Codependency Is Real-Part 2

Ok. You have finally had a come to Jesus moment and realized that you are a codependent. So, what now? And this is definitely a valid question.

Just like dealing with a computer problem, you have to analyze the why in relationships? Like all other sins, codependency is rooted in fear. Fear of the unknown. What will happen if you don’t pay the bills? What will happen if you don’t budget the money?

Does that mean you will end up homeless? What will happen if you and possibly you and the kids have to suffer as well? Will you end up broke? Having to downsize?

The Struggle

As women, we have been trained to take up the slack. Just like tying our kids’ shoes is easier for us than listening to whine and scream, “I can’t do it!” , doing things for other people without the hassle seems easier and safer. Plus, who wants to hear that whining?

As long as we keep tying the shoes, the child doesn’t grow, learn, and understand the concept of struggle as a natural process.

The same becomes true for your partner. As long as you keep tying his shoes, the irresponsibility continues and increases, and there is no struggle or growth. Growth cannot happen without discomfort.

One thing that became hard for me to understand is when my therapist explained that the only reason we continue in unhealthy cycles is because we are getting something out of it.

This is the second part of the why. The first part dealt with fear. The second part is your own brokenness. Codependency works because there is a need in you that is being fulfilled. That need is tied into your own insecurities and unhealed areas. Creating an empowered new chapter of life involves healing from past hurts. And in turn, healing from past hurts helps us to gain resilience and perspective. We will talk more about these insecurities in my next post.

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 107: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 3

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 107: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 3
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Yesterday’s podcast episode left off with LaTrae Wilson contemplating leaving the faith. Today, we find out what happened. When it comes to creating an empowered new chapter of life, we often see the promise that Jesus made to us about abundant living, but we think of it as him doing everything, and us sitting back and relaxing, with our feet propped up on the coffee table, as we say, “Ok Jesus, whenever, you are ready to heal me.” Then, Jesus is looking back at us, and going, “Ok, whenever you are ready, we can do this thing together.”

Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires perspective. Healing from past hurts brings resilience and perspective.

We want to be the director of our new chapters without the participation part. However, that’s not how healing works. And in today’s podcast episode, LaTrae helps us to see just that: healing is a choice. Most women in difficult relationships struggle to make empowered choices. And part of that choice is whether we will be an active participant in our new chapter, or if we will continue to sit on the mat, and come up with excuses. One of my favorite quotes that LaTrae mentioned in this segment has to do with CHOICE: “Choosing God over foolishness. Choosing God over Failed Relationships.”

Be blessed as you listen in.

A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 3

  • the power of choice
  • therapy
  • first steps in starting a new chapter
  • being uncomfortable
  • comfortable and growing
  • being stuck later in life
  • releasing toxic people

Latrae Wilson’s Website

Her Book

Until Next time,

Katina

The Attack

Have you ever noticed the pattern of attack that comes your way at certain times? Our enemy is not creative.  However, he is relentless.  His whole plan is to use people, things, and circumstances as tools to do his dirty work.  We must constantly remind ourselves that we are wrestling against spiritual forces.  They are the root of the problem.  It is not people and things.  

Photo by Sarah Pflug

Think about it.  You have just finished up attending a conference at church, listening to a spirit-filled sermon or podcast, and in the mode of feeling really hopeful and joyous about your future.  Right after allowing the joy to come in, you begin to meditate on how different your reality is in comparison to the miracle that you are believing in. 

If the enemy can get us to feel depressed and down-trodden right after allowing the spirit of joy come in, then he knows that he has us.  We begin to think thoughts like, “Well, you know what happened last time.  So, don’t even feel happy about it.”  Satan knows that if he remains relentless in stealing our joy, then he knows we will choose to squash it when it comes up.  We decide to forego the feeling of having joy altogether.

When we are feeling under the weather, it also becomes the perfect time for the enemy to attack. 

The following is a story that I shared as a guest blogger on another site a little over a year ago:

A couple of weeks ago, the air pressure had changed.  I was having problems forming thoughts in my head.  My nose had started running, and I could feel pressure in my head and nose. 

I started to think to myself, ” My sinuses and allergies are in full swing.”  I didn’t manage my time well that morning, and thus, I ended up rushing out of the house while my daughter was waiting outside in the car.  As we were pulling off, I could hear a voice inside my head stating that it was my daughter’s fault that we were rushing.  Right away, I rebuked it.  I noticed that there was a spiritual force trying to blind me from seeing and speaking the truth. 

It took a few minutes.  However, I had narrowed it down to a spiritual attack involved the spirit of blame.  It left.  When I arrived at my writer’s group, I was fighting against it again.

Ephesians 6:10-18 King James Version (KJV)

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

It was at this time, that I knew I needed an extra set of armor for the day.  I had to pray scripture over myself, and fight to keep myself grounded in the truth.  Praise God for his deliverance from this attack!  I also thank him for making me aware of what the real source of the problem was.  Satan always wants you to believe that you haven’t made any progress.  That you will always be the same.  We must fight his words with the words of truth that God tells us about ourselves.