Episode 150: Interview with Self-Love Coach Ana Barajas on Identity, Abuse, Toxic Relationships & Healing

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 150: Interview with Self-Love Coach Ana Barajas on Identity, Abuse, Toxic Relationships & Healing
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What’s seems logical is not always what’s right. It seems logical to find someone or something to fill that empty void and brokenness inside of you.
What ends up happening is that this void brought on by abuse and trauma attracts people who exploit these areas.

identity, abuse, toxic relationships, healing, ana barajas, katina horton, podcaster, podcast community, toxic relationship recovery coach, self-love coach, confidence coach
Self-Love Coach Ana Barajas

When you refuse to allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in your decision-making process, you get into all kinds of trouble, leading to staying in toxic relationships longer than you have to.

Listen 🎧 to this healing conversation that I had with Self-Care and Confidence Coach Ana Barajas.

Reach out to Self-Love & Confidence Coach Ana Barajas on Instagram here.

Be blessed!

Katina

Episode 148: Interview with Coach Christine James on Toxic Relationships, Magical Thinking, Mindset, & Life Part 1

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 148: Interview with Coach Christine James on Toxic Relationships, Magical Thinking, Mindset, & Life Part 1
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We often think that it is our Christian duty to stay in that toxic relationship, fix the other person in the relationship, and control the outcome of that toxic relationship. That’s not our job, but somehow we take on these burdens and more.

Christine James Confidence Coach, Strategist, & Speaker

When we lose our voices, we put up with anything. People-pleasing comes into play, self-sabotaging our health, and the lack of boundaries comes in, and unfortunately, to our own detriment. Listen 🎧 in to Christine James and I as we dissect toxic relationships, mindset, magical thinking, and avoidance.

How do the problems manifest themselves in “The Problems and Unhealthy Patterns of Behavior” Phase

When you are in the “Problems and Unhealthy Patterns of Behavior” Phase, there are so many different things going on. First of all, the honeymoon is over. Secondly, it doesn’t matter whether you are in a healthy or toxic relationship cycle, you are going to have problems.

The main difference is in how you choose to deal with these problems.

One thing that is common in both cycles is that once both individuals go from symbiosis to differentiation, and the individual problems manifest themselves, initially neither person knows what to say or do in order to confront the problems.

This is evident because one person usually walks around being angry/hostile all the time, and then the other person walks around doing passive-aggressive things all the time, instead of bringing the problem(s) up.

Shopify Photo

Some examples of passive/aggressive behavior would be eye-rolling, letting the other person’s food burn up, noticing that the other person somehow missed their alarm going off, and not saying anything, and doing anything else that gets on the other person’s last nerve.

None of these things will solve the problem.

For some reason, as humans, we think that ignoring our problems are like bad dreams that will eventually go away.

When we go to this place for dealing with problems, we are definitely on our own Fantasy Island. “Cause guess what?” It ain’t happenin’. Those problems are still there.

As a matter of fact, the lump underneath the rug is getting bigger and bigger.

So the question remains, what in the world are you going to do about it?

In the next post, we will talk about what usually happens for both the healthy and toxic relationship cycle.

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 130: Interview with Author & Speaker Dr. Chonta Haynes Part 2

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 130: Interview with Author & Speaker Dr. Chonta Haynes Part 2
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How do I let go of being insecure among other black women?  Is it possible for the black community to help each other?  Can you enlighten me on the light skin vs. dark skin issue?  What happened to black businesses and the black marketplace in general?  How do I reclaim my power and identity as a black woman? How do we as black women empower other black women? What are the issues that exist with black women in leadership in black churches? Will I ever be able to deal with my own mess?  Should there ever be an issue with black women wearing their hair whatever way they want?

If you need a place that is relatable, where you can pull off your masks, be real, dig deep, embrace your hair and skin color, release your emotions, and reveal your true identity and worth as a black woman, then listen to Part 2 of this candid interview between Dr. Chonta Haynes and me in a new series of The Valley of Grace Podcast entitled, “The Black Woman Experience:  Talking Through Our Stories” to find out the answers to these questions and more.  Be blessed! #drchontahaynes #authors #blackwomen #blackmarriage #blackrelationships #reclaimyourpowerandidentity #youareenough #blacksuperwoman #blackskin #blackhair #blackmarriages #blackstigmas #blackstereotypes #theblackcommunity #blackauthors #blackpodcasters #blackcoaches

What happens after the bombing?-The Relationship Cycle

The question that one might ask themselves is: what happens after the bombing? As stated in our previous post, after the bombing comes the sea of shame. And although you would think your soul’s reaction would be enough to make you stop and think, oftentimes, it doesn’t.

There is a small percentage of the cases where the individual takes a time-out based upon their body, mind, and soul’s reaction to love-bombing. However, 9.9 times out of ten, the reason you were picked as a target in the first place was because of your issues with low self-esteem, low self-worth, poor body image, or a combo of all three.

As sad and unsettling as it may sound, you were picked because you were an easy target to be disarmed and molded into what the other broken person in the toxic relationship wanted you to be. What you haven’t figured out yet, is that you are expected to return the favor.

Not the favor and disarming and molding. The worship.

Love-bombing isn’t done just for the sake of it. It is done to pull you in like nothing else has so you can stay all in. Once you have demonstrated that you are all in, the love-bombing ends. That is too much energy to put into any one person for an extended period of time.

The other person in the toxic relationship wants to be worshipped just like you were. However, the rules for their worship is different. Unlike love-bombing that leaves you in a sea of shame, they want the worship without the shame. You can’t ever give constructive criticism, feedback, or point out any wrongdoing.

