Episode 101: I’m Stuck!

stuck, I'm stuck podcast episode: keywords: healing, unhealed brokenness, grief, complacency, time to move on, emotinal health, mental health, psychology, resilience, flourishing, katina horton, timothy horton, broken relationships, lifestyle
Healing Our Brokenness
Episode 101: I'm Stuck!
/

Have you ever tried to squeeze into a space that appeared too small, or not even appeared to be too small; it was simply too small, but you figured you would squeeze into it anyway. This squeeze or force, if you want to call it, left you crying out, Help, I’m Stuck! And you stayed in that position until someone came to help you, or maybe you figured out how to untangle yourself. Being stuck doesn’t help with us being resilient because resiliency involves being able to adapt to change. We all get stuck every once in a while; but when this condition becomes our MO, then what? Tune into this episode to find out. Just in case you missed last week’s episode, click here.

stuck, I'm stuck podcast episode:  keywords:  healing, unhealed brokenness, grief, complacency, time to move on, emotinal health, mental health, psychology, resilience, flourishing, katina horton, timothy horton, broken relationships, lifestyle
Episode 101

Podcast Transcription:

Part 1

Speaker 0    00:00:23    <inaudible>, Valley of Grace.

Speaker 1    00:01:05    This is the healing our brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And we also believe that we’re going from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing, and the title of this episode, episode 101, is “I’m stuck”. Now, when you think of somebody saying I’m stuck, it actually makes me think of my daughter when she was two years old and she would get into the kitchen chair at the table.

And she liked to pretend like she was stuck so I could come over and help her. And, you know, kids do all kinds of things for attention, but that was one of her things. And my son would say, ‘Oh, mom, someone needs to help her. She’s stuck.”  And in turn, I would say, “No, she’s not stuck at all. She’s gonna figure it out.”

Speaker 1    00:02:11   She would keep this up until I ended up going over there and putting  her in the chair or getting on her before she would finally go on and sit down in the chair. And it wasn’t too long before that “I’m stuck” stopped. But anyways,  the kind of stuck I’m talking about today is when it comes to grief. And one thing about grief is that we all have our own timetable. 

It is not something that can be rushed. I would say some of us want to rush it. We wish we can just zoom past/plow through.  That’s not how grief works. Grief is a process, and that process has got to be done. Some people when they grieve, they go through the entire five steps: the anger, the denial, the bargaining, acceptance,etc.

Part 2

Speaker 1    00:03:11    And then some of us may skip over one, do it all kind of ways out of order. I know with me, when I was grieving my divorce, my grief was all over the place. There was anger initially, but then my brain because of the trauma could not process the anger. Instead of processing anger, flashbacks and violent images occurred.  And so the anger started to come in towards the end of my healing process from the divorce. Unfortunately, now in the scriptures, we have Samuel caught up in grieving over Saul.

Speaker 1    00:04:11   Saul was King and God had decided he was done. A done deal due to disobedience, extreme insecurity, and rebellion.  Basically, God said,” You’re not King anymore. I’ve dethroned you. Samuel’s job was to go and appoint a new King.

And it was going to be the one that God was going to anoint. Samuel had been grieving Saul’s dethroning for a while.  When it comes to other people’s grief, we don’t want to be judgment.  However, in Samuel’s case, he was stuck on grieving something that had been going on too long.  The scripture lets us know this by what God said, “the Lord said to Samuel, how long will you griev for Saul? 

Part 3

Speaker 1    00:05:09    When I have rejected him as King over Israel, fill your horn with oil and go, I will send you to Jesse, the Bethlehemite, I have chosen a King for myself among his sons.” Okay. So there are some times when we’re grieving so long that we have to be pulled out by something or someone, but we choose to stay in. Grief can make you comfortable.

And, they can get to the point of being stuck in it and trapped if we’re not careful, you know? And so basically God was telling Samuel we’re done with this. We’re done with a capital D get up, let’s get moving. We’re done. Let’s get back to growing and moving forward.

Speaker 1    00:06:09   With us, there are times when God’s like, “We’re done with that relationship, we’re done with that friendship. We’re done with that job. We’re done with that house, that car, that opportunity.  Get up and move forward. 

As I said before, this is not with everything.  But a lot of things can end up like this if we’re not careful.  God has been telling us we’re done, and we’re still trying to keep it going, drawing it out. And God has closed the door on it, but we’re still trying to stay in the hallway hoping it will open or climb in through the window. When we’re done, we have to make ourselves get up so as to be able to adapt to change and be resilient.

Part 4

Speaker 1    00:07:05    When God says we’re done , we need to be able to be able to say that we’re done in our minds and in our hearts and in our souls. If we go according to what we feel, nothing will get done.  We have to push past the feelings. I don’t feel like washing dishes. I’m not washing dishes. And sometimes that’s just what we need in order to nourish ourselves. We need to not do what we normally do. 

Speaker 1    00:07:53    But a lot of times we make it our MO.  I don’t feel like doing that. I don’t feel like combing my hair today. I don’t feel like going down the street to the store, but I need more milk. I don’t feel like getting tissue from the store, whatever it is.

We don’t feel like doing it so we can get comfortable and not do it. And then, next thing you know, three months have passed, and we haven’t vacuumed, or whatever we are holding off on.  Grief is the same way.  We can get stuck in it.  We can’t go according to what someone else is doing.  We have to go according to what our system is telling us. And that way we’ll be able discern whether we’re ready to move on or not. And more importantly, whether God is telling us this through sermons,  sitting in stillness, reading his word, using others, etc.

