Whether you are in a healthy or unhealthy relationship, the third phase of the relationship cycle is “The Problems and Unhealthy Patterns of Behavior Begin”.
One might think, “Why would there be problems?”
Well, for starters, you have two imperfect individuals. And no matter how you do the math, two imperfect individuals equals one imperfect relationship.
In order for a pattern of behavior to occur, you have to be in a relationship with someone. It doesn’t matter who that person is. It is in this interpersonal exchange, so to speak, that your issues will manifest themselves.
Nine times out of ten, your unhealthy patterns of behavior were developed in childhood, and as the old saying goes, “there is more that is caught than taught”. