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Gratitude Check

Introduction

The last six months have been filled with trials, unexpected trauma, and a whole lot of gratitude.  This gratitude involves the realization that I have life, strength, and decent health.  It makes me think of all the things that God made possible that I thought that I may never do again.  It is also gratefulness for a new calling in life.  I realize that nothing can be taken for granted.

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Background on Gratitude Check

After just coming out of a trial on Wednesday of last week, I was looking forward to taking it easy on the weekend.  So I thought.  I had just attended a meeting at church for the Sunday School volunteers.  My daughter and I were headed home.

We made a complete stop at the intersection around the corner from our house, waiting for eastbound traffic to clear so that we could make a left turn.  While we were sitting there, I had the words “crash and rental car” to come into my mind.  I tried pushing those thoughts out of my head.  I began to make a plan for what I would do when I got home:  rake the leaves, go for a walk, write out my podcast speech, etc.  The next thing that I knew, we were hit.  It kind of happened in slow motion.

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After about an hour and fifteen minutes of pictures and paperwork, we were able to go home.  To be honest, I had to stop and ask God “Why?”  I had just recovered from last week’s drama, only to end up with more trauma from the accident.  As I sat there, at my kitchen table, I acknowledged that I was mad.  There was no point in pretending.  Stuffing leads to more trauma, so I wasn’t going down that aisle.  I acknowledged that I didn’t feel like making the calls to the insurance company.  Then, I had to acknowledge the trauma from the accident that was starting to kick in.

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It took me two more hours before I could call and report the accident.  What was my gratitude check for Saturday?

  1.  God is good.
  2. The car was still drive-able.
  3. We didn’t suffer any major injuries.(My daughter is sore from the accident).
  4. God had a praise song in my head while we waited for all the pictures and paperwork to be done.
  5. The car wasn’t going any faster than it was.
  6. We found out that we were missing some major coverage on our car insurance.
  7. The other driver had insurance.

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This accident reminded me of God’s answer to our thoughts and our plans:

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9 New International Version (NIV)

God bless,

Katina

Oh Self-Pity!

Earlier this week, I recorded a podcast on self-pity, entitled, ” Woe Is Me!”  You can find it here.  Today, I wrote a poem on self-pity to help us all deal with its spiritual stronghold.

Oh Self-Pity!

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Oh Self-Pity! Oh Self-Pity!

You have built your own little city.

“Look at me! Look at me!

Don’t you see me suffering?”

 

“I’m the victim, full of sad.

Turning inward all the mad.

Oh, dear God, but I’m your friend.

When will you take the revenge?”

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(God Answers)

“Take Mercy and Grace, Make them your friends.

That inward thing, your heart will mend.”

 

“Oh Self-Pity! Oh Self-Pity!

God has destroyed your little city.

Look at me! Look at me!

God has surely set me free!”

 

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Bible Verse to Reflect on In Regards to Self-Pity

 

73 Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart.

But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped.

For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

For there are no bands in their death: but their strength is firm.

They are not in trouble as other men; neither are they plagued like other men.

 

Therefore pride compasseth them about as a chain; violence covereth them as a garment.

Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish.

They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression: they speak loftily.

They set their mouth against the heavens, and their tongue walketh through the earth.

10 Therefore his people return hither: and waters of a full cup are wrung out to them.

11 And they say, How doth God know? and is there knowledge in the most High?

12 Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.

13 Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency.

 

14 For all the day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning.

15 If I say, I will speak thus; behold, I should offend against the generation of thy children.

16 When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me;

17 Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end.

18 Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction.

19 How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment! they are utterly consumed with terrors.

 

20 As a dream when one awaketh; so, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shalt despise their image.

21 Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins.

22 So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee.

23 Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.

24 Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.

 

25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

27 For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.

28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.

The “Inability to Focus” Aspect: Living With and Healing From Trauma on a Daily Basis

Background on the Inability to Focus Aspect

For about three months now, I have featured a series entitled, ” Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.  Last week, I discussed the “Blackout Aspect”.  That discussion can be found here.  Today’s discussion in the series ” Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis”, will center in on The “Inability to Focus” Aspect.

