When you are in the “Problems and Unhealthy Patterns of Behavior” Phase, there are so many different things going on. First of all, the honeymoon is over. Secondly, it doesn’t matter whether you are in a healthy or toxic relationship cycle, you are going to have problems.
The main difference is in how you choose to deal with these problems.
One thing that is common in both cycles is that once both individuals go from symbiosis to differentiation, and the individual problems manifest themselves, initially neither person knows what to say or do in order to confront the problems.
This is evident because one person usually walks around being angry/hostile all the time, and then the other person walks around doing passive-aggressive things all the time, instead of bringing the problem(s) up.
Some examples of passive/aggressive behavior would be eye-rolling, letting the other person’s food burn up, noticing that the other person somehow missed their alarm going off, and not saying anything, and doing anything else that gets on the other person’s last nerve.
None of these things will solve the problem.
For some reason, as humans, we think that ignoring our problems are like bad dreams that will eventually go away.
When we go to this place for dealing with problems, we are definitely on our own Fantasy Island. “Cause guess what?” It ain’t happenin’. Those problems are still there.
As a matter of fact, the lump underneath the rug is getting bigger and bigger.
So the question remains, what in the world are you going to do about it?
In the next post, we will talk about what usually happens for both the healthy and toxic relationship cycle.
Until next time,