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Oh Self-Pity!

Earlier this week, I recorded a podcast on self-pity, entitled, ” Woe Is Me!”  You can find it here.  Today, I wrote a poem on self-pity to help us all deal with its spiritual stronghold.

Oh Self-Pity!

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Oh Self-Pity! Oh Self-Pity!

You have built your own little city.

“Look at me! Look at me!

Don’t you see me suffering?”

 

“I’m the victim, full of sad.

Turning inward all the mad.

Oh, dear God, but I’m your friend.

When will you take the revenge?”

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(God Answers)

“Take Mercy and Grace, Make them your friends.

That inward thing, your heart will mend.”

 

“Oh Self-Pity! Oh Self-Pity!

God has destroyed your little city.

Look at me! Look at me!

God has surely set me free!”

 

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Bible Verse to Reflect on In Regards to Self-Pity

 

73 Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart.

2 But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped.

3 For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

4 For there are no bands in their death: but their strength is firm.

5 They are not in trouble as other men; neither are they plagued like other men.

 

6 Therefore pride compasseth them about as a chain; violence covereth them as a garment.

7 Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish.

8 They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression: they speak loftily.

9 They set their mouth against the heavens, and their tongue walketh through the earth.

10 Therefore his people return hither: and waters of a full cup are wrung out to them.

11 And they say, How doth God know? and is there knowledge in the most High?

12 Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.

13 Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency.

 

14 For all the day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning.

15 If I say, I will speak thus; behold, I should offend against the generation of thy children.

16 When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me;

17 Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end.

18 Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction.

19 How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment! they are utterly consumed with terrors.

 

20 As a dream when one awaketh; so, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shalt despise their image.

21 Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins.

22 So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee.

23 Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.

24 Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.

 

25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

27 For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.

28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.

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The “Inability to Focus” Aspect: Living With and Healing From Trauma on a Daily Basis

Background on the Inability to Focus Aspect

For about three months now, I have featured a series entitled, ” Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.  Last week, I discussed the “Blackout Aspect”.  That discussion can be found here.  Today’s discussion in the series ” Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis”, will center in on The “Inability to Focus” Aspect.

mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, ptsd, trauma, adhd, focus, dissociation. inability to focus aspect

When we focus, we are able to use all of our attention in order to get a task done.  Unfortunately, with PTSD/trauma, there are times when the inability to focus can literally get the best of you.  There are several times that I have noticed this happening to myself.  These are the triggering situations when the inability to focus happens the most:

  • obtrusive thoughts are coming through
  • you are in shock/denial about the truth/reality of a situation
  • when you haven’t had enough sleep

mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, ptsd, trauma, adhd, focus, dissociation. inability to focus aspect

Obtrusive Thoughts

Obtrusive thoughts that come through are the thoughts that are for the most part not your own.  These thoughts are usually part of the inner critic voice inside of you from the person who abused or criticized you, or caused some type of pain or rejection.  When these thoughts are racing through, it is hard to focus on anything else because the thoughts are trying to literally take over your whole brain process.  I start off by praying and asking God to “take my thoughts captive”.  If the obtrusive thoughts are mild, this does the trick.  However, to keep it real, sometimes the thoughts are so out of control, that I am praying to God all day long about the same thing to the point of exhaustion.

mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, ptsd, trauma, adhd, focus, dissociation. inability to focus aspect

Shock / Denial

When I am in shock/denial about some revelation that God has brought forth, I immediately start having problems focusing.  This happened about three weeks ago when a personal situation with someone blew wide open.  During this time, I ended up redirecting myself several times over to the truth, which is good.  However, what I notice is that the truth is such a shock at this point, that the inability to focus increases instead of decreases from the truth.

