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She Wasn’t Ready!

When my kids were living with me, they would hang out together, laughing and joking about some teenage drama that had taken place. Whenever something happened that took one of their teenage friends by surprise, they would holler out, “S(he) wasn’t ready!” I couldn’t imitate it if I wanted to. However, it was hilarious.

Now, let’s switch over to watching a movie with a friend. You have been watching a good movie with a girlfriend. You both have pretty much figured out the ending based on all the drama that has gone on throughout the entire movie. This movie is pretty much like real life. After hanging out with people for a while, we become aware of their unhealthy patterns of behavior, and they become aware of ours. You get to the end of the movie, and both of you are completely thrown for a loop. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. In other words, “She wasn’t ready!”

Now what?

You feel cheated. Tricked. Bamboozled. Caught off guard.

Now you have to adjust your emotions, processing what you thought should have happened based upon previous patterns of behavior, but didn’t.

Now, let’s switch scenes again. Jesus died on the cross. The normal process after death is burial or cremation, and then the person’s soul either goes to heaven or hell. The body goes back to dirt eventually. Except with Jesus. His ending on earth defied all logic. And in his case, “They wasn’t ready.” I know it’s bad English, but saying weren’t doesn’t give the full effect. You get the point.

Last scene, you have been in and out of one unhealthy relationship to the next. But, you haven’t been able to decide how your story will end. Will people feel cheated because you defied the odds, and created an empowered new chapter of life, or will they say, “I knew it was going to end this way!” ?

As the director of your movie, only you can decide.

Be blessed.

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 108: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 4

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 108: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 4
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Our last podcast episode covered a lot. On today’s episode, LaTrae Wilson and I wrap up everything. As always, her no-nonsense, authentic style of communications shines through. One of the main things that we talk about is taking teeny, tiny, toe steps is progress. Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires perspective. Healing from past hurts brings resilience and perspective. Even when it seems small, any step is a move in the right direction when you are directing your new chapter of life. Be blessed and listen in for LaTrae’s final words of inspiration and encouragement.

A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-How to Reach LaTrae Wilson

Latrae Wilson’s Website

Her Book

A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 4 Topics

  • Tiny Toe Steps
  • When Enough is Enough
  • Love Yourself
  • Spiritual Counseling
  • Favorite Books
  • Playlist

Until next time,

Katina

Episode 107: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 3

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 107: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 3
/

Yesterday’s podcast episode left off with LaTrae Wilson contemplating leaving the faith. Today, we find out what happened. When it comes to creating an empowered new chapter of life, we often see the promise that Jesus made to us about abundant living, but we think of it as him doing everything, and us sitting back and relaxing, with our feet propped up on the coffee table, as we say, “Ok Jesus, whenever, you are ready to heal me.” Then, Jesus is looking back at us, and going, “Ok, whenever you are ready, we can do this thing together.”

Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires perspective. Healing from past hurts brings resilience and perspective.

We want to be the director of our new chapters without the participation part. However, that’s not how healing works. And in today’s podcast episode, LaTrae helps us to see just that: healing is a choice. Most women in difficult relationships struggle to make empowered choices. And part of that choice is whether we will be an active participant in our new chapter, or if we will continue to sit on the mat, and come up with excuses. One of my favorite quotes that LaTrae mentioned in this segment has to do with CHOICE: “Choosing God over foolishness. Choosing God over Failed Relationships.”

Be blessed as you listen in.

A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 3

  • the power of choice
  • therapy
  • first steps in starting a new chapter
  • being uncomfortable
  • comfortable and growing
  • being stuck later in life
  • releasing toxic people

Latrae Wilson’s Website

Her Book

Until Next time,

Katina

Episode 106: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 2

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 106: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 2
/

In the last podcast episode, LaTrae Wilson and I talked about generation cycles, hiding sin, keeping family secrets, low self-esteem, low self-worth, the pain of healing, and the unspoken reasons why women go back to toxic relationships. This time, we go even deeper. Our topics are processing trauma, accountability, aggression, fear of speaking up, I’m not okay, Pressure to leave the faith, and so much more! Women, you don’t want to miss this! Be blessed.

