don’t feel like doing that. I don’t feel like combing my hair today. I don’t feel like going down the street to the store, but I need more milk. I don’t feel like getting tissue from the store, whatever it is.

We don’t feel like doing it so we can get comfortable and not do it. And then, next thing you know, three months have passed, and we haven’t vacuumed, or whatever we are holding off on.  Grief is the same way.  We can get stuck in it.  We can’t go according to what someone else is doing.  We have to go according to what our system is telling us. And that way we’ll be able discern whether we’re ready to move on or not. And more importantly, whether God is telling us this through sermons,  sitting in stillness, reading his word, using others, etc.

Part 5

Speaker 1    00:09:03    And then we want to be careful judging people who are in grief and need to stay in it longer. Grief shows up differently for everybody. Some people’s grief shows up as rage. Some people’s grief shows up as looting or self-harm. Some people’s grief shows up as promiscuity, alcoholism, drug addictions, indigestion problems, crying, sadness, rage, vomiting, you name it. Some people have blood vessels to burst in their eyes as part of their grief. So when we get to the point of judging grief, we have to be very careful because we never know how we will react when it comes to our turn.

Speaker 1    00:10:08    Staying in grief longer than necessary causes us to engage in broken relationships, hinders resiliency, and our relationships with important people in our lives:   friends, our parents, our children, small group members, etc. We still have live life while we walk through grief. 

Part 6

Speaker 1    00:11:08    There are some times where we need to be alone. Other times, it may not be good to isolate. The devil want us to be by ourselves, which is not God’s plan.   So I hope that something resonated with you from what I said, as we go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing, I want to thank you for being faithful listeners every week. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.


Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, etc. So, if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.  Until Next Time.   Valley of Grace.

Speaker 0    00:12:54    <inaudible>.

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Episode 48: Helping Someone During Grief

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 48: Helping Someone During Grief
/

Podcast Show Notes

grief, life, death, trauma, compounded trauma, Job, psychology, friends, consolation, empathy, sympathy, pain competition, katina horton, healing our brokenness, sadness
Photo by Matthew Henry

Helping Someone During Grief Podcast Outline

  • Symptoms of Grief
  • Job and his Grief
  • Right and Wrong Things to Say or Do During Grief

Reflection Questions:

What are some of the cliche terms that you have said when you tried consoling someone who was grieving?

Did you say these terms to avoid feeling the other person’s pain, or in a rush for the other person to feel better?

What are alternative words that can be said to someone who is suffering?

Do you have pain competitions with others when they are grieving in order to make them have a reality check, or yourself feel better because you feel that you have it worse than them?

What changes can you make to insure that people feel loved during their time of grief?

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Community

Community is important. The effects of having community is so important when you are going through. How do you respond with support when your friends have things that are going on in their lives? Or, do you respond at all? Is your responding more of staying away so that their situation doesn’t become contagious?

This poem “Community” reflects just that. It makes you contemplate responding in support to our dear friends, as well as brothers and sisters in Christ during their time of need.

Community

How do you become his hands and his feet,

When others are crying and grieving knee-deep.

Do you give them a call, a prayer, a word?

Or tell them “hold on” like they never have heard?

Do you bring them a meal, some flowers, a hug?

Or give them more burdens and trauma to lug?

community, support, grief, trauma, drama, hands and feet, katina horton, poetry, blogging, blogs
Photo by Nicole De Khors

Just hold fast to God’s unchanging hand.

When we’re bearing those burdens.

Give safe places to land.

Other poetry

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The Holiday Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

Background on The Holiday Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

About a month ago, I discussed The Flashback/Images/Nightmare Aspect of Living with and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.  You can find that post here.  Today, I will discuss The Holiday Aspect of Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.

Christmas, holiday, Thanksgiving, emotional health, mental health, anxiety, holiday aspect, living with and healing from trauma, blogger, podcaster, speaker, writer, blog

The Holiday Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

 

Holiday time can be tough in general.  Let alone, if the holiday time is when you experienced a series of events that led to PTSD/trauma.  When the holidays come around, it can feel like you are reliving these events.  This is because the energy from them are still residing in our bodies.

The holiday season of 2012 is when a great majority of the trauma that my kids and I experienced in the last six years took place.  It started a little before Thanksgiving, and reached its peak right after New Year’s Day.  Almost daily, emotionally draining activities and sabotage were done to myself and the kids in order for me to put him out, so that he wouldn’t have to be the “bad guy” who left us.

Christmas, holiday, Thanksgiving, emotional health, mental health, anxiety, holiday aspect, living with and healing from trauma, blogger, podcaster, speaker, writer, blog

The peak was a fake-suicide stunt with my ex-husband starting up the car with the garage door down, and the engine running.  It was a last attempt to pull me back in emotionally, and to get me back to being the person that was a doormat/enabler, with low self-worth.

