Have you ever been divorced? Do you know of someone who has been divorced? When you found out that this person was divorced, did you treat them differently? Today’s podcast is entitled, “The Big “D”, and that “D” stands for divorce. Click above to listen to the latest podcast episode.
It has been said that divorce is worse than death. There was a time when the word divorce was taboo. Older television shows reflect these ideas. When children mentioned that their friends’ parents were getting divorced, they were shushed by their parents, and/or the parents came up with an excuse as to why Johnny or Susan couldn’t play at the neighbors’ house anymore. They were outcasts.
Prior to getting divorced, I heard someone use the phrases “It’s no big deal. People get divorced every day.” This is true. However, what is also true is that you don’t have people lined up to tell you the real impact from divorce. Divorce leaves lifelong effects in every area: financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. Basically, there is no table left unturned.
Grief experienced from divorce can be draining. With this pain, you must grieve the loss of the marriage, the loss of the family as a unit, and then grieve that part of your identity that is being taken away. There is no magic formula for the intensity of the pain or the amount of time that it will take to heal. My grief so far tends to run in spurts. The grief might be off and on all day for three weeks, and then there is a month break before it starts up again. I have had other women tell me that theirs was every day for two hours for the length of anywhere from two to five years.
There are some individuals who have gotten divorced because of severe abuse that has gone on for years. In Malachi 2:16, we are told, “For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.” (NASB)
Others have gotten divorced as a result of extramarital affairs: The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made
at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Matthew 19: 3-9)
It is possible for God to heal marriages from any situation, even the ones listed above. However, sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that one person can fix the whole marriage. As individuals, we can only do our part. We cannot be the Holy Spirit for others. I am a planner. I like organizing, analyzing, and figuring things out. I thought that if I could just do A, B, and C, things would be fine. If things weren’t getting better, it was because I hadn’t figured out the right formula yet. Satan led me to believe that I was responsible for the entire relationship.
He led me down the path of dishonoring God, and disrespecting myself and children “all in the name of love”. The best thing that we can do is pray and ask God for wisdom and discernment, and then in turn get professional help for ourselves. It is easy to pass judgment upon others who are considering divorce. However, the truth is, only the individuals involved in the marriage are aware of the severity of the situation. I stayed in a toxic situation for twenty years. Thank God for Him getting a hold of my heart and mind. We can pray the same thing for others whom we know of that are walking in this path.
We thank you for your word to go to when we are unsure, and don’t know where to turn. Please help us to help others by sending them to your word and prayer when it comes to decisions about divorce. We also pray that we would not pass judgment upon others when they are going through divorce because we don’t know the whole story. Only you do.
In Jesus’ name,