Who Dropped the Bomb? The Many Faces of Love-Bombing

A lot of people look at love bombing as just over-the-top affection. This would be a quick glanced assessment. When we dive deeper beneath the surface, and peel away the layers, we are staring at abuse.

Plain and simple.

Love bombing is more of the grooming and priming stage of abuse. Just like using primer so the paint will take on your dark-colored wall, love bombing assures that the devaluation stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle will look good on you. But this is not a laughing matter. Nothing about abuse is funny.

Here is a list of things to look out for so that you don’t find yourself caught up in its web.

  1. Checking with you all times of the day. Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. How was your morning? How was your evening? How was your afternoon? This is done repeatedly so that when he pulls the rug from underneath you, and stops doing it, you will be like a drug addict needing your fix. Remember-you already have issues with love and approval addictions, which is part of the reason you got caught up with this individual in the first place.
  2. Playing Mr. NICE GUY with your family by lending out his car so as soon as the abuse starts, people start thinking, “This couldn’t be the same guy who’s hurting you.”
  3. Making his church and family seem perfect and sin-free compared to yours.
  4. Gossiping, judging, and criticizing your church, pastor, family, coworkers, and friends.
  5. Appearance of self-confidence that’s really hiding arrogance, condescending, contemptuous, behavior.
  6. Volunteering to help you with typing and taking notes for your graduate and undergraduate degree program.
  7. Volunteering in children’s ministry, men’s ministry, singing in the choir, and preaching at Christian retreats.
  8. Buying your kids clothes and shoes.
  9. Rubbing all over your belly and making you feel embarrassed in public once you’re pregnant with his baby.
  10. Purchasing expensive homes. multiple expensive vehicles, and then having you to get rid of your homes, inherited property and vehicles, and place everything in his name.

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 150: Interview with Self-Love Coach Ana Barajas on Identity, Abuse, Toxic Relationships & Healing

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 150: Interview with Self-Love Coach Ana Barajas on Identity, Abuse, Toxic Relationships & Healing
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What’s seems logical is not always what’s right. It seems logical to find someone or something to fill that empty void and brokenness inside of you.
What ends up happening is that this void brought on by abuse and trauma attracts people who exploit these areas.

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Self-Love Coach Ana Barajas

When you refuse to allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in your decision-making process, you get into all kinds of trouble, leading to staying in toxic relationships longer than you have to.

Listen 🎧 to this healing conversation that I had with Self-Care and Confidence Coach Ana Barajas.

Reach out to Self-Love & Confidence Coach Ana Barajas on Instagram here.

Be blessed!

Katina

Episode 75:”The Time is Now” An Interview with Evangelist Bernina Davis: How Obtaining Multiple DUI’s Led to A Divine Appointment with the Creator in Jail & The Ministry of Evangelism-Part 1

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The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 75:"The Time is Now" An Interview with Evangelist Bernina Davis: How Obtaining Multiple DUI's Led to A Divine Appointment with the Creator in Jail & The Ministry of Evangelism-Part 1
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Podcast Transcript Sneak Preview

There are times in life when things have gotten so bad, that we think that there is no humanly way possible that they could enter the next level of getting worse. And to top it off, sometimes we will boldly say, without realizing the power behind those words, “Things could never get worse than this.” I have said it several times. The unfortunate part of that proclamation is that we don’t have a clue as to what lies wait around the corner. Only God knows the answer as to whether this statement is true or not.

Just as the reality of our family members’ sicknesses are being dealt with, things get worse. Appliances break down. Deaths occur. Friendships dismantle. Our responsibilities as friends, mothers, coworkers, sisters, brothers, spouses, etc., gets ramped up to a whole new level, and we are unsure as to how to proceed.

In the scripture, Joseph was put in a pit, sold, then elevated to living in Pharaoh’s house, then demoted again to prison status, where God’s favor was living with him, and finally, elevated again to second in command over Egypt. The elevation came at a high cost, but, it also came with development of the character needed for God’s divine appointment.

