It’s easy to spot abuse from an overt person. But how do you recognize the more covert, subtle forms of abuse that we often experience. You often shrug it off as a trigger. Nine times out of ten, it’s not. Don’t ignore your intuition. #love #freedom #relationships
Track records don’t lie. People do. The moment you start pretending like you don’t see what is going on, is the moment when he knows he’s got you. He keeps running the same tired lines by you every time you turn around, and you know he’s lying, but you can’t seem to get out of his web. Let’s talk about it. #love #freedom #relationship
The Journey represents unresolved trauma, undealt with brokenness, wounds, disappointment, discontentment, disillusionment, despair, the LACK cycle of addictions, and the pit. Your journey represents the 3 part anointing of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit on your uniquely designed destiny with your name on it.
Joseph took The Journey to elevation.
David’s 3 part anointing was called “your journey” to elevation.
Both are necessary.
Both are difficult.
Both require testing.
Both require investing.
How badly you want your journey will determine how well you tackle The Journey.
The self-righteous cerebral narcissists in your life are the Pharisees, plain and simple. This bonus episode dives a little deeper into their brokenness, arrogance, and legalism that so many of us tend to miss. As my grandmother used to say, “If it was a snake, it would have bit you.” Listen in to the latest podcast episode. Be blessed! #emotionalhealth #psychology #narcissism #narcissist #selfrighteouscerebralnarcissist #empath #virtuesignaling #control
Sabrina Victoria, Coach and CEO of Human Better 365, is a freedom fighter. After being disowned by her family, congregation, and friends, she put one foot forward to heal.
But healing was the last thing that happened. Her desire to reconcile her relationship with God led to more trauma, then finding herself in the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle, and finally, using every ounce of courage that she had left to fight for freedom.
You will relate, empathize, and be empowered as you listen to her story on The Valley of Grace Podcast.
Music played is the theme song for the Valley of Grace Podcast. Katina Horton-Valley of Grace Ministries have been licensed and given permission to use Valley of Grace by performing artist Timothy Horton GR8.
Sabrina Victoria’s Bio:
Sabrina Victoria is the owner and operator of Human Better 365 a human transformation company focusing on time management and organization within businesses and the family dynamic. In short, she specializes in creating absolute masterpieces out of complete chaos.
As an empath and serial people pleaser, she was always looking for the solution to everyone’s problems, and that attribute eventually became the catalyst for her own survival.
Sabrina always had a burning desire to create, to write, to imagine and to rise above who she was. However, it would take her 28 years to finally see, feel and hear her voice.
To get in touch with Sabrina Victoria at Human Better 365:
When you are in a toxic relationship, and living in the “Problems and Unhealthy Patterns of Behavior Phase”, every day is a television soap opera.
No one needs to buy a streaming service. Your drama is streaming for a live studio audience.
You and your partner in the toxic relationship are in the grocery store. You run into one of his friends. There is no introduction.
They start smiling at each other with a look that makes you feel uncomfortable. Then, your partner says, “ I will catch up with you in the cereal aisle.”
You head to the cereal aisle, looking back, as your partner is deeply engaged in conversation with his friend , giving him googly eyes.
Something feels very wrong.
Two days later, you are upstairs in your bedroom. You realize that you are a little bit hungry and head downstairs to the refrigerator.
Upon entering that level, you overhear your partner talking to this same friend about your personal business, and in turn, she is obviously sharing hers.
You are cringing and feeling totally exposed. What are you going to do now?
You decide to pray, and wait and see.
Two days later, you decide to confront your partner about his inappropriate behavior, words, and actions in the grocery store and on the phone, which is enough evidence that something is going on.
You also tell your partner that you are feeling unloved, betrayed, and exposed.
“ Well, when I first met you, I told you that I had a lot of female friends. You never should’ve been eavesdropping on me. Plus, you are being jealous and insecure like always.”
You start feeling bad. And then you start thinking that perhaps he is telling the truth. Maybe you over-responded to the apparently too-close-for comfort behavior.
You apologize, letting him know that you will try to do better. Although you are now feeling guilty for saying something, something still feels wrong and you can’t figure it out.
You have now entered the world of “ Cognitive Dissonance”.
Cognitive dissonance occurs when your belief, knowledge, and reality are misaligned.
Living like this keeps you in a state of being off-balance.
The whole episode of guilt tripping explained in this post is another form of gaslighting, a.k.a. emotional abuse.
And this is just the beginning of the season.
