Is there only one reason why women find themselves in unhealthy relationships? How do I fix my not enoughness? How should we respond to other people’s pain? How can knowing how to respond in other people’s pain as well as our own help the grief process in general? What are the three things that we need in order to feel supported by others? Do the words that we speak even matter? Watch Part 1 of this interview between Business Coach Dr. Alice Koech and I to find out the answers to these questions and so much more. Did you miss Sharae Jenkins’ guest post? Catch up right here! Be blessed!
Dr. Alice Koech
Podcast Topics
The Grief Process
Why What We Say to People During their Grief Matters
It’s very tempting to hold in and suppress your emotions. It’s especially tempting when your race/ethnic group has been suppressing their emotions because of generational trauma. What actually happens when we suppress our emotions? What happens when we let it out? I mean let it all out? What would happen if we invite God and our own unique stress response cycle into the mix? Watch today’s episode to find out. Click here for last week’s episode on being stuck in our mess.
Speaker 1 00:01:12 This is the Healing Our Brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And where we also go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. This is podcast episode 102, and this one is entitled, “Let it all out”. Quite a title, right? In this particular episode, we’re dealing with our emotions.
And what happens is once we start being still long enough, we will be able to listen to our bodies and be in tune with our souls and our spirits and realize that something is off. We will be able to say, Oh, grief is built up. This needs to come out. This needs to be released. After learning how to navigate moments of stillness, I now know when grief is trapped in my eye sockets, stomach, chest, back, or throughout my body. It sounds weird, but it’s true. Our bodies communicate this to us in our stillness.
Speaker 1 00:02:30 And then there are times where the grief is just deep inside my soul. And I know when it comes out that it’s going to be really intense and really heavy and loud. I can hear the loudness and intensity of the grief deep inside my soul. During those times I have to give myself grace because sometimes if I focus on how it should be, rather than how it is, It can lead to me being disappointed. And then disillusioned. And then discouragement follows.
Part 2
Speaker 1 00:03:31 The best thing we can do when grief gets backed up is to get it out. You have heard the old phrase, “Better out than in.” This is also true when it comes to grief. When we hold it in and suppress it, we are allowing it to transfer over to trauma. In Genesis 45, we’re at the scene where Joseph is talking to his brothers, and then you got other officials that are underneath him in rank in the room, his servants, so to speak, and his emotions have built up and he’s realized that. And so it was just like, okay, so what do we do with these emotions? We have to let it out.
I had a pretty emotional day about a month and a half ago,
Speaker 1 00:04:32 Things had not been going well leading up to that particular day. It had been a crazy week. A two hour adventure turned into a five hour adventure. I didn’t get home until almost 10 o’clock. I was cold and hungry, and exhausted. While I was in the process of getting all those things done, I could hear the inner voice crying out in my soul.
Speaker 1 00:05:32 Okay. I finally finished up at least 80% of what I had to get done and I got in the car and I said, I’m just going to have to scream and let it out. And it probably was maybe four rounds of that. And maybe another couple when I got home, but I felt so much better. And when it comes to those types of emotions, we have got to be able to get this stuff out.
Part 3
Sometimes getting it out doesn’t look pretty/ideal/or the way we think they should look. Either we get it out and we are able to control how it comes out or it is going to control us and who knows what’s going to happen, but it’s got to come out. And won’t be pretty. Exploding on others is not ideal nor healthy, and could have been avoided. We ended up getting sick like that. Usually when it comes on that heavy like that, you have a little bit of a space as a warning, as far as trying to go somewhere, to be able to deal with it in private, if need be.
Speaker 1 00:06:28 And I just thank God that I was able to get it out. I listened to a particular podcast episode recently where the podcast host, who’s a therapist talked about how sometimes she has to go outside to be able to scream or yell, or whatever kind of way she needs to, to be able to get those emotions out of her.
Part 4
And with blacks, we have to be careful anyway, because it’s part of our DNA from trauma, we are able to suppress the emotions, more naturally than usual because of that trauma. The other side of that is that our bodies are keeping tract of everything that we are going through. It is screaming out from arthritis and all kinds of chronic autoimmune diseaseas.
