The Art of Authenticity: When was the last time that you felt like you were truly yourself? How did it make you feel? What did you do? Did you continue in that walk, or did you go back to the incongruent you? Click to listen to our latest episode, ” The Art of Authenticity” to see where you fit in.
We all have a never-ending list of things to do. We are so maxed out that we are piling up three and four things at a time, but not fully present to any one thing. How can this change? Take a listen to today’s podcast episode.
What Jesus Says
What are some of the steps that you can take in order to be more present?
What are some of the patterns of behavior that you have observed that prevents you from living in the moment?
Have you ever been divorced? Do you know of someone who has been divorced? When you found out that this person was divorced, did you treat them differently? Today’s podcast is entitled, “The Big “D”, and that “D” stands for divorce. Click above to listen to the latest podcast episode.
It has been said that divorce is worse than death. There was a time when the word divorce was taboo. Older television shows reflect these ideas. When children mentioned that their friends’ parents were getting divorced, they were shushed by their parents, and/or the parents came up with an excuse as to why Johnny or Susan couldn’t play at the neighbors’ house anymore. They were outcasts.
Prior to getting divorced, I heard
someone use the phrases “It’s no big deal.
People get divorced every day.”
This is true. However, what is
also true is that you don’t have people lined up to tell you the real impact
from divorce. Divorce leaves lifelong
effects in every area: financially,
emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. Basically, there is no table left
Grief experienced from divorce can be
draining. With this pain, you must
grieve the loss of the marriage, the loss of the family as a unit, and then
grieve that part of your identity that is being taken away. There is no magic formula for the intensity
of the pain or the amount of time that it will take to heal. My grief so far tends to run in spurts. The grief might be off and on all day for
three weeks, and then there is a month break before it starts up again. I have had other women tell me that theirs
was every day for two hours for the length of anywhere from two to five years.
There are some individuals who have
gotten divorced because of severe abuse that has gone on for years. In Malachi 2:16, we are told, “For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for
one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye
deal not treacherously.” (NASB)
It is possible for God to heal marriages from
any situation, even the ones listed above.
However, sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that one person can
fix the whole marriage. As individuals,
we can only do our part. We cannot be
the Holy Spirit for others. I am a
planner. I like organizing, analyzing,
and figuring things out. I thought that
if I could just do A, B, and C, things would be fine. If things weren’t getting better, it was
because I hadn’t figured out the right formula yet. Satan led me to believe that I was responsible
for the entire relationship.
He led me down the path of
dishonoring God, and disrespecting myself and children “all in the name of
love”. The best thing that we can do is
pray and ask God for wisdom and discernment, and then in turn get professional
help for ourselves. It is easy to pass
judgment upon others who are considering divorce. However, the truth is, only the individuals
involved in the marriage are aware of the severity of the situation. I stayed in a toxic situation for twenty
years. Thank God for Him getting a hold
of my heart and mind. We can pray the
same thing for others whom we know of that are walking in this path.
We thank you for your word to go to
when we are unsure, and don’t know where to turn. Please help us to help others by sending them
to your word and prayer when it comes to decisions about divorce. We also pray that we would not pass judgment
upon others when they are going through divorce because we don’t know the whole
story. Only you do.
In case you missed our last episode on surrendering, you can find it here. Today’s episode is Episode 35: The Value of Prayer. What are some of the things that you value in life? Why do you value them? Have you ever thought about prayer having value? Tune in to our latest episode to find out why prayer should be at the top of our list.
The Value of Prayer Podcast Outline
Necessity of Prayer
Examples of Prayer
Praying for Our Children
The Act of Praying Over Food
We Can Pray Alone
Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness. Today’s episode is entitled, “The Value of Prayer”.
Value of Prayer Breakdown
Prayer is necessary in developing our relationship with God. Sometimes the hardest part about doing anything, including prayer is getting started. Satan fills our hearts with so many excuses as to why we aren’t doing something, when the bottom line is that once we are willing to start, God can give us the desire, strength, and perseverance to finish: “For I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will continue to perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6, BSB) Jesus’ prayer life was a perfect example of the who, what, when, where and how’s of praying.
Luke gives us an account of the impact placed on one of Jesus’ disciples from watching him pray, and witnessing John teaching his disciples. He wanted in on this action: “Now Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples. And he said to them, “When you pray, say: “Father, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. “(Luke 11:1-2, ESV) When we pray with earnest hearts and conviction, it rubs off on other people, and they want what we have.
us how to pray for our children: “Then people brought little
children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them.
But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus
said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for
the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.” (Matthew
When our children are little, there are so many ways that we can pray for and with them. We can place them on our laps and pray for them, and as they get older, we can pray for them even as they are sleeping. Sometimes I have found myself praying with my kids before they leave out the door on the way to school, or as we are literally pulling out of the driveway to begin our day.