This past Monday, I had the opportunity to interview Evangelist Bernina Marbury. We talked about the importance of relationships and connection, vision, her career path, and blackness. And just when I thought the interview was coming to an end, it was just getting started. Evangelist Nina shared with us how her areas of brokenness led to a divine appointment with God. This appointment was an extended stay in jail, leading to a ministry in evangelism. Click on the link to be blessed by this woman of God.

Podcast Outline

  • Relationships
  • Connection
  • Vision
  • Blackness
  • Brokenness-Evangelist Nina’s Testimony

Scriptures to Meditate on:

Proverbs 29:18

18 Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.

Genesis 39

When Joseph was taken to Egypt by the Ishmaelite traders, he was purchased by Potiphar, an Egyptian officer. Potiphar was captain of the guard for Pharaoh, the king of Egypt.

The Lord was with Joseph, so he succeeded in everything he did as he served in the home of his Egyptian master. Potiphar noticed this and realized that the Lord was with Joseph, giving him success in everything he did. This pleased Potiphar, so he soon made Joseph his personal attendant. He put him in charge of his entire household and everything he owned. From the day Joseph was put in charge of his master’s household and property, the Lord began to bless Potiphar’s household for Joseph’s sake. All his household affairs ran smoothly, and his crops and livestock flourished. So Potiphar gave Joseph complete administrative responsibility over everything he owned. With Joseph there, he didn’t worry about a thing—except what kind of food to eat!

Joseph was a very handsome and well-built young man, and Potiphar’s wife soon began to look at him lustfully. “Come and sleep with me,” she demanded.

But Joseph refused. “Look,” he told her, “my master trusts me with everything in his entire household. No one here has more authority than I do. He has held back nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How could I do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God.”

10 She kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day, but he refused to sleep with her, and he kept out of her way as much as possible. 11 One day, however, no one else was around when he went in to do his work. 12 She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house.

13 When she saw that she was holding his cloak and he had fled, 14 she called out to her servants. Soon all the men came running. “Look!” she said. “My husband has brought this Hebrew slave here to make fools of us! He came into my room to rape me, but I screamed. 15 When he heard me scream, he ran outside and got away, but he left his cloak behind with me.”

16 She kept the cloak with her until her husband came home. 17 Then she told him her story. “That Hebrew slave you’ve brought into our house tried to come in and fool around with me,” she said. 18 “But when I screamed, he ran outside, leaving his cloak with me!”

Joseph Put in Prison

19 Potiphar was furious when he heard his wife’s story about how Joseph had treated her. 20 So he took Joseph and threw him into the prison where the king’s prisoners were held, and there he remained. 21 But the Lord was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love. And the Lord made Joseph a favorite with the prison warden. 22 Before long, the warden put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners and over everything that happened in the prison. 23 The warden had no more worries, because Joseph took care of everything. The Lord was with him and caused everything he did to succeed.

Exodus 20:3-5

Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

2 Corinthians 7:14

If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 68: An Interview with Joyce Mosely on Journey, Brokenness, Blackness, and Relationships

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 68: An Interview with Joyce Mosely on Journey, Brokenness, Blackness, and Relationships
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I had the pleasure of interviewing Child Development Teacher and Woman of God, Joyce Mosely. What made this interview extra special is the fact that Joyce is my mother. I hope that you guys enjoy listening to Joyce, being herself, and teaching us about her life and how it relates to brokenness.

Bible Verses to Meditate On:

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Episode 27: Simply Grace

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 27: Simply Grace
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In case you missed our last episode, “The Sin of Cynicism-Part 2”, you can find that episode here. Today’s episode, Episode 27, is entitled Simply Grace. I hope that you enjoy this special poetry reading.