Part 5

Speaker 1    00:09:03    And then we want to be careful judging people who are in grief and need to stay in it longer. Grief shows up differently for everybody. Some people’s grief shows up as rage. Some people’s grief shows up as looting or self-harm. Some people’s grief shows up as promiscuity, alcoholism, drug addictions, indigestion problems, crying, sadness, rage, vomiting, you name it. Some people have blood vessels to burst in their eyes as part of their grief. So when we get to the point of judging grief, we have to be very careful because we never know how we will react when it comes to our turn.

Speaker 1    00:10:08    Staying in grief longer than necessary causes us to engage in broken relationships, hinders resiliency, and our relationships with important people in our lives:   friends, our parents, our children, small group members, etc. We still have live life while we walk through grief. 

Part 6

Speaker 1    00:11:08    There are some times where we need to be alone. Other times, it may not be good to isolate. The devil want us to be by ourselves, which is not God’s plan.   So I hope that something resonated with you from what I said, as we go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing, I want to thank you for being faithful listeners every week. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.


Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, etc. So, if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.  Until Next Time.   Valley of Grace.

Speaker 0    00:12:54    <inaudible>.

Episode 100: The Danger of Burnout

resilience, episode 100, the danger of burnout, compounded trauma, rest, workaholic, podcasting community, podcasters, lifestyle, broken relatinships, brokenness, flourishing, psychology
Healing Our Brokenness
Episode 100: The Danger of Burnout
/

Have you ever been tired? And not just tired, but more like exhausted? And on every level? Did you know that emotional exhaustion can lead to burnout?

Burnout isn’t something that comes out of the blue. It is a slow process that has been happening over time. Catching it and being proactive about dealing with the symptoms helps to build up resiliency, giving you a collection of tools that you can used in case the problem resurfaces. We are not God where we know what can tip us over the edge. However, we can get to know ourselves better so that we can know our limitations, and prevent the entire process itself from unraveling. For the podcast on the Gift of Limitations, you can check that out here. If you missed the last podcast interview with podcast host and ministry of music Christen Clark, you can catch up on that here.

resilience, episode 100, the danger of burnout, compounded trauma, rest, workaholic, podcasting community, podcasters, lifestyle, broken relatinships, brokenness, flourishing, psychology

Podcast Topics

  • My Emotional Exhaustion
  • Elijah’s Emotional Exhaustion
  • What Are You Noticing About Yourself?
  • Solutions for Dealing With Burnout

Scripture Reading to Focus on:

1 Kings 19

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

Are you saying to yourself, “I’m sick and tired of being in this state of languishing!” , but you are confused about how to get out? You need someone to walk you through the process, step by step. That’s what the course Broken Pieces is all about. This course walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter. ****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

Podcast Transcription

Part 1A

Speaker 0 00:00:11
Speaker 1 00:00:55 This is the Healing Our Brokenness podcast where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And we also believe here at healing our brokenness podcast, that we are going from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing.

Have you ever been tired? Not just tired, but more like exhausted and on every level, did you know that emotional exhaustion can actually lead to burnout and burnout Isn’t something that just comes up out of the blue? It’s a slow process. That’s been happening over time, catching it and being proactive about dealing with the symptoms helps to build up the resiliency.

And it gives us a collection of tools in our toolbox that we can use in case the problem resurfaces. Again, we’re not God, and we cannot know every single time what’s going to tip us over the edge. However, we can get to know ourselves better so that we can know our limitations and we can prevent the entire process from unraveling like a domino effect.

Part1B


Speaker 1 00:02:22 For further explanation on limitations, the podcast called the gift of limitations, would be a great resource. And that one goes into more detail on being able to understand our limitations and to respect them.

It was about four years ago, I guess I would say really five. When I think about it from the period of 2016 to 2018, I had maybe four episodes of being emotionally exhausted. And, these episodes occurred because of a combination of compounded trauma, my own trauma, my kids’ trauma, supporting them, the trials I was going through at the time, etc. A lot of it being financial.

And what happened was, there were several nights in a row where I had not slept well, and when I say not sleeping well, two to three hours of sleep, four nights in a row. And I knew by night number three, I had basically maxed out.

I looked like I was depressed. And when my daughter saw me, she said, are you okay mom? And I said, yeah, why not? You ask? She said, Oh, you just look like you lost your best friend. And so I went and looked in the mirror and I was like, Oh wow, I look a hot mess. Even when my son came in the door, he said, man, you look jacked up.

” Oh, thank you.” And I laughed it off, but I really was not in a good state at all. Yes, grief had gotten backed up. And so between the grief and the insomnia together, it was just a bad mix. It was straight from the pit of hell, literally. And so we all know that when we don’t get enough sleep, it ripples down to other things, it can lead us to be more emotional.

Part two


Speaker 1 00:04:30 And then on the other hand, when we’re more emotional and we have all of this stuff built up in our system, particularly grief that can also lead to sleepless nights because once we max out, our bodies are going, “we’re done”. We’re not going any further until I get enough of it out and then you can rest. And so that’s exactly what was happening too. I mean, just emotional exhaustion.

It did not lead to burnout, but yeah, could have had I not paid attention to my body and kept going due to all of those issues that I was dealing with at that time. And a lot, the people that I’ve heard speak on burnout, particularly ministers have mentioned about the spirit of cynicism coming in when burnout is approaching. A friend of theirs noticed and mentioned something to them about them getting depressed about some of the things that they would normally do.

Part Three


Speaker 1 00:05:30 They were not satisfied with anything. They found themselves feeling unfulfilled and just being cynical about everything being the beginning of it, along with the emotional exhaustion and the inability to rest. What I did when I felt the extreme emotional exhaustion coming on is this: I followed through the script, the one that Elijah did, basically, just to be honest with you.

