Episode 97: An Interview with Eston Swaby

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 97: An Interview with Eston Swaby

Have you ever wondered why you find yourself in the same patterns of behavior when it comes to dealing with rejection? Even more so, have you taken the time out to figure out the root cause of these issues? And if you have, what is stopping you from moving forward? Tune in to the interview that I had with Coach Eston Swaby to find out how he moved from the end result of rejection to where he is now. In case you missed my last interview with Jennifer Uren, the podcast host of This Mom Knows, you can catch that one here, and if you are looking to connect with Coach Eston Swaby, you can find him out on Facebook. Have a blessed Thursday, and I hope you enjoy the episode!

Podcast Topics


Money and Mindset




Unhealed and Healed Brokenness Affecting Writing & Speaking


What Does Brokenness Mean


Fun Questions

Podcast Transcription

peaker 0 00:00:01 This is the healing our brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And we also believe that we’re going from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing, and the title of this episode is An interview with Eston Swaby. On yesterday, I was blessed with interviewing mindset coach Eston Swaby.

We talked about some of everything: his profession, how he came to be in the ministry, what brokenness means to him, etc. He shared his story, how community plays a role in healing our brokenness, how he unhealed and healed brokenness affects writing and speaking, and what the word home means to him. And then we got a chance to do some fun, personal questions, a lot of what we talked about centered around identity, validation, approval and rejection. And so without further ado, I am going to let you tune in to the interview between Eston Swaby and I.

Speaker 0 00:02:51 Okay. So.
Speaker 2 00:03:00 I worked with Kristin and Jacqueline, in the marketplace, they are the ones to make a big difference, sharing their message can be a gift because of peers and limiting beliefs. We are afraid of asking for what we want and really putting ourselves out there.

And if you don’t mind me asking, what are some of those negative beliefs? Okay.

So, limited beliefs that I, I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy.
It’s not going to work out. Money is the root of all evil. If I make lots of money, then I cannot be spiritual at the same time. And, so some of those limiting beliefs that’s really hold them back from really becoming the person that God has called him to be in the marketplace. I think the biggest one is that they believe that they are not more than that.
Speaker 2 00:04:30 Yeah. I know when you are in business to make more gains. And so part of that so really makes sense. So if you think about the word brokenness, what does that mean to you?

It is not a part of a whole.

So that, that stops. So that stops you from really becoming your true self. That is true.

Now, would you please share with the audience, your story?

Okay, so I was rejected, and because of that rejected, I thought I couldn’t achieve certain things. And so for many years, I thought that there was something wrong.

Speaker 2 00:06:30 So I said to myself, you know what, my life is not important.
When I looked in the mirror all I saw was brokenness. All I saw was someone that wasn’t, that wasn’t good and that no one knows. So what, what’s the purpose of living to see another day?

I wanted validation from outside sources, instead of looking internally, everybody need to really look into who does it say I am, right? So if people didn’t approve me, if people didn’t accept me, then the cause of my self worth was based on other people, and it was more painful, and necessary that I reach out to myself.

Speaker 2 00:08:19 Yes, exactly. And you know, when God called me. I thought that God must be crazy because there’s no way with this broken person. You know, sometimes we are in the position. I spoke for many years, I was sitting in the ministry. I was in ministry, but then I wasn’t behaving in a way that was. I was playing smaller when I started. And even when I started my business, that was the same thing. I wanted success. But at the same time, I never thought that I was deserving. I was done.

So the past experiences dealing with rejection, were you able to come out of that?
Speaker 2 00:10:04 Um, yes. I was able to come out with really the word of God, that is how. I’m not going to let people say I’m not good enough.

That is so true. Uh, why do you think that people stay in their brokenness for so long?

Because there’s some need that has not been met. Um, there are basic needs. The needs are safety, and physical needs. A person that stays in brokenness is believing something programmed in their minds.

Speaker 2 00:11:44 So it was all important too. And how you say it, as far as the mind and programming to think a certain way. And once we have those thoughts in our heads, then we will start to act on it. That’s how it works out.

Yes. That’s exactly how it works because everything starts when something happens, right. When you start a new experience, and someone rejects you, then you say, okay, maybe I’m not good enough. It starts with thoughts then creates emotion then emotions and the emotions creates limiting belief creates a behavior that may sense those thoughts. We internalize. Exactly, exactly. The reason we internalize what people say is because there is something broken inside of you.

That makes sense. It makes me think about as a teenager, how my self esteem was low and I already had thoughts about myself. And then when I heard another teenager, a teenage girl confirmed what I was already wrestling with, then I said, Oh, this must be true.

Speaker 2 00:14:43 WE have to go back to our thoughts. Those original beliefs.
Remember our success, love, joy and everything.

Yes. That is so true, man. That is some good stuff. So did, um, how do you think community plays a role in healing brokenness? And then the second part of that question is how did it play a role in healing, your brokenness?

Speaker 2 00:17:10 Okay. So, um, community is very important. Every day. You surround yourself with people. WE need to be with people with similar beliefs. Right? Right. For example, you maybe go to the church, and there are people who are broken and negative, and you say, I’m not ready for success. I feel that I believe that I’m not good enough for their success. If you can not start surrounding yourself with people that tell you that you are worthy, that speaks life into your spirits or that believe in us, even when we don’t believe in ourselves, keeping that sees greatness in ourselves.