Speaker 1 00:07:27 We let it out and give ourselves compassion and grace and speak kind words to ourselves. Instead of going into self-blame, self-judgment and self-criticism mode. And we let it out. And what I want to do right now is talk about Joseph and what happened with him when he was in the room. As I mentioned before, he was surrounded by his servants and his brothers. He wanted to be able to tell his brothers who he was.
Speaker 1 00:08:30 Okay. And it got built up in his system. And I’m going to read what the scripture says. It says Joseph could not control himself in front of his servants any longer. “When Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone leave my presence!” So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers. 2 And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it.
Part 5
3 Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still living?” But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence.”
Speaker 1 00:09:31 Don’t be worried, angry with yourselves because you sold me here. God sent me here ahead of you to say people’s lives. No food has grown the land for two years and there would be five more years without planning or harvest. So God sent me here ahead of you to make sure you have some descendants left on earth and to keep you alive in an amazing way.
So it was not you who sent me here, but God notice that he told them that twice to reassure them. God has made me the official, the highest officer of the King of Egypt. I am in charge of his house. And I am the master of all of the land of Egypt. So leave quickly and go to my father, tell him your son, Joseph, see us, God has made a master over all. Each have come down to me quickly.
Part 6
Speaker 1 00:10:33 Joseph reminded me of myself, where he realized he couldn’t control himself any longer. He asked them to leave except for his brothers because he felt safe enough to be able to express himself and reveal himself in front of them. And sometimes we can let it out with others, with us. And sometimes we just have to do it by ourselves. The window of time is important, and discernment is important.
Speaker 1 00:11:24 Regulating our emotions is part of being resilient as well as being able to flourish in our relationships. Because if we are walking around in that much misery, we cannot have decent relationships with people. Our focus and our pain are only on ourselves and how miserable we are. We want to let it out, and Get back up again, within reasonable time so we can keep moving. So, I hope it was something that was said here today that will resonate with your hearts as you go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.
Part 7
Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, etc. So, if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.
At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.
Are you saying to yourself, “I’m sick and tired of being in this state of languishing!” , but you are confused about how to get out? You need someone to walk you through the process, step by step. That’s what the course Broken Pieces is all about. This course walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter. ****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.
Today, we are continuing on with our Begin to Declutter Series. We have already begun to declutter our minds, our hearts, our souls, and our bodies. Today, we will begin to declutter your relationships. If you missed the other podcasts in the series, please click on the word links above.
You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you. I see that you would be pleased if Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead.
2 Samuel 19:6
Paul also and Barnabas continued in Antioch, teaching and preaching the word of the Lord, with many others also.
36 And some days after Paul said unto Barnabas, Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do.
37 And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark.
38 But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work.
39 And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus;
40 And Paul chose Silas, and departed, being recommended by the brethren unto the grace of God.
41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, confirming the churches.
Episode 76: "The Time is Now" An Interview with Evangelist Bernina Davis: How Obtaining Multiple DUI's Led to A Divine Appointment with the Creator in Jail & The Ministry of Evangelism-Part 2
Just when you thought that the story was over, it isn’t. There’s much more to come. As a recap of yesterday, when I interviewed Evangelist Bernina Davis, she took us on a journey of the importance of relationships and connection, having a relationship with God, knowing God and knowing self, and along with this knowing, being able to put your revelations into practice during this pandemic. She also took us through some of her family traditions around blackness, and the importance of not blindly following our passions, but following them with purpose, drive, and intent. Lastly, Evangelist Nina began the journey of taking us through her brokenness, explaining the importance of not turning others into idols, and the things that women often do that create this type of destructive behavior. Today, we are going to continue her road of redemption and grace that God gave her as she found herself in a situation of being arrested by the police. Listen in and find out how God made this pivotal moment in her life a divine rescue from brokenness and divine calling for life.
When Joseph was taken to Egypt by the Ishmaelite traders, he was purchased by Potiphar, an Egyptian officer. Potiphar was captain of the guard for Pharaoh, the king of Egypt.
2 The Lord was with Joseph, so he succeeded in everything he did as he served in the home of his Egyptian master. 3 Potiphar noticed this and realized that the Lord was with Joseph, giving him success in everything he did. 4 This pleased Potiphar, so he soon made Joseph his personal attendant. He put him in charge of his entire household and everything he owned.