  • Simply Grace Podcast Outline:
  • Introduction
  • Dissection of Topics and Reading of Poetry
  • Closing Remarks
  • Show Transcript
recipes, healthy eating, poetry, poems, healing, brokenness, PTSD, trauma, abuse, katina horton, author, poet, healing our brokenness, episode 27

Welcome to the Healing Our Brokenness Podcast Episode 27: Simply Grace.  The intro and ending song that you hear on the podcast is entitled “Valley of Grace” and is song by Timothy Horton.  Today is a special episode.  Why is that?  I will be ready poetry from a book that I published back in February entitled, “Simply Grace”.  It is available on Amazon.  Simply Grace is a compilation of simple, healthy recipes that are mostly non-meat, along with poetry that tackles tough issues that we face every day.  However, these issues are seasoned with grace.  I deal with truth, so that the truth brings healing.  We are set free by true.  I also deal with raw emotions.

The first poem, entitled “The Quench” deals with Approval Addiction/Perfectionism/People Pleasing:

Reading of the poem

The next poem, entitled “The Source of Self-Worth” dissects our need for self-worth, and not just the need, but the struggle to get it from things, rather than the main source.

Reading of the poem

The next poem, entitled” Coat of Favor” deals with the Life of Joseph, his trials, and his redemption.

Reading of the Poem

Have you ever taken matters into your own hands, instead of waiting on God?  The next poem deals with just that.  It is entitled, “Oh, The Pain of Waiting”.

Reading of the Poem

For those of us who have been through abuse, we must relearn what love is.  That is what” Abide My Love, Dance with Me” is all about: God’s love poured out on me to reshape my thoughts on abuse.  Secondly, it describes how I danced with my Heavenly Father during a period of trials and financial despair, and how God “showed me his back” as his showed Moses, so to speak, by allowing me to feel his presence for several hours.

Reading of the Poem

The last poem, “I am the Vine, And So Is It Time?” deals with a combination of things:  the Crucifixion of Jesus on the Cross, John 15, and the Clematis vine that I attempted to tie to the trellis last spring as I was getting bit by mosquitos.  The first time that I attempted this adventure, there were too many mosquitos out.   The second and final time I was finally able to do it.  However, just within the few days of break in between, the clematis vine had completely wrapped itself around one of the heucheras.  It was a wonderful way to see the scriptures in action.

Reading of the Poem

Thank you for listening to Episode 27: Simply Grace, and if you are enjoying the Healing Our Brokenness Podcast, please recommend a friend, share on social media, and/or subscribe to hear us on Youtube, Itunes, Google Play, Stitcher, and Spotify.  You can also listen to us on the blog.

God bless!! Until Next time!

Episode 14: Broken Pieces Introduction

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Episode 14: Broken Pieces Introduction
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Background on Broken Pieces Introduction

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The book Broken Pieces was released a few days ago. The poem that I wrote, which is also included in the book, can be found here. In this episode, we are dissecting the reason for the name, the chapters, and the overarching theme of the book. The introduction of the book will be read to help give listeners insight into wh
Broken Pieces is really about. Does the issues resonate with them? And if so, how to seek ways for God to glue these pieces back together.

Broken Pieces Introduction Podcast Outline

Introduction of the Book Chapters

  • Introduction
  • Broken Identity
  • Broken Thinking
  • Broken Approval
  • Broken Dreams
  • Broken Faith
  • Broken Judgment
  • Broken Shame
  • Broken Comparison
  • Broken Conflict
  • Broken Relationships
  • Broken Forgiveness
  • Broken Healing

Reading of the Introduction

Bible Verse to Focus On:

John 10:10

King James Bible
The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Oh Self-Pity!

Earlier this week, I recorded a podcast on self-pity, entitled, ” Woe Is Me!”  You can find it here.  Today, I wrote a poem on self-pity to help us all deal with its spiritual stronghold.

Oh Self-Pity!

self-pity, stronghold, blog, poetry, emotional health, mental health, turning inward, brokenness, healing, ptsd, abuse, trauma, spiritual warfare, author, podcaster, blogger
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Oh Self-Pity! Oh Self-Pity!

You have built your own little city.

“Look at me! Look at me!