And that is true. And that’s the same thing that happens with me because I started to hang around people that didn’t treat me as the person who wanted to achieve certain goals.
Speaker 2 00:19:14 I started surrounding myself with other people who switched my mindset. They say that you are the sum total of the five people that you hang out with. Like with children. Their parents and family are those five people. That’s what determines who they are. And when you have this resilience, if you allow yourself to be shaped by your environment and the environment is going to shape you.

That is so true. How do you think healed both healed and unknown brokenness affects writing and speaking.

They a reflection of where you are. So if you are, let’s say, if you are writing a personal book, right. And you haven’t healed from your mess from rejection and maybe sense things that you are going to say, others will say, “they have an angry soul, right”?
Speaker 2 00:22:26 Because you’re writing from a place of brokenness, messiness. Writing should be refreshing. I’ve seen that personally in my own writing. I had to release certain people. Then I was able to read and write from a place of reflection and healing.

That is so true. Yes. Yes. That is so true. Now we got another question and that is, what does the word home mean to you?
Speaker 2 00:24:01 An internal place of safety. Not frustration or fear.

Speaker 2 00:26:47 Yes. I see what you’re saying.

Just so focused on either like the material aspects, being prominent, the money, the wealth, and not doing it because it’s what God has planned for your life. Regardless of if it’s gonna bring about a lot of money, a lot of fame, you have a lot of social media followers. That’s not the goal.

Yeah, exactly. I got some fun questions for you to answer. What are some of the books that you are reading now?
Speaker 2 00:27:45 Okay. I’m reading a book by Joyce Meyers surrender.

Oh, wow. And what are some of the things that you do to fill up your soul?
Speaker 2 00:29:26 I read my bible and hang out with positive people, start off by reading my Bible in the mornings.
Speaker 2 00:30:57 What do you think you would do to make a difference in the world?
Coaching. Where can people find you? Okay. The best place to find me is on Facebook. I’m on Facebook, my website, I’m really working on my website. Also. You can always reach out to me.

Wow. Okay.
Speaker 0 00:32:41 Thank you so much for your time. I’m so glad we were able to get those connection issues resolved. This has really been good. I appreciate it. So the healing brokenness podcast, episode 97 and interview with coach Eston Swaby.

Speaker 1 00:34:19 .

So, I hope it was something that was said here today that will resonate with your hearts as you go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.

Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, etc. So, if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.

 Valley of Grace.

When Trauma Triggers other Trauma(Racism)—Part 1

PTSD/trauma is real. And for those of us who live with it on a daily basis, it can be challenging for some, and debilitating for others. Everyday, we have conversations with people, and those conversations may involve sights, sounds, smells, etc. that trigger some form of trauma that we have experienced in our lifetime. The question that I have for you today is, “What happens when one traumatic event triggers another traumatic event?”

For instance, we are living in a pandemic. This pandemic is trauma-inducing. It brings with it fear, anxiety, uncertainty, unpredictability, isolation, etc. Just going over these elements themselves, it is important to take note that they rank high on the list as contributing factors to PTSD.

In the month of June, we had the death of George Floyd as the deaths of Breanna Taylor and Armaud Arbery were still fresh in our minds. His death led to a series of protests, looting, and upheaval all across the nation, and then all across the world. Some areas even got so bad that the nation guards were brought in, For some people like my mom, this series of events took them straight back to the 1960s when the Civil Rights movement was in full swing. Dr. King had come to Memphis, Tennessee to march peacefully in hopes of helping the sanitation workers get fair pay and treatment.

What he didn’t plan on happening, is that his arrival in Memphis would sadly be the beginning of the end of his life. The national guards would come in to take control. People like my uncle and cousin would be beaten with billy clubs. Looting would take over the city, as well as other places in the United States.

The hardest part about navigating a traumatic event like murder in broad daylight is hoping that you’re not alone. Someone understands and empathizes with your pain. In the sixties, there wasn’t social media. Today, there is. After these deaths, people flocked to social media for expressing their feelings, whether it was outrage, disbelief, shock, or empathy, as others lied in wait to attack them.

The surprise attacks caused these expressers to be retraumatized over and over again. People who you thought felt the same way that you do were showing their true feelings, causing you to feel like a knife was being inserted in your chest. Life became even trickier to navigate. Friendships among races became trickier to navigate. Nothing felt certain. So in a time like this, what do we do in order to navigate this trauma, the trauma of these lives that have been taken.

First of all, we pray, and then pray again, humbling ourselves.

if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

2 Corinthians 7: 14


  • Remind ourselves that this is now 2020, and that our minds want us to think that we’re back in the 1960s.
  • Ground ourselves in the spaces that you we in, with smells, sights, sounds, and pictures reflecting the current time.
  • Remind ourselves that God is soverign and in control, while we pray and hope that justice will be served, knowing that God is the ultimate judge.
  • Talk to our pastor, or another trusted leader for support.
  • Find like-minded friends and family members that you know will offer support.
  • Sign yourself up for therapy if needed.
  • Limit your time on social media.
  • Give yourself grace, compassion, and empathy.
  • And most importantly, grieve, lament, and grieve again. There is no time constraint on grief, and seeing the loss of life is hard for any and all witnesses.

Have a blessed evening!