There is no better example of showing that there are no restrictions when telling our children about God, his goodness, and his Word than in Deuteronomy 11: 19-21: “You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land of which the Lord swore to your fathers to give them, like the days of the heavens above the earth.”(NKJV)
How to Pray
us how to pray over and give thanks for our food. He showed us that even though he was the one
distributing the food, the fact that he had it to give himself was God’s
grace: “After he said
this, he took some bread and gave thanks to God in front of them all. Then he
broke it and began to eat.” (Acts 27:35, NIV)
The two fish and five loaves of bread multiplied after he said the blessing. This was a pure reenactment of the story of Elijah and the widow at Zarephath. Jesus showed us the results of what the power of praying and trusting in God with the little we have can do: “And he directed the people to sit down on the grass.
Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children. (Matthew 14: 19-21, NIV)
Jesus showed us the importance and power of praying
with others. Luke 9:28 tells us, “About eight days after Jesus said this, he took
Peter, John and James with him and went up onto a mountain to pray.”(NIV) There
is something about experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirt as we pray with
Jesus also showed us the
importance of praying alone: “After
dismissing the crowds, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. When
evening came, He was there alone.”
(Matthew 14: 23, Holman) In order to avoid suffering burnout and
spiritual emptiness, there is a need for us to pour into ourselves before we
can pour into others. Once we are filled
up, we are ready to go out and serve.
We thank you for your grace and
power of prayer. Please help us to
remember that prayer reaches the doors of heaven, and changes things. We also ask that you would help us to get
into the habit of developing a routine for prayer, whether it is by ourselves
or with others.
In your name we pray,
Thank you for visiting Healing Our Brokenness, and if this episode has blessed you in any way, please tag a friend on Social Media, share it, review it on Itunes, and pray for the show as well.
In case you missed last week’s episode, “Episode 33: Praying During Desperate Times”, you can find that episode here. Today’s episode, “Episode 34: Surrender”, is covering the topic of surrender.
Episode 34: Surrender Podcast Outline
What is surrender?
What does surrender look like?
How I Am Learning to Surrender
When you think of surrender, you think of yielding, giving up control, crying “Uncle”, giving in, waving the flag. Surrender has a negative connotation, but it can have a positive outcome when it’s done in the proper context.
If we had the choice, there are some trials that we just wouldn’t sign up for. However, God gives us these trials in order to refine us like gold. These trials will show that our faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold: So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. (1 Peter 1:7, NLT)
One of the worst
things that we can do is to think that we have it all under control. The devil tricks us into thinking that we can
fix problems on our own, and that we just have to figure out the right plan, or
perhaps we just didn’t do something “enough”. A very tender spot for any
mother’s heart is their children. Oh,
how I wish that I could take away the pain and effects from trauma that my kids
have endured over the last five years.
However, this isn’t possible. No matter how old they are, our kids’ issues
stay on our hearts. However, if we don’t
surrender these very issues to God, then we find ourselves emotionally,
mentally, and spiritually drained. Of
course, because of the mind-body connection, these issues then takes a turn on
the fourth area: physical. They can
literally eat us alive with immobility and heaviness of heart. I have just recently had my moment of
realizing that my kids will have to have their own journey of healing. I can support them. However, I can’t take on the responsibility
of doing the work for them. It hinders
them from growth, and the ability to get clarity on their own.
Surrender is not
a once in a lifetime thing. If only it
was that easy. It is daily. In Luke 9: 23, Christ tells us: “If anyone would come
after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and
follow me. (ESV) Focusing on God
and his promises helps us in this journey called life.
Thank you for the
shining beauty that comes from our trials when we are refined. Thank you that we can take all of our burdens
and our kids’ burdens and lay them down at your feet. Please help us to understand that surrender
is a daily thing, and that we have to put our trust in you.
How many of you have had times like myself, where you’ve carried around
a heavy load, done all that you can do in a certain situation, prayed several
times over the situation, and yet you still feel like you’re not sure of how to
proceed. You end up being stuck in between a rock and a hard place.
We know that the bottom line is that God is in control. Even with that,
sometimes our hearts still remain heavy.
This was pretty much what Hannah had to go
through. Hannah was barren, and every year when she went to give worship
and sacrifice to the Lord, her husband’s other wife, Peninnah, would taunt her
to the point of fear because God had shut up her womb. We all know that
fear is from Satan himself.
And her rival used to provoke her grievously
to irritate her, because the Lord had
closed her womb.So it went on year by year. As often as she went up to the house of
the Lord, she
used to provoke her. Therefore, Hannah wept and would not eat. (I Samuel 1: 6-7, ESV)
Hannah’s heart was so heavy, that she went before God’s throne of grace,
pleading to God to open her womb: “And she vowed a vow and said, “O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your
servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give to your
servant a son,
then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall touch his head.”
As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. (I Samuel 1: 11-12, ESV)
Hannah was so intentional with her prayers,
that her mouth moved, but her prayers were submitted to God through her heart
and her spirit. She was on a mission. Eli the priest thought that
she was drunk:
Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her
lips moved, and her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli took her to be a drunken
woman.And Eli said to her, “How long will you go on
being drunk? Put your wine away from you.”But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman troubled in spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink,
but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord.Do not regard your servant as a
worthless woman, for all along I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and
vexation.” (I Samuel 1:
It was at this point that God gave Hannah a sign through Eli that he had
heard her cry, and her prayers would be answered:
Then Eli answered, “Go in peace, and the
God of Israel grant your petition that you have made to him.”And she
said, “Let your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then the woman went
her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad. (I Samuel 1: 17, ESV)
And when she had weaned him, she took
him up with her, along with a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour,
and a skin of wine, and she brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh. And the child was young.Then they slaughtered the bull, and they brought the child to Eli.And she said, “Oh, my lord! As you live, my lord, I am
the woman who was standing here in your
presence, praying to the Lord.For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him.Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.
