Healing From Narcissistic Abuse-The Art of Receiving Advice
Healing from narcissistic abuse is a lot of work. The thing to remember is to always keep the end goal in mind. And what is the end goal? Returning back to your true authentic self. The one that God created. During this time, you will receive advice from many different people. And God also encourages us to take advice.
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.Proverbs 11:14
However, as with anything, we have to use wisdom, discernment, and our intuition as to whether or not this advice is well-meaning advice or toxic advice that is a mask for control.
There are four different types of advice I would like to discuss with you.
The first kind of advice is projected advice. When we project something, it means that we are taking our own experiences and assigning it to someone else. Projected advice means that the person is giving you advice based upon all of the factors that fit their situation. This kind of device may or may not help you.
The factors involved can be major deal breakers. Some people who give you projected advice have not been in the situation that you have been in before, meaning they have privilege. And although they are well-meaning, they can actually do more harm than good. When we have privilege, we tend to look at other people’s situation through a privileged lens.
Projected advice gets sticky in areas of finances, court issues, and PTSD/trauma.
The second kind of advice that we often receive is double-minded advice. What is double minded advice? It is based on the Bible verse in James 1:18.
“He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”James 1:18
Double-minded advice comes from individuals who have one standard for themselves, and another standard for you. This person often talks on both sides of their mouth so to speak. One minute they are saying one thing. Then a few minutes later they are totally contradicting what they just said. Which version do you believe?
Double-minded advice is evidence that the person giving the advice is unstable, or living incongruent to their values and beliefs.
The third kind of advice is purpose-destroying advice. This kind of advice is often given by individuals who exhibit signs of toxic jealousy, envy, and competition when it comes to your calling. They refuse to own their story, but want partial ownership of yours. They want the highlight reels.
Remember, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Therefore, purpose-destroying advice exists to destroy every aspect of your calling including its power, SOUL, and identity.
The fourth kind of advice that I want to talk about is the “ I heard a word from the Lord” advice. Sometimes this kind of advice is very good. Other times, it involves a combination of the other three kinds of advice that I just discussed plus the gaslighting spirit.
The most important thing that we can do is to test the spirits of people who come to us with a word from the Lord. And we also have to remember that if God has that particular message for us, he will confirm it through us and not just give it to somebody else.
Remember: You are enough. Rebuild your family’s toxic love story garden. Reclaim your power, SOUL, and identity today. Grab your keys to the kingdom and get your inheritance.