The Time is Now: Joseph Part Two
5 From the day Joseph was put in charge of his master’s household and property, the Lord began to bless Potiphar’s household for Joseph’s sake. All his household affairs ran smoothly, and his crops and livestock flourished. 6 So Potiphar gave Joseph complete administrative responsibility over everything he owned. With Joseph there, he didn’t worry about a thing—except what kind of food to eat!
Joseph was a very handsome and well-built young man, 7 and Potiphar’s wife soon began to look at him lustfully. “Come and sleep with me,” she demanded.
8 But Joseph refused. “Look,” he told her, “my master trusts me with everything in his entire household. 9 No one here has more authority than I do. He has held back nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How could I do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God.”
The Time is Now: Joseph Part Three
10 She kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day, but he refused to sleep with her, and he kept out of her way as much as possible. 11 One day, however, no one else was around when he went in to do his work. 12 She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house.
13 When she saw that she was holding his cloak and he had fled, 14 she called out to her servants. Soon all the men came running. “Look!” she said. “My husband has brought this Hebrew slave here to make fools of us! He came into my room to rape me, but I screamed. 15 When he heard me scream, he ran outside and got away, but he left his cloak behind with me.”
16 She kept the cloak with her until her husband came home. 17 Then she told him her story. “That Hebrew slave you’ve brought into our house tried to come in and fool around with me,” she said. 18 “But when I screamed, he ran outside, leaving his cloak with me!”
Joseph Put in Prison
19 Potiphar was furious when he heard his wife’s story about how Joseph had treated her. 20 So he took Joseph and threw him into the prison where the king’s prisoners were held, and there he remained. 21 But the Lord was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love. And the Lord made Joseph a favorite with the prison warden. 22 Before long, the warden put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners and over everything that happened in the prison. 23 The warden had no more worries, because Joseph took care of everything. The Lord was with him and caused everything he did to succeed.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn [1] of my salvation, my stronghold.
I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name.
Episode 75:"The Time is Now" An Interview with Evangelist Bernina Davis: How Obtaining Multiple DUI's Led to A Divine Appointment with the Creator in Jail & The Ministry of Evangelism-Part 1
There are times in life when things have gotten so bad, that we think that there is no humanly way possible that they could enter the next level of getting worse. And to top it off, sometimes we will boldly say, without realizing the power behind those words, “Things could never get worse than this.” I have said it several times. The unfortunate part of that proclamation is that we don’t have a clue as to what lies wait around the corner. Only God knows the answer as to whether this statement is true or not.
Just as the reality of our family members’ sicknesses are being dealt with, things get worse. Appliances break down. Deaths occur. Friendships dismantle. Our responsibilities as friends, mothers, coworkers, sisters, brothers, spouses, etc., gets ramped up to a whole new level, and we are unsure as to how to proceed.
In the scripture, Joseph was put in a pit, sold, then elevated to living in Pharaoh’s house, then demoted again to prison status, where God’s favor was living with him, and finally, elevated again to second in command over Egypt. The elevation came at a high cost, but, it also came with development of the character needed for God’s divine appointment.
This past Monday, I had the opportunity to interview Evangelist Bernina Marbury. We talked about the importance of relationships and connection, vision, her career path, and blackness. And just when I thought the interview was coming to an end, it was just getting started. Evangelist Nina shared with us how her areas of brokenness led to a divine appointment with God. This appointment was an extended stay in jail, leading to a ministry in evangelism. Click on the link to be blessed by this woman of God.
When Joseph was taken to Egypt by the Ishmaelite traders, he was purchased by Potiphar, an Egyptian officer. Potiphar was captain of the guard for Pharaoh, the king of Egypt.
2 The Lord was with Joseph, so he succeeded in everything he did as he served in the home of his Egyptian master. 3 Potiphar noticed this and realized that the Lord was with Joseph, giving him success in everything he did. 4 This pleased Potiphar, so he soon made Joseph his personal attendant. He put him in charge of his entire household and everything he owned. 5 From the day Joseph was put in charge of his master’s household and property, the Lord began to bless Potiphar’s household for Joseph’s sake. All his household affairs ran smoothly, and his crops and livestock flourished. 6 So Potiphar gave Joseph complete administrative responsibility over everything he owned. With Joseph there, he didn’t worry about a thing—except what kind of food to eat!