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When we focus, we are able to use all of our attention in order to get a task done.  Unfortunately, with PTSD/trauma, there are times when the inability to focus can literally get the best of you.  There are several times that I have noticed this happening to myself.  These are the triggering situations when the inability to focus happens the most:

  • obtrusive thoughts are coming through
  • you are in shock/denial about the truth/reality of a situation
  • when you haven’t had enough sleep

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Obtrusive Thoughts

Obtrusive thoughts that come through are the thoughts that are for the most part not your own.  These thoughts are usually part of the inner critic voice inside of you from the person who abused or criticized you, or caused some type of pain or rejection.  When these thoughts are racing through, it is hard to focus on anything else because the thoughts are trying to literally take over your whole brain process.  I start off by praying and asking God to “take my thoughts captive”.  If the obtrusive thoughts are mild, this does the trick.  However, to keep it real, sometimes the thoughts are so out of control, that I am praying to God all day long about the same thing to the point of exhaustion.

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Shock / Denial

When I am in shock/denial about some revelation that God has brought forth, I immediately start having problems focusing.  This happened about three weeks ago when a personal situation with someone blew wide open.  During this time, I ended up redirecting myself several times over to the truth, which is good.  However, what I notice is that the truth is such a shock at this point, that the inability to focus increases instead of decreases from the truth.

This is because the revelation of the truth started the cycle in the first place, if that makes sense.  The only thing that helps to ease this up is when our brains know that it is safe to grieve.  Grieving breaks through the inability to focus aspect little by little when it comes to shock/denial.  In this sense, I think of it as being a protection from further emotional and mental damage.  This particular case from shock/denial is a form of dissociation as well.

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Lack of Sleep

Lastly, when it comes to trauma, we have to have enough sleep.  This can’t be stressed enough.  When this doesn’t happen, it increases the inability to focus.  In PTSD/trauma victims, this is exaggerated more than usual cases.  The situation can get so bad that you exhibit ADHD-like symptoms that are trauma-induced.  You have difficulty putting thoughts and sentences together, and you feel like your words are far apart.

My Experience with Lack of Sleep

One time about eight months ago this happened.  It was extremely scary.  I had been having problems sleeping for about a week do to a trial that I was dealing with, and the next thing that I knew, I realized that I was having problems gathering thoughts and putting sentences together.  I prayed and asked God to help me sleep, and to restore my mind.  And he didn’t fail to answer.

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Even if this is not your area of struggle with PTSD/trauma, I am quite sure that there are other that you have that may be just as challenging.  Feel free to comment below on how the inability to focus aspect has challenged you.

Thanks and blessings,

Katina

Episode 5: Woe is Me!

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 5: Woe is Me!
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Outline of the Podcast “Woe is Me!”

Praise God!  We are on Episode 5, entitled, ” Woe Is Me!”.  Last week’s podcast featured Episode 4:  Unhealed Brokenness & Toxic Relationships.  It can be found here.

  • What is Self-Pity?
  • Why is Self-Pity So Bad?
  • What is the End Result of Extreme Self-Pity?

 

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  • The Competitive Side of Self-Pity
  • Self-Pity is Spiritual
  • View of Self-Pity for other Christians
  • View of Self-Pity for Unbelievers
  • My Experience with Self-Pity
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  • Factors for Ahab’s spirit of self-pity
  1. Retirement
  2. Location
  3. Money
  • Ahab’s childish behavior
  • Reminders about Temptation and Lust
  • James 1: 12-20:

12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Listening and Doing

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

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Five Steps to Freedom from Self-Pity

Have a blessed night!

Katina

The Blackout Aspect: Living With and Healing From Trauma on a Daily Basis

Dissecting the Blackout

A couple of weeks ago, we focused on the shame aspect of trauma.  You can find that discussion:   “The Shame Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis” here.  Today, we will discuss the blackout aspect of trauma.

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What is the blackout aspect of trauma?  The blackout aspect of trauma consists of several different things.  First of all, not everyone, but for some people living with PTSD/trauma, there is something that happens with your body’s sense of being able to handle the transition between light and dark if that makes sense.  For myself, it was so significant that at first, I had to have a lot of lights on in the house.  If I didn’t, I would feel like the darkness was closing in on me.

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Old Experience with Blackout

When my kids and I were homeless, and waiting for God to give us a place to live, one of my friends took us in for five weeks.  At this time, my issue with blackout was so bad, that the darkness made me scared to fall asleep.  I would wake up in a panic, and have to calm myself down so that I could feel rested.  I felt like I had gone from a forty something year old woman to a child afraid of the dark again.  So, not only was it scary, but I was filled with shame.