1: 24-28, ESV)
About six years ago, when I was at the peak
of my valley, everything in my home was in an uproar. I had done
everything that I could possibly do, been taken advantage of, and with a heavy
heart, I went to the Lord for help in a prostrate position. I felt led to
write out the prayer that King Jehoshaphat prayed in 2 Chronicles 20:
“O our God, wilt thou not judge them? for we have no might against this
great company that cometh against us; neither know we what to do: but our eyes
are upon thee.” (KJV)
God laid it upon my heart to pray this prayer
for the next forty days. As the days went on, spiritual warfare hit from
every corner. I was on a mission, and I continued to pray. My
friend and I decided to get together to pray on one accord with this same
prayer New Year’s Eve night.
Our kids were upstairs hanging out, and we
were downstairs praying. The kids came downstairs a few times to grab food
and were looking at us as if we were crazy. But just like Hannah, we kept
praying. We prayed this prayer so hard and so long till our mouths dried
out, and we could no longer talk.
Like Hannah, we needed an answer. We joked around about whose prayer God would answer first. And as in Hannah’s situation, God answered our requests. My prayer was answered thirteen days later. I don’t remember how quickly God answered hers. It was soon after. God split the Red Sea so that I could leave the Egypt of a toxic marriage. Praise God for his word and his promises!
Thank you for your word and your
promises. Thank you that when our hearts are heavy with grief, you are
still there. You never change. You are the same yesterday, today,
and forever. Please comfort our hearts when we just don’t know what to
do, knowing that you are in control, and will give us instructions when the
time is right.
In case you missed last week’s recording, “The Sin of Cynicism-Part 1”, you can find that here. Today’s recording is Episode 26-The Sin of Cynicism-Part 2.
The Sin of Cynicism-Part 2 Outline
Reflection on Part 1
Dissection of The Older Brother
Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness Part 2. Today’s recording is episode 26: The Sin of Cynicism-Part 2. Just as a quick recap from Part 1, we discussed the fact that Cynicism has several factors that lead up to its brokenness as a state of mind:
Reflection on Part 1
You have experienced a lot of issues with betrayal.
There are historical patterns of things not working out in your
favor, or working out in a way that is undesirable to you.
You get to the point of seeing too much and hearing too much to
think that things will be different.
Most of the people that you trusted let you down.
The few times that you thought things would turn out good, they
turned out bad, and you lost faith in believing that things could be different.
In the case of the two stories that we are
going to look at today, the two biblical characters carried out the sin of
cynicism because of two main reasons:
The historical pattern of character of the authority figures.
The lack of legalism that existed for these authority figures.
The two men that we are going to dissect is Jonah
and the older brother of the prodigal son.
Their reasons for cynicism contradict the normal factors. Cynicism set in with both of these men because of the recognition of the good qualities of the father and God.
Dissection of The Older Brother
Let’s explore the story of the prodigal son first.
The dad was gracious, merciful, slow to anger, kind, forgiving,
accepting, non-judgmental, long-suffering, and compassionate.
the prodigal son returned home penniless, hungry, and exhausted from wild
living, the father could have greeted him with judgment, coldness, and
distance. Instead he accepted his son, welcomed
him with a grateful heart that he was safe and sound, and embraced him for who
fact that he ran to meet him to diffuse being shamed by the community was a
bonus. It showed the son that he was
going to be welcomed. There is nothing
worse than messing up big time, and not knowing what other Christians are going
to say as you reenter the house of God or run into them while you are in
Luke 15 tells us:
But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had
compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight,
and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
22 But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe,
and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:
23 And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and
24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is
found. And they began to be merry.
The father knew that hitting rock bottom was enough of a consequence for the younger son. He didn’t need to enforce further punishment. He also possessed enough self-acceptance that he didn’t worry about being embarrassed in regard to the reaction of the community.
older son dwelled on his sin of cynicism that is evidenced through dialog that
is filled with scornfulness, bitterness, and resentment. He felt that he had been failed. He didn’t focus on his younger brother’s
condition of going from “lost to found”.
Along with his cynicism, he was filled with self-pity and envy: Luke
15: 28-31 reads: “28 And he was angry, and
would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him.
29 And he answering said to
his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any
time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make
merry with my friends:
30 But as soon as this thy
son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for
him the fatted calf.
31 And he said unto him, Son,
thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.
32 It was meet that we should
make merry and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and
was lost, and is found.
The father tried to get the older son to go
in twice. We are left wondering what
eventually happened. Did he stay outside
and continue to sulk? One thing this
clear about the brother’s dialog is that not only is he resentful, but he is
filled with broken thinking. Two words
suggest broken thinking when resentment is present: “always and never”.
Our dialog goes something like this:
“I always have to clean the house.”
“She always gets to do something special.”
