Last time we talked about the first step in the relationship cycle: our cravings. We dissected the normality of it, and how we were created to crave relationship, but the danger is when our relationship cravings turn to lust.
Today, we will discuss the second step: entering a new relationship. When we enter a new relationship, it is like opening a door not knowing what’s on the other side. The first example would be like watching some of the old game shows on TV. The contestant is told to pick a door. That door holds their prize.
The thing about that prize is that it could be good or bad. Desirable or undesirable. We don’t know. It’s all about perspective. What we do know is that they are taking a chance opening that door.
The second example would be likened to going home after work, not knowing whether the kids or people living with you have completely trashed the house, or if all kind of drama will be going on once you open that door.
Will you want to embrace what’s inside, or take off running? Entering new relationships are the same way. Only time will tell what you have gotten yourself into.
What is on the other side of that door?
You don’t know until you open it and explore. It is the chance that you take with relationships of any kind. But relationships are just as essential to life as breathing. We would like to think that we can do life alone. But it’s just not the truth. Even if it takes a while to find the right tribe, we need one.
Blockage can be caused by a lot of things: injustice, homelessness, oppression, your move on a board game, something bad that you ate. The list could literally go on and on. But the question is… What if God is doing the blocking, and his way of blocking you is homelessness? This is no laughing matter.
When our fight or flight response kicks in, the natural thing to do is to fight when someone or something blocks us. But what if fighting being blocked does more harm than good when God is doing the blocking. What if what appears to be mean, unfair, and unjust is just what we need? What if God’s blockage is God’s protection.
Take a listen to this week’s episode to find out what happened when I was blocked by homelessness.
I want to tell you the story of that beautiful case that I saw.
When my son was about 8 years old, I bought all the various computer parts to build him a desktop. I decided upon a royal blue clear case. These cases were all the rave at the time. You could see all the internal parts, and lights, etc. I knew at his age he would think this was cool.
The Manufacture of the case boasted “no white-gloves” needed. Wow! This was great. So I thought. The case should open with no problem. He was going to be jamming with this cool case. I pressed and pulled, huffed and puffed to get this case open. Nothing. Used tools ⚒️. Nothing. Finally, after getting my adrenaline going at full speed, I got the case to open. I was worn out.
What they said, and the truth were two different things. After sitting there for a few minutes, I felt weird. Like really weird. I looked down at my hand, and the case had cut a chunk of the inside of my thumb off. Looking at it made me nauseous and light-headed. I went down to the kitchen to take care of it. The kids saw “that Look” on my face, as they call it, and they asked me what happened. I told them, and they were shocked.
I decided to wrap the wound and bandage it up after using peroxide and Neosporin. My thumb only has a little bit of discoloration now. You can hardly tell how badly I got injured. It’s just a scar. Just so you know, I sent the case back and got another one instead.
Some of you saw that one person’s profile. It looked good on paper. As a matter of fact, it sounded good. But, once you opened the package, you were in for a big surprise. You were cut so deep, that it left you wounded and bleeding out on everything and everyone.
But, for some reason, you are still holding on to that case, without digging deeper into the how’s, why’s , etc. This person(case), will determine how you select all the others (friends, jobs, partners in ministry, etc.) until you deal with the wounds.
You don’t have to keep bleeding out on everyone. You can begin to dissect your cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns. Even better, you can get bandaged up ⬆️in the process. The question is: When will you make that choice?
Are you saying to yourself, “I’m sick and tired of being stuck in one unhealthy relationship after the next. Life should be better than this. This does not look like the abundant life that Christ promised us!” Then this course is for you. It walks you through the process step by step to getting out of the revolving door of stuckness, and into the door of abundant living. But when are you going to open the door? Are you waiting for your friend or someone else to open it for you? That’s what the Course Broken Pieces is all about. It walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter. ****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.
Everybody has their own way of defining resilience. This poem explores my definition of resilience. It comes from years of being knocked down in the wrestling ring, so to speak, and having to get back up again and again.
At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here for Online Therapy today.
This is an amazon affiliate link, where a commission is paid to offset the cost of providing this information to you.
