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Episode 97: An Interview with Eston Swaby

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 97: An Interview with Eston Swaby
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Have you ever wondered why you find yourself in the same patterns of behavior when it comes to dealing with rejection? Even more so, have you taken the time out to figure out the root cause of these issues? And if you have, what is stopping you from moving forward? Tune in to the interview that I had with Coach Eston Swaby to find out how he moved from the end result of rejection to where he is now. In case you missed my last interview with Jennifer Uren, the podcast host of This Mom Knows, you can catch that one here, and if you are looking to connect with Coach Eston Swaby, you can find him out on Facebook. Have a blessed Thursday, and I hope you enjoy the episode!

Podcast Topics

Money

Money and Mindset

Validation

Approval

Community

Unhealed and Healed Brokenness Affecting Writing & Speaking

Home

What Does Brokenness Mean

Identity

Fun Questions

Podcast Transcription

peaker 0 00:00:01 This is the healing our brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And we also believe that we’re going from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing, and the title of this episode is An interview with Eston Swaby. On yesterday, I was blessed with interviewing mindset coach Eston Swaby.

We talked about some of everything: his profession, how he came to be in the ministry, what brokenness means to him, etc. He shared his story, how community plays a role in healing our brokenness, how he unhealed and healed brokenness affects writing and speaking, and what the word home means to him. And then we got a chance to do some fun, personal questions, a lot of what we talked about centered around identity, validation, approval and rejection. And so without further ado, I am going to let you tune in to the interview between Eston Swaby and I.

Speaker 0 00:02:51 Okay. So.
Speaker 2 00:03:00 I worked with Kristin and Jacqueline, in the marketplace, they are the ones to make a big difference, sharing their message can be a gift because of peers and limiting beliefs. We are afraid of asking for what we want and really putting ourselves out there.

And if you don’t mind me asking, what are some of those negative beliefs? Okay.

So, limited beliefs that I, I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy.
It’s not going to work out. Money is the root of all evil. If I make lots of money, then I cannot be spiritual at the same time. And, so some of those limiting beliefs that’s really hold them back from really becoming the person that God has called him to be in the marketplace. I think the biggest one is that they believe that they are not more than that.
Speaker 2 00:04:30 Yeah. I know when you are in business to make more gains. And so part of that so really makes sense. So if you think about the word brokenness, what does that mean to you?

It is not a part of a whole.

So that, that stops. So that stops you from really becoming your true self. That is true.

Now, would you please share with the audience, your story?

Okay, so I was rejected, and because of that rejected, I thought I couldn’t achieve certain things. And so for many years, I thought that there was something wrong.

Speaker 2 00:06:30 So I said to myself, you know what, my life is not important.
When I looked in the mirror all I saw was brokenness. All I saw was someone that wasn’t, that wasn’t good and that no one knows. So what, what’s the purpose of living to see another day?

I wanted validation from outside sources, instead of looking internally, everybody need to really look into who does it say I am, right? So if people didn’t approve me, if people didn’t accept me, then the cause of my self worth was based on other people, and it was more painful, and necessary that I reach out to myself.

Speaker 2 00:08:19 Yes, exactly. And you know, when God called me. I thought that God must be crazy because there’s no way with this broken person. You know, sometimes we are in the position. I spoke for many years, I was sitting in the ministry. I was in ministry, but then I wasn’t behaving in a way that was. I was playing smaller when I started. And even when I started my business, that was the same thing. I wanted success. But at the same time, I never thought that I was deserving. I was done.

So the past experiences dealing with rejection, were you able to come out of that?
Speaker 2 00:10:04 Um, yes. I was able to come out with really the word of God, that is how. I’m not going to let people say I’m not good enough.

That is so true. Uh, why do you think that people stay in their brokenness for so long?

Because there’s some need that has not been met. Um, there are basic needs. The needs are safety, and physical needs. A person that stays in brokenness is believing something programmed in their minds.

Speaker 2 00:11:44 So it was all important too. And how you say it, as far as the mind and programming to think a certain way. And once we have those thoughts in our heads, then we will start to act on it. That’s how it works out.

Yes. That’s exactly how it works because everything starts when something happens, right. When you start a new experience, and someone rejects you, then you say, okay, maybe I’m not good enough. It starts with thoughts then creates emotion then emotions and the emotions creates limiting belief creates a behavior that may sense those thoughts. We internalize. Exactly, exactly. The reason we internalize what people say is because there is something broken inside of you.