“I never have the opportunity to do anything.”
Nine times out of ten, these statements aren’t
true. If they are true, there is some type
of dynamic that has been setup that needs to change. Or, perhaps, the financial situation has
changed that allows you to do more for the younger child than you were able to
do for the older child. Whatever the
case may be, broken thinking is present.
First-born children tend to be
rule-followers. With that thought in
mind, the older son definitely felt that he was cheated since he was the “rule-follower”. However, one thing about rule followers is
that they can get caught up in being legalistic because they follow the
rules. God is more concerned about our
hearts than checking off boxes to say that we did something.
Let’s explore the story of Jonah.
Jonah was told to go to Nineveh to warn them about
their sin and God’s judgment for their sin if they continued going in the
direction that they were going.
Jonah decided that he knew best,
and so, he skipped out on the trip altogether, and took a boat ride to a
different part of town. God had a fish
to swallow Jonah. And Jonah prayed
inside of the fish for God’s mercy and grace, and the fish released Jonah.
Let’s discuss the character of the authority figure in Jonah’s story.
Jonah’s story, this figure is God. Not surprisingly,
the dad in our first story is actually a representation of God.
are the characteristics of God that Jonah was familiar with?
God was gracious, merciful, slow to anger, kind, forgiving,
accepting, non-judgmental, long-suffering, and compassionate.
In Jonah’s story, Jonah was bitter, resentful, and cynical because
God proved that his heart was all of those characteristics that were just
mentioned. It was okay for God to have
all these attributes when it came to saving him. However, it wasn’t okay for him to possess
them when it came to saving the Ninevites.
God gave Jonah a chance to get it right. He sent him to Nineveh a second time:
Jonah 3 King James Version
3 And the
word of the Lord came
unto Jonah the second time, saying,
2 Arise, go
unto Nineveh, that great city, and preach unto it the preaching that I bid
3 So Jonah arose, and went unto Nineveh, according to the
word of theLord. Now Nineveh was
an exceeding great city of three days’ journey.
4 And Jonah began to enter into the city a day’s journey, and he cried, and said, Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown.
5 So the people of Nineveh believed God, and proclaimed a fast,
and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them even to the least of them.
6 For word came unto the king of Nineveh, and he arose from
his throne, and he laid his robe from him, and covered him with sackcloth, and
sat in ashes.
7 And he caused it to be
proclaimed and published through
Nineveh by the decree of the king and his nobles, saying, Let neither man nor
beast, herd nor flock, taste any thing: let them not feed, nor drink water:
8 But let
man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto God: yea, let
them turn everyone from his evil way, and from the violence that is in their
9 Who can
tell if God will turn and repent, and turn away from his fierce anger, that we
Ninevites didn’t have to suffer consequences because they repented right
4: 10 says:
10 And God
saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the
evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not.
Like the older brother in the prodigal son story, Jonah was so
angry that he didn’t know what to do with himself. God tried reasoning with him. Unfortunately, Jonah wasn’t haven’t it.
His cynicism showed up in verses 1-2, when he basically said, “See,
this is why I didn’t do what you told me.
I know this is how you would respond.”
Here are his exact words: “But it displeased
Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry.
2 And he
prayed unto the Lord, and
said, I pray thee, O Lord,
was not this my saying, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before
unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to
anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil.
God told Jonah that the people were lost, just as the father tried to help his older son to understand about the prodigal:
Jonah 4: 7-11, KJV
God prepared a worm when the morning rose the next day, and it smote the gourd
that it withered.
8 And it came to pass, when the sun did arise, that God
prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat upon the head of Jonah, that he
fainted, and wished in himself to die, and said, It is better for me to die
than to live.
9 And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for
the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death.
10 Then said the Lord,
Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, neither
madest it grow; which came up in a night, and perished in a night:
11 And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle?
Jonah and His Rights
Jonah pouted outside of the city underneath the tree just as the
older brother pouted outside of the party celebration that was going on inside
for the prodigal son. Both men felt that
they were right. Both authority figures
tried reasoning with them twice. Both
were caught up in anger, bitterness, resentment, and cynicism. And both missed out on blessings because of
it. But why? They ignored the sovereignty of God. We have all been in both of their shoes. WE know best.
WE know what justice should look like.
WE can play God and have mercy and grace poured out on us, and others
should not. When we don’t adhere to God’s
plans, his timing, and his will, we trade whole faith for broken pieces of bitterness,
resentment, and cynicism every time.
When cynicism becomes our brokenness, it becomes our idol, and we began to scorn God directly and indirectly because of our trials and other peoples’ success. This is how Satan works. If he can get us to lose trust in our faith due to our trials, others’ brokenness, and the hurt and pain of “church hurt”. Then, he has got us.
So, the question is, how do we get out of this sin. Prayer.
Lots of it. Cynicism is spiritual
like all other sin. Getting grounded in
our identity. Getting rid of our broken
thinking. Changed thinking equals
changed talking and changed talking equals changed behavior. Accept that God is sovereign. Pray and ask God to help you to be able to trust
again, knowing that we can’t live in this world without it. It takes time to heal, but it is
possible. Trust God’s sovereignty and
plans for our lives.