A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 2 Topics

  • I’m Not Okay
  • Accountability
  • Processing Trauma
  • When Trauma Causes You to Shut Down
  • Fear of Speaking Up
  • Thoughts of Leaving the Faith
  • Kickboxing for Therapy
  • The Therapist Gave Me My Power

Latrae Wilson’s Website

Instagram: destinedtwobeblessed

Facebook: Destined To Be Blessed @Mylast20BCEB

Book

My Last 20 Breaking the Curse to Embrace the Blessing you can find them on Amazon,Google Book, Barnes and Noble or Lulu.com 

Purchase Her New Book: My Last 20

Episode 105: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 1

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 105: A Living Room Interview with LaTrae Wilson: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns-Part 1
/

Just hearing the word empowered gives you hope. Couple that with the words “new chapter of life”, and your mind starts thinking of all the possibilities. These possibilities can be your reality. However, there is work required on your part. Remember, the film director in the movie, My Life Story? You are the film director of your life. Your choices are the determining factors for the content of each scene.

Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires healing from past hurts. Healing from past hurts brings resilience and perspective. Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires perspective.

After listening to this interview with LaTrae Wilson and I, I guarantee you, you will feel a sense of hope rising in your soul. Latrae doesn’t sugarcoat it, but her style and method of delivering the message will challenge you embolden you in taking your first step forward. If you missed Chris Archuleta’s interview, you can catch up on that one here. Here is an outline of the topics that we discussed in this interview:

Interview with LaTrae Wilson Podcast Topics:

  • Generational Sin Cycles
  • Hiding Sin
  • Family Secrets
  • Low Self-Esteem
  • Low Self-Worth
  • The Pain of Healing
  • Unspoken Reasons for Why Women Go Back

Latrae Wilson’s Website

Instagram: destinedtwobeblessed

Facebook: Destined To Be Blessed @Mylast20BCEB

Book

My Last 20 Breaking the Curse to Embrace the Blessing you can find them on Amazon,Google Book, Barnes and Noble or Lulu.com 

Purchase Her New Book: My Last 20

Until Next time,

Katina

Episode 104: An Interview with Chris Archuleta: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Burnout

The Valley of Grace Podcast
The Valley of Grace Podcast
Episode 104: An Interview with Chris Archuleta: Creating An Empowered New Chapter of Life After Burnout
/

Burnout is becoming more and more common in our everyday life. Hearing the word itself makes you think that perhaps it’s just an overused, over-personified thing. But it isn’t. People suffer from burnout, with its effects lasting for years. The sooner that we put boundaries into place to avoid it, the more that our minds, bodies, and souls will thank us.

In my conversation with Chris, he expressed the fact that people resist change after burnout, or any other type of brokenness because they get comfortable in what they are in, feeling that it is easier to stay the same, than to do the work.

But, we all know that healing from past hurts brings resilience and perspective. Perspective is what is needed in order to embrace the act of creating an empowered new chapter of life. I pray that this episode will empower you in creating your new chapter. Click here to check out Chris Archuleta’s site and podcast. Be blessed.

Until next time,

Katina

Podcast Topics

  • Burnout
  • Flourishing
  • Relationships
  • Resilience
  • Mindset
  • Our Will vs. God’s Will
  • The Definition of Success

Alternative Endings

You as the film producer and director of your movie, My Life Story have a job on your hands. You have finally finished filming the entire movie. The problem is, during film production, you couldn’t decide which of the five possible moving endings you wanted to use.

What are your options?

1: The wife could break through her struggles, find new love again, get engaged, kiss, and it could be a standard industry wrap-up all within the last fifteen minutes of the movie.

2: The wife could break through her struggles, and open the book store of her dreams in Pleasantville, Virginia.

3: The wife could decide to go back to school, meeting a handsome new guy on campus the first day that she goes to enroll.