This is because the revelation of the truth started the cycle in the first place, if that makes sense.  The only thing that helps to ease this up is when our brains know that it is safe to grieve.  Grieving breaks through the inability to focus aspect little by little when it comes to shock/denial.  In this sense, I think of it as being a protection from further emotional and mental damage.  This particular case from shock/denial is a form of dissociation as well.

mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, ptsd, trauma, adhd, focus, dissociation. inability to focus aspect

Lack of Sleep

Lastly, when it comes to trauma, we have to have enough sleep.  This can’t be stressed enough.  When this doesn’t happen, it increases the inability to focus.  In PTSD/trauma victims, this is exaggerated more than usual cases.  The situation can get so bad that you exhibit ADHD-like symptoms that are trauma-induced.  You have difficulty putting thoughts and sentences together, and you feel like your words are far apart.

My Experience with Lack of Sleep

One time about eight months ago this happened.  It was extremely scary.  I had been having problems sleeping for about a week do to a trial that I was dealing with, and the next thing that I knew, I realized that I was having problems gathering thoughts and putting sentences together.  I prayed and asked God to help me sleep, and to restore my mind.  And he didn’t fail to answer.

mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, ptsd, trauma, adhd, focus, dissociation. inability to focus aspect

Even if this is not your area of struggle with PTSD/trauma, I am quite sure that there are other that you have that may be just as challenging.  Feel free to comment below on how the inability to focus aspect has challenged you.

Thanks and blessings,

Katina

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Episode 5: Woe is Me!

the valley of grace podcast
Healing Our Brokenness Podcast Series
Episode 5: Woe is Me!
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Outline of the Podcast “Woe is Me!”

Praise God!  We are on Episode 5, entitled, ” Woe Is Me!”.  Last week’s podcast featured Episode 4:  Unhealed Brokenness & Toxic Relationships.  It can be found here.

  • What is Self-Pity?
  • Why is Self-Pity So Bad?
  • What is the End Result of Extreme Self-Pity?

 

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  • The Competitive Side of Self-Pity
  • Self-Pity is Spiritual
  • View of Self-Pity for other Christians
  • View of Self-Pity for Unbelievers
  • My Experience with Self-Pity
self-pity, self-help, spiritual health, mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, anger, abuse, woe is me, valley of grace, character development, victim, victim mentality,
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  • Factors for Ahab’s spirit of self-pity
  1. Retirement
  2. Location
  3. Money
  • Ahab’s childish behavior
  • Reminders about Temptation and Lust

  • James 1: 12-20:

12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Listening and Doing

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

self-pity, self-help, spiritual health, mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, anger, abuse, woe is me, valley of grace, character development, victim, victim mentality,

Five Steps to Freedom from Self-Pity

Have a blessed night!

Katina

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The Blackout Aspect: Living With and Healing From Trauma on a Daily Basis

Dissecting the Blackout

A couple of weeks ago, we focused on the shame aspect of trauma.  You can find that discussion:   “The Shame Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis” here.  Today, we will discuss the blackout aspect of trauma.

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What is the blackout aspect of trauma?  The blackout aspect of trauma consists of several different things.  First of all, not everyone, but for some people living with PTSD/trauma, there is something that happens with your body’s sense of being able to handle the transition between light and dark if that makes sense.  For myself, it was so significant that at first, I had to have a lot of lights on in the house.  If I didn’t, I would feel like the darkness was closing in on me.

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Old Experience with Blackout

When my kids and I were homeless, and waiting for God to give us a place to live, one of my friends took us in for five weeks.  At this time, my issue with blackout was so bad, that the darkness made me scared to fall asleep.  I would wake up in a panic, and have to calm myself down so that I could feel rested.  I felt like I had gone from a forty something year old woman to a child afraid of the dark again.  So, not only was it scary, but I was filled with shame.

New Experience with Blackout

What I noticed the situation is now, is that I have such a sensitivity to light, that I have to have it completely dark in order to fall asleep.  If there is any light coming in from the blinds, I know I am going to have trouble falling asleep.  If I don’t have the light blocking my face, even if I’ve had 8 hours of sleep, I will have extreme layers of bags under my eyes that will look like I haven’t slept in days.  Also, my whole body will be in an extreme case of exhaustion.

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Two years ago, I had to serve at the concession stand at church for basketball season.  It was a pretty gloomy day in general, and since it was early evening when I got dropped off at the church, it was even darker.  I stepped into the church’s kitchen to begin my serving shift, when everything started closing in on me.