I hope that you have enjoyed today’s episode. Thank you for listening, and if today’s episode
has impressed upon your heart, share it with a friend or coworker.
Hello everyone! I hope that you enjoyed your Resurrection weekend! In case you missed the last podcast episode, you can click here to catch up.
Hurting People Podcast Outline
Hurting People Hurt Unintentionally
Hurting People Hurt Intentionally
David and His Hurting Men
How to Stop the Cycle
Good morning! Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness Episode 24: Hurting People. We have all heard of the phrase “Hurting People Hurt People”. While some of us may not like the phrase itself, it is the truth. God gives us freedom in truth. We are all broken. We live in a broken, fallen world. Because we are broken, until we mend and glue together the broken pieces of the puzzle to our family’s iniquities, we will continue to intentionally and unintentionally hurt others.
We unintentionally hurt others when we live with unhealed brokenness from the wounds of our past, sin, pain, and pride. Our unhealed wounds bleed out onto our immediate and extended families, coworkers, and Sisters and Brothers in Christ. A lot of times, when we are broken, we become so self-absorbed in our own pain and wounds, that we don’t even notice that other people are going through things themselves.
We make vows that we will never be like our family member or other person who inflicted pain upon us. However, if we are not going through some form of healing, whether it’s seeing a therapist, coach, or seeking self-help through books, we end up being just like them. Our kids start learning dysfunctional patterns of behavior and coping mechanisms for pain. We hurt them with our pain, and then they learn how to live their adult lives by what they see us doing. We continue to pass down this vicious cycle.
My Family’s Pain
Upon moving to my last residence, my kids and I had suffered so much trauma. And it wasn’t just that we had suffered trauma. We were trauma bonded through some of the events that had taken place. Because we were all dealing with an extreme amount of pain, initially we could only see ourselves as the ones who were the victim. Each one of us blamed the other person and put on the persona of being innocent. In actuality, each one of us had hurt each other unintentionally. We were blind to the truth.
Before moving from my last residence, I began taking serious steps of dealing with the trauma that I had endured in my life. Not only did I begin to deal with it, but I learned how to be vulnerable. And I had to learn the difference between vulnerability and surface vulnerability. When surface vulnerability occurs, you tell stay on the surface, only telling people what you think they want to hear so that you don’t look like the “broken one”.
When we intentionally hurt others, we make sure that other people are going to pay for what someone else did to us. If we were invalidated, then we make sure that everybody else is constantly invalidated. If were abused, then we abuse. If we were judged and criticized, then we make it our mission to judge and criticize others. If our beef is with something that another male or female did, then every male and female will have to pay. We turn into bashers.
For example, I was watching a television show, and on the show, one lady was trying to run a smear campaign on her former brother-in-law because he had operated on her sister, who had cancer and died. It had been discovered that negligence hadn’t taken place. However, she kept making her point that he would pay for what he had done.
Another female character told her that making her former brother-in-law pay for her sister’s death wasn’t going to bring her sister back. She had wounds that she needed to heal. She had pain that she needed to deal with. Blame blinds us to facing the truth that we are hurting. Blame works as a comfort pacifier and prevents us from seeing what the real problem is. Making others pay definitely doesn’t change the truth. It doesn’t right what was wronged. It doesn’t stop our hearts and souls from bleeding out. It only makes matters worse.
David and his men had been out on a mission. They returned to Ziklag, only to find it burned, raided, and the women and children taken captive. They were all in such pain, that they almost killed David. Killing David would have only provided temporary relief. At the end of the day, whatever we use to numb our pain will only be temporary. Our problems are still there. We have only added to the depth of them.
30 David and his men reached Ziklag on the third day. Now the Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They had attacked Ziklag and burned it, 2 and had taken captive the women and everyone else in it, both young and old. They killed none of them but carried them off as they went on their way.
3 When David and his men reached Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. 4 So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep. 5 David’s two wives had been captured—Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel. 6 David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord his God.
7 Then David said to Abiathar the priest, the son of Ahimelek, “Bring me the ephod.” Abiathar brought it to him, 8 and David inquired of the Lord, “Shall I pursue this raiding party? Will I overtake them?”
“Pursue them,” he answered. “You will certainly overtake them and succeed in the rescue.”
How to Stop the Cycle
When we are in pain, we take out hurt and hearts to Jesus. He is the only one who can help us to sort through the mess of our past.
Take responsibility and sign up for therapy and support group where we can be held accountable.
Refuse to give in to the enemy’s plan to isolate ourselves.
Listen to good preaching.
Read self-help books.
We are intentional about not making ourselves targets for the spirits of self-pity and blame.
Pray and ask others for forgiveness and patience as we wrestle through the pain and wounds of our past.
Thank you for listening to Episode 24: Hurting People! Have a blessed day in the Lord!
Good afternoon! Welcome to Episode 22 of Healing Our Brokenness. Today’s Episode is entitled, “Opposition Against Your Calling”.
How many of you have been told by God that you were destined for a calling? You went through the steps of walking in that calling until Satan started to shame you with your personal struggles, and what your present reality is, rather than God’s truth. That is what has happened to me as well.