Because of all of that in my soul and the despair and fear set in, I rested, poured into scripture, Bible studies, podcasts, sermon messages, music nonstop all day long for several days in a row to help me get back up. And even though I eat healthy, I made sure I ate extra healthy, and doubled and tripled up on teas those days. I was able to get back up within a few days and I was just like myself again. And with Elijah, he had been in battle.

Part Four


Speaker 1 00:06:37 He had gone through miracles. He performed all these miracles, killed all of these false prophets and had just run and run and run and run. So he ran himself out. So he finally sat down. It was like, ah, and he finally realized that, I guess I would say, realized the state that he was in. And then that’s when his soul expressed the despair, “Oh,, God I’m ready to die!”

And that’s how I knew I was not myself because inside I was like, “Oh, this is horrible! I can’t take it any more!” And it’s like, it’s one thing to be angry or bitter or resentful about something. Those are different emotions/feelings. So I knew something was off. And with Elijah, God told him to eat, eat, and then sleep and rest and then eat and then sleep again because he was going to need to be rested up for his journey.


Speaker 1 00:07:37 And sometimes we want to just do a quick fix and go on. And sometimes it is a quick fix, but sometimes it’s not. And, we have to give ourselves grace those types of situations. The way the Holy spirit works is really something else. Because after I dealt with this, might’ve been no time after emotional exhaustion occurrence number two, I saw someone else. And as soon as I looked at their face, I knew what that particular person was going through. And like I had the screaming voice inside, their outer voice said,” Oh, this is happening again!”

Part Five

They were filled with despair. And I responded, “you know what? Rest for about two weeks. And then we’ll talk. ” I had to set that boundary. I knew how I was in that condition. It would not do me any good to try to reason with someone who’s in that state, the state I had already been through and knowing what the end result was of being in that state. And I did empathize. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I hope you feel better, but this is when we can talk.

And so, when we’re not sitting still long enough, outside of having emotional exhaustion, giving ourselves margin, we don’t have the capacity to tell something is off, to know our limits, to question what is going on inside our souls. We just keep pushing till we can’t push anymore. Then Burnout!

Speaker 0 00:09:14 Sometimes we need someone else to notice like I did with my friend. Just saying, “You know what? You don’t look so well. And so in that case,

Part Six


Speaker 1 00:09:28 Listen to what they say. That’s when we know we have to set up boundaries and we have to take preventative measures for the sake of our own wellbeing. Resiliency happens when we are resting on a regular basis as part of our rhythms. If we are not giving ourselves margin, saying yes to everything that everybody asks us to do, not saturating ourselves in God’s word we will max out. Computer networks only have a certain bandwidth. So do we. In different seasons, different trials, and different ages and stages.


Speaker 1 00:10:08 Our abilities and goals and responsibilities can change off and on. They can change from one day to the next. We just never know.
what could be the tipping point, but we want to be able to bounce back with resiliency, and that way, each time emotional exhaustion hits, it will be less intense.


Speaker 1 00:10:20 Your brain and body will thank you and say, “I know what to do. Been there. Done that.” After healing, If we get stuck in, “Man. I can’t believe that happened. Oh my goodness. I can not believe that happened”, we could just sit in that forever. Kind of like when I would wake up late for work. And I’m just like 20 minutes in the bed because I am stuck in “I can’t believe that this happened. “

Finally, I snap myself out of it by saying, “Ok Tina, you overslept. Now what?” Then, I get up and get moving.
Speaker 1 00:11:16 With our souls will be joyous and glad that we did that. And so, God gave Elijah his next steps when Elijah came out of his near burnout, it was like, “okay, what do I do now?” And God was like, “you appoint this person. You appoint that person. You appoint this person.” Basically Elijah was not going to be doing all those things on his own anymore.

Part Seven

And a lot of times we get to the point that we get to because we’re trying to do too much and try to do too much on our own. So we can either take three days of rest or two weeks of rest to bounce back and become resilient, or we can take the whole year off. And the end of the day, it is up to us how we want to take care of ourselves and how we want to continue to flourish in our relationships. I am so preaching to myself right now. I promise you.


Speaker 1 00:12:09 Whether it’s at home, church, work, in ministry, wherever it is that we’re doing, we want to be able to continue to flourish. We want to be able to continue being resilient with self-care, yielding, and resting in God is part of that resiliency, those are parts of the formula. And we cannot leave that out. So I hope something said resonated with you. And I just want to thank you so much for listening in to every episode. I’m at one hundred episodes.

This is number 100 episode and I praise and thank God. I’m kind of in shock. You know, I know that it’s been a road getting here, but still the fact that it’s the 100th episode. I praise and thank God! And I also want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.

Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, etc. So if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.

Until Next time.
Valley of Grace music.
Speaker 0 00:14:03 , .

Episode 99: Broken Relationships, Resilience, and The Danger of Validation

healing our brokenness podcast, episode 99, approval addiction, validation addiction, Moses, coping mechanisms, burnout, satisfaction, needing a guide, listening to others, taking advice, emotional health, mental health, spiritual health
Healing Our Brokenness
Episode 99: Broken Relationships, Resilience, and The Danger of Validation
/

Would you consider yourself the kind of person that goes in and out of relationships? Are you the cause, or would you say it’s the other person? If it is the other person, why is it that you find yourself staying in the relationship? What need is the relationship providing? Perhaps it’s validation. And if it is, the need for validation can easily lead to burnout. Ask Moses. Find out about this and more when you listen to this week’s episode: Broken Relationships, Resilience, and The Danger of Validation.

healing our brokenness podcast, episode 99, approval addiction, validation addiction, Moses, coping mechanisms, burnout, satisfaction, needing a guide, listening to others, taking advice, emotional health, mental health, spiritual health

Topics

  • Broken Relationships
  • Resilience
  • The Danger of Validation
  • Why are people leaving?
  • Why are you leaving?
  • Are people tired of you?
  • How the Need for Validation leads to Burnout
  • How Margin and Stillness Helps with resilience

An Interview with Eston Swaby

At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

Podcast Transcription

Speaker 0 00:00:17 Music plays. Valley of Grace
Speaker 1 00:01:17 Welcome to the Healing Our Brokenness podcast where we dissect problems and solutions that exists among broken people, living in a broken world. And we also believe here at Healing our brokenness, that we’re going from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. Today’s episode is episode number 99. And the title of this episode is broken relationships, resilience, flourishing, and the dangers of validation.