Why?

Giving your take on any of these areas means that you are tarnishing the perfect, distorted image of what the other broken person in your toxic/unhealthy relationship has created. And that is a no-no.

The worship that belongs only to God has now gone to man. God never intended that to be.

He made that clear when he gave Moses the ten commandments on the mountaintop.

Somehow, as women, with Satan’s help, we twist around the word of God, making ourselves believe that God has told us to do everything that our husbands want us to do. When “obeying” your husband lies in direct conflict of obeying and worshipping God, we definitely have a problem.

You don’t realize the severity of it because your brokenness of unworthiness, low self-worth, and not enoughness is leading you in making decisions. You, as the wounded person is depending on the other broken person in the relationship to provide the enoughness that you are lacking. But only God can do that.

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 119: An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker Part 2

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 119: An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker Part 2
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Sometimes the hardest part about creating an empowered new chapter of life is trusting God with each and every step. And part of trusting God involves learning to hear God’s voice, and then discerning the direction that he has for your life. Community is so important as you embark on your journey of reclaiming your power and identity. However, we also need discernment in knowing what advice we should and should not take. What does trust look like for you? Listen to Part 2 of my conversation with Cherlyn Decker to find out her stance on these issues.

Podcast Topics Outline Episode 119: An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker Part 2

  • Trusting God
  • Know the End
  • Community
  • What to Say
  • What to Do
  • Is God Enough
  • What Does Trust Look Like?
  • What Does Discernment Look Like?

Follow Cherlyn:

Special Treat here for my listeners from Cherlyn: https://www.cherlyndecker.com/valleyofgrace

Book: www.roarbackbook.com

Website: https://www.cherlyndecker.com/

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 118: An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 118: An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker
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If I know the ending, then it will make going through the process of recovering from trials, unhealthy relationships, disappointments in life easier. This is the misconception that we often have. The bottom line is that it all comes down to trust. Listen to this episode between Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker and I to find out why this is the case, along with how self-awareness and discernment play a role in reclaiming the power and identity that you lost from being in an unhealthy relationship.

Follow Cherlyn:

Book: www.roarbackbook.com 

Website: https://www.cherlyndecker.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CherlynDeckerAuthor 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cherlyndecker

Twitter: https://twitter.com/cherlyndecker

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cherlyndecker/

Clubhouse: @cherlyndecker 

Special Treat here for my listeners from Cherlyn: https://www.cherlyndecker.com/valleyofgrace

In case you missed the last podcast episode, you can catch that one here. Be blessed!

An lnterview with Bestselling Author & Speaker Cherlyn Decker Podcast Topics

  • Trusting God When you don’t know the ending
  • Why We Stay in Unhealthy Relationships
  • The Role of Discernment
  • How we can allow trials to change us

Until Next Time!

Katina

Episode 117: Healing is a Choice: An Interview with Jennifer Ramirez-Part 3

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 117: Healing is a Choice: An Interview with Jennifer Ramirez-Part 3
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Do you want to get to the good stuff?  I know I do.  We want a magic pill for everything. Forget about the healing and the pain.  Later for that.  It sounds like the perfect plan. However, if your plan is to go from where you are now, to where you want to be, skipping over the pain will only take you back to where you are now. It may seem counterintuitive. However, the only way to the other side is through.  As Jennifer put it in this episode: “Healing is a choice.”  Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires healing from past hurts.  And when you are healed, you gain resilience and perspective that you couldn’t have gained otherwise.  Listen to the last part of this series between Jennifer and I as we dissect healing, our need for instant gratification, not enoughness and so much more.

Podcast Outline

  • Healing
  • Choices
  • Resilience
  • Flourishing
  • Instant Gratification
  • Not Enoughness
  • Fun Things about Jennifer

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 116: An Interview with Jennifer Ramirez -Part 2

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 116: An Interview with Jennifer Ramirez -Part 2
/

Next in line to our own brokenness, the number one reason women go from one unhealthy relationship to the next is the fear of being alone. The unspoken rule becomes “I gotta have a man.” And when we follow this rule, and not give ourselves sufficient time to heal, we continue the unhealthy relationship patterns of behavior. Space, time, and stillness gives us clarity, discernment, and the ability to hear God’s voice. However, the craving for a new physical relationship often outweighs the cravings in our hearts for God. Listen to the second part of the interview between Jennifer Ramirez and I to hear more on this topic along with why women often fall victim to narcissistic relationships.

An Interview with Jennifer Ramirez Part 2 Podcast Outline Topics

  • The Unhealthy Relationship Cycle
  • Breaking Free
  • Knowing Your Worth
  • Dealing With Our Brokenness
  • Having a Come to Jesus Moment
  • The Loneliness Factor
  • The Perfect Ingredient for a Narcissist
  • Stepping out in Faith

Stay tuned for Part 3. Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez

In the meantime, check out Jennifer Ramirez’s website so that you are familiar with all of the services that she has to offer.

Until next time,

Katina Horton

Episode 115: Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez-Part 1

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 115: Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez-Part 1
/

Have you ever said the following: “Why am I finding myself in the same situation? I need a new man, a new job, and a new house.”? If that sounds like you, then listen to this episode between Jennifer and I as we unpack some of the things that are holding us back. And the answer is not what you think.

Interview with Jennifer Ramirez Podcast Topics:

Stay tuned for Part 2. Interview with Founder & Executive Director of &Rise Jennifer Ramirez

In the meantime, check out Jennifer Ramirez’s website so that you are familiar with all of the services that she has to offer.

Until next time,

Katina Horton