When life’s disappointments begin to scream at us from every direction known to man, we start to second guess what it is that God already promised us. As a matter of fact, when God spoke your calling over your life, the promise was so strong, that you could feel God’s peace over you.
God is not a liar. His word will not return unto him void. However, we are not in charge of the timing. But, because we don’t see God’s promise coming to fruition right away, we allow the enemy to shame us with doubt and negative views of God. We detach ourselves from seeing his provision, faithfulness, and goodness while we wait.
The Effects of Our Calling
When God puts a calling on our lives, it can bring out the best or the worst in people. Some people will cheer you on and confirm the calling that has been spoken to you clearly about. They might even offer to help you with anything that you need to get started. These are usually the ones who will pray for and with you and walk through the entire birthing process that God has placed upon you.
But then we have the second group of people. This is the group of people who will try to do everything that they can do to discourage you from stepping into what God has already told you is yours. I have had this to happen to me unfortunately. They will spew out everything that they can possibly think of in the area of negativity. There will be subtle hints of how you should do something else. Or hints of your current status not being representative of anything close to your calling. They might make comments about your clothing or physical appearance.
Unfortunately, in my own personal experience, I had all three of the above instances to occur. I noticed there was a pattern that occurred. As I celebrated each small accomplishment, there were suggestions that I should do something else. It took me a while to catch on. What becomes dangerous, and something that we very much must watch out for is when people will use the Holy Spirit to speak into what you are supposed to do, and it is not lining up with what God has told you. God does speak to other people. However, if it is in direct contradiction with what we have been told, we need to be careful. The scriptures tell us to test the spirits.
One thing about negativity is that when it gets into your head, it becomes like a disease. It is easy going in, but not easy getting out. Your mood will shift from one of being upbeat to depression until you start noticing where the source of this negativity is coming from.
What Happened to Me in My Calling
When everything fell apart in my life in 2018, and I started the beginning of my job trials, Satan tried to convince me to stop following the steps of my calling. However, now that I look back, his work was so evident that he decided to have almost every single appliance in my home to break down one after the other. It was unbelievable.
Then, within the last week, as I was coming to a place of acceptance of letting God direct me in my next steps, and on a spiritual high from this “new place”, once again, Satan showed up in trying to prevent me from doing my calling. Out of nowhere, I had major problems with my printer. Then, I narrowed it down to realizing that the issue was just with my laptop.
Then, I thought, “Oh Great!” I found myself getting upset because it took several hours away from productivity for the day. I had already had two days where I couldn’t do as much work since I wasn’t feeling well, and this particular day, I was ready to get things done. However, the printer was not. I came up with a plan to tackle it later and kept going.
What Happened to Me in My Calling- Part 2
And the enemy kept going. I had three blog posts to get done, and two podcast recordings to complete before the week was out, and my blog’s website had a three-part glitch. The technicians fixed two problems and gave me a workaround solution for third fix so that I could get back to working.
The temporary fix caused about six other problems. At this point, I had to pray. I admitted to the Lord that I was really angry at this point. I asked him to help me not to sin in this anger, and to work through the problem. Sometimes we just have to get honest with our feelings. He was already aware of what was going on. The six other problems resolved by this morning, and I am still working in a temporary editor until their developer fixes the bug. But God is good! Satan didn’t totally cripple me from doing what I needed to do. However, there was a lot of frustration along the way.
As Nehemiah and his people tried to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, they faced a lot of opposition. Like with myself, people tried any and everything in order to get Nehemiah to come down from building the wall. Sanballat and his crew even sent a false prophet to Nehemiah to make it seem like the Lord had given orders.
6 When word came to Sanballat, Tobiah, Geshem the Arab and the rest of our enemies that I had rebuilt the wall and not a gap was left in it—though up to that time I had not set the doors in the gates— 2 Sanballat and Geshem sent me this message: “Come, let us meet together in one of the villages[a] on the plain of Ono.”
But they were scheming to harm me; 3 so I sent messengers to them with this reply: “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?” 4 Four times they sent me the same message, and each time I gave them the same answer.
5 Then, the fifth time, Sanballat sent his aide to me with the same message, and in his hand was an unsealed letter 6 in which was written:
“It is reported among the nations—and Geshem[b] says it is true—that you and the Jews are plotting to revolt, and therefore you are building the wall. Moreover, according to these reports you are about to become their king 7 and have even appointed prophets to make this proclamation about you in Jerusalem: ‘There is a king in Judah!’ Now this report will get back to the king; so come, let us meet together.”
8 I sent him this reply: “Nothing like what you are saying is happening; you are just making it up out of your head.”
9 They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, “Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.”
But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.”
Scripture Part 2
10 One day I went to the house of Shemaiah son of Delaiah, the son of Mehetabel, who was shut in at his home. He said, “Let us meet in the house of God, inside the temple, and let us close the temple doors, because men are coming to kill you—by night they are coming to kill you.”
11 But I said, “Should a man like me run away? Or should someone like me go into the temple to save his life? I will not go!” 12 I realized that God had not sent him, but that he had prophesied against me because Tobiah and Sanballat had hired him. 13 He had been hired to intimidate me so that I would commit a sin by doing this, and then they would give me a bad name to discredit me.