My old techniques were immediate panic, but right then, I reminded myself of where I was, that it would eventually stop, and that engaging in conversation with others around me would help me to get grounded in the present moment.  I would just have to ride it out.

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When is the blackout aspect really bad?  This is during the time where there is changing of the seasons, especially when it starts getting darker closer to winter.

I do a better job of handling it now, but in the beginning, it really rattled me to be honest.  Feel free to drop a line in regards to your blackout aspect, and how you handle it.

 

God bless and have a wonderful weekend.

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The Shame Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

Dissecting the Shame

Last week, we discussed “The Changing Seasons Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis”, which can be found here.  This week, we will be dissecting “The Shame Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis”.  One thing about shame is that when it creeps in, it can do a lot of destruction.

Trauma itself can produce a lot of shame because of its symptoms.  Depending on what symptom you are trying to control, it can leave you feeling isolated, and wanting to self protect for fear that someone will not empathize with you for your condition.  I harbored shame for three reasons:  the swinging/aggressive impulse that it caused, the good memory that God had blessed me with had been had been significantly damaged, and last, the physical condition that the trauma left my body in.

Shame of Lost Memory

I took for granted the memory that I was blessed with.  It just had always been there.  The ability to memorize telephone numbers, social security numbers, birthdays, and spelling bee words all came easy until the trauma.  Even names of people became a blur.  When you go from having all this, to trying to remember if something happened a week ago, or three weeks ago, because of the time aspect of trauma, it can do a number on you.  Even now, my brain hasn’t fully recovered.  Sometimes, I am standing with friends and talking, and for the life of me, I just can’t seem to remember their name.  At this point, I will try to tell myself to relax, and then not to overthink it, and the name will come to me.  I feel so blessed that God has recovered what he has.

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Shame of Aggression

The second part of shame that has taken me a long time to talk about is the aggression.  When the aggression hits, it leaves you with the impression of wanting to hit something.  Since trauma gets stored in your body, the only way for this aggression to improve, is to get it out.  I do this at home by doing a kickboxing style type of move to release the anger from my body.  Also, if you don’t go to therapy where it’s safe to talk about the trauma, it just remains stored in your body.  Unfortunately, this symptom of aggression from trauma stemmed from seeing my mother abused when I was a kid.  I didn’t know it was traumatic until the trauma of my ex-husband’s behavior in the home right before my divorce, coupled with the fact that my daughter was eleven years old at the time.   He was planning on leaving the home, and this brought my childhood surface of trauma to the forefront.  I was also eleven when my dad left the home.  His exit was also traumatic for me.  It involved coming home, and then almost everything you own being gone from the house, including him.

shame, guilt, trauma, anxiety, PTSD, depression, emotional health, mental health

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Shame of Physical Burnout

The last part of shame from trauma that I dealt with is the physical aspect.  I was in a compromised state.  Since my ex-husband wasn’t paying the proper amount of money, I figured that I had to go back to work to make ends meet.  I got a job that came with a high price: toxicity.  From start to finish of working there, it mirrored the emotionally abusive marriage I had just left.  I should have quit halfway through when my body started falling apart, but I didn’t.  It was nine months of Sodom and Gomorrah, and everything in between there.  I was in such a jacked up state, that I couldn’t think straight.  At one point, I probably should have been hospitalized because of physical exhaustion, thyroid crisis, and adrenal gland crisis.  I also suffered with chronic fatigue on a daily basis.  It took a good almost three years before my body starting responding to the thyroid medication again.  More shame crept in because during these three years I was more concerned with living up to everyone else’s expectations than living with reality of my situation.  It was also at this point that I should have filed for disability, but I didn’t.

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Hope from God

What does God tell us about shame of any kind when we are dealing with it?  Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy. Isaiah 61:7.  I hope that this discussion on shame has been a source of healing and encouragement.

God bless,

Katina

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Episode 2: Conflict Among Broken People

Analysis of Avoiding Conflict

I used to think that avoiding conflict was good. I thought that avoiding conflict was the same thing as avoiding confusion, strife, and extra drama. I took pride in thinking that avoiding conflict was keeping the peace. I was so wrong about that.  What I was doing was avoiding dealing with a small problem, which later became an out of control problem.  This was due to fear of the response of the other person.

