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The Dysfunctional Patterns of Behavior Dance

Family dysfunction is learned behavior that has both been introduced into our DNA and socially adapted by what we see. It’s just like the old, saying, “monkey see monkey do.”

When we are not cognizant and self aware of our own patterns and behaviors, then we definitely cannot be other aware when it comes to the patterns and behaviors of individuals whom we are in relationship with. As the saying goes, we become the average of the five people that we hang out with the most.

And because we all have some type of brokenness, testing the spirits, inspecting the fruit like we do when we are in the produce department, and understanding our unresolved trauma, undealt with Brokenness, and proclivities, help us in knowing how to navigate the same familiar spirits in other people.

This is basically how you got hooked up with a narcissistic partner in the first place. Think of a AA battery. There is a plus and minus charge on each side. Your brokenness and how you define understand love is matched up with those same familiar spirits in him times 100, and on a whole Nother level.

When you understand your cycles, and the concepts that you have developed around love, you break the patterns, heal, and walk in wholeness.

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Episode 68: An Interview with Joyce Mosely on Journey, Brokenness, Blackness, and Relationships

the valley of grace podcast
Healing Our Brokenness Podcast Series
Episode 68: An Interview with Joyce Mosely on Journey, Brokenness, Blackness, and Relationships
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I had the pleasure of interviewing Child Development Teacher and Woman of God, Joyce Mosely. What made this interview extra special is the fact that Joyce is my mother. I hope that you guys enjoy listening to Joyce, being herself, and teaching us about her life and how it relates to brokenness.

Bible Verses to Meditate On:

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

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Honey Garlic Chicken

I’m not sure if you are a meat lover or not.  I wouldn’t consider myself a meat lover,  but, I love chicken wings.  And not just chicken wings.  Fried chicken wings!!!  It gets very tricky when it comes to buying fried chicken wings because some restaurants make them too greasy, or you end up with hardly any meat attached to the bones. 

Shopify Photo

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That defeats the purpose to me.  Up until about 20 years ago, when I ate chicken wings, I had to have them with hot sauce.  Now, I eat them with honey mustard sauce because I can no longer tolerate the hot sauce. 

Shopify Photo

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A couple of weeks ago, I had a taste for some chicken.  This time it was for honey garlic chicken.  This is a super quick recipe.  It satisfied my taste for chicken, gave me a boost of protein, and I had something sweet to eat at the same time.  That’s what I call a win-win situation.

Photo by Katina Horton

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Here is the recipe:

Ingredients:

  • 2 chicken breasts
  • 3 tablespoons of minced garlic
  • 3 tablespoons of
  • onion and garlic powder
  • black pepper
  • 3 tablespoons of honey
  • 1/3 cup of olive oil

Directions:

  • Cut the two chicken breasts into chunks and season them.
  • Mix all of the above ingredients, except the honey, into a skillet of heated olive oil.  
  • When the breasts are browned, add the honey, mixing it well with a wooden spoon.
  • Optional:  Add parsley flakes to the mixture after it’s done for garnishing.
  • Enjoy!
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Blueberry Whole Wheat Pancakes

The following is a post that I wrote a year and a half ago on another website. Enjoy! God bless!

Book Adventures

I am in the process of reading a book by Peter Mayle entitled, “French Lessons”.  It is one that is filled with a lot of humor, surprises, and vivid introductions to French cuisine.  The one thing that made me stop and think is a scene where Peter is in a restaurant with two friends, and they are discussing how to make an omelette.  The conversation intensifies because one person is insisting on saying that you can only make omelettes with a fork.  Another person insists on the fact that they have been making omelettes all their life with a spatula.  

This conversation ends, and then the conversation begins on what cookware should be used for the omelette.  There was a toss up between cast iron and copper pots.  The person with the copper pots said that everyone else was at a loss for the best omelette without using one.  Peter leaves the scene feeling like he needs to get one fast.

Isn’t this how it is in life?  Instead of us learning about all the different ways that we can say or do something, we have to impose our ways on everyone else, instead of celebrating the differences.  This leaves the people who are different feeling as if they are missing out on something.  It helps when we get into conversations like this, if we could take a moment and think about how it would make us feel if we were the “oddball out”.

On to the recipe:

Background on the Whole Wheat Pancakes

Last week, I had to wait for an hour for my daughter to pick me up.  To kill time, I decided to look around in two sections of the grocery store.  The first section was the magazines and books.  Featured on the front of one of the magazines was a picture of blueberry whole wheat pancakes.  The picture left me with a taste in my mouth that I couldn’t get rid of.  I decided that since I had some pancake mix and blueberries at home, that I would go home, and have fun making them.