14 Remember Tobiah and Sanballat, my God, because of what they have done; remember also the prophet Noadiah and how she and the rest of the prophets have been trying to intimidate me. 15 So the wall was completed on the twenty-fifth of Elul, in fifty-two days.
Opposition to the Completed Wall
16 When all our enemies heard about this, all the surrounding nations were afraid and lost their self-confidence, because they realized that this work had been done with the help of our God.
17 Also, in those days the nobles of Judah were sending many letters to Tobiah and replies from Tobiah kept coming to them. 18 For many in Judah were under oath to him, since he was son-in-law to Shekaniah son of Arah, and his son Jehohanan had married the daughter of Meshullam son of Berekiah. 19 Moreover, they kept reporting to me his good deeds and then telling him what I said. And Tobiah sent letters to intimidate me.
Just like with Nehemiah and myself, Satan will send anybody and anything to stop you from doing what God wants you to do. He will send your kids, your family, your friends, appliance and technology failure, etc. Anything! He will send people to us to have us to waste five hours that could be invested in getting things done. Or better yet, waste five hours surfing on social media, and then for sure you aren’t going to want to do anything afterwards.
Solutions for Opposition
How do we combat the opposition against our calling?
Be aware of patterns of behavior in others in others that cause depression and sadness through the spirit of negativity.
Prepare yourself to do some exchanging of your inner and outer circles.
Know that if at no other time, your calling will be the time when it will be clear if you will have to let some friendships go.
Test the spirit to see if what was prophesied lines up with what God promised you.
Keep yourself prayed up and encouraged in the Lord. There are many times that David had to do that.
Persevere with consistency and give yourself grace along the way.
Be honest with your feelings when opposition comes your way.
Thank you for listening to Healing Our Brokenness: Episode 22: Opposition Against Your Calling. I hope that you have been able to have some takeaways to add to your healing. God bless!
In case you missed our last podcast episode, you can catch that one here:
Podcast Episode 21: Approval Addiction Outline:
Dissecting Approval Addiction
My Issues with Perfectionism
Moses’ Issues with People-Pleasing
Good afternoon! Welcome to Episode 21: Healing Our Brokenness. Today’s Episode is entitled, “Approval Addiction”.
Dissecting Approval Addiction
Perfectionism and People pleasing are more acceptable words to say. It sounds better and makes us feel better than to tell someone that we suffer from approval addiction. Saying the words approval addiction makes us want to cringe. However, the deeper issue of these two sins is the need for approval. When it comes to the brokenness that occurs in our lives, either we tend to follow in the footsteps that this emotion caused, or we will do the exact opposite. People pleasing and perfectionism stem from rejection. If we are rejected, then the natural thing to do is to 1) disappear, or become invisible, or 2) to make sure that someone sees me.
First of all, we will examine the sin of people pleasing. When it comes to people pleasing, we are focusing on doing the things that people want us to do. If it gets to the extreme, where we are so trying to keep everybody happy, that we have literally lost our own sense of self in the process, that’s when we get to the point of waking up one day, and then asking ourselves, “Okay, what do I want?”
I have done everything that everyone else wanted me to do. How do I live outside of this? For example, If there are 50 people in a room, and we took a survey to see how all fifty of these people thought that we should style our hair, we could possibly have anywhere between 20 to 50 answers. What if we decided to follow their advice, we’d be going around just like the energizer bunny, worn out, and a tired, hot mess. They would be happy, but we wouldn’t be because we have decided to forego being true to ourselves. We have lost a sense of what we value and hold true to ourselves.
The next sin that we will examine is that of perfectionism. I was abandoned by my dad at age 11. I felt rejected. Since my mom and dad were no longer together, and we were total opposites, and I had to have some kind of conclusion to come to in a child’s mind, then I felt rejected by her. Thirdly, I had a situation where I stood outside of the Baptist church that I grew up in, and one teenager said to another, “Her mother is so beautiful. I wonder what happened to her.”
To a teenage girl, this is devastating. Mix it in with the fact that I already had double issues of rejection from my parents, as well as physical insecurities. It rocked my world. I internalized what was said. And then, I was setup on the course for dating and then marrying my ex-husband, who had his only brokenness of being controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive, serial cheating, and the list goes on. I endured a 20-year marriage of this. And the question is, since I had grounds for divorce, why did I stay so long?
My Issues with Perfectionism
The above two reasons that I mentioned: extreme insecurities about my appearance and the three-part rejection issue. He was able to keep me in his back pocket so long because of my low-self worth. And, unfortunately, in my brokenness, I allowed it. It wasn’t until about three years ago that I got to the root of my perfectionism/approval addiction issues.
God was gracious and merciful at the time. Secondly, he showed me how it played out. I was the rule follower. The “good girl” in grammar school and high school. Katina didn’t get into trouble. My perfection played out in winning spelling bees, high grades in school, and performing in oratorical contests. I loved doing all these things. However, there was also recognition for doing all these things. Instead of choosing to become invisible, I chose to be seen.
Because of my ex-husband’s brokenness, he pretended like all I had to do was a few things and we would get back to the way that things were. What I didn’t know in the beginning is that I could do 50 things, or 1000 things, and the relationship was never going back to the beginning. I had been love-bombed, gaslight, devalued, and being groomed for discard unfortunately.