Don’t you see me suffering?”

 

“I’m the victim, full of sad.

Turning inward all the mad.

Oh, dear God, but I’m your friend.

When will you take the revenge?”

self-pity, stronghold, blog, poetry, emotional health, mental health, turning inward, brokenness, healing, ptsd, abuse, trauma, spiritual warfare, author, podcaster, blogger
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

(God Answers)

“Take Mercy and Grace, Make them your friends.

That inward thing, your heart will mend.”

 

“Oh Self-Pity! Oh Self-Pity!

God has destroyed your little city.

Look at me! Look at me!

God has surely set me free!”

 

self-pity, stronghold, blog, poetry, emotional health, mental health, turning inward, brokenness, healing, ptsd, abuse, trauma, spiritual warfare, author, podcaster, blogger
Photo by Stefan Stefancik on Pexels.com

Bible Verse to Reflect on In Regards to Self-Pity

 

73 Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart.

But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped.

For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

For there are no bands in their death: but their strength is firm.

They are not in trouble as other men; neither are they plagued like other men.

 

Therefore pride compasseth them about as a chain; violence covereth them as a garment.

Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish.

They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression: they speak loftily.

They set their mouth against the heavens, and their tongue walketh through the earth.

10 Therefore his people return hither: and waters of a full cup are wrung out to them.

11 And they say, How doth God know? and is there knowledge in the most High?

12 Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.

13 Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency.

 

14 For all the day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning.

15 If I say, I will speak thus; behold, I should offend against the generation of thy children.

16 When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me;

17 Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end.

18 Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction.

19 How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment! they are utterly consumed with terrors.

 

20 As a dream when one awaketh; so, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shalt despise their image.

21 Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins.

22 So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee.

23 Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.

24 Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.

 

25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

27 For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.

28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.

Episode 5: Woe is Me!

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The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 5: Woe is Me!







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Outline of the Podcast “Woe is Me!”

Praise God!  We are on Episode 5, entitled, ” Woe Is Me!”.  Last week’s podcast featured Episode 4:  Unhealed Brokenness & Toxic Relationships.  It can be found here.

  • What is Self-Pity?
  • Why is Self-Pity So Bad?
  • What is the End Result of Extreme Self-Pity?

 

self-pity, self-help, spiritual health, mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, anger, abuse, woe is me, valley of grace, character development, victim, victim mentality,
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  • The Competitive Side of Self-Pity
  • Self-Pity is Spiritual
  • View of Self-Pity for other Christians
  • View of Self-Pity for Unbelievers
  • My Experience with Self-Pity

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  • Factors for Ahab’s spirit of self-pity
  1. Retirement
  2. Location
  3. Money
  • Ahab’s childish behavior
  • Reminders about Temptation and Lust
  • James 1: 12-20:

12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Listening and Doing

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

self-pity, self-help, spiritual health, mental health, emotional health, anxiety, depression, anger, abuse, woe is me, valley of grace, character development, victim, victim mentality,

Five Steps to Freedom from Self-Pity

Have a blessed night!

Katina

The Regulating Emotions Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

Background on Dysregulated Emotions

Last week, we discussed the Depression Aspect: Living with and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.  If you’d like to refer back to the discussion you can click here.  This week we are discussing:  The Regulating Emotions Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.  For someone living with and healing from trauma on a daily basis, regulating emotions can be a challenge.

Having difficulty regulating emotions is a sign that your amygdala has had a beating from all the trauma.  There are times when I have had a full two weeks straight of dysregulated emotions.  What I have managed to figure out recently is that it usually occurs for one of three reasons:  1) when my system is overloaded with grief, and I am having a hard time getting it out,  2) I am in a place where I feel that I need to get up and go to the bathroom to grieve because it needs to be heavy release, 3) the trauma is causing my mind and body to self-protect, and I don’t feel safe enough to let it out.