What God revealed to me recently was profound: We are all broken, and so when we avoid conflict, we are avoiding dealing with the problems that arise between two or more broken individuals.

This podcasts dissects all aspects of the word conflict, by giving the things that occurs when we avoid conflict to going through the steps to take to resolving conflict.

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  • King Solomon Handled Conflict
  • Used Wisdom
  • Used Discernment

 

  • King David Refused Conflict
  • Used Avoidance
  • Used Passive-Aggressive Behavior

 

Bible Verses to Focus on:

1 Kings 3: 28

Everyone in Israel was amazed when they heard how Solomon had made his decision. They realized that God had given him wisdom to judge fairly.

2 Samuel 13: 21-22

When King David heard all this, he was furious. 22 And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.(2 Samuel 13-21-22) 

2 Samuel 13: 28-29

Absalom ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled. (2 Samuel 13:28-29)

2 Samuel 13: 37-38

Absalom fled and went to Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. But King David mourned many days for his son.  After Absalom fled and went to Geshur, he stayed there three years. (2 Samuel 13:37-38)

2 Samuel 18: 14-15

Joab said, “I’m not going to wait like this for you.” So he took three javelins in his hand and plunged them into Absalom’s heart while Absalom was still alive in the oak tree.  And ten of Joab’s armor-bearers surrounded Absalom, struck him and killed him. (2 Samuel 18: 14-15)

Matthew 18: 15-17  If Your Brother Sins Against You

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Revelations 2: 1-6

2:1 “To the angel of the church in Ephesus, write the following: “This is the solemn pronouncement of the one who has a firm grasp on the seven stars in his right hand – the one who walks among the seven golden lampstands: 2 ‘I know your works as well as your labor and steadfast endurance, and that you cannot tolerate evil. You have even put to the test those who refer to themselves as apostles (but are not), and have discovered that they are false. 

3 I am also aware that you have persisted steadfastly, endured much for the sake of my name, and have not grown weary. 4 But I have this against you: You have departed from your first love! 5 Therefore, remember from what high state you have fallen and repent! Do the deeds you did at the first; if not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place – that is, if you do not repent. 6 But you do have this going for you: You hate what the Nicolaitans practice – practices I also hate.

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Run For Your Life!

Background

Have you ever been in a situation where you had to literally run for your life?  I have, and I tell you, it is no joke.  I had to run to safety.  I was right in the middle of going through a divorce, and there was an issue that came up for visitation to be ceased for a few days.  Unfortunately, the order was ignored.  My daughter and I continued to get call after call, and doorbell ring after doorbell ring.  I told her to stay away from the door as both of our nervous systems went into hypervigilant mode.  There is more on the hypervigilant mode of trauma here.  And if you have been through any type of PTSD/trauma, you know this moment is like fear on steroids X 100 with you watching and waiting for when and where something will happen.

My dear friend called me while this was taking place.  I was supposed to be attending a Divorce Support Group that night.  There was no way that I was going to leave my daughter at home to deal with this situation.  I texted two members of the group, telling them to have fun, and that I had serious situation going on at the homefront.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the fear. My system was jacked up with adrenaline, anxiety, and fear.  That’s when my friend advised that I spend the night at her house.  She said that I could have trouble on my hands all night if I didn’t.  At this point, I was tired of getting the police involved.

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The Flight

I packed up our night clothes, my important papers, and clothes for the next day.  I also had to call my son and get an okay for him to spend a night at a friend’s home.  I told him that he was not to return home for any reason.

My friend pulled up to the garage, and my daughter and I ran to get into her jeep, and as she sped off, the three of us quickly glanced to the right, noticing a figure hanging over pretending as if it were limp.

We didn’t get much sleep that night because we were in hypervigilant mode, waking up every 20 minutes or so, having to both shut our phones down from the incessant ringing.