Until next time,
Yesterday’s podcast episode left off with LaTrae Wilson contemplating leaving the faith. Today, we find out what happened. When it comes to creating an empowered new chapter of life, we often see the promise that Jesus made to us about abundant living, but we think of it as him doing everything, and us sitting back and relaxing, with our feet propped up on the coffee table, as we say, “Ok Jesus, whenever, you are ready to heal me.” Then, Jesus is looking back at us, and going, “Ok, whenever you are ready, we can do this thing together.”
Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires perspective. Healing from past hurts brings resilience and perspective.
We want to be the director of our new chapters without the participation part. However, that’s not how healing works. And in today’s podcast episode, LaTrae helps us to see just that: healing is a choice. Most women in difficult relationships struggle to make empowered choices. And part of that choice is whether we will be an active participant in our new chapter, or if we will continue to sit on the mat, and come up with excuses. One of my favorite quotes that LaTrae mentioned in this segment has to do with CHOICE: “Choosing God over foolishness. Choosing God over Failed Relationships.”
Be blessed as you listen in.
A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 3
- the power of choice
- first steps in starting a new chapter
- being uncomfortable
- comfortable and growing
- being stuck later in life
- releasing toxic people
Until Next time,
Have you ever said something and then you wish that you could take it back? Or perhaps you said something mean, and you have no regrets at all. Whatever may be the case, our words have power. And not only do our words have power, they tell a lot about what is really going on inside of our hearts, own unhealed areas of pain and brokenness. Take a listen to find out how our words manifest our pain.
In case you missed last week’s podcast episode, you can find it here.
- Conversational Examples
- Biblical Examples
- What is the solution?
A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.
So David went out wherever Saul sent him, and prospered; and Saul set him over the men of war. And it was pleasing in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.
6It happened as they were coming, when David returned from killing the Philistine, that the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with joy and with musical instruments.
7The women sang as they played, and said,
“Saul has slain his thousands,
And David his ten thousands.”
8Then Saul became very angry, for this saying displeased him; and he said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, but to me they have ascribed thousands. Now what more can he have but the kingdom?” 9Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on.
Saul Turns against David
10Now it came about on the next day that an evil spirit from God came mightily upon Saul, and he raved in the midst of the house, while David was playing the harp with his hand, as usual; and a spear was in Saul’s hand. 11Saul hurled the spear for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David escaped from his presence twice.
Weekend Food for thought.
When it comes to toxic people, it’s not a matter of if they will gossip, judge, or criticize others, it’s a matter of when. Have you ever entertained a toxic person? If you did, what were your reasons? Did you have a lot of regrets afterwards? Do you remember other people being hurt?
Chime in. Would love to hear your thoughts!!!
Dissecting the Blackout
A couple of weeks ago, we focused on the shame aspect of trauma. You can find that discussion: “The Shame Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis” here. Today, we will discuss the blackout aspect of trauma.
What is the blackout aspect of trauma? The blackout aspect of trauma consists of several different things. First of all, not everyone, but for some people living with PTSD/trauma, there is something that happens with your body’s sense of being able to handle the transition between light and dark if that makes sense. For myself, it was so significant that at first, I had to have a lot of lights on in the house. If I didn’t, I would feel like the darkness was closing in on me.
Old Experience with Blackout
When my kids and I were homeless, and waiting for God to give us a place to live, one of my friends took us in for five weeks. At this time, my issue with blackout was so bad, that the darkness made me scared to fall asleep. I would wake up in a panic, and have to calm myself down so that I could feel rested. I felt like I had gone from a forty something year old woman to a child afraid of the dark again. So, not only was it scary, but I was filled with shame.
New Experience with Blackout
What I noticed the situation is now, is that I have such a sensitivity to light, that I have to have it completely dark in order to fall asleep. If there is any light coming in from the blinds, I know I am going to have trouble falling asleep. If I don’t have the light blocking my face, even if I’ve had 8 hours of sleep, I will have extreme layers of bags under my eyes that will look like I haven’t slept in days. Also, my whole body will be in an extreme case of exhaustion.
Two years ago, I had to serve at the concession stand at church for basketball season. It was a pretty gloomy day in general, and since it was early evening when I got dropped off at the church, it was even darker. I stepped into the church’s kitchen to begin my serving shift, when everything started closing in on me.
My old techniques were immediate panic, but right then, I reminded myself of where I was, that it would eventually stop, and that engaging in conversation with others around me would help me to get grounded in the present moment. I would just have to ride it out.
When is the blackout aspect really bad? This is during the time where there is changing of the seasons, especially when it starts getting darker closer to winter.
I do a better job of handling it now, but in the beginning, it really rattled me to be honest. Feel free to drop a line in regards to your blackout aspect, and how you handle it.
God bless and have a wonderful weekend.