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Codependency Is Real-Part 2

Ok. You have finally had a come to Jesus moment and realized that you are a codependent. So, what now? And this is definitely a valid question.

Just like dealing with a computer problem, you have to analyze the why in relationships? Like all other sins, codependency is rooted in fear. Fear of the unknown. What will happen if you don’t pay the bills? What will happen if you don’t budget the money?

Does that mean you will end up homeless? What will happen if you and possibly you and the kids have to suffer as well? Will you end up broke? Having to downsize?

The Struggle

As women, we have been trained to take up the slack. Just like tying our kids’ shoes is easier for us than listening to whine and scream, “I can’t do it!” , doing things for other people without the hassle seems easier and safer. Plus, who wants to hear that whining?

As long as we keep tying the shoes, the child doesn’t grow, learn, and understand the concept of struggle as a natural process.

The same becomes true for your partner. As long as you keep tying his shoes, the irresponsibility continues and increases, and there is no struggle or growth. Growth cannot happen without discomfort.

One thing that became hard for me to understand is when my therapist explained that the only reason we continue in unhealthy cycles is because we are getting something out of it.

This is the second part of the why. The first part dealt with fear. The second part is your own brokenness. Codependency works because there is a need in you that is being fulfilled. That need is tied into your own insecurities and unhealed areas. Creating an empowered new chapter of life involves healing from past hurts. And in turn, healing from past hurts helps us to gain resilience and perspective. We will talk more about these insecurities in my next post.

Until next time,

Katina

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Episode 78: How Our Words Manifest Our Pain

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 78: How Our Words Manifest Our Pain
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Have you ever said something and then you wish that you could take it back? Or perhaps you said something mean, and you have no regrets at all. Whatever may be the case, our words have power. And not only do our words have power, they tell a lot about what is really going on inside of our hearts, own unhealed areas of pain and brokenness. Take a listen to find out how our words manifest our pain.

In case you missed last week’s podcast episode, you can find it here.

Podcast Outline:

  • Conversational Examples
  • Biblical Examples
  • What is the solution?
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Scripture Reading:

Luke 6:45

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

1 Samuel 18:5-11

So David went out wherever Saul sent him, and prospered; and Saul set him over the men of war. And it was pleasing in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.

      6It happened as they were coming, when David returned from killing the Philistine, that the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with joy and with musical instruments.

7The women sang as they played, and said,
         “Saul has slain his thousands,
         And David his ten thousands.”

8Then Saul became very angry, for this saying displeased him; and he said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, but to me they have ascribed thousands. Now what more can he have but the kingdom?” 9Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on.

Saul Turns against David

      10Now it came about on the next day that an evil spirit from God came mightily upon Saul, and he raved in the midst of the house, while David was playing the harp with his hand, as usual; and a spear was in Saul’s hand. 11Saul hurled the spear for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David escaped from his presence twice.

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Freedom or No Freedom: Reconciling Past Hurt

Are you walking in the freedom of Christ? What are we refusing to let go of as a result of someone else’s unhealed brokenness? What did someone say or do to us to make us want to keep hustling for self-worth? Why do we continue to void out the cause of the cross? What are some coping mechanisms/survival strategies/weird behaviors have you found yourself in because you are still trying to prove to your offender/person who hurt you, that you are enough? Would love to hear your comments!

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El Roi

What do you think of when you think of God? Think about Hagar. When she was kicked out by Sarah, to fend for herself and her son, she called God, El Roi, The God who Sees. He saw her distress, and he provided for her and her son. Who is God to you? Ponder this as you read “El Roi”.

He is El-Roi

He Sees me

He Knows me

He Loves me

He Heals me

When the Impossibilities Present themselves

All Around

And Our Countenance

Is Visibly Down

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He Sees the Hurt

He Sees the Pain

He Sees the Broken

He Hears the Rain

Removes the Fears

Collects the Tears

He Sees.