PTSD, run, anxiety, depression, trauma, hypervigilant, emotional health, mental health

Biblical Analysis

Like myself, David was on the run for his life.  Saul’s jealousy turned into anger, and his anger turned into madness: “And Saul was furious and resented this song. “They have ascribed tens of thousands to David,” he said, “but only thousands to me. What more can he have but the kingdom?” 9And from that day forward Saul kept a jealous eye on David. “1 Samuel 18: 8-9

Once David found out that Saul was going to kill him, he fled, having the king of Moab to house his parents, as I had to house my son overnight: From there David went to Mizpeh of Moab, where he said to the king of Moab, “Please let my father and mother stay with you until I learn what God will do for me.” 4So he left them in the care of the king of Moab, and they stayed with him the whole time David was in the stronghold.… 1 Samuel 22:3-4, BSB

However, David wasn’t able to stay there long.  He was advised to leave, running from place to place, cave to cave for safety, but God was with him: Then the prophet Gad said to David, “Do not stay in the stronghold. Depart and go into the land of Judah.” So David left and went to the forest of Hereth.…1 Samuel 22:5, BSB

1 Samuel 23:7-14 King James Version (KJV)

7 And it was told Saul that David was come to Keilah. And Saul said, God hath delivered him into mine hand; for he is shut in, by entering into a town that hath gates and bars.

8 And Saul called all the people together to war, to go down to Keilah, to besiege David and his men.

9 And David knew that Saul secretly practised mischief against him; and he said to Abiathar the priest, Bring hither the ephod.

10 Then said David, O Lord God of Israel, thy servant hath certainly heard that Saul seeketh to come to Keilah, to destroy the city for my sake.

 

11 Will the men of Keilah deliver me up into his hand? will Saul come down, as thy servant hath heard? O Lord God of Israel, I beseech thee, tell thy servant. And the Lord said, He will come down.

12 Then said David, Will the men of Keilah deliver me and my men into the hand of Saul? And the Lord said, They will deliver thee up.

13 Then David and his men, which were about six hundred, arose and departed out of Keilah, and went whithersoever they could go. And it was told Saul that David was escaped from Keilah; and he forbare to go forth.

14 And David abode in the wilderness in strong holds, and remained in a mountain in the wilderness of Ziph. And Saul sought him every day, but God delivered him not into his hand.

Even when we are at our lowest point, and in the depths of fear, God is with us.

 

Dear God,

We thank you for being our refuge when there is nowhere else to go.  We pray that during times of crises, we would seek you like never before, knowing that you have an angel of armies running with us.

In your name we pray,

 

Amen

 

Have a blessed night all!

 

Katina

 

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The Changing Seasons Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

Background Story

Last week, we discussed the Regulating Emotions Aspect of trauma.  That post can be found here. We are starting another season, and along with changing seasons comes another issue: a ton of grief.  Thus, this week’s discussion:  The Changing Seasons Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.  For some reason, when you are living with and healing from PTSD/trauma on a daily basis, the grief from the changing of seasons comes with the territory.  It usually takes about a good month of the season setting in before the grief eases up.

PTSD, trauma, anxiety, stress, fall, changing seasons, depression, emotional health, mental health, self-help

Analysis of the Grief

Unfortunately, when this happens it is usually not just one thing that you are grieving about.  The changing of the seasons can take you through literally a good 15 to 20 different things from over the years that may have been done in that season.  The best thing to do when this happens, is to allow the grief to come out.  Holding it in only leads to more problems.  The hard part about this particular time is that a lot of the grief feels raw.  Even though you may feel like you are going backwards because of this rawness, you’re actually not.  It’s one of the those that we have to ride out, just like the other trauma symptoms.

PTSD, trauma, anxiety, stress, fall, changing seasons, depression, emotional health, mental health, self-help

When the grief is this intense, I find it helpful to release from my stomach going upwards, if that makes any sense.  What happens with trauma, is that the trauma and emotions get stuck somewhere inside of your body.  When it is this hard and heavy, it is usually in the stomach area.