God had already begun to work a miracle in my life six months prior to this event, and so this “doormat” person was not there anymore.  It was God’s grace that I went downstairs to check the garage, or this fake suicide stunt could have killed all of us.  The kids were sleeping upstairs at the time.

Christmas, holiday, Thanksgiving, emotional health, mental health, anxiety, holiday aspect, living with and healing from trauma, blogger, podcaster, speaker, writer, blog

Ever since then, the holiday time has been painful, and a time that I struggle.  It has gotten better in some areas, and worse in others.

The first holiday season (2013) after my ex-husband left, was very difficult because I wasn’t able to tolerate any Christmas music or movies.  A friend of mine dropped me off at the grocery store, and she waited outside for me.  I had to pick up a few items.  I remember Christmas music playing on the radio, and literally feeling trapped.  The reaction to the music surprised me.  Before I knew it, I was caught up in the “Overwhelmed Aspect”.  An explanation of that aspect can be found here.

I quickly found the items that I needed, and got out of the store as fast as I could.  This continued being my normal for the first year.  A few weeks after that, the church that I was attending for Divorce Care offered a session for dealing with grief during the holidays.  I gladly signed up for the class.  We discussed all the practical unexpected things that could happen during the holidays, and how to handle them.

I can listen to more Christmas music now than before.  I can also watch Holiday movies, with breaks in between for some of them.  It is almost like the smell outside and the feel in the air knows it’s November, and then the trauma aspect kicks in for me.  Down below, I have listed some things to help you ease through the holiday aspect of living with trauma during this season.

 

Self-Help for Making it Through The Holiday Aspect

Take advantage of the community that God has given you.  Talk to friends on the phone.  Have a girls’ or guys’ movie night.  A month ago, me and my friends got together to watch a home movie in front of the fireplace.  It was a wonderful time of eating, fellowship, and laughs.  When you are dealing with anxiety or depression, you need something to help lift your emotions.

Christmas, holiday, Thanksgiving, emotional health, mental health, anxiety, holiday aspect, living with and healing from trauma, blogger, podcaster, speaker, writer, blog

Therapy.  This therapy could involve going to see your therapist, writing in your journal, poetry, painting, or cooking.  There are several activities that allow us to be creative and are therapeutic at the same time.

Movement.  Give your body the gift of movement.  When you exercise, the blood and oxygen starts flowing, and the natural feel-good hormones rise to the surface.  I like going for a walk, even if it’s cold, just to make my adrenal glands happy, and feel refreshed at the same time.  I also like dancing to 70s’ and 80s’ music and walking the stairs for a certain amount of time to get my heart pumping.

Christmas, holiday, Thanksgiving, emotional health, mental health, anxiety, holiday aspect, living with and healing from trauma, blogger, podcaster, speaker, writer, blog

Doses of Music, Movies, Etc.  Try to allow yourself to watch or listen to music, movies, etc. a little at a time in order to build up resilience.  Everyone is different.  I found that when I tried to ban everything, it only made the trauma worse, so I introduced a little bit at a time.  I am still in the process of giving myself little doses here and there.

Self-Care.  Practice self-care by trying to get enough sleep, rest, and food as possible.  Taking  your vitamins and drinking herbal tea can be relaxing.  It might be a time to take get bloodwork done to see if your vitamin D is low, since we are in the winter months, and there is less sunshine.

Prayer.  Ask others for prayer, and lift yourself up in prayer as well.  Listening to uplifting Christian music can be comforting and minister to your soul.

Send some comments to let me know what you use to get through the holiday aspect of trauma.

Prayers for you and your family as you march through this season!

Katina

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The Blackout Aspect: Living With and Healing From Trauma on a Daily Basis

Dissecting the Blackout

A couple of weeks ago, we focused on the shame aspect of trauma.  You can find that discussion:   “The Shame Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis” here.  Today, we will discuss the blackout aspect of trauma.

blackout, depression, anxiety, emotional health,, mental health, light, calm, dark, darkness, ptsd, healing, grief, rest, trauma, ptsd survivor, domestic violence, drama, brokenness
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What is the blackout aspect of trauma?  The blackout aspect of trauma consists of several different things.  First of all, not everyone, but for some people living with PTSD/trauma, there is something that happens with your body’s sense of being able to handle the transition between light and dark if that makes sense.  For myself, it was so significant that at first, I had to have a lot of lights on in the house.  If I didn’t, I would feel like the darkness was closing in on me.

blackout, depression, anxiety, emotional health,, mental health, light, calm, dark, darkness, ptsd, healing, grief, rest, trauma, ptsd survivor, domestic violence, drama, brokenness
Photo by Rahul on Pexels.com

Old Experience with Blackout

When my kids and I were homeless, and waiting for God to give us a place to live, one of my friends took us in for five weeks.  At this time, my issue with blackout was so bad, that the darkness made me scared to fall asleep.  I would wake up in a panic, and have to calm myself down so that I could feel rested.  I felt like I had gone from a forty something year old woman to a child afraid of the dark again.  So, not only was it scary, but I was filled with shame.