Now, when it comes to relationships, it takes a while to get to know people. And then after that, we have the time period, of getting to know them. We can pretty much tell if that person is going to work out for us. And this is whether it’s a romantic relationship or it could be a friendship or all of the above. And so, sometimes we get to the point where we are staying in our relationships too long and, they could be for a variety of reasons.


Speaker 1 00:02:45 And one of the reasons that we can stay in relationships too long would be simply just being in denial. We see the writing on the wall, so to speak and we are still trying to make a go out of it. Either the person is not treating us, right, or we’re not able to meet their needs, and there are consistent patterns of inconsistency.

For whatever reason, it’s not working out, and we are refusing to accept reality for the way that it is. So a lot of times we will stay in broken relationships longer than we really need to be doing. Another reason why we may stay in relationships would be for the simple fact of it fulfilling a need that we have. So we know that the relationship is not good.


Speaker 1 00:03:53 We know that this person is not good for us. They had not bringing out the best in who we are as individuals, not helping to bring out holiness in us. They are not helping us to bring out the qualities in us that, would basically help to elevate us in our calling in our worship of God and our walk with God. But we are in every toxic/incompatible relationship because we have woundedness inside.

And what is happening is we are having a need being met through that particular individual. And that’s why we are staying in something that we should no longer be in, indication of woundedness that has not been taken care of. But we are blinded to seeing that because we are addicted to having that need met at all costs.
Speaker 1 00:04:55 So either we are being a savior to someone enabling them in areas of their irresponsibility or it’s something within us that is satisfying us.

That’s keeping us in that relationship. And sometimes it takes someone on the outside to come in to say, Hey, I noticed, you know, you keep telling me about the same thing where I notice you keep doing the same thing in response, or to initiate. Is there something else going on here that you want to talk about ? And so today I want to talk about Moses, who got to the point where he was standing and being judge over the people from morning, all the way till night. And we all know that if we’re doing something from early in the morning, all the way to night, nighttime, eventually that’s going to lead to burn out is definitely not going to help us to be resilient individuals.


Speaker 1 00:06:04 Because if you’re trying to develop a resilience emotionally, mentally, and physically, we have to have boundaries in place according to when we know our energy levels are at their best. And so what he was doing by wearing himself out, standing there and advising the people, he was not allowing himself time alone with God , to get his overflow so that he was be able to overflow and pour out to the people, but his need was being validated. He needed to have that approval. And that’s why he was in it so long. And I’m quite sure he was tired himself, but that need, that inner turmoil that was inside of him, that woundedness of having been rejected as a baby, those seeds and a spirit of rejection was already sewn into him.


Speaker 1 00:07:12 He also didn’t feel in place where he was because he knew that he was not an Egyptian. And it happens sometimes like this with people who are trying to get their identities and ethnicities figured out where, if they’re the child of parents, of two different races or ethnic groups, and sometimes they don’t feel at home in one group. And sometimes they don’t feel at home in another group and them trying to reconcile all of this. So Moses was having some issues with that need for approval and validation from these people, just from people in general.

And so their need to seek help and want guidance and want to judge over them was actually feeding into this need for him. So that means he was getting approval all day long from morning to night. And that could not have been good for his inner ego. And when we are in situations like that, it is so good that we have an inner circle. We have a support group or both. We have friends that see what’s going on, or either hear from what we’re telling them. And they’re coming to us and saying, you know what?


Speaker 1 00:08:43 I don’t think that’s good. Do you mind if I talk to you? You know, if we go out for coffee and we talk and this and that, the other, you know, I’ve been listening to you, and I feel like there are some missing pieces. Tell me about the situation.

One of the things about Moses, as far as trying to develop resilience, is that his body needed to rest, poured into, with the word of God, developing emotion intelligence, and to have emotional intelligence, you have to be able to be developing emotion skills. Because when you are talking to people all day long from morning to night, and you’re not taking a break to rejuvenate yourself, their issues end up weighing down in your spirit and soul.


Speaker 1 00:09:41 And so what happens though, we’re wounded and broken and that area needed validation and approval. We don’t even have time to think about that. We just try to fulfill that or whatever needs, which has to be addressed, or the cycle keeps continuing. Thank the Lord for Moses’s situation that he listened to his father-in-law. And this is what it says in the scripture. I’m going to read it for you guys. When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, right?

What is this you are doing for the people? Why all these people stand around you from morning. So evening, Moses answered him because the people come to seek God’s will, whenever they have it, dispute is brought to me. And I decide between the parties and informed them of God’s decrees and laws. Moses’s father-in-law replied.
Speaker 1 00:10:41 What you are doing is not good. You people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too hard. You can not handle it alone.

Listen now to me, and I’ll give you some advice and may God be with you. You must be the people’s representative before God and bring their disputes to him, teach them. .. select capable, men, from men who fear God, trustworthy, men, who hate dishonest gain and appoint them officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties, have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you. The simple cases they can decide themselves that will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. If you do this God so commands, you would able to stand the strength and all of these people will go home satisfied.