They turned out really good!  And I praised God for that!  It is just the little things in life.  Instead of using an egg like the recipe calls for, I used 2 tablespoons of flaxseed meal.  Then, I added 1/3 cup of sunflower seeds, 3/4 cup of cashew milk, and blueberries.  For the oil for the pancake mixture, I used grape seed oil.  I used coconut spread to cook and top the pancakes with.  Lastly, since I didn’t have syrup, I substituted with honey.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Red Mill Organic HIgh Fiber Pancake & Waffle Whole Grain Mix

Their recipes:

  • Blend 1 cup mix
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tsp oil
  • 3/4 cup of cold milk
  • Mix until blended.
  • Cook on preheated griddle on medium heat.

My recipe:

  • 1 1/2 cup of mix
  • 2 tablespoons of flaxseed meal
  • 1 tablespoon of grape seed oil
  • 3/4 cup of Cashewmilk
  • 1 cup of Blueberries
  • 1/3 cup of sunflowers
  • Mix until blended.
  • Cook on preheated griddle on medium heat with 2 tablespoons of Earth balance Coconut Spread.
  • Top with  Earth balance Coconut Spread, blueberries, and honey.

Enjoy!

 Other pancake recipes:

Vegan Sunflower and Chia Seed Pancakes

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Chocolate Chunk Cookies

Hope you guys are doing well on this beautiful Sunday afternoon in the Midwest. Be blessed! Here is a recipe for Chocolate Chunk Cookies:

Ingredients

  • 2 cups of oatmeal
  • 2 cups of almond flour
  • 1/2 cup of chocolate chip chunks
  • 3/4 cup of sugar
  • 1/3 cup of coconut flakes
  • 2 tablespoons of flax seed meal
  • 1/3 cup of sunflower seeds
  • 1/3 cup of sliced almonds
  • 1/3 cup of walnuts
  • 3/4 cup of almond milk
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Directions

  • Grab a large bowl, mixing all of the above ingredients.
  • Place parchment paper onto two cookie sheets.
  • Scoop the mixture with a small ice-cream scooper, making sure that you press the sides of the scooper against the bowl in order to drain off excess liquid before placing the scoop on the parchment paper.
  • Bake at 320 degrees for about 25 minutes.
  • Enjoy!
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Mediterranean Dish

About a year ago, I decided to come up with a quick meal based upon the few ingredients that I had at home.  And guess what?  It turned out pretty good.  My son stated that it tasted Mediterranean, so I decided to go with that.    I hope that you enjoy the rest of your Saturday.  

Here is the recipe:

  • Mediterranean Dish
  • 3 chicken breasts
  • 1/2 cups of rice
  • 1 1/2 cans of cut-leaf spinach
  • 3 tablespoons of onion powder, garlic powder, cumin, and curry
  • 1/3 cup of oil
  1. Cut the chicken into chunks.
  2. Place the oil and breasts in a skillet, frying them for about 20 minutes.
  3. While the breasts are frying, boil the rice.
  4. Saute the cut-leaf spinach in oil.
  5. Place all of the above ingredients into a crock pot for an hour, along with a half cup of water to give a mashed effect and enjoy!
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Simple 15-Minute Guacamole

Simple 15-Minute Guacamole 

Ingredients 

(double or triple the recipe if making for a large crowd)

  1. 6 ripe medium-sized avocados
  2. 1/2 of a lime
  3. 1 teaspoons of each of the following:  onion powder, garlic powder, cumin, curry, turmeric, parsley, chili powder

Directions

  1. Cut open or peel the avocados with a knife or avocado peeler.
  2. Throw out the pits and scoop the rest into a bowl.
  3. Add the lime and the seasonings.
  4. Garnish the top with parsley.
  5. Place in the refrigerator so that it can chill.
  6. Enjoy!
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Who Can Separate Us?

Separation causes a lot of things.  For babies, the peak time for separation anxiety is between 10 to 18 months.  Even as adults, separation can be very difficult.  Due to immigration issues or other circumstances beyond our control, separation happens.  Families end up being torn apart.  In marriages, separation occurs for the sake of hoping that broken pieces are glued back together again.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve had close friends that I was separated from for years due to my moving or their moving, and somehow losing contact information.

