Episode 129: An Interview with Dr. Chonta Haynes Part 1

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 129: An Interview with Dr. Chonta Haynes Part 1
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What do I do after being blindsided by divorce?  What is the connection between divorce and poverty?  Who plays the beauty card?  Should we compete with other women?  Does having a degree equal having bank?  How do I push past the shame of divorce? What happens when you are demoralized by the people who are supposed to be helping you? How did people deal with their business back in the day? How can having the right team help you after a divorce? What happens when you lack self-care?  And lastly, what’s going on with black women staying with black men?

If you need a place that is relatable, where you can pull off your masks, be real, dig deep, embrace your hair and skin color, release your emotions, and reveal your true identity and worth as a black woman, then listen to Part 1 of this candid interview between Dr. Chonta Haynes and me in a new series of The Valley of Grace Podcast entitled, “The Black Woman Experience:  Talking Through Our Stories” to find out the answers to these questions and more.  Be blessed! #drchontahaynes #authors #blackwomen #blackmarriage #blackrelationships #reclaimyourpowerandidentity #youareenough #blacksuperwoman #blackskin #blackhair #blackmarriages #blackstigmas #blackstereotypes #theblackcommunity #blackauthors #blackpodcasters #blackcoaches

Episode 93: An Interview with Alison Simmons

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 93: An Interview with Alison Simmons
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Hello all, and happy Thursday! Two weeks ago, I did an interview with Alison Simmons. And for those of you who are unfamiliar with her, Alison is a mother, Woman of God, Blogger, and the podcast host of Grace Over Perfection.

By the time we finished talking, I felt like I’d had a three-in-one session of therapy, support group, and sisterly fellowship. God is like that, giving us what we need when we need it. I hope that you re as blessed as I was when you tune into this interview.

Alison Simmons, grace over perfection host, episode 93, katina horton, podcasting, podcaster, podcasting community, divorce, marriage, parenting, perfectionism, grace, failure, women, minstry, healing our brokenness, healing our brokenness podcast

An Interview with Alison Simmons Topics

  • Podcasting
  • Roadblocks
  • Podcasting vs. Writing
  • Inspiration
  • Unique Knowlege/Expertise
  • Life Story
  • What Brokenness Means
  • Effects of Healed and UnHealed Brokenness on Podcasting
  • Community Help
  • Home
  • Requirements for Podcasting
  • Marriage
  • Divorce
  • Podcasting Genres
  • Fun Questions

And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threestrand cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12

Other podcasting interviews:

An Interview with Crystal Daye-Part 1
An Interview with Crystal Daye-Part 2

Crystal’s book

At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

Episode 43: The Big “D”

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 43: The Big "D"
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Podcast Transcription

Have you ever been divorced? Do you know of someone who has been divorced? When you found out that this person was divorced, did you treat them differently? Today’s podcast is entitled, “The Big “D”, and that “D” stands for divorce. Click above to listen to the latest podcast episode.

It has been said that divorce is worse than death.  There was a time when the word divorce was taboo.  Older television shows reflect these ideas.  When children mentioned that their friends’ parents were getting divorced, they were shushed by their parents, and/or the parents came up with an excuse as to why Johnny or Susan couldn’t play at the neighbors’ house anymore.  They were outcasts.

divorce, psychology, family life, marriage, trust issues, healing, brokenness, healing our brokenness, podcasting, podcast, katina horton, simple functional grace-filled living, family law, spiritual health

Prior to getting divorced, I heard someone use the phrases “It’s no big deal.  People get divorced every day.”  This is true.  However, what is also true is that you don’t have people lined up to tell you the real impact from divorce.  Divorce leaves lifelong effects in every area:  financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, etc.  Basically, there is no table left unturned.    

Grief experienced from divorce can be draining.  With this pain, you must grieve the loss of the marriage, the loss of the family as a unit, and then grieve that part of your identity that is being taken away.  There is no magic formula for the intensity of the pain or the amount of time that it will take to heal.  My grief so far tends to run in spurts.  The grief might be off and on all day for three weeks, and then there is a month break before it starts up again.  I have had other women tell me that theirs was every day for two hours for the length of anywhere from two to five years.

There are some individuals who have gotten divorced because of severe abuse that has gone on for years.  In Malachi 2:16, we are told, “For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.” (NASB)

Others have gotten divorced as a result of extramarital affairs:  The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made

at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.   And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Matthew 19: 3-9)

 It is possible for God to heal marriages from any situation, even the ones listed above.  However, sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that one person can fix the whole marriage.  As individuals, we can only do our part.  We cannot be the Holy Spirit for others.  I am a planner.  I like organizing, analyzing, and figuring things out.  I thought that if I could just do A, B, and C, things would be fine.  If things weren’t getting better, it was because I hadn’t figured out the right formula yet.  Satan led me to believe that I was responsible for the entire relationship. 