Speaker 1 00:11:53 Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything. He chose capable men and made them leaders of the people, officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens. They served as judges for the people at all times the difficult cases they brought to Moses, but the simple ones, they decided themselves. So like I said before, praise the Lord that Moses listened to his father-in-law.

And that was the beginning of ability to be able to be resilient is that he was able to take advice. His father-in-law served as a guide for him. And when we are going through our trials and tribulations, and our stories, we need someone to serve as a guide for us. This is what, his father-in-law DID for him. And that gave him space to be still, have that margin of space and time with God, to be able to deal with his own wounded business of validation.


Speaker 1 00:13:03 Because what happens is if we do not deal with that woundedness, then what happens is we’re always depending on other people to validate us, we’re always dependent upon other people to help us to feel worthy.

We’ll always dependent upon other people to help us to feel that approval when the only one that could give it to us, and that will fill us up is God. And every time we feel like, you know, we have arrived at a certain level of healing, there might still be times where every blue moon, that brokenness area will come up, we can say, dear Jesus! God help me! You have already validated me with your son’s death on the cross, I am worthy. I am valued, redeemed, the righteousness of God in Christ. I do not need anyone else’s validation to approve I’m yours Lord.


Speaker 1 00:13:51 So it’s not saying we’re not gonna continue to struggle. It won’t control us as it was doing with Moses. But as I said, thank God. He listened in the cases where we don’t listen. And we continue in what we’re doing that after a while, people will get tired of us. We’re human beings.

We’re not God. And they’ll say, you know what? You keep telling me about the same thing over and over again. We’ve given you our advice. You won’t take our advice. You keep saying the same thing over and over again. And it wears them out is what ends up happening. It just literally wears them out. Self pity is toxic and it wears people out. Victim mode can be toxic and wear people out.


Speaker 1 00:14:46 And so what happens is either we will leave because they won’t keep validating our brokenness, or they will leave because they’re sick and tired of hearing us. And we ended up having to come to the end of our ropes in a situation of languishing. Literally, before we get a clue, like something is wrong here, people keep leaving. My emotional, mental health is going downstream.

And when it comes to validation, it will go downstream because we have to keep constantly seeking that approval. And that addiction for approval. One while, I cleaned all day long to make sure that the house looked a certain way. And it was like, no matter how clean it was, it still wasn’t enough. I had to have it as a museum and I had to seek approval and validation and my self worth from my ex-husband and not realizing I was turning that into an idol. I was turning cleaning into an idol.

And the bigger problem was me and my identity. And knowing that God is enough. That was the biggest problem I had. Knowing he was enough, and that I did not deserve certain treatment, and have to prove anything different. So I hope that something that was said here today would resonate with you. I want to thank Timothy Horton for bringing our intro and outro music to us every week. And I want to thank you guys as my listeners for coming in and tuning in to Healing Our Brokenness podcast.

Until next time!
Speaker 0 00:16:21 . Music plays. Valley of Grace.

Episode 97: An Interview with Eston Swaby

Eston Swaby, validation, identity, rejection, episode 97, approval, money coach, healing our brokenness, confidence, brokenness
Healing Our Brokenness
Episode 97: An Interview with Eston Swaby
/

Have you ever wondered why you find yourself in the same patterns of behavior when it comes to dealing with rejection? Even more so, have you taken the time out to figure out the root cause of these issues? And if you have, what is stopping you from moving forward? Tune in to the interview that I had with Coach Eston Swaby to find out how he moved from the end result of rejection to where he is now. In case you missed my last interview with Jennifer Uren, the podcast host of This Mom Knows, you can catch that one here, and if you are looking to connect with Coach Eston Swaby, you can find him out on Facebook. Have a blessed Thursday, and I hope you enjoy the episode!

Eston Swaby, validation, identity, rejection, episode 97, approval, money coach, healing our brokenness, confidence, brokenness
Money Mindset Coach Eston Swaby

Podcast Topics

Money

Money and Mindset

Validation

Approval

Community

Unhealed and Healed Brokenness Affecting Writing & Speaking

Home

What Does Brokenness Mean

Identity

Fun Questions

Podcast Transcription

peaker 0 00:00:01 This is the healing our brokenness podcast, where we dissect problems and solutions that exist among broken people, living in a broken world. And we also believe that we’re going from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing, and the title of this episode is An interview with Eston Swaby. On yesterday, I was blessed with interviewing mindset coach Eston Swaby.

We talked about some of everything: his profession, how he came to be in the ministry, what brokenness means to him, etc. He shared his story, how community plays a role in healing our brokenness, how he unhealed and healed brokenness affects writing and speaking, and what the word home means to him. And then we got a chance to do some fun, personal questions, a lot of what we talked about centered around identity, validation, approval and rejection. And so without further ado, I am going to let you tune in to the interview between Eston Swaby and I.

Speaker 0 00:02:51 Okay. So.
Speaker 2 00:03:00 I worked with Kristin and Jacqueline, in the marketplace, they are the ones to make a big difference, sharing their message can be a gift because of peers and limiting beliefs. We are afraid of asking for what we want and really putting ourselves out there.

And if you don’t mind me asking, what are some of those negative beliefs? Okay.

So, limited beliefs that I, I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy.
It’s not going to work out. Money is the root of all evil. If I make lots of money, then I cannot be spiritual at the same time. And, so some of those limiting beliefs that’s really hold them back from really becoming the person that God has called him to be in the marketplace. I think the biggest one is that they believe that they are not more than that.
Speaker 2 00:04:30 Yeah. I know when you are in business to make more gains. And so part of that so really makes sense. So if you think about the word brokenness, what does that mean to you?

It is not a part of a whole.

So that, that stops. So that stops you from really becoming your true self. That is true.

Now, would you please share with the audience, your story?