Photos by Sarah Pflug

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Unfortunately, when I was a teenager, through no fault of her own, my grandmother was separated from her brothers for years.  We didn’t have any of the contact information, and after so many years, she assumed that they all had died except for her.  As God would have it, when I was at my last place of residence a few years ago, I decided to do an ancestry search to see if I could find any information on my grandmother’s side of the family.  Lo and behold, I stumbled upon an obituary showing that there had been one brother left along with my grandmother.  He had died nine months after her. It made me sad to know that my grandmother hadn’t spoken to him in so long, how she must have felt, along with all the “what ifs” floating through my head.

Separation brings on two friends: sadness and loneliness.  These friends can only be mended by God himself, who is near to the brokenhearted.  Because we live in a fallen world, we are prone to separated from anyone and anything.  However, there is one thing that will always stand the test of time.  That is, the love of God.

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Romans 8:35-39 New King James Version (NKJV)

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”

37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Be blessed,

Katina

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Wanting It Our Way

The following post is one that I shared a little over a year ago on another website.  I would still love to hear your stories of wanting things “your way” instead of God’s. 🙂

Have you ever wanted it your way?  I know you are probably wondering, what does that mean?  Wanting it our way is when we have a process of start to finish of how something should go.  However, when it doesn’t fall in line with our expectations, we become disillusioned into thinking that it didn’t happen, or couldn’t happen because we didn’t check off all the steps that we had for the process.

Photo by Verne Ho

This past week, there wasn’t anything that went as planned.  My after work naps either didn’t happen, or were later than planned.  My during the week walks/and or visits to the beach didn’t go as planned.  And then phone calls that I needed to make to take care of business didn’t go as planned because I wasn’t able to reach people. 

However, God showed me that I wanted it my way.  He had a different set of plans for the week:  I got a chance to spend some time with my young adult son watching Little House on the Prairie.  This was totally unplanned.  Just so happened that he pulled in the driveway right after me.  I turned the TV on to a recording, expecting to fall asleep, but I didn’t. We watched an episode entitled, “The Three Bullies”.  Charles had to protect his wife from some obstinate town bullies.  The children showed the adults a lesson in how coming together in numbers gives strength rather than fighting alone.

My second God moment was riding home from the library midweek after bible study and catching a glimpse of God’s glorious sunset.  There were hues of medium pink streaking across the sky.  The air felt perfect.  And all was calm.  And guess what?  My way wasn’t the best way after all.

What simple, functional, grace-filled things replaced your “wanting it your way” this past week?  Would love to hear your stories!

God bless!

Katina

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Summertime Salad

Background Story on Summertime Salad

My mother and two nieces came to visit me this weekend. I picked them up on Saturday, hoping beforehand to have made at least four out of six stops completed prior to picking them up from the train station. Well, I got three done. I had to talk myself down to the fact that I would have to make three stops with two little ones. It wasn’t that bad after all.

After all of the stopping and putting away groceries, we decided that it would be best to grill on Sunday after church. It rained overnight and Sunday morning. However, as the weather man predicted, the rain stopped at around 1:00 p.m. By 2:00 we were ready to grill.

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Summertime Salad Photo by Katina Horton

Some of the highlights of my weekend were: 1) watching a two-year old dance and climb a flight of stairs with the look of joy on her face, 2) watching both nieces play with twigs and branches in the backyard 3) listening to 70s, 80s, and 90s slow jams, 4) watching movies, 5) baking oatmeal lemon nut and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with my niece, and 6) grilling for the first time since living here. I hope and pray that you had a simple, functional grace-filled weekend as well.

Here is the recipe for the Summertime Salad that I made on Sunday:

Ingredients

  • 5 medium beets
  • 3 tablespoons of Italian seasoning
  • 3 tablespoons of minced onions
  • dressing of your choice
  • 3 medium green bell peppers
  • 6 to 8 mini sweet peppers
  • 10 radishes
  • 1 tub of mixed green salad
  • 6 tomatoes cut into wedges or slices

Directions

  • Roast the beets for 45 minutes on 350, pouring olive oil and wrapping them individually in foil and placing them on a cookie sheet beforehand.
  • When they are done, allow them to cool off for 15 minutes and then peel off the skin with a towel.
  • Cut the beets into wedges.
  • Dump the mixed green salad into a bowl.
  • Dump the tomato slices or wedges into the bowl.
  • Dump all the rest of the ingredients and sprinkle the seasonings last.
  • Enjoy!

God bless,

Katina