When you are in a toxic relationship and living in “The Problems and Unhealthy Patterns of Behavior Phase”, your life becomes a never-ending theater production.

You are playing a role that you never signed up for.

But you might as well had signed up for it, because every scene features you and the toxic person in your toxic relationship.

All the other characters involved become props for each scene, and scripts are written for each character to play.

Along with gaslighting, the toxic person will began the process of devaluing you.

So, while you’re looking for your enoughness and worthiness in him, he is looking for ways to downgrade you to an even lower status.

So many things are going on at this point.

You are desperately trying to get your needs met, and you notice your partner is treating you differently because somehow, he realizes you are a flawed individual.

And of course, he is too, as we all are.

He just haven’t looked in the mirror to find out. 

So, what do you do?

You say, “Baby, I notice you don’t treat me the same.”

He pretends like he doesn’t understand what you are talking about.

Then, you say, “How do I get you to love me like you did before? You don’t pay me any attention.”

That’s when the games begin.

And the name of the game is entitled “If you could just”.

Your toxic partner says, “Well, if you dressed more attractive, then I would have a reason to look at you.”

You go out and buy fifty dresses. But none of them are good enough.

You are still in the same boat.

Still hustling for self-worth.

Still trying to get back to the beginning when you were love-bombed.

You Go back to your partner again.

Then, you say, “How do I get you to love me like you did before? You don’t pay me any attention.”

Your toxic partner says, “Well, if you wore more attractive makeup, then I would have a reason to look at you.”

You go and spend $500 on three different makeup lines, and nothing changes.

You Go back to your partner again.

Then, you say, “How do I get you to love me like you did before? You don’t pay me any attention.”

Your toxic partner says, “Well, if you wore a more attractive hairstyle, then I would have a reason to look at you.”

After several more rounds of this “If you could just” game, you realize that the truth of the matter is, “You are never going back to the beginning.”

Never. Ever.

You missed that email.

Now, what are you going to do?

Only you can decide.

Stay tuned for the next post on guilt tripping.

Until next time,

Katina