Okay, so I was rejected, and because of that rejected, I thought I couldn’t achieve certain things. And so for many years, I thought that there was something wrong.

Speaker 2 00:06:30 So I said to myself, you know what, my life is not important.
When I looked in the mirror all I saw was brokenness. All I saw was someone that wasn’t, that wasn’t good and that no one knows. So what, what’s the purpose of living to see another day?

I wanted validation from outside sources, instead of looking internally, everybody need to really look into who does it say I am, right? So if people didn’t approve me, if people didn’t accept me, then the cause of my self worth was based on other people, and it was more painful, and necessary that I reach out to myself.

Speaker 2 00:08:19 Yes, exactly. And you know, when God called me. I thought that God must be crazy because there’s no way with this broken person. You know, sometimes we are in the position. I spoke for many years, I was sitting in the ministry. I was in ministry, but then I wasn’t behaving in a way that was. I was playing smaller when I started. And even when I started my business, that was the same thing. I wanted success. But at the same time, I never thought that I was deserving. I was done.

So the past experiences dealing with rejection, were you able to come out of that?
Speaker 2 00:10:04 Um, yes. I was able to come out with really the word of God, that is how. I’m not going to let people say I’m not good enough.

That is so true. Uh, why do you think that people stay in their brokenness for so long?

Because there’s some need that has not been met. Um, there are basic needs. The needs are safety, and physical needs. A person that stays in brokenness is believing something programmed in their minds.

Speaker 2 00:11:44 So it was all important too. And how you say it, as far as the mind and programming to think a certain way. And once we have those thoughts in our heads, then we will start to act on it. That’s how it works out.

Yes. That’s exactly how it works because everything starts when something happens, right. When you start a new experience, and someone rejects you, then you say, okay, maybe I’m not good enough. It starts with thoughts then creates emotion then emotions and the emotions creates limiting belief creates a behavior that may sense those thoughts. We internalize. Exactly, exactly. The reason we internalize what people say is because there is something broken inside of you.

That makes sense. It makes me think about as a teenager, how my self esteem was low and I already had thoughts about myself. And then when I heard another teenager, a teenage girl confirmed what I was already wrestling with, then I said, Oh, this must be true.

Speaker 2 00:14:43 WE have to go back to our thoughts. Those original beliefs.
Remember our success, love, joy and everything.

Yes. That is so true, man. That is some good stuff. So did, um, how do you think community plays a role in healing brokenness? And then the second part of that question is how did it play a role in healing, your brokenness?

Speaker 2 00:17:10 Okay. So, um, community is very important. Every day. You surround yourself with people. WE need to be with people with similar beliefs. Right? Right. For example, you maybe go to the church, and there are people who are broken and negative, and you say, I’m not ready for success. I feel that I believe that I’m not good enough for their success. If you can not start surrounding yourself with people that tell you that you are worthy, that speaks life into your spirits or that believe in us, even when we don’t believe in ourselves, keeping that sees greatness in ourselves.

And that is true. And that’s the same thing that happens with me because I started to hang around people that didn’t treat me as the person who wanted to achieve certain goals.
Speaker 2 00:19:14 I started surrounding myself with other people who switched my mindset. They say that you are the sum total of the five people that you hang out with. Like with children. Their parents and family are those five people. That’s what determines who they are. And when you have this resilience, if you allow yourself to be shaped by your environment and the environment is going to shape you.

That is so true. How do you think healed both healed and unknown brokenness affects writing and speaking.

They a reflection of where you are. So if you are, let’s say, if you are writing a personal book, right. And you haven’t healed from your mess from rejection and maybe sense things that you are going to say, others will say, “they have an angry soul, right”?
Speaker 2 00:22:26 Because you’re writing from a place of brokenness, messiness. Writing should be refreshing. I’ve seen that personally in my own writing. I had to release certain people. Then I was able to read and write from a place of reflection and healing.

That is so true. Yes. Yes. That is so true. Now we got another question and that is, what does the word home mean to you?
Speaker 2 00:24:01 An internal place of safety. Not frustration or fear.

Speaker 2 00:26:47 Yes. I see what you’re saying.

Just so focused on either like the material aspects, being prominent, the money, the wealth, and not doing it because it’s what God has planned for your life. Regardless of if it’s gonna bring about a lot of money, a lot of fame, you have a lot of social media followers. That’s not the goal.

Yeah, exactly. I got some fun questions for you to answer. What are some of the books that you are reading now?
Speaker 2 00:27:45 Okay. I’m reading a book by Joyce Meyers surrender.

Oh, wow. And what are some of the things that you do to fill up your soul?
Speaker 2 00:29:26 I read my bible and hang out with positive people, start off by reading my Bible in the mornings.
Speaker 2 00:30:57 What do you think you would do to make a difference in the world?
Coaching. Where can people find you? Okay. The best place to find me is on Facebook. I’m on Facebook, my website, I’m really working on my website. Also. You can always reach out to me.

Wow. Okay.
Speaker 0 00:32:41 Thank you so much for your time. I’m so glad we were able to get those connection issues resolved. This has really been good. I appreciate it. So the healing brokenness podcast, episode 97 and interview with coach Eston Swaby.

Speaker 1 00:34:19 .

So, I hope it was something that was said here today that will resonate with your hearts as you go from broken relationships to resilience and flourishing. I want to give a shout out to Timothy Horton for bringing the intro and outro music to us every week.


Speaker 1 00:13:03 And that song is entitled Valley of Grace. And it can be found wherever music is sold. Healing Our Brokenness podcast is on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and on Amazon music, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, etc. So, if this is blessing your life in any kind of shape, form or fashion, if you could please give a shout out to your friends, your neighbors, your family members, and ask them to follow us.

