You are tired of going from one hamster wheel to the next, looking frazzled, exhausted, and in a constant state of hyper vigilance, trying to keep your partner, kids, and home happy and looking good so that you can get the relationship to go back to the beginning when you were free and in love.

It’s not your fault that your efforts don’t matter. 

But if any anything, the more you strive, the deeper and more intense the Energizer bunny in you becomes, and the more your true self and King are trying to catch up to you.

You are working hard to have that perfect outfit, home, and lifestyle that your partner will love.  And more importantly, be the perfect wife with the perfect kids, so that everything will go back to being status quo.

Running on the hamster wheel of striving for self-worth and approval doesn’t seem to be working.  But neither does making your partner an idol because it isn’t congruent with your identity as a daughter of the King. But, what else can you do?  

If you could just find the right formula to make your partner see your worth, and love and accept you for who you are, you would be on the right track.  

You are putting everything on the line: your kids, your faith, your values, and true Identity to prove that you fit into the ideal situation that your partner in the valley of that toxic relationship has created.

If you’re worn out from striving and hustling and end up losing your entire sense of self in the end, it will be worth it.  At least you will have your needs met.  You will finally feel worthy, loved, and accepted.

The irony of the situation is that the harder you work to stay on the hamster wheel of hustling, striving, and performing, the more depressed, hopeless, and worn-out you become.  

You have run on the wheel for so long, you are literally in an existential crisis.  If God created us for a life of freedom and abundance, this couldn’t be what it looks like.

The Real Deal

Running and hiding from your true identity in order to keep your partner happy only makes that identity run after you.  God created us out of love.  And in that love, he gave us freedom: freedom to love, freedom to feel, freedom to heal, and freedom to walk away.

Trying to hide from who you really are only intensifies the desire for the real you to burst forward, and come running after you, which in turn, places you in bondage.  But guess what?  You are in bondage to yourself.

God is the God of all creation and revelation and has no respect of persons.  

Your identity matters.  Your efforts matter. Your children matter.  Your marriage matters.  Your identity as a woman of God and daughter of the King matters.  The same God who created every other unique individual that exists on this earth is the same God that created you.

Running away from your identity creates inner turmoil and in turn, an existential crisis, which develops into a state of “lostness” in general.

You must know and live in the truth to be truly free.  That is why your efforts to run on the hamster wheel of self-worth and approval to get your partner to notice you in the valley of that toxic work relationship isn’t working.

The Steps

First, you have to identify the root issues of your idolatry: idolatry of your partner on the throne over God, idolatry of approval of man over God, and idolatry over the outcome of the relationship being more important than the outcome of your soul.

Then, everything that needs to happen for you to walk in your true identity, authenticity, and freedom as a woman of God. with or without your partner will fall into place.

In Valley of Grace. you go deep and get to the heart of the matter.  You grow because you are away from the comfort zone.  

You take a “be still and know” moment to deal with some hard, but necessary truths about the valley of the toxic relationship that you are in.  At the same time, you feel the love of Jesus and community.  Your character is developed and you use what you already have: the power of choice to grow your kingdom identity, kids, and home to glorify God and live the abundant life that Jesus promised us.

How do you begin to walk in this new level of freedom?

Buy the book. then download the discussion questions at

Discover how this 3-part unique approach in poetry, devotional, and DIY for your home can complement your healing journey. 

Move into a new chapter of reclamation and worthiness by joining other women to form a healing circle.

Valley of Grace…Helping women Reclaim Their Power, Soul, and Identity so they will know they are enough.

katina horton