4: The wife could continue struggling even till the end, but the struggle is a good struggle, a gold-refining struggle that the scripture talks about. You know, the one that produces character.

OR

5: The wife craves relationship, then enters a new relationship, has her broken areas exploited, goes downhill into a state of languishing, and the new guy walks out on her. (Pretty dramatic, but real life.)

You decide to pick Option 2: where the wife opens the bookstore of her dreams. You are satisfied with your choice. However, you have work on your hands when it comes to video editing. You will also create DVDs of the movie, creating a section called Alternative Endings, where the viewers can watch all the alternative endings for fun. Your assignment has been a success.

We are the same way.

When it comes to the last scene in your movie, you get to decide your ending. You are the one directing the last scene entitled New Chapter of Life. Will it be similar to one of the first four, or will it be Option 5? Only you can decide.

Healing from past hurts brings resilience and perspective. Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires perspective.

Be blessed.

Until next time,

Katina

Cut

Think about this…you are filming a movie for your Film Production class. The name of the movie is entitled: My Life Story. You have enlisted about 20 different friends and family members to help make this movie a success. Your parents are helping you out by purchasing food, water, and other drinks for all the volunteers. Now that everything is set, the only thing left to do is to begin filming the movie.

Everything is going fine until you get to the eighth scene of the movie. It is only ten minutes long. But, for some reason, the actors are not putting enough emphasis on the part of the scene where the wife and her husband have a huge fight, leaving her emotionally wounded, although he was the one who hurt her with his actions, turning her quest for accountability into feeling guilty that she brought up his betrayal in the first place.

All of a sudden, you yell out, “Cut!” Everybody takes a fifteen minute break. Before starting up again, you let the actors know that you have decided that instead of going through the script verbatim, leaving the wife wounded, the wife will stand up for herself, putting the husband out, and begin to pick up the broken pieces of her life. The rest of the movie will focus on her struggles, resilience, and trials as she lives life as a divorced woman.

Everyone loves this new scene. But they also realize there are several more scenes to go before the movie is done. So, they can’t take a break just yet.

As we sit and think about our own lives, we wish we could cut out a few scenes that don’t add up to the empowered new chapter part of us. We want the whole story to look good. But guess what? Unlike the actors in a film production scene, we cannot cut out the bad parts, slice the edges of the clips with razors in Adobe Premier Pro.

Both the good and the not so good parts of our story all work out in the end. The bad parts of our stories are the parts that help us build up endurance, resilience, and flourish in our new relationships. When we cut out the bad, messy, parts, we cut out the joyful, exhilarating parts as well. Healing requires wholeheartedness, for us to bring our whole selves to the table.

Healing from past hurts brings resilience, and resilience brings perspective. Creating an empowered new chapter of life requires perspective.

Be blessed.

Until next time,

Katina

It’s All About Perspective

Introduction

Picture yourself at a get-together among friends. At this particular function, each person shares what’s on his or her heart. The sharing time gets really vulnerable, but it’s what everyone needs. After sharing, you sit around the fire talking about the good ol’ days when you were a teenager or young adult, having fun, making memories, and in so doing, making some bad decisions. But, they were the good old days.

After fireside time, one of your friends, who’s a performing artist, decides to play some heartfelt music. After the music, you guys decide to go back to eating more food, which happens to be wonderfully spread out on the tables up on the deck. Then there is more music, more fireside chat, and more vulnerability. One of your friends, who’s a photographer, has to grab a few photos that best capture these moments. After a while, everyone decides to go home. The night was perfect.

The Interviews

On the following day, a reporter from a local newspaper wants to write an article on the benefits and blessings of community. In order to write this article, the reporter feels that he needs each of the friends who were in attendance at the function to talk about what went on that night.

By the time all the interviews are over, the reporter wonders if everyone attended the same party. The answer was “Yes”. Each person gave their own account of what happened that night based upon his/her own perspective. Our perspective is made up of our experiences in life, good or bad, our trials and traumas, failures and successes, and our level of resilience.