 Valley of Grace.

Episode 96: An Interview with Jennifer Uren

this mom knows; emotional health; mental health; healing our brokenness podcast; timothy horton; katina horton; healing; psychology; connection; parenting; brokenness
Healing Our Brokenness
Episode 96: An Interview with Jennifer Uren
/

On yesterday, I had the pleasure of interviewing This Mom Knows’ podcast host, Jennifer Uren. Our conversation was enlightening, filled with wisdom, and that of comfortability. If you are a mother, you know how daunting the task of motherhood can be. The first walk down that street is usually the hardest. At least that is what everyone says; that the first child is an experiment, so to speak, and then we have it from there.

this mom knows; emotional health; mental health; healing our brokenness podcast; timothy horton; katina horton; healing; psychology; connection; parenting; brokenness
Jennifer Uren, This Mom Knows Podcast Host

What if you had a parenting manual with the whole thing figured out before you even started the journey? Wouldn’t we all be happier for it! Jen and I discussed this very thing, along with several other topics listed down below. If you missed the last podcast interview with Alison Simmons, you can grab that one here.

Here are the links to the last two podcast episodes in general (You might want to check these out with it being the last day of black history month.) Bless ya! :

Black History Part 1

Black History Part 2

An Interview with Jennifer Uren Topics

  • What Does Being a Mom Really Mean?
  • What Makes a Good Podcaster?
  • Relationships
  • Parenting
  • Procrastinating
  • Task-Oriented people
  • Traditions
  • Podcasting
  • Personal Questions
  • Parenting Styles
  • Differences Between Podcasting and Writing
  • Brokenness
  • Healed and Unhealed Brokenness
  • How Brokenness Affects Our Work

Sign Up for This Mom Knows podcast!

At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

Episode 93: An Interview with Alison Simmons

Alison Simmons, grace over perfection host, episode 93, katina horton, podcasting, podcaster, podcasting community, divorce, marriage, parenting, perfectionism, grace, failure, women, minstry, healing our brokenness, healing our brokenness podcast
Healing Our Brokenness
Episode 93: An Interview with Alison Simmons
/

Hello all, and happy Thursday! Two weeks ago, I did an interview with Alison Simmons. And for those of you who are unfamiliar with her, Alison is a mother, Woman of God, Blogger, and the podcast host of Grace Over Perfection.

By the time we finished talking, I felt like I’d had a three-in-one session of therapy, support group, and sisterly fellowship. God is like that, giving us what we need when we need it. I hope that you re as blessed as I was when you tune into this interview.

Alison Simmons, grace over perfection host, episode 93, katina horton, podcasting, podcaster, podcasting community, divorce, marriage, parenting, perfectionism, grace, failure, women, minstry, healing our brokenness, healing our brokenness podcast

An Interview with Alison Simmons Topics

  • Podcasting
  • Roadblocks
  • Podcasting vs. Writing
  • Inspiration
  • Unique Knowlege/Expertise
  • Life Story
  • What Brokenness Means
  • Effects of Healed and UnHealed Brokenness on Podcasting
  • Community Help
  • Home
  • Requirements for Podcasting
  • Marriage
  • Divorce
  • Podcasting Genres
  • Fun Questions

And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threestrand cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12

Other podcasting interviews:

An Interview with Crystal Daye-Part 1
An Interview with Crystal Daye-Part 2

Crystal’s book

At Valley of Grace, we believe in thriving. In order to thrive, we have to begin grounding ourselves in our identity. The first step in making this happen, is dealing with the effects of our childhood wounds. Click here to get started in Online Therapy today.****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.

Episode 78: How Our Words Manifest Our Pain

episode 78, podcasting, podcaster, words, pain, meanness, healing, emotional health, mental health, bleeding out, psychology, emotional abuse, toxicity
Healing Our Brokenness
Episode 78: How Our Words Manifest Our Pain
/

Have you ever said something and then you wish that you could take it back? Or perhaps you said something mean, and you have no regrets at all. Whatever may be the case, our words have power. And not only do our words have power, they tell a lot about what is really going on inside of our hearts, own unhealed areas of pain and brokenness. Take a listen to find out how our words manifest our pain.

In case you missed last week’s podcast episode, you can find it here.

Podcast Outline:

  • Conversational Examples
  • Biblical Examples
  • What is the solution?
episode 78, podcasting, podcaster, words, pain, meanness, healing, emotional health, mental health, bleeding out, psychology, emotional abuse, toxicity
Photo by Sarah Pflug at Shopify

Scripture Reading:

Luke 6:45

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

1 Samuel 18:5-11

So David went out wherever Saul sent him, and prospered; and Saul set him over the men of war. And it was pleasing in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.

      6It happened as they were coming, when David returned from killing the Philistine, that the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with joy and with musical instruments.

7The women sang as they played, and said,
         “Saul has slain his thousands,
         And David his ten thousands.”

8Then Saul became very angry, for this saying displeased him; and he said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, but to me they have ascribed thousands. Now what more can he have but the kingdom?” 9Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on.

Saul Turns against David

      10Now it came about on the next day that an evil spirit from God came mightily upon Saul, and he raved in the midst of the house, while David was playing the harp with his hand, as usual; and a spear was in Saul’s hand. 11Saul hurled the spear for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David escaped from his presence twice.

Episode 77: Take Off Your Shoes

shoes, attitude adjustment, Moses, holiness, holy ground, dirt, filth, heart change, heart of stone
Healing Our Brokenness
Episode 77: Take Off Your Shoes
/

Take off Your Shoes Podcast Outline

  • Our Rhythmic Routine Upon Entering Our Residence
  • Our Rhythmic Routine in God’s Presence
shoes, attitude adjustment, Moses, holiness, holy ground, dirt, filth, heart change, heart of stone

Bible Verses to Meditate On:

Exodus 3: 1-6

Now Moses kept the flock of Jethro his father in law, the priest of Midian: and he led the flock to the backside of the desert, and came to the mountain of God, even to Horeb.