He led me down the path of dishonoring God, and disrespecting myself and children “all in the name of love”.  The best thing that we can do is pray and ask God for wisdom and discernment, and then in turn get professional help for ourselves.  It is easy to pass judgment upon others who are considering divorce.  However, the truth is, only the individuals involved in the marriage are aware of the severity of the situation.  I stayed in a toxic situation for twenty years.  Thank God for Him getting a hold of my heart and mind.  We can pray the same thing for others whom we know of that are walking in this path.

Dear God,

We thank you for your word to go to when we are unsure, and don’t know where to turn.  Please help us to help others by sending them to your word and prayer when it comes to decisions about divorce.  We also pray that we would not pass judgment upon others when they are going through divorce because we don’t know the whole story.  Only you do.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

Episode 29: The Power of God

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 29: The Power of God
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The Power of God Podcast Outline:

  • Dissection of Relationships and Our Brokenness
  • My Witness to the Power of God
  • Saul’s Witness to the Power of God
  • Podcast Transcript
podcaster, podcasting, power of God, broke down car, simple functional grace-filled living, katina horton, healing our brokenness, emotional health, mental health, psychology, brokenness, ptsd, divorce, marriage, breakdown, anxiety, ptsd
Photo by Rodolfo Clix on Pexels.com

Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness Episode 29: The Power of God. Have you ever seen the Power of God in your life? Well, today I am going to give two examples of his power at work. First of all, let’s do some a little dissection.

Dissection of Relationships and Our Brokenness

Whether we are at church, work, or in our neighborhoods, it is important to cultivate relationships with people. Sometimes, in the process of doing this, people become jealous, or they turn on us for no reason. If there is a reason, it is one that doesn’t make sense to us.


However, since we are all broken, we all do things that are characteristic of our sin nature. In a few of these instances, there are times when the people who turn on us are toxic, and the best thing to do is to setup boundaries. In many cases, this may involve little to no contact at all. Prayer from a distance is the best way to go.

My Witness to the Power of God


When I was going through my divorce, my ex-husband’s behavior got so out of control and toxic, that I had to setup a boundary that he could not come back to our marital residence to visit the kids for some months. They could walk out to the car to go with him.

However, that was the extent of it. What led to this decision? His behavior was so out of control during one particular visit, that it cut through my soul and crushed my spirit. It was also during this time that my grandmother was dying in the hospital. I ended up having an emotional breakdown of sorts and was hanging on by a thread.

All correspondence was done via email for a while. What I didn’t find out until later from my son, is that he had decided he was going to come in anyway. However, as the Lord would have it, the first time that he attempted this, his car broke down. Every time that he decided that he wouldn’t follow the paperwork from the court for his financial obligations, his car would break down. My friend joked with me and said that she would never
cross me. I said, ” Why?” Her response was that once I started praying things happened.

Saul’s Witness to the Power of God


Saul became jealous of David because the women sang songs about how David had slain ten thousands and Saul had slain thousands. Saul’s anger got so out of control, that he decided that he would kill David. He sent his messengers ahead of him to find out his exact location.


As God would have it, his messengers ended up prophesying. They entered the place where Samuel and his prophets were praying and prophesying, and God caused this to happen to them. Saul sent messengers out two more times. The same thing happened. Finally, he went himself, and God caused him to be filled with the prophesying spirit. This was done long enough for David to escape.


When David had fled and made his escape, he went to Samuel at Ramah and told him all that Saul had done to him. Then he and Samuel went to Naioth and stayed there. Word came to Saul: “David is in Naioth at Ramah”; so he sent men to capture him. But when they saw a group of prophets prophesying, with Samuel standing there as their leader, the Spirit of God came on Saul’s men, and they also prophesied. Saul was told about it, and he sent more men, and they prophesied too. Saul sent men a third time, and they also prophesied. Finally, he himself left for Ramah and went to the great cistern at Seku. And he asked, “Where are Samuel and David?”

“Over in Naioth at Ramah,” they said.
So Saul went to Naioth at Ramah. But the Spirit of God came even on him, and he walked along prophesying until he came to Naioth. He stripped off his garments, and he too prophesied in Samuel’s presence. He lay naked all that day and all that night. This is why people say, “Is Saul also among the prophets?”


Talk about the power of God moving! When we do the praying, God does the acting.

Prayer:


Dear God,

We thank you for your grace. Thank you for having our backs when we are literally up against the wall from our enemies. Please help us to remember to set boundaries and pray when we are surrounded by toxic people.

In your name,
Amen

Episode 28: Bad Advice