I’m tired of being stuck in this position! You’re tired. And confused. You keep sitting there comfortably, uncomfortable waiting for your situation to change. You don’t have to sit in a state of confusion any longer. Broken Pieces does the work for you. This course walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter.This is an amazon affiliate link that assists in paying for our blog expenses.
It’s very tempting to hold in and suppress your emotions. It’s especially tempting when your race/ethnic group has been suppressing their emotions because of generational trauma. What actually happens when we suppress our emotions? What happens when we let it out? I mean let it all out? What would happen if we invite God and our own unique stress response cycle into the mix? Watch today’s episode to find out. Click here for last week’s episode on being stuck in our mess.
Speaker 1 00:01:12 This is the Healing Our Brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And where we also go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. This is podcast episode 102, and this one is entitled, “Let it all out”. Quite a title, right? In this particular episode, we’re dealing with our emotions.
And what happens is once we start being still long enough, we will be able to listen to our bodies and be in tune with our souls and our spirits and realize that something is off. We will be able to say, Oh, grief is built up. This needs to come out. This needs to be released. After learning how to navigate moments of stillness, I now know when grief is trapped in my eye sockets, stomach, chest, back, or throughout my body. It sounds weird, but it’s true. Our bodies communicate this to us in our stillness.
Speaker 1 00:02:30 And then there are times where the grief is just deep inside my soul. And I know when it comes out that it’s going to be really intense and really heavy and loud. I can hear the loudness and intensity of the grief deep inside my soul. During those times I have to give myself grace because sometimes if I focus on how it should be, rather than how it is, It can lead to me being disappointed. And then disillusioned. And then discouragement follows.
Speaker 1 00:03:31 The best thing we can do when grief gets backed up is to get it out. You have heard the old phrase, “Better out than in.” This is also true when it comes to grief. When we hold it in and suppress it, we are allowing it to transfer over to trauma. In Genesis 45, we’re at the scene where Joseph is talking to his brothers, and then you got other officials that are underneath him in rank in the room, his servants, so to speak, and his emotions have built up and he’s realized that. And so it was just like, okay, so what do we do with these emotions? We have to let it out.
I had a pretty emotional day about a month and a half ago,
Speaker 1 00:04:32 Things had not been going well leading up to that particular day. It had been a crazy week. A two hour adventure turned into a five hour adventure. I didn’t get home until almost 10 o’clock. I was cold and hungry, and exhausted. While I was in the process of getting all those things done, I could hear the inner voice crying out in my soul.
Speaker 1 00:05:32 Okay. I finally finished up at least 80% of what I had to get done and I got in the car and I said, I’m just going to have to scream and let it out. And it probably was maybe four rounds of that. And maybe another couple when I got home, but I felt so much better. And when it comes to those types of emotions, we have got to be able to get this stuff out.
Sometimes getting it out doesn’t look pretty/ideal/or the way we think they should look. Either we get it out and we are able to control how it comes out or it is going to control us and who knows what’s going to happen, but it’s got to come out. And won’t be pretty. Exploding on others is not ideal nor healthy, and could have been avoided. We ended up getting sick like that. Usually when it comes on that heavy like that, you have a little bit of a space as a warning, as far as trying to go somewhere, to be able to deal with it in private, if need be.
Speaker 1 00:06:28 And I just thank God that I was able to get it out. I listened to a particular podcast episode recently where the podcast host, who’s a therapist talked about how sometimes she has to go outside to be able to scream or yell, or whatever kind of way she needs to, to be able to get those emotions out of her.
And with blacks, we have to be careful anyway, because it’s part of our DNA from trauma, we are able to suppress the emotions, more naturally than usual because of that trauma. The other side of that is that our bodies are keeping tract of everything that we are going through. It is screaming out from arthritis and all kinds of chronic autoimmune diseaseas.
Speaker 1 00:07:27 We let it out and give ourselves compassion and grace and speak kind words to ourselves. Instead of going into self-blame, self-judgment and self-criticism mode. And we let it out. And what I want to do right now is talk about Joseph and what happened with him when he was in the room. As I mentioned before, he was surrounded by his servants and his brothers. He wanted to be able to tell his brothers who he was.