That makes sense. It makes me think about as a teenager, how my self esteem was low and I already had thoughts about myself. And then when I heard another teenager, a teenage girl confirmed what I was already wrestling with, then I said, Oh, this must be true.

Speaker 2 00:14:43 WE have to go back to our thoughts. Those original beliefs.
Remember our success, love, joy and everything.

Yes. That is so true, man. That is some good stuff. So did, um, how do you think community plays a role in healing brokenness? And then the second part of that question is how did it play a role in healing, your brokenness?

Speaker 2 00:17:10 Okay. So, um, community is very important. Every day. You surround yourself with people. WE need to be with people with similar beliefs. Right? Right. For example, you maybe go to the church, and there are people who are broken and negative, and you say, I’m not ready for success. I feel that I believe that I’m not good enough for their success. If you can not start surrounding yourself with people that tell you that you are worthy, that speaks life into your spirits or that believe in us, even when we don’t believe in ourselves, keeping that sees greatness in ourselves.

And that is true. And that’s the same thing that happens with me because I started to hang around people that didn’t treat me as the person who wanted to achieve certain goals.
Speaker 2 00:19:14 I started surrounding myself with other people who switched my mindset. They say that you are the sum total of the five people that you hang out with. Like with children. Their parents and family are those five people. That’s what determines who they are. And when you have this resilience, if you allow yourself to be shaped by your environment and the environment is going to shape you.

That is so true. How do you think healed both healed and unknown brokenness affects writing and speaking.

They a reflection of where you are. So if you are, let’s say, if you are writing a personal book, right. And you haven’t healed from your mess from rejection and maybe sense things that you are going to say, others will say, “they have an angry soul, right”?
Speaker 2 00:22:26 Because you’re writing from a place of brokenness, messiness. Writing should be refreshing. I’ve seen that personally in my own writing. I had to release certain people. Then I was able to read and write from a place of reflection and healing.

That is so true. Yes. Yes. That is so true. Now we got another question and that is, what does the word home mean to you?
Speaker 2 00:24:01 An internal place of safety. Not frustration or fear.

Speaker 2 00:26:47 Yes. I see what you’re saying.

Just so focused on either like the material aspects, being prominent, the money, the wealth, and not doing it because it’s what God has planned for your life. Regardless of if it’s gonna bring about a lot of money, a lot of fame, you have a lot of social media followers. That’s not the goal.

Yeah, exactly. I got some fun questions for you to answer. What are some of the books that you are reading now?
Speaker 2 00:27:45 Okay. I’m reading a book by Joyce Meyers surrender.

Oh, wow. And what are some of the things that you do to fill up your soul?
Speaker 2 00:29:26 I read my bible and hang out with positive people, start off by reading my Bible in the mornings.
Speaker 2 00:30:57 What do you think you would do to make a difference in the world?
Coaching. Where can people find you? Okay. The best place to find me is on Facebook. I’m on Facebook, my website, I’m really working on my website. Also. You can always reach out to me.

Wow. Okay.
Speaker 0 00:32:41 Thank you so much for your time. I’m so glad we were able to get those connection issues resolved. This has really been good. I appreciate it. So the healing brokenness podcast, episode 97 and interview with coach Eston Swaby.

Speaker 1 00:34:19 .

So, I hope it was something that was said here today that will resonate with your hearts as you go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.


Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, etc. So, if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.

 Valley of Grace.

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It is Finished

Shame:  It is Finished

You can always tell what things are important to Jesus.  That is why his last three words on the cross summed up everything:  “It is finished.” He already knows the things that keep a high level of stronghold on us.  Shame and rejection are just two of them.  Shame is when we are perceiving ourselves as bad.  This perception can be due to issues playing out in any of the following areas: financial, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, physical, and mental.  Because we are all broken, we dump shame on ourselves, and then unfortunately we dump shame on others.  Last week, we discussed the shame aspect of trauma here.  When we wallow in shame, then we see ourselves as unworthy.  We become deficient in self-worth.  What did the scripture say about our actions in regards to shame? “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of [our] faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”  Hebrews 12:2

 

shame, despised, emotional health, spiritual health, finished, cross, Jesus
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Rejection:  It is Finished

Rejection hits the same brain wires as when we experience physical pain.  When rejection plays out, we receive the hidden message, “You are not good enough”.   You need to prove yourself.  The next natural response to not being “good enough”, is trying to figure out what we need to do in order to qualify.  Unfortunately, depending on our background, this could turn into a dangerous ground for Satan to get a foothold.  Jesus was despised and rejected as he planned to take his place on the cross.  He didn’t need to prove himself, or figure out how to get someone to like him because God, his Father, was all the approval that he needed, and Jesus is all the approval that we need.  His life in exchange for our freedom:  He was despised and rejected–a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.  Isaiah 53: 3

 

We can finally release all of the shame and rejection on the cross by remembering the last three words that Jesus said, ” It is finished”.