The performing artist would come at it from a music angle, and blending in more of his experiences to describe that night. The fire starter would come at it from the angle of being an outdoorsman. The ones who cooked the food may focus on the culinary aspect of the night. If there are therapists or coaches in the group, they will focus on the vulnerability and conversations of the night. The photographer would tell their story based on what he/she sees through the lens of the camera.

No matter what each individual’s focus entails, the end result is the same: the reporter was able to assess what went on that night, feeling empowered to write a state-of-the-art article on community. And guess what, he has pictures to back up those moments.

The definition of empowerment is: the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights. In order for empowerment to be successful, there has to be several things involved/attained: information, perspective, autonomy, application, and self-awareness.

Empowerment

Empowerment is hindered when we have experiences, traumas, knowledge, and tons of information that is never applied to anything. We all want an empowered new chapter of life. The problem is that we don’t understand that there is an unconscious disconnect between the knowing and doing (life application).

Why Perspective?

Perspective cannot be left out. The reporter had to gain knowledge of each person’s perspective, applying knowledge, experience, and information that he already had in order to create a picture of his own perspective when writing the article. Creating a satisfying future hinges upon healing from past hurts. That’s because healing brings perspective and resilience.

It’s easy for us to resist the healing part. However, the knowledge of how everything goes hand in hand gives us the courage to move forward in our new chapter of life.

Until next time,

Katina

Last Blog Post

Last Podcast Interview

That Beautiful Case

The Appearance

I want to tell you the story of that beautiful case that I saw.

When my son was about 8 years old, I bought all the various computer parts to build him a desktop.  I decided upon a royal blue clear case.  These cases were all the rave at the time.  You could see all the internal parts, and lights, etc.  I knew at his age he would think this was cool. 

The Struggle

The Manufacture of the case boasted “no white-gloves” needed.  Wow!  This was great.  So I thought.  The case should open with no problem.  He was going to be jamming with this cool case.  I pressed and pulled, huffed and puffed to get this case open.  Nothing.  Used tools ⚒️. Nothing. Finally, after getting my adrenaline going at full speed, I got the case to open.  I was worn out. 

The Truth

What they said, and the truth were two different things.  After sitting there for a few minutes, I felt weird.  Like really weird.  I looked down at my hand, and the case had cut a chunk of the inside of my thumb off.  Looking at it made me nauseous and light-headed.  I went down to the kitchen to take care of it.  The kids saw “that Look” on my face, as they call it, and they asked me what happened.  I told them, and they were shocked. 

The Healing

I decided to wrap the wound and bandage it up after using peroxide and Neosporin.  My thumb only has a little bit of discoloration now.  You can hardly tell how badly I got injured.  It’s just a scar.  Just so you know, I sent the case back and got another one instead.

Our Case

Some of you saw that one person’s profile.  It looked good on paper.  As a matter of fact, it sounded good.  But, once you opened the package, you were in for a big surprise.  You were cut so deep, that it left you wounded and bleeding out on everything and everyone. 

Our Reaction

But, for some reason, you are still holding on to that case, without digging deeper into the how’s, why’s , etc.  This person(case), will determine how you select all the others (friends, jobs, partners in ministry, etc.) until you deal with the wounds. 

You don’t have to keep bleeding out on everyone.  You can begin to dissect your cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns.  Even better, you can get bandaged up ⬆️in the process.  The question is:  When will you make that choice?

Are you saying to yourself, “I’m sick and tired of being stuck in one unhealthy relationship after the next. Life should be better than this. This does not look like the abundant life that Christ promised us!” Then this course is for you. It walks you through the process step by step to getting out of the revolving door of stuckness, and into the door of abundant living. But when are you going to open the door? Are you waiting for your friend or someone else to open it for you? That’s what the Course Broken Pieces is all about. It walks you through with personalized videos, getting you to the heart of the matter. ****This is an amazon affiliate link where a commission is paid to offsite the cost of providing this information to you.


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Jiselle Alleyne-Clement’s Interview