Perfectionism went from one area of my life to every area as I tried to fix him and give structure and control an out-of-control person. Who was I fooling? There was a two-way street going. I was on a mission to the fixing what he needed, and I took the devil’s bait of getting my self-worth from him instead of God. We will never be filled by another individual in an area that only God can fill. And if you are dealing with someone with his type of brokenness, they will just keep adding to the list, making you think, “if only you do this”. Trust me, it will never happen.
Moses’ Issues with People-Pleasing
Moses had the same setup from the Israelites. He led the
people out of Egypt as God had told him, but then all of the
needy people were coming to him for everything.
Here is the scripture taken from Exodus 18:
“18 Jethro, the priest of Midian, Moses’ father-in-law, heard of all that God had done for Moses and for Israel his people, how the Lord had brought Israel out of Egypt. 2 Now Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, had taken Zipporah, Moses’ wife, after he had sent her home, 3 along with her two sons. The name of the one was Gershom (for he said, “I have been a sojourner[a] in a foreign land”), 4 and the name of the other, Eliezer[b] (for he said, “The God of my father was my help, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh”). 5 Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, came with his sons and his wife to Moses in the wilderness where he was encamped at the mountain of God.
6 And when he sent word to Moses, “I,[c] your father-in-law Jethro, am coming to you with your wife and her two sons with her,” 7 Moses went out to meet his father-in-law and bowed down and kissed him. And they asked each other of their welfare and went into the tent. 8 Then Moses told his father-in-law all that the Lord had done to Pharaoh and to the Egyptians for Israel’s sake, all the hardship that had come upon them in the way, and how the Lord had delivered them. 9 And Jethro rejoiced for all the good that the Lord had done to Israel, in that he had delivered them out of the hand of the Egyptians.
10 Jethro said, “Blessed be the Lord, who has delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians and out of the hand of Pharaoh and has delivered the people from under the hand of the Egyptians. 11 Now I know that the Lord is greater than all gods, because in this affair they dealt arrogantly with the people.”[d]12 And Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, brought a burnt offering and sacrifices to God; and Aaron came with all the elders of Israel to eat bread with Moses’ father-in-law before God.
13 The next day Moses sat to judge the people, and the people stood around Moses from morning till evening. 14 When Moses’ father-in-law saw all that he was doing for the people, he said, “What is this that you are doing for the people? Why do you sit alone, and all the people stand around you from morning till evening?” 15 And Moses said to his father-in-law, “Because the people come to me to inquire of God;
16 when they have a dispute, they come to me and I decide between one person and another, and I make them know the statutes of God and his laws.”17 Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good.18 You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone.
19 Now obey my voice; I will give you advice, and God be with you! You shall represent the people before God and bring their cases to God, 20 and you shall warn them about the statutes and the laws, and make them know the way in which they must walk and what they must do. 21 Moreover, look for able men from all the people, men who fear God, who are trustworthy and hate a bribe, and place such men over the people as chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens.
22 And let them judge the people at all times. Every great matter they shall bring to you, but any small matter they shall decide themselves. So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you. 23 If you do this, God will direct you, you will be able to endure, and all this people also will go to their place in peace.”
24 So Moses listened to the voice of his father-in-law and did all that he had said. 25 Moses chose able men out of all Israel and made them heads over the people, chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens.26 And they judged the people at all times. Any hard case they brought to Moses, but any small matter they decided themselves. 27 Then Moses let his father-in-law depart, and he went away to his own country.”
What happened to Moses is kind of like having your children say, “Mom”. You answer and then it turns into fifty more times. And to be honest, by then you are aggravated, and ready to run away or ring someone’s neck. It gets played out real fast. However, like in my relationship, Moses had his rejection issues from birth, and then his life in Egypt that were never resolved. He got caught in people pleasing/approval addiction. He could help the people in their neediness, and they could help provide him with the approval that he craved that should have been filled by God.
What happens? We get tired after a while. Emotional, physical, spiritual, and psychological exhaustion takes place on both sides. Codependency sets in, like in me and Moses’ situation. Bottom Line: We can’t give people what they need.
God is telling us like he told Martha, “Come, sit at my feet. Rest in me. Fill your soul with spirit-filled activities. People are never going to be enough.” He is a jealous God. And he is jealous of our people worship.
He keeps telling us: “Come unto me all ye that labor, and I will give you rest.”
When we choose people pleasing and perfectionism over God, then we choose to settle for broken pieces of shame, other people’s expectations, rejection, unworthiness, and unacceptance.
So, how do we start the recovery process from approval addiction?
We remind ourselves that our identity is in Christ.
We speak to our soul and tell it, “God loves you!”
Remind ourselves that Jesus was despised and rejected so he can identify with our pain.
Christ is enough, and we are enough in Christ.
Rest in God.
We tell ourselves the follow statement:
“We are all broken, and so when we look to others for approval, we are getting approval from everyone else’s broken lens.”-Katina Horton
Thank you for listening to Healing Our Brokenness: Episode 21: Approval Addiction. I hope that you have been able to have some takeaways to add to your healing. God bless!