New Experience with Blackout

What I noticed the situation is now, is that I have such a sensitivity to light, that I have to have it completely dark in order to fall asleep.  If there is any light coming in from the blinds, I know I am going to have trouble falling asleep.  If I don’t have the light blocking my face, even if I’ve had 8 hours of sleep, I will have extreme layers of bags under my eyes that will look like I haven’t slept in days.  Also, my whole body will be in an extreme case of exhaustion.

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Two years ago, I had to serve at the concession stand at church for basketball season.  It was a pretty gloomy day in general, and since it was early evening when I got dropped off at the church, it was even darker.  I stepped into the church’s kitchen to begin my serving shift, when everything started closing in on me.

My old techniques were immediate panic, but right then, I reminded myself of where I was, that it would eventually stop, and that engaging in conversation with others around me would help me to get grounded in the present moment.  I would just have to ride it out.

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When is the blackout aspect really bad?  This is during the time where there is changing of the seasons, especially when it starts getting darker closer to winter.

I do a better job of handling it now, but in the beginning, it really rattled me to be honest.  Feel free to drop a line in regards to your blackout aspect, and how you handle it.

 

God bless and have a wonderful weekend.

Episode 4: Unhealed Brokenness & Toxic Relationships

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 4: Unhealed Brokenness & Toxic Relationships
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I am blessed to be airing Episode 4:  Unhealed Brokenness & Toxic Relationships.  Last week I aired Episode 3:  Broken People Judging Broken People, and it can be found here.  I am not a mental health professional.  I am speaking on this topic based upon my relationships with individuals in the last twenty years where toxicity existed.

I pray that if you are dealing with any of the signs/symptoms in a relationship, that are mentioned in this podcast, that you seek professional help in navigating this dynamic, and that you remove yourself from the toxic dance before it’s too late.

Unhealed Brokenness & Toxic Relationships Podcast Outline

  • Background on My Unhealed Areas of Brokenness
  • Signs and Symptoms of Toxic Relationships/Personality Disordered Individuals
  • Woman At the Well
  • Woman with the Issue of Blood
  • When to Get Out

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Bible Verses for Meditation:

 

John 4: 7-26

When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.a])

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”

17 “I have no husband,” she replied.

Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband.18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

19 “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. 20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”

21 “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

25 The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

26 Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”

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Mark 5:25-34 New International Version (NIV)

25 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26 She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse.27 When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” 29 Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

30 At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”

31 “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ”

32 But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33 Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34 He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

Matthew 18:15-17 New International Version

(NIV)

Dealing With Sin in the Church

 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.  But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

It is Finished

Shame:  It is Finished

You can always tell what things are important to Jesus.  That is why his last three words on the cross summed up everything:  “It is finished.” He already knows the things that keep a high level of stronghold on us.  Shame and rejection are just two of them.  Shame is when we are perceiving ourselves as bad.  This perception can be due to issues playing out in any of the following areas: financial, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, physical, and mental.  Because we are all broken, we dump shame on ourselves, and then unfortunately we dump shame on others.  Last week, we discussed the shame aspect of trauma here.  When we wallow in shame, then we see ourselves as unworthy.  We become deficient in self-worth.  What did the scripture say about our actions in regards to shame? “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of [our] faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”  Hebrews 12:2

 

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Rejection:  It is Finished

Rejection hits the same brain wires as when we experience physical pain.  When rejection plays out, we receive the hidden message, “You are not good enough”.   You need to prove yourself.  The next natural response to not being “good enough”, is trying to figure out what we need to do in order to qualify.  Unfortunately, depending on our background, this could turn into a dangerous ground for Satan to get a foothold.  Jesus was despised and rejected as he planned to take his place on the cross.  He didn’t need to prove himself, or figure out how to get someone to like him because God, his Father, was all the approval that he needed, and Jesus is all the approval that we need.  His life in exchange for our freedom:  He was despised and rejected–a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.  Isaiah 53: 3

 

We can finally release all of the shame and rejection on the cross by remembering the last three words that Jesus said, ” It is finished”.

 

When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.  John 19:30

When Grace Is No Longer Grace

Dissecting Grace

As Christians, we know that the best example we have for living is Christ.  We love because he first loved us.  We forgive because he has forgiven us.  We give grace because we have been given grace.  But, the question is, when is grace no longer grace?  This is the question that I have had to revisit several times in the last few years.