 

anger, dysregulated emotions, PTSD, trauma, emotional health, mental health

Getting it Out

Dysregulated emotions isn’t the worst thing.  However, it is not the most pleasant either.  Once your emotions are dysregulated, then it makes you wonder if you shouldn’t have just gotten it out anyway.  For example, when the emotions are dysregulated, your face may be showing something different than how you feel.  The worse thing is being around other people when this happens.  You almost feel like you have to put on a fake face to show that you are not in agony from being pinned up with emotions.  On the flip side, you could also end up being way over the top in expressing the emotion that you are feeling.

anger, dysregulated emotions, PTSD, trauma, emotional health, mental health

Anger is one of those emotions that this can happen with. It’s best to try to be honest with the people that you are around by letting them know you’re having problems regulating, and that you need to excuse yourself to grieve.  The best thing that I can advise, as I had to remind myself the other day, after having dealt with a two week flareup:  “Better out than in”.  Try to let the grief out as soon as possible.  It prevents your whole emotional system from going haywire, and you having a long drawn-out episode that could have been avoided.

Until next time!

Katina

The Depression Aspect: Living with and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

Introduction to the Depression Aspect

This is the fifth part in the series “Living with and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.  The fourth part in the series, “The Overwhelmed Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis”, can be found here.  Without having trauma, people living with anxiety and depression on a daily basis can find them both debilitating.  When you add trauma to the mix, it takes things to a whole new level.  What I have been able to finally realize within the last year is the difference between regular depression and trauma depression.

trauma, identity, depression, mental health, emotional health, healing, PTSD, The Giant Drop
Photo by Matthew Henry

 

Regular Depression and PTSD Depression

The difference with regular depression and PTSD/trauma depression is that there is no in between, or gradual shift into depression.  Sometimes, you might be sitting in a group talking to people, and they happen to mention one word.  That word might not have any major significance for them, but for you, it could be the opening of a traumatic experience that consists of twenty different things.  The next thing you know, your whole system has dropped without warning, like the ride called “The Giant Drop” at Great America.  The worst part about PTSD depression, which is similar to regular depression, is that it is felt at a deeper level if you are already dealing with other life events causing emotional stress.

trauma, identity, depression, mental health, emotional health, healing, PTSD, The Giant Drop
Adventure by Matthew Henry

Depressive Job Experience

A few years ago, I accepted a job at a manufacturing company, thinking that it was the ticket to getting out of debt, and more financial security for my kids and I.  It was my worst nightmare.  I stuck out like a sore thumb.  From start to finish, the entire process that had played out in my twenty year marriage played out at this company.  I went from being a trophy to being discarded like a broken toy.  I didn’t fit into the culture of anything and everything goes, so there was a plan set in place to fire me , with a good majority of the employees involved.  The workplace was a constant lion’s den of bullying, emotional abuse, and the “workplace untouchables”, so to speak.  It was God’s great mercy and grace that I was let go.  My whole system was wrecked with trauma when I started.  By the time I was let go, I was in worse shape emotionally, mentally, and physically than when I started.  The Holy Spirit had shown me what would take place from start to finish three months before I got fired.  I am not sure what was worse: knowing what would happen, or the anxiously waiting for it to happen.

trauma, identity, depression, mental health, emotional health, healing, PTSD, The Giant Drop
Picture by Matthew Henry

Fighting for Normality

I was not prepared for what happened afterwards.  The “Giant Drop” occurred without any warning.  When I explained how I was feeling to my therapist, she gave me a good analogy.  I was a deflated ball when I started.  So basically, the “already deflated ball” was kicked around.  One friend tried to encourage me by telling me not to let the job get me that down.  I was glad to be done.  However, my system had been through so much compounded trauma, that in turn this is how it responded.  I thank God that he slowly brought me out of it.  It took a few months for the “giant drop” to leave, but a few more years after that to even start feeling significantly better.  Have a blessed night!

trauma, identity, depression, mental health, emotional health, healing, PTSD, The Giant Drop
Photo by Gordon Hatusupy

Katina

  Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.  Isaiah 26:3