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Episode 14: Broken Pieces Introduction

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 14: Broken Pieces Introduction
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Background on Broken Pieces Introduction

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The book Broken Pieces was released a few days ago. The poem that I wrote, which is also included in the book, can be found here. In this episode, we are dissecting the reason for the name, the chapters, and the overarching theme of the book. The introduction of the book will be read to help give listeners insight into wh
Broken Pieces is really about. Does the issues resonate with them? And if so, how to seek ways for God to glue these pieces back together.

Broken Pieces Introduction Podcast Outline

Introduction of the Book Chapters

  • Introduction
  • Broken Identity
  • Broken Thinking
  • Broken Approval
  • Broken Dreams
  • Broken Faith
  • Broken Judgment
  • Broken Shame
  • Broken Comparison
  • Broken Conflict
  • Broken Relationships
  • Broken Forgiveness
  • Broken Healing

Reading of the Introduction

Bible Verse to Focus On:

John 10:10

King James Bible
The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

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Broken Pieces

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The last poem that I wrote was entitled “Faith Without Works”. You can find that poem here. Today’s poem, Broken Pieces, deals with the emotional process of deciding to enter the door of healing: the closed door represents survival mode, and open the opened door represents the door of thriving.

Broken Pieces

Broken Pieces, Broken Pieces

Yes, it’s what you’ve settled for.

There’s no thriving, just surviving.

Door of Healing gives you more.

Door of Healing, Door of Healing.

If I open, what is there?

There is Jesus.

In the fire.

And your pain.

So You’re Aware.

You’ll press in.

You will hurt.

Oh, but then you’ll go so far.

Just keep pressing.

It’s the lesson.

Set the bar.

Now it’s your blessing.

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Empathy, Empathy

A few days ago, I wrote a poem entitled “The Shame Game”.  You can find that one here.   Today, I have another poem dealing with emotional health, and it is entitled, “Empathy, Empathy”.

 

Empathy, Empathy

It’s not the same as sympathy.

 

 

I understand just what you’re feeling.

“Not sorry for”,

It’s not the willing.

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I sit with you.

You sit with me.

It’s empathy.

Now, can’t you see?

 

Oh, yes I feel just what you feel.

It’s not a matter of the will.

 

I will not rush your pain at all.

In life we all must feel the fall.

 

I laugh with you.

You laugh with me.

We cry and cry.

Till tears are free.

 

Empathy, Empathy

It’s not the same as sympathy.

 

Bible Verses on Empathy

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

 Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Ephesians 4: 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

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Episode 7: The Benefits of Suffering

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 7: The Benefits of Suffering







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Background on The Benefits of Suffering

Last week, I recorded Episode 6:  Waiting on God for the Impossible.  When we live long enough, we know that this becomes inevitable at some point in our lives.  How we handle waiting, and what we do during the process of waiting is the key.  If you want to catch last week’s episode, you can check it out here.

This week’s episode is “The Benefits of Suffering”.

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Podcast Outline

  • Introduction
  • The Truth
  • The Benefits
  • Presence with Joseph
  • God’s Presence with Me
  • God’s Comfort
  • Living Wholehearted Lives
  • Perseverance From Suffering
  • Comforting Others With God’s Comfort
  • How I Find Comfort in Suffering
  • Bible Verses to Meditate On:
  • Poem to Meditate On:

Midnight Furnace

I called you and you answered.

Right during my night of pain.

You pulled me out of the fire.

Then the fire turned to rain.

 

Not knowing that I’d survive this.

I prayed for you to deliver.

You told me to keep closed fists,

Bended knees with all considered.

 

I feel your Spirit run through me.

A song comes into my head.

“My child, you are protected.

Rest easy and go back to bed.”

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2 Corinthians 1: 3-11

  • 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
  • 8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters,a]about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

podcast, author, speaker, blogger, podcaster, suffering, emotional health, mental health, spiritual health, perserverance, pain, comfort, reward, endurance, toxic job, family life, drama, issues, physical health Episode 7
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2 Corinthians 12: 6-10

 

6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

Have a blessed night!