Grace is no longer grace when we have gotten to the point of disrespecting ourselves.  How do we know that we our disrespecting ourselves?  It is usually when our needs, thoughts, well-being, and boundaries are ignored.  Boundaries exist emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

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Body’s Reactions

One of the ways to know if we are disrespecting ourselves is to pay attention to our “gut reaction”.  A lot of times our bodies know that something is wrong before our emotional, mental, and spiritual knows that something is wrong.  When I first met a neighbor at my last residence, she seemed nice.  Although she seemed nice, there was still something that didn’t allow me to feel 100% safe.  During the course of talking to her, she almost fell.  She grabbed on to me to recover her balance, and my whole body locked up.  If you live with PTSD/trauma on a daily basis, then you are very familiar with the stiffness of the body as a reaction to trauma/stress.  Because of trauma victims having a negative charge, we are even more sensitive to detecting something wrong.  We are magnets to certain types of energy.  Had I acted on this warning, I could have avoided a lot of heartache.  When you have a gut reaction about something, it is your body’s warning that your boundaries are being crossed, or that something said isn’t right.

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Giving Excuses

We all have bad days.  We are all broken, and because of our brokenness we are going to sin on a daily basis.  However, it is important to pay attention to how often we are giving excuses for behavior.

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Giving

We are not to keep score, however, it is important to know that there is give and take in any relationship.  If we are on the giving 90% of the time side, this is a sign that grace is no longer grace.  This will manifest itself through feeling drained emotionally during or at the commencement of the relationship.  This isn’t a normal reaction in a give and take dynamic.

 

Working

You are working to prove your value and worth all the time.  Jesus’ death cut out all the legalism of work.  If we are striving for approval or value from others, or we are given the hidden meaning to keep hustling for someone, grace is no longer grace.  I love this verse in Romans that makes this so clear:  And if by grace, then is it no more of works: otherwise grace is no more grace. But if it be of works, then is it no more grace: otherwise work is no more work. Romans 11:6

 

 

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Control

Grace is no longer grace when we allow ourselves to to be controlled.  Control can be subtle or obvious.  When you find yourself in a toxic dance, your gut feeling is not right, and you are going around in circles, this is a sign you are being controlled.  It can also be a matter of having the things that you say or do be used against you.  For example:  Person A says :  Do this.  Person B:  Does this.  Person A says:  Why did you do this?  And then this repeats over and over again.  The only way to come out of the dance is to eliminate your action as person B.

 

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Patterns

One of the best ways to determine whether grace is no longer grace is to look for patterns.  These patterns will give a clue into whether or not there was a misunderstanding on our part, or if there is a pattern of sin on the other person’s part.  If it is hard to detect, then one of the best things that we can do is to pray.  Prayer for wisdom and discernment will allow us to receive what God wants us to know.  As much as we hate conflict, it is something that we can’t avoid.  The podcast on handling conflict can be found here.  We are told in scripture how to handle the conflict of sin:

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.  But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.  Matthew 18:15-17

 

What I have come to figure out myself is that if the scripture verses above were put into effect in all of my situations, then the draining/toxic effect could have been avoided or lessened.  We cannot save or fix others.  It is Satan’s job to make us believe that we can, to the point of disrespecting ourselves, where grace is no longer grace.

God bless you all!

 

Katina

 

 

Footnotes:

The Shame Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

Dissecting the Shame

Last week, we discussed “The Changing Seasons Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis”, which can be found here.  This week, we will be dissecting “The Shame Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis”.  One thing about shame is that when it creeps in, it can do a lot of destruction.

Trauma itself can produce a lot of shame because of its symptoms.  Depending on what symptom you are trying to control, it can leave you feeling isolated, and wanting to self protect for fear that someone will not empathize with you for your condition.  I harbored shame for three reasons:  the swinging/aggressive impulse that it caused, the good memory that God had blessed me with had been had been significantly damaged, and last, the physical condition that the trauma left my body in.

Shame of Lost Memory

I took for granted the memory that I was blessed with.  It just had always been there.  The ability to memorize telephone numbers, social security numbers, birthdays, and spelling bee words all came easy until the trauma.  Even names of people became a blur.  When you go from having all this, to trying to remember if something happened a week ago, or three weeks ago, because of the time aspect of trauma, it can do a number on you.  Even now, my brain hasn’t fully recovered.  Sometimes, I am standing with friends and talking, and for the life of me, I just can’t seem to remember their name.  At this point, I will try to tell myself to relax, and then not to overthink it, and the name will come to me.  I feel so blessed that God has recovered what he has.