 

When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.  John 19:30

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Devotion: Got One up on You

The story of Leah and Rachel is one that we can all relate to in life: the comparison trap.  Their trap probably started at a young age, and unfortunately went into adulthood.  Sometimes as parents we have to be extra careful not to be the catalyst for this type of thing happening.  The sad reality of their family dysfunction showed that they were filled with constant thoughts of “let me see how I can one up you.” Round one began with “I’ll take your man”.  Round two began with, ” I can have more kids than you”.  This trap affects both men and women alike, and it ruins families, friendships, and work relationships.  The comparison trap has several things that lie at the root.  The three that God has spoken to me about are rejection, self-worth, and contentment. 

comparison, devotion, Rachel and Leah, prayer, rejection, God, weak eye, Laban, Jacob
Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

 

When we read the story of Leah and Rachel, there are several things that we can directly and indirectly perceive.  The first thing perceived is that beauty and popularity won hearts.  People often shy away from us when we don’t fit into their standard for beauty, dress, hairstyle, etc.   If this is our area of brokenness, not fitting into someone else’s standards could lead to insecurity and internalization as rejection.  There are two sections of verses that tell us that one of Leah’s issues was rejection.  Here is the first:

Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.  Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful.  Genesis 29:16-17, NIV

The second section of scripture tells us about why Leah became fruitful right away:

30 And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years.

31 And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren. Genesis 29:30-31, NIV

We see that self-worth comes into play because Leah mentions on more than one occasion that her husband would love her now that God had opened her womb.  We see how the phrase, “Oh, but he will love me since I’m pregnant with his child” worked out even then.  She said nothing about God loving her, and his love for her being enough.  

comparison, devotion, Rachel and Leah, prayer, rejection, God, weak eye, Laban, Jacob
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32 And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the Lord hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me.

34 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi.

Genesis 29: 32, 34, KJV

In verse 35 of Genesis, it seems as though Leah has finally resolved to be content in the state that she was in:

35 And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the Lord: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing.  Genesis 29: 35, KJV

So we thought.  Unfortunately this was Leah’s and Rachel’s stronghold.  Right after Leah’s place of contentment, her sister Rachel can’t stand the fact that insists that Jacob sleeps with her handmaid so that she could have children, and since Leah had left child bearing, she followed suit in doing the same:

8 Rachel said, “I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won!” So she named him Naphtali [My Struggle].

9 When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her slave Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as his wife.

Genesis 30: 8-9, GW

The vicious cycle of rejection, no self-worth, and discontentment started up again:

13 Leah said, “I’ve been blessed! Women will call me blessed.” So she named him Asher [Blessing]. Genesis 30:13, KJV

20 And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have born him six sons: and she called his name Zebulun. Genesis 30:20, KJV

Strongholds are hard to get rid of.  Like Leah, I was born with a weak eye.  I had to wear a patch over my other eye in order for my brain to train my weak eye to use itself, and prevent blindness.  I remember the whole process as being quite traumatic:  siting in doctor’s offices for 5 to 6 hours, eye exams, a patch, more eye exams, and then eye dilation, and leaving the doctor’s office.  I felt helpless as I was walking across the street with my mom, while holding her hand to wait for the bus.

Fast forward some years later, like Leah, I dealt with the feelings of rejection due to abandonment by my father, and then feelings of rejection due to the comment that another teenage girl made in response to my physical appearance.  I internalized this comment, and it was used as a tool to produce no self-worth, leading to seeking approval through high achievement in school, through others, and my ex-husband.  It also led to years of being in an emotionally abusive marriage, where I sought him for a good portion of my self-worth.  

Getting caught up in shopping and other things in order to improve my appearance, and feel like I could qualify to compete, only kept the cycle going.  There will always be someone who’s prettier, smarter, and dresses better.  We have to be safe and secure in who we are in Christ, knowing that this brings true contentment and self-worth, no matter what other people are saying or thinking.  We are all broken individuals in need of a Savior, and God loves us much more than anyone else ever could.

Dear God,

We thank you in advance for rescuing us from the comparison trap.  We also thank you that only in you, are we enough.  Otherwise, we might become filled with self-pride, criticism, and judgment.  Please help us to break free of this stronghold.

In the mighty name of Jesus,

Amen