New Experience with Blackout

What I noticed the situation is now, is that I have such a sensitivity to light, that I have to have it completely dark in order to fall asleep.  If there is any light coming in from the blinds, I know I am going to have trouble falling asleep.  If I don’t have the light blocking my face, even if I’ve had 8 hours of sleep, I will have extreme layers of bags under my eyes that will look like I haven’t slept in days.  Also, my whole body will be in an extreme case of exhaustion.

blackout, depression, anxiety, emotional health,, mental health, light, calm, dark, darkness, ptsd, healing, grief, rest, trauma, ptsd survivor, domestic violence, drama, brokenness
Photo by Crina Doltu on Pexels.com

Two years ago, I had to serve at the concession stand at church for basketball season.  It was a pretty gloomy day in general, and since it was early evening when I got dropped off at the church, it was even darker.  I stepped into the church’s kitchen to begin my serving shift, when everything started closing in on me.

My old techniques were immediate panic, but right then, I reminded myself of where I was, that it would eventually stop, and that engaging in conversation with others around me would help me to get grounded in the present moment.  I would just have to ride it out.

blackout, depression, anxiety, emotional health,, mental health, light, calm, dark, darkness, ptsd, healing, grief, rest, trauma, ptsd survivor, domestic violence, drama, brokenness
Photo by Craig Adderley on Pexels.com

When is the blackout aspect really bad?  This is during the time where there is changing of the seasons, especially when it starts getting darker closer to winter.

I do a better job of handling it now, but in the beginning, it really rattled me to be honest.  Feel free to drop a line in regards to your blackout aspect, and how you handle it.

 

God bless and have a wonderful weekend.

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The Changing Seasons Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

Background Story

Last week, we discussed the Regulating Emotions Aspect of trauma.  That post can be found here. We are starting another season, and along with changing seasons comes another issue: a ton of grief.  Thus, this week’s discussion:  The Changing Seasons Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.  For some reason, when you are living with and healing from PTSD/trauma on a daily basis, the grief from the changing of seasons comes with the territory.  It usually takes about a good month of the season setting in before the grief eases up.

PTSD, trauma, anxiety, stress, fall, changing seasons, depression, emotional health, mental health, self-help

Analysis of the Grief

Unfortunately, when this happens it is usually not just one thing that you are grieving about.  The changing of the seasons can take you through literally a good 15 to 20 different things from over the years that may have been done in that season.  The best thing to do when this happens, is to allow the grief to come out.  Holding it in only leads to more problems.  The hard part about this particular time is that a lot of the grief feels raw.  Even though you may feel like you are going backwards because of this rawness, you’re actually not.  It’s one of the those that we have to ride out, just like the other trauma symptoms.

PTSD, trauma, anxiety, stress, fall, changing seasons, depression, emotional health, mental health, self-help

When the grief is this intense, I find it helpful to release from my stomach going upwards, if that makes any sense.  What happens with trauma, is that the trauma and emotions get stuck somewhere inside of your body.  When it is this hard and heavy, it is usually in the stomach area.

Self-Help

It wasn’t until I had enough courage to start releasing the grief that I understood the meaning of what one of my friends said.  We were discussing grief one day, and she told me that her grief was always trapped in the midway point of her face.  Some of the things that may help you out during this time are:

PTSD, trauma, anxiety, stress, fall, changing seasons, depression, emotional health, mental health, self-help

  1. praying
  2. reading Psalms
  3. talking to a friend
  4. going to therapy
  5. listening to music
  6. taking a walk
  7. journaling
  8. painting
  9. giving yourself grace
  10. learning something new

PTSD, trauma, anxiety, stress, fall, changing seasons, depression, emotional health, mental health, self-help

All photos from Burst by Shopify

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Devotion: 6 Ways to Help Someone Grieving or Going Through Trauma

No matter who we are, at some time or another, we are going to experience grief in our lifetime.  Some of us will not only experience grief, but we will experience traumatic events as well.  There is no way to prepare for trauma.  It sneaks upon you out of nowhere, like an ambush.  Grief can be this way as well.  You are not prepared for either of these happening, and you don’t know when the symptoms will occur.  I can remember times that I was in the grocery store, and I felt like grief was going to overtake me in the aisle.  The symptoms of grief are different for everyone.  Some of them may be:

 

grief, trauma, sadness
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  • irritability
  • regurgitation
  • digestion problems
  • inability to stop crying
  • denial
  • magical thinking
  • physical pain and eye troubles

grief, trauma, sadness
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Job experienced trauma and grief.  He lost everything that he owned in no time:  everything and everyone except his wife.  For some reason, ever since I was a child, I marveled over how there was always one person who was able to come back and relay the news to Job about the next devastation that hit him.  I have been there with Job.  When you get to the point of such compounded trauma, you just end up numbing out.  Your brain just can’t seem to handle it all.  Job’s friends came to support him, and they were fine until they opened their mouth.  God ended up reprimanding them for going on and on to Job with wild explanations for his “suffering”: After the LORD had finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “I am angry with you and your two friends, for you have not spoken accurately about me, as my servant Job has.” Job 42:7, NLT 

 

Here are six tips to take to heart if we know someone who is suffering from grief or trauma.

1.  Words and Physical Touch:  Express to your friends or loved ones how much you love them with words or giving them a hug.  If you are not sure of what to say, then just sit with them and say nothing.  Sometimes we say the wrong things without realizing it, even if they are true.  As Christians, we do know that if that person was saved, they will be in heaven with Jesus.  However, it is still hard sometimes for this reality to be of comfort to a person.  It is also hard for people to wrap their minds around the fact  that the person is no longer suffering.  It is still a loss to that person.  Sometimes it is better to remind a person that you will be praying for them.

2.  Meals:  Offer to bring meals over, as well as setup a mealtrain with the small groups at church, as well as the neighborhood friends.

3.  Calls and Errands:  Offer to run errands or make calls to family members, friends, and churches to inform them of the death.  Sometimes when we are in such shock, your focus and memory is off.  If the person has a phone book or contact list, it would be nice to go through the list and call each person.

4.  Babysit:  Suggest taking the kids for a few hours so that the person has time to process and grieve what has happened without having to stuff their pain and scare their children.  This is especially helpful if the children are young.  

5.  Pamper:  Treat your friend or loved one to something that would make them feel good:  getting a facial, mani-pedi, beauty or  barber shop appointment, or a nice outfit.

Have a blessed night!

Katina

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The Fear Aspect: Living with and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

For the next two weeks, I am going to do a quick series on the ins and outs of living with trauma on a daily basis.  I am not sure how many of you have dealt with trauma in the past or present, however, it is something that is more prevalent than one may think, and a lot of fears have trauma at the root of it. 

trauma, healing, grief, fear, anxiety, mental health, PTSD
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Women at 10.4 %, are twice as likely as men to experience PTSD.  About 8 million adults have PTSD during a given year. This is only a small portion of those who have gone through a trauma.  I have been living with trauma all my life, unbeknownst to me. 

What I didn’t realize is that a lot of my trauma manifested itself as fear during my younger years.  After having compounded trauma within the last six and a half years, this fear effect gets multiplied.  Unfortunately, when this happens, we can definitely pray, and start to take deep breaths to help ourselves calm down.  However, the fear is so strong, that you would think that you are in an all out fight for your life.  The fear gets multiplied by fifty.

trauma, healing, grief, fear, anxiety, mental health, PTSD
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About three years ago, my kids were at youth group at church, and a tornado swept through parts of the town where I lived, along with some of the other nearby towns.  I was at home by myself.  Praise God for community!  My friends and I texted and called one another to make sure that everyone was okay.  This discussion took place as I stood in the bathroom with the door closed, begging God for the weather to pass over.  

My mother called to check on me since she heard that the tornado was headed our way.  I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was nervous.  I called the kids at church, and they stated that one of the youth leaders, who was a fireman, told them where to go, and what to do.  I knew that they would be fine, but I kept wondering if I would be okay.  The townhome that I was living in was surrounded by large evergreens on all sides.  I kept thinking to myself, if they were just here, then I would be okay.

trauma, healing, grief, fear, anxiety, mental health, PTSD
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Deep down, I knew that my kids couldn’t control God’s weather.  However, I knew that it would make the out of control fear that trauma had placed on me to loosen up.  I shifted between being okay, and feeling like my whole entire body had been tied up because my muscles were so tense.

Thank God that the weather did let up.  The tornado didn’t hit my side of town, but it did hit all around the church.  God protected the church.  All the while, as I stood there in that bathroom, God had praise music going in my head.  I knew that it was his sign that everything would be okay.  However, because of the fear from trauma, I must be honest, my body was saying a different story.  My kids made it home safely that night, and it was just another testament to God’s faithfulness, as trees had been knocked down everywhere from the tornado.

Have a blessed night!

Katina

Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:23, NLT