And the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed.

And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt.

And when the Lord saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here am I.

And he said, Draw not nigh hither: put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground.

Moreover he said, I am the God of thy father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. And Moses hid his face; for he was afraid to look upon God.

Psalm 100

100 Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.

Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.

Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.

For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

The Traffic Light

poetry, traffic light, stuck, thrive, calling, stagnant, ready, patient, Joseph, God's preparation, lifestyle blogger

How many of us can stop and think about a time that we felt like we were sitting at a traffic light forever? I know with myself , it’s usually during a time that I didn’t plan my time well prior to leaving out of the house, and thus, have no margin whatsoever as a cushion. Every light seems longer. Sitting and waiting seems more drawn out and daunting. But, what about the traffic lights in life? Read the poem below to catch a glimpse of how that works.

poetry, traffic light, stuck, thrive, calling, stagnant, ready, patient, Joseph, God's preparation, lifestyle blogger

The Traffic Light

Racing.

against time.

against cruelty.

against uncertainty.

against the monotony

of

the songs played

on the piano,.

that whisper,

“You won’t make it.

Can’t take it.

you’ll always be

here at this red

traffic light.”

But then, the light

turns green,

and God says,

“Go dream, and

make those dreams come alive.

Thrive in every area now.

No holding back!

Go forth!”

Episode 76: “The Time is Now” An Interview with Evangelist Bernina Davis: How Obtaining Multiple DUI’s Led to A Divine Appointment with the Creator in Jail & The Ministry of Evangelism-Part 2

psychology, alcoholism, mental health, mental health, physical health, deliverance, Joseph, Egypt, podcast, episode 76
Healing Our Brokenness
Episode 76: "The Time is Now" An Interview with Evangelist Bernina Davis: How Obtaining Multiple DUI's Led to A Divine Appointment with the Creator in Jail & The Ministry of Evangelism-Part 2
/

Just when you thought that the story was over, it isn’t. There’s much more to come. As a recap of yesterday, when I interviewed Evangelist Bernina Davis, she took us on a journey of the importance of relationships and connection, having a relationship with God, knowing God and knowing self, and along with this knowing, being able to put your revelations into practice during this pandemic. She also took us through some of her family traditions around blackness, and the importance of not blindly following our passions, but following them with purpose, drive, and intent. Lastly, Evangelist Nina began the journey of taking us through her brokenness, explaining the importance of not turning others into idols, and the things that women often do that create this type of destructive behavior. Today, we are going to continue her road of redemption and grace that God gave her as she found herself in a situation of being arrested by the police. Listen in and find out how God made this pivotal moment in her life a divine rescue from brokenness and divine calling for life.

psychology, alcoholism, mental health, mental health, physical health, deliverance, Joseph, Egypt, podcast, episode 76
Part 2: An Interview with Evangelist Bernina Marbury

Podcast Outline

  • Brokenness: Evangelist Bernina Davis’ Testimony Cont’d
  • Bible Verses for Meditation: Genesis 39

When Joseph was taken to Egypt by the Ishmaelite traders, he was purchased by Potiphar, an Egyptian officer. Potiphar was captain of the guard for Pharaoh, the king of Egypt.

The Lord was with Joseph, so he succeeded in everything he did as he served in the home of his Egyptian master. Potiphar noticed this and realized that the Lord was with Joseph, giving him success in everything he did. This pleased Potiphar, so he soon made Joseph his personal attendant. He put him in charge of his entire household and everything he owned. 

The Time is Now: Joseph Part Two

From the day Joseph was put in charge of his master’s household and property, the Lord began to bless Potiphar’s household for Joseph’s sake. All his household affairs ran smoothly, and his crops and livestock flourished. So Potiphar gave Joseph complete administrative responsibility over everything he owned. With Joseph there, he didn’t worry about a thing—except what kind of food to eat!

Joseph was a very handsome and well-built young man, and Potiphar’s wife soon began to look at him lustfully. “Come and sleep with me,” she demanded.

But Joseph refused. “Look,” he told her, “my master trusts me with everything in his entire household. No one here has more authority than I do. He has held back nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How could I do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God.”

The Time is Now: Joseph Part Three

10 She kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day, but he refused to sleep with her, and he kept out of her way as much as possible. 11 One day, however, no one else was around when he went in to do his work. 12 She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house.

13 When she saw that she was holding his cloak and he had fled, 14 she called out to her servants. Soon all the men came running. “Look!” she said. “My husband has brought this Hebrew slave here to make fools of us! He came into my room to rape me, but I screamed. 15 When he heard me scream, he ran outside and got away, but he left his cloak behind with me.”

16 She kept the cloak with her until her husband came home. 17 Then she told him her story. “That Hebrew slave you’ve brought into our house tried to come in and fool around with me,” she said. 18 “But when I screamed, he ran outside, leaving his cloak with me!”

Joseph Put in Prison

19 Potiphar was furious when he heard his wife’s story about how Joseph had treated her. 20 So he took Joseph and threw him into the prison where the king’s prisoners were held, and there he remained. 21 But the Lord was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love. And the Lord made Joseph a favorite with the prison warden. 22 Before long, the warden put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners and over everything that happened in the prison. 23 The warden had no more worries, because Joseph took care of everything. The Lord was with him and caused everything he did to succeed.

Revelation 22:13

I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.

Psalm 18:3

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn [1] of my salvation, my stronghold.

Revelation 3:8

I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name.

Until next time!

Katina