Self-Help

It wasn’t until I had enough courage to start releasing the grief that I understood the meaning of what one of my friends said.  We were discussing grief one day, and she told me that her grief was always trapped in the midway point of her face.  Some of the things that may help you out during this time are:

PTSD, trauma, anxiety, stress, fall, changing seasons, depression, emotional health, mental health, self-help

  1. praying
  2. reading Psalms
  3. talking to a friend
  4. going to therapy
  5. listening to music
  6. taking a walk
  7. journaling
  8. painting
  9. giving yourself grace
  10. learning something new

PTSD, trauma, anxiety, stress, fall, changing seasons, depression, emotional health, mental health, self-help

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Episode 1: Exploitation of Our Brokenness

Breakdown of the Podcast: Exploitation of Our Brokenness

This podcast episode deals with how Satan uses people as tools in order to exploit our unhealed areas of brokenness.  This is done by studying several areas:

  • Our Weak Spots
  • Our Insecurities
  • Our Broken Family Areas

brokenness, emotional health, mental health, spiritual health, emotional health, trauma, anxiety, depression, lifestyle, broken, brokenness, family issues

Secondly, we are given an analysis of the following:

  • How Kids Adapt to Brokenness
  • My own brokenness of Self-Worth
  • Why I Stayed in a 20-year emotionally abusive marriage
  • How I Began to heal in My Areas of Low Self-Worth
  • How I Am Healing Today

brokenness, emotional health, mental health, spiritual health, emotional health, trauma, anxiety, depression, lifestyle, broken, brokenness, family issues

The Need for approval Is Blurred by the Lens of these areas of Brokenness:

  • Where we Live
  • Our Cultural Experiences
  • Our Environment
  • Where we Shop
  • Abandonment Issues
  • Church Leader Issues
  • Abuse Issues
  • Job Experience

These are the scripture verses that can go along with this podcast, and can be used for meditation in healing from the self-worth hustle, overachievement, and perfectionism loop.

Ephesians 2:8-9 New International Version (NIV)

8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.

Romans 8:1 New International Version (NIV)

8 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set youa]”>[free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.And so he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

Luke 10:41-42, Berean Study Bible

 41“Martha,Martha, the Lord replied, “you are worried and upsetabout many things. 42But only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, and it will not be taken away from her.”…

 

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The Regulating Emotions Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

Background on Dysregulated Emotions

Last week, we discussed the Depression Aspect: Living with and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.  If you’d like to refer back to the discussion you can click here.  This week we are discussing:  The Regulating Emotions Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.  For someone living with and healing from trauma on a daily basis, regulating emotions can be a challenge.

Having difficulty regulating emotions is a sign that your amygdala has had a beating from all the trauma.  There are times when I have had a full two weeks straight of dysregulated emotions.  What I have managed to figure out recently is that it usually occurs for one of three reasons:  1) when my system is overloaded with grief, and I am having a hard time getting it out,  2) I am in a place where I feel that I need to get up and go to the bathroom to grieve because it needs to be heavy release, 3) the trauma is causing my mind and body to self-protect, and I don’t feel safe enough to let it out.

 

anger, dysregulated emotions, PTSD, trauma, emotional health, mental health

Getting it Out

Dysregulated emotions isn’t the worst thing.  However, it is not the most pleasant either.  Once your emotions are dysregulated, then it makes you wonder if you shouldn’t have just gotten it out anyway.  For example, when the emotions are dysregulated, your face may be showing something different than how you feel.  The worse thing is being around other people when this happens.  You almost feel like you have to put on a fake face to show that you are not in agony from being pinned up with emotions.  On the flip side, you could also end up being way over the top in expressing the emotion that you are feeling.

anger, dysregulated emotions, PTSD, trauma, emotional health, mental health

Anger is one of those emotions that this can happen with. It’s best to try to be honest with the people that you are around by letting them know you’re having problems regulating, and that you need to excuse yourself to grieve.  The best thing that I can advise, as I had to remind myself the other day, after having dealt with a two week flareup:  “Better out than in”.  Try to let the grief out as soon as possible.  It prevents your whole emotional system from going haywire, and you having a long drawn-out episode that could have been avoided.

Until next time!

Katina