Speaker 1 00:08:30 Okay. And it got built up in his system. And I’m going to read what the scripture says. It says Joseph could not control himself in front of his servants any longer. “When Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone leave my presence!” So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers. 2 And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it.
3 Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still living?” But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence.”
Speaker 1 00:09:31 Don’t be worried, angry with yourselves because you sold me here. God sent me here ahead of you to say people’s lives. No food has grown the land for two years and there would be five more years without planning or harvest. So God sent me here ahead of you to make sure you have some descendants left on earth and to keep you alive in an amazing way.
So it was not you who sent me here, but God notice that he told them that twice to reassure them. God has made me the official, the highest officer of the King of Egypt. I am in charge of his house. And I am the master of all of the land of Egypt. So leave quickly and go to my father, tell him your son, Joseph, see us, God has made a master over all. Each have come down to me quickly.
Speaker 1 00:10:33 Joseph reminded me of myself, where he realized he couldn’t control himself any longer. He asked them to leave except for his brothers because he felt safe enough to be able to express himself and reveal himself in front of them. And sometimes we can let it out with others, with us. And sometimes we just have to do it by ourselves. The window of time is important, and discernment is important.
Speaker 1 00:11:24 Regulating our emotions is part of being resilient as well as being able to flourish in our relationships. Because if we are walking around in that much misery, we cannot have decent relationships with people. Our focus and our pain are only on ourselves and how miserable we are. We want to let it out, and Get back up again, within reasonable time so we can keep moving. So, I hope it was something that was said here today that will resonate with your hearts as you go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.
Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, etc. So, if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.
At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.
Are you saying to yourself, “I’m sick and tired of being in this state of languishing!” , but you are confused about how to get out? You need someone to walk you through the process, step by step. That’s what the course Broken Pieces is all about. This course walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter. ****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.
Have you ever tried to squeeze into a space that appeared too small, or not even appeared to be too small; it was simply too small, but you figured you would squeeze into it anyway. This squeeze or force, if you want to call it, left you crying out, Help, I’m Stuck! And you stayed in that position until someone came to help you, or maybe you figured out how to untangle yourself. Being stuck doesn’t help with us being resilient because resiliency involves being able to adapt to change. We all get stuck every once in a while; but when this condition becomes our MO, then what? Tune into this episode to find out. Just in case you missed last week’s episode, click here.
Speaker 1 00:01:05 This is the healing our brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And we also believe that we’re going from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing, and the title of this episode, episode 101, is “I’m stuck”. Now, when you think of somebody saying I’m stuck, it actually makes me think of my daughter when she was two years old and she would get into the kitchen chair at the table.
And she liked to pretend like she was stuck so I could come over and help her. And, you know, kids do all kinds of things for attention, but that was one of her things. And my son would say, ‘Oh, mom, someone needs to help her. She’s stuck.” And in turn, I would say, “No, she’s not stuck at all. She’s gonna figure it out.”
Speaker 1 00:02:11 She would keep this up until I ended up going over there and putting her in the chair or getting on her before she would finally go on and sit down in the chair. And it wasn’t too long before that “I’m stuck” stopped. But anyways, the kind of stuck I’m talking about today is when it comes to grief. And one thing about grief is that we all have our own timetable.
It is not something that can be rushed. I would say some of us want to rush it. We wish we can just zoom past/plow through. That’s not how grief works. Grief is a process, and that process has got to be done. Some people when they grieve, they go through the entire five steps: the anger, the denial, the bargaining, acceptance,etc.
Speaker 1 00:03:11 And then some of us may skip over one, do it all kind of ways out of order. I know with me, when I was grieving my divorce, my grief was all over the place. There was anger initially, but then my brain because of the trauma could not process the anger. Instead of processing anger, flashbacks and violent images occurred. And so the anger started to come in towards the end of my healing process from the divorce. Unfortunately, now in the scriptures, we have Samuel caught up in grieving over Saul.