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Shame of Aggression

The second part of shame that has taken me a long time to talk about is the aggression.  When the aggression hits, it leaves you with the impression of wanting to hit something.  Since trauma gets stored in your body, the only way for this aggression to improve, is to get it out.  I do this at home by doing a kickboxing style type of move to release the anger from my body.  Also, if you don’t go to therapy where it’s safe to talk about the trauma, it just remains stored in your body.  Unfortunately, this symptom of aggression from trauma stemmed from seeing my mother abused when I was a kid.  I didn’t know it was traumatic until the trauma of my ex-husband’s behavior in the home right before my divorce, coupled with the fact that my daughter was eleven years old at the time.   He was planning on leaving the home, and this brought my childhood surface of trauma to the forefront.  I was also eleven when my dad left the home.  His exit was also traumatic for me.  It involved coming home, and then almost everything you own being gone from the house, including him.

shame, guilt, trauma, anxiety, PTSD, depression, emotional health, mental health

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Shame of Physical Burnout

The last part of shame from trauma that I dealt with is the physical aspect.  I was in a compromised state.  Since my ex-husband wasn’t paying the proper amount of money, I figured that I had to go back to work to make ends meet.  I got a job that came with a high price: toxicity.  From start to finish of working there, it mirrored the emotionally abusive marriage I had just left.  I should have quit halfway through when my body started falling apart, but I didn’t.  It was nine months of Sodom and Gomorrah, and everything in between there.  I was in such a jacked up state, that I couldn’t think straight.  At one point, I probably should have been hospitalized because of physical exhaustion, thyroid crisis, and adrenal gland crisis.  I also suffered with chronic fatigue on a daily basis.  It took a good almost three years before my body starting responding to the thyroid medication again.  More shame crept in because during these three years I was more concerned with living up to everyone else’s expectations than living with reality of my situation.  It was also at this point that I should have filed for disability, but I didn’t.

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Hope from God

What does God tell us about shame of any kind when we are dealing with it?  Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy. Isaiah 61:7.  I hope that this discussion on shame has been a source of healing and encouragement.

God bless,

Katina

Episode 2: Conflict Among Broken People

Analysis of Avoiding Conflict

I used to think that avoiding conflict was good. I thought that avoiding conflict was the same thing as avoiding confusion, strife, and extra drama. I took pride in thinking that avoiding conflict was keeping the peace. I was so wrong about that.  What I was doing was avoiding dealing with a small problem, which later became an out of control problem.  This was due to fear of the response of the other person.

What God revealed to me recently was profound: We are all broken, and so when we avoid conflict, we are avoiding dealing with the problems that arise between two or more broken individuals.

This podcasts dissects all aspects of the word conflict, by giving the things that occurs when we avoid conflict to going through the steps to take to resolving conflict.

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  • King Solomon Handled Conflict
  • Used Wisdom
  • Used Discernment

 

  • King David Refused Conflict
  • Used Avoidance
  • Used Passive-Aggressive Behavior

 

Bible Verses to Focus on:

1 Kings 3: 28

Everyone in Israel was amazed when they heard how Solomon had made his decision. They realized that God had given him wisdom to judge fairly.

2 Samuel 13: 21-22

When King David heard all this, he was furious. 22 And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.(2 Samuel 13-21-22) 

2 Samuel 13: 28-29

Absalom ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled. (2 Samuel 13:28-29)

2 Samuel 13: 37-38

Absalom fled and went to Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. But King David mourned many days for his son.  After Absalom fled and went to Geshur, he stayed there three years. (2 Samuel 13:37-38)

2 Samuel 18: 14-15

Joab said, “I’m not going to wait like this for you.” So he took three javelins in his hand and plunged them into Absalom’s heart while Absalom was still alive in the oak tree.  And ten of Joab’s armor-bearers surrounded Absalom, struck him and killed him. (2 Samuel 18: 14-15)

Matthew 18: 15-17  If Your Brother Sins Against You

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Revelations 2: 1-6

2:1 “To the angel of the church in Ephesus, write the following: “This is the solemn pronouncement of the one who has a firm grasp on the seven stars in his right hand – the one who walks among the seven golden lampstands: 2 ‘I know your works as well as your labor and steadfast endurance, and that you cannot tolerate evil. You have even put to the test those who refer to themselves as apostles (but are not), and have discovered that they are false. 

3 I am also aware that you have persisted steadfastly, endured much for the sake of my name, and have not grown weary. 4 But I have this against you: You have departed from your first love! 5 Therefore, remember from what high state you have fallen and repent! Do the deeds you did at the first; if not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place – that is, if you do not repent. 6 But you do have this going for you: You hate what the Nicolaitans practice – practices I also hate.