What do I do after being blindsided by divorce? What is the connection between divorce and poverty? Who plays the beauty card? Should we compete with other women? Does having a degree equal having bank? How do I push past the shame of divorce? What happens when you are demoralized by the people who are supposed to be helping you? How did people deal with their business back in the day? How can having the right team help you after a divorce? What happens when you lack self-care? And lastly, what’s going on with black women staying with black men?
If you need a place that is relatable, where you can pull off your masks, be real, dig deep, embrace your hair and skin color, release your emotions, and reveal your true identity and worth as a black woman, then listen to Part 1 of this candid interview between Dr. Chonta Haynes and me in a new series of The Valley of Grace Podcast entitled, “The Black Woman Experience: Talking Through Our Stories” to find out the answers to these questions and more. Be blessed! #drchontahaynes #authors #blackwomen #blackmarriage #blackrelationships #reclaimyourpowerandidentity #youareenough #blacksuperwoman #blackskin #blackhair #blackmarriages #blackstigmas #blackstereotypes #theblackcommunity #blackauthors #blackpodcasters #blackcoaches
Hello all, and happy Thursday! Two weeks ago, I did an interview with Alison Simmons. And for those of you who are unfamiliar with her, Alison is a mother, Woman of God, Blogger, and the podcast host of Grace Over Perfection.
By the time we finished talking, I felt like I’d had a three-in-one session of therapy, support group, and sisterly fellowship. God is like that, giving us what we need when we need it. I hope that you re as blessed as I was when you tune into this interview.
An Interview with Alison Simmons Topics
Podcasting vs. Writing
What Brokenness Means
Effects of Healed and UnHealed Brokenness on Podcasting
Requirements for Podcasting
And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threestrand cord is not quickly broken.
At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.
Have you ever been divorced? Do you know of someone who has been divorced? When you found out that this person was divorced, did you treat them differently? Today’s podcast is entitled, “The Big “D”, and that “D” stands for divorce. Click above to listen to the latest podcast episode.
It has been said that divorce is worse than death. There was a time when the word divorce was taboo. Older television shows reflect these ideas. When children mentioned that their friends’ parents were getting divorced, they were shushed by their parents, and/or the parents came up with an excuse as to why Johnny or Susan couldn’t play at the neighbors’ house anymore. They were outcasts.
Prior to getting divorced, I heard
someone use the phrases “It’s no big deal.
People get divorced every day.”
This is true. However, what is
also true is that you don’t have people lined up to tell you the real impact
from divorce. Divorce leaves lifelong
effects in every area: financially,
emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. Basically, there is no table left
Grief experienced from divorce can be
draining. With this pain, you must
grieve the loss of the marriage, the loss of the family as a unit, and then
grieve that part of your identity that is being taken away. There is no magic formula for the intensity
of the pain or the amount of time that it will take to heal. My grief so far tends to run in spurts. The grief might be off and on all day for
three weeks, and then there is a month break before it starts up again. I have had other women tell me that theirs
was every day for two hours for the length of anywhere from two to five years.
There are some individuals who have
gotten divorced because of severe abuse that has gone on for years. In Malachi 2:16, we are told, “For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for
one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye
deal not treacherously.” (NASB)
It is possible for God to heal marriages from
any situation, even the ones listed above.
However, sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that one person can
fix the whole marriage. As individuals,
we can only do our part. We cannot be
the Holy Spirit for others. I am a
planner. I like organizing, analyzing,
and figuring things out. I thought that
if I could just do A, B, and C, things would be fine. If things weren’t getting better, it was
because I hadn’t figured out the right formula yet. Satan led me to believe that I was responsible
for the entire relationship.
He led me down the path of
dishonoring God, and disrespecting myself and children “all in the name of
love”. The best thing that we can do is
pray and ask God for wisdom and discernment, and then in turn get professional
help for ourselves. It is easy to pass
judgment upon others who are considering divorce. However, the truth is, only the individuals
involved in the marriage are aware of the severity of the situation. I stayed in a toxic situation for twenty
years. Thank God for Him getting a hold
of my heart and mind. We can pray the
same thing for others whom we know of that are walking in this path.
We thank you for your word to go to
when we are unsure, and don’t know where to turn. Please help us to help others by sending them
to your word and prayer when it comes to decisions about divorce. We also pray that we would not pass judgment
upon others when they are going through divorce because we don’t know the whole
story. Only you do.
Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness Episode 29: The Power of God. Have you ever seen the Power of God in your life? Well, today I am going to give two examples of his power at work. First of all, let’s do some a little dissection.
Dissection of Relationships and Our Brokenness
Whether we are at church, work, or in our neighborhoods, it is important to cultivate relationships with people. Sometimes, in the process of doing this, people become jealous, or they turn on us for no reason. If there is a reason, it is one that doesn’t make sense to us.
However, since we are all broken, we all do things that are characteristic of our sin nature. In a few of these instances, there are times when the people who turn on us are toxic, and the best thing to do is to setup boundaries. In many cases, this may involve little to no contact at all. Prayer from a distance is the best way to go.
My Witness to the Power of God
When I was going through my divorce, my ex-husband’s behavior got so out of control and toxic, that I had to setup a boundary that he could not come back to our marital residence to visit the kids for some months. They could walk out to the car to go with him.
However, that was the extent of it. What led to this decision? His behavior was so out of control during one particular visit, that it cut through my soul and crushed my spirit. It was also during this time that my grandmother was dying in the hospital. I ended up having an emotional breakdown of sorts and was hanging on by a thread.
All correspondence was done via email for a while. What I didn’t find out until later from my son, is that he had decided he was going to come in anyway. However, as the Lord would have it, the first time that he attempted this, his car broke down. Every time that he decided that he wouldn’t follow the paperwork from the court for his financial obligations, his car would break down. My friend joked with me and said that she would never cross me. I said, ” Why?” Her response was that once I started praying things happened.
Saul’s Witness to the Power of God
Saul became jealous of David because the women sang songs about how David had slain ten thousands and Saul had slain thousands. Saul’s anger got so out of control, that he decided that he would kill David. He sent his messengers ahead of him to find out his exact location.
As God would have it, his messengers ended up prophesying. They entered the place where Samuel and his prophets were praying and prophesying, and God caused this to happen to them. Saul sent messengers out two more times. The same thing happened. Finally, he went himself, and God caused him to be filled with the prophesying spirit. This was done long enough for David to escape.
When David had fled and made his escape, he went to Samuel at Ramah and told him all that Saul had done to him. Then he and Samuel went to Naioth and stayed there. Word came to Saul: “David is in Naioth at Ramah”; so he sent men to capture him. But when they saw a group of prophets prophesying, with Samuel standing there as their leader, the Spirit of God came on Saul’s men, and they also prophesied. Saul was told about it, and he sent more men, and they prophesied too. Saul sent men a third time, and they also prophesied. Finally, he himself left for Ramah and went to the great cistern at Seku. And he asked, “Where are Samuel and David?”
“Over in Naioth at Ramah,” they said. So Saul went to Naioth at Ramah. But the Spirit of God came even on him, and he walked along prophesying until he came to Naioth. He stripped off his garments, and he too prophesied in Samuel’s presence. He lay naked all that day and all that night. This is why people say, “Is Saul also among the prophets?”
Talk about the power of God moving! When we do the praying, God does the acting.
We thank you for your grace. Thank you for having our backs when we are literally up against the wall from our enemies. Please help us to remember to set boundaries and pray when we are surrounded by toxic people.