Speaker 1 00:04:11 Saul was King and God had decided he was done. A done deal due to disobedience, extreme insecurity, and rebellion. Basically, God said,” You’re not King anymore. I’ve dethroned you. Samuel’s job was to go and appoint a new King.
And it was going to be the one that God was going to anoint. Samuel had been grieving Saul’s dethroning for a while. When it comes to other people’s grief, we don’t want to be judgment. However, in Samuel’s case, he was stuck on grieving something that had been going on too long. The scripture lets us know this by what God said, “the Lord said to Samuel, how long will you griev for Saul?
Speaker 1 00:05:09 When I have rejected him as King over Israel, fill your horn with oil and go, I will send you to Jesse, the Bethlehemite, I have chosen a King for myself among his sons.” Okay. So there are some times when we’re grieving so long that we have to be pulled out by something or someone, but we choose to stay in. Grief can make you comfortable.
And, they can get to the point of being stuck in it and trapped if we’re not careful, you know? And so basically God was telling Samuel we’re done with this. We’re done with a capital D get up, let’s get moving. We’re done. Let’s get back to growing and moving forward.
Speaker 1 00:06:09 With us, there are times when God’s like, “We’re done with that relationship, we’re done with that friendship. We’re done with that job. We’re done with that house, that car, that opportunity. Get up and move forward.
As I said before, this is not with everything. But a lot of things can end up like this if we’re not careful. God has been telling us we’re done, and we’re still trying to keep it going, drawing it out. And God has closed the door on it, but we’re still trying to stay in the hallway hoping it will open or climb in through the window. When we’re done, we have to make ourselves get up so as to be able to adapt to change and be resilient.
Speaker 1 00:07:05 When God says we’re done , we need to be able to be able to say that we’re done in our minds and in our hearts and in our souls. If we go according to what we feel, nothing will get done. We have to push past the feelings. I don’t feel like washing dishes. I’m not washing dishes. And sometimes that’s just what we need in order to nourish ourselves. We need to not do what we normally do.
Speaker 1 00:07:53 But a lot of times we make it our MO. I don’t feel like doing that. I don’t feel like combing my hair today. I don’t feel like going down the street to the store, but I need more milk. I don’t feel like getting tissue from the store, whatever it is.
We don’t feel like doing it so we can get comfortable and not do it. And then, next thing you know, three months have passed, and we haven’t vacuumed, or whatever we are holding off on. Grief is the same way. We can get stuck in it. We can’t go according to what someone else is doing. We have to go according to what our system is telling us. And that way we’ll be able discern whether we’re ready to move on or not. And more importantly, whether God is telling us this through sermons, sitting in stillness, reading his word, using others, etc.
Speaker 1 00:09:03 And then we want to be careful judging people who are in grief and need to stay in it longer. Grief shows up differently for everybody. Some people’s grief shows up as rage. Some people’s grief shows up as looting or self-harm. Some people’s grief shows up as promiscuity, alcoholism, drug addictions, indigestion problems, crying, sadness, rage, vomiting, you name it. Some people have blood vessels to burst in their eyes as part of their grief. So when we get to the point of judging grief, we have to be very careful because we never know how we will react when it comes to our turn.
Speaker 1 00:10:08 Staying in grief longer than necessary causes us to engage in broken relationships, hinders resiliency, and our relationships with important people in our lives: friends, our parents, our children, small group members, etc. We still have live life while we walk through grief.
Speaker 1 00:11:08 There are some times where we need to be alone. Other times, it may not be good to isolate. The devil want us to be by ourselves, which is not God’s plan. So I hope that something resonated with you from what I said, as we go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing, I want to thank you for being faithful listeners every week. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.
Yesterday, I posted part 1 of the interview that I had with Woman of God, Bible Teacher, and Author Erin Thompson. If you missed that episode, click here. Today, I will dig into part two of that conversation. Grab a pen and piece of paper to take notes as Erin continues to share her heart and soul with us.
I am a believer of therapy to the fullest. By clicking the link above, you will be taken to an online therapy site. If you purchase from this link, I will receive a commission through Online Therapy’s affiliate market program to help in handling the expenses and logistics of this site.