If I know the ending, then it will make going through the process of recovering from trials, unhealthy relationships, disappointments in life easier. This is the misconception that we often have. The bottom line is that it all comes down to trust. Listen to this episode between Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker and I to find out why this is the case, along with how self-awareness and discernment play a role in reclaiming the power and identity that you lost from being in an unhealthy relationship.
Do you want to get to the good stuff? I know I do. We want a magic pill for everything. Forget about the healing and the pain. Later for that. It sounds like the perfect plan. However, if your plan is to go from where you are now, to where you want to be, skipping over the pain will only take you back to where you are now. It may seem counterintuitive. However, the only way to the other side is through. As Jennifer put it in this episode: “Healing is a choice.” Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires healing from past hurts. And when you are healed, you gain resilience and perspective that you couldn’t have gained otherwise. Listen to the last part of this series between Jennifer and I as we dissect healing, our need for instant gratification, not enoughness and so much more.
No matter what situation it is, the hardest part about taking on any task when it comes to self-growth and self development is dealing with you. It feels better to hold up the mirror to everybody else? It makes us feel like we are better somehow.
But guess what? Paying attention to what everybody else is doing is a blinder for minding your own business and digging deeper into our own pile of junk.
When you are playing the role of a codependent, you don’t have time to check in with yourself to see what’s really going on. Your focus is on saving the other person. As mentioned in the last post, codependents stay in the state they are in number one, because of fear, and then number two: insecurities.
“The common areas of insecurities and or brokenness are low self-esteem, low self-worth, poor body image, and not enoughness. Codependents cover up these areas by becoming the Savior of the day in their spouse’s, coworker’s, friend’s, or ministry partner’s life. So, even when you have the come to Jesus moment and stop doing things for the other person, if you don’t take the time to do the self-work, you will be right back to wearing your cape as Savior of the day, and playing Jesus.
Frustration is the catalyst for change. However, that is only if the desire and hard work required to be a better version of you outweighs the pain of staying in the comfort zone of where you are now. “
Katina Horton
Creating an empowered new chapter of life involves healing from past hurts. And in turn, healing from past hurts helps us to gain resilience and perspective. In our next post, I will discuss the dangers of enmeshment.
Next in line to our own brokenness, the number one reason women go from one unhealthy relationship to the next is the fear of being alone. The unspoken rule becomes “I gotta have a man.” And when we follow this rule, and not give ourselves sufficient time to heal, we continue the unhealthy relationship patterns of behavior. Space, time, and stillness gives us clarity, discernment, and the ability to hear God’s voice. However, the craving for a new physical relationship often outweighs the cravings in our hearts for God. Listen to the second part of the interview between Jennifer Ramirez and I to hear more on this topic along with why women often fall victim to narcissistic relationships.
An Interview with Jennifer Ramirez Part 2 Podcast Outline Topics
The Unhealthy Relationship Cycle
Breaking Free
Knowing Your Worth
Dealing With Our Brokenness
Having a Come to Jesus Moment
The Loneliness Factor
The Perfect Ingredient for a Narcissist
Stepping out in Faith
Stay tuned for Part 3. Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez
In the meantime, check out Jennifer Ramirez’s website so that you are familiar with all of the services that she has to offer.
Have you ever said the following: “Why am I finding myself in the same situation? I need a new man, a new job, and a new house.”? If that sounds like you, then listen to this episode between Jennifer and I as we unpack some of the things that are holding us back. And the answer is not what you think.
I like good surprises. Although to be honest, when good surprises come, sometimes they can be so shocking that it leads you to being an emotional wreck. In this case, good surprises can feel like bad surprises as I experienced a few years ago.
When you listen in to this week’s podcast episode, you will see how surprises come up in the beginning of a relationship. You also get to decide how you will respond when these relationship surprises come up. Or will you respond at all? Part of creating an empowered new chapter of life is using our power of choice. Be blessed!
When we think of cravings, we often think of food, and not relationship. Cravings are normal. As a matter of fact, they are nothing more than evidence that we are human. Sometimes we can get so holy that we think relationship cravings are wrong. God created Eve so that she could satisfy Adam’s craving for human relationships, even though he already had a relationship with God. God created us to crave relationships.
We get into trouble when our cravings lead to lust, or we place our craving for human relationship above our craving for relationship with God. Our cravings for relationship enables us to know that we were made for community.
Creating an empowered new chapter of life involves healing from past hurts. Healing from past hurts gives us perspective and the ability to see that our whole reason for existence is based upon the concept of relationships.
If we were to dissect the healthy and unhealthy cycle of any relationship, we would notice that both cycles begin with craving. It is what happens next that often gets us in trouble. We will dig deep into the next phase of the relationship cycle in my next post.
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
Yesterday, I posted part 1 of the interview that I had with Woman of God, Bible Teacher, and Author Erin Thompson. If you missed that episode, click here. Today, I will dig into part two of that conversation. Grab a pen and piece of paper to take notes as Erin continues to share her heart and soul with us.
Erin Thompson, Bible Teacher, Author, Woman of God
I am a believer of therapy to the fullest. By clicking the link above, you will be taken to an online therapy site. If you purchase from this link, I will receive a commission through Online Therapy’s affiliate market program to help in handling the expenses and logistics of this site.
Have you ever wished that you could decorate your home like someone else? This someone else seems to have just the right kind of decor in their home that is illuminated with just the right kind of lighting and furniture that gives it an airy feel. It’s the kind of feel that makes you want to stay for a while. The kind that makes you want to sit with a cup of coffee or tea, and snuggle up with their perfect-looking throw.
Photos by Matthew Henry
It’s so easy to get caught up wishing that we could have a home, a car, a job, or any other kind of material object that other people have. The question is, have we stopped to think about how good and creative of a God that we have to give us the things that are unique to us and our families?
Some of us are the cute cottage-style type, then we have tudors, farmhouse style, industrial, town-homes, traditional, duplexes, and the list can go on and on. The truth is, if we could trade with these people, after a while, we’d see something else that we would feel is better.
When it comes to our spiritual gifts and talents, we play the same game. We say things like, “I wish that I could teach or preach like him or her.” Sometimes this person does a better job than we do. However, that is not the point. The point is, that because we have been uniquely designed by God, we will do what we have been created to do in the way that God created us to do them.
God tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. In these wonderful creations of God, there are no two people who are exactly alike. Even if we have 50 things that we have in common with someone else, we will still find 10 more that we don’t.
Embracing our uniqueness in Christ involves making peace with all that God created us to be. It has taken me a while to realize this. But as the old saying goes, better late than never. We have to make peace with our physical appearance as well as our gifts/talents, personalities, and possessions. Just recently, I was faced with an opportunity. It took one accidental obstacle placed in my way to help me realize that the opportunity would not fit me as a person.
I am a talker. A very detailed, dramatic talker at that. Sometimes it takes a while to get through my stories. My son says that it takes me longer to give the background information before I get to the point of what happened. It is so true.
Being placed in a role with a restriction on how the conversations would have to take place would have gone against my wiring. I praise God that this one accident helped me to realize that among other things. Take a moment and think about what things you have been doing that totally goes against your wiring.
Let’s pray and thank God for all the things that he gave us that are perfect for us. We can only be our true selves when we are who we were created to be.
Let’s have a party and join together in celebrating and embracing our uniqueness in Christ!
Behind the Bars is a poem that is written to show the inner struggle that we have when it comes to walking in the freedom that Christ has given us with his sacrificial death on the cross. Blessings!