Joseph was a very handsome and well-built young man, 7 and Potiphar’s wife soon began to look at him lustfully. “Come and sleep with me,” she demanded.
8 But Joseph refused. “Look,” he told her, “my master trusts me with everything in his entire household. 9 No one here has more authority than I do. He has held back nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How could I do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God.”
10 She kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day, but he refused to sleep with her, and he kept out of her way as much as possible. 11 One day, however, no one else was around when he went in to do his work. 12 She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house.
13 When she saw that she was holding his cloak and he had fled, 14 she called out to her servants. Soon all the men came running. “Look!” she said. “My husband has brought this Hebrew slave here to make fools of us! He came into my room to rape me, but I screamed. 15 When he heard me scream, he ran outside and got away, but he left his cloak behind with me.”
16 She kept the cloak with her until her husband came home. 17 Then she told him her story. “That Hebrew slave you’ve brought into our house tried to come in and fool around with me,” she said. 18 “But when I screamed, he ran outside, leaving his cloak with me!”
Joseph Put in Prison
19 Potiphar was furious when he heard his wife’s story about how Joseph had treated her. 20 So he took Joseph and threw him into the prison where the king’s prisoners were held, and there he remained. 21 But the Lord was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love. And the Lord made Joseph a favorite with the prison warden. 22 Before long, the warden put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners and over everything that happened in the prison. 23 The warden had no more worries, because Joseph took care of everything. The Lord was with him and caused everything he did to succeed.
4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
Substance Abuse plagues every family. No one is exempt. Although it is something that plagues every family, it is not something that we want to talk about. It causes shame, exhaustion, anger, and fear. Addictions leave the same effect, with innocent parties sitting back on edge, waiting to see what happens next. Click here to listen to Substance Abuse & Addictions Counselor Julianna Sliger with her take on Brokenness, Substance Abuse, and Her Journey in General.
Julianna Sliger, Substance Abuse and Addictions Counselor
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
But Daniel resolved that he would not defile himself with the king’s food, or with the wine that he drank. Therefore he asked the chief of the eunuchs to allow him not to defile himself.
How many of you have found yourself being someone else’s poison container? How many of you have tried making someone else your poison container? I know. All this talk of poison and containers sound a little weird. Some people like to use the words punching bags. Same difference. Whether you are the victim or the perpetrator, the whole concept is one that is very unhealthy. Tune in to this week’s podcast episode to find out what happens in both situations.
Podcast Outline
Poison Defined
Container Defined
Poison Container Defined
How it works
Workable Solutions
Bible Verses to Ponder On:
Biblical Examples Of Laban and Jacob using Leah as their poison container of deception and past hurt
I just recently released a book entitled, “My Blackness” over the weekend. This podcast episode gives you a little bit of background on the book, along with a reading of four different poems coming directly from the book. Just in case you missed the last episode, here is the link: What will they say about you and me?
My Blackness Podcast Outline:
The Why and How of Writing “My Blackness”
Reading of Four Poems
If you are interested in purchasing “My Blackness”, here is a link to the book on Amazon. The kindle version is available for free until midnight, August 6, 2020. Purchasing this book means that I will receive a commission.
How many of us often think, “If only they would just do what I tell them!” How many of us become angry and frustrated when others try to control us, but we never do anything about it? Listen to some helpful tips on today’s podcast episode, “Do What I Tell You”.
Episode 63 Podcast Outline
What is control?
What is intentional control?
What is unintentional control?
How did King Nebuchadnezzar deal with his pride and control issues?
What are the two things lying at the root of control?
Thoughts for the week: What will we do differently to make sure that we are not trying to control others? What are we going to do differently to make sure that we are not the victim of the spirit of control?
We listen to our friends, our enemies, “our hearts”, the radio, our children, etc. How many of us listen to our bodies? Did you know that listening to your body can give you clarity into listening to the needs, longings, and desires of your soul? Take a listen to this week’s podcast to gain a bigger perspective. Just in case you missed my last podcast, you can grab that one here: Episode 59: The Gift of Margin. God bless!
Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. 2 So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.”
3 Elijah was afraid[a] and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, 4 while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” 6 He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
7 The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” 8 So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. 9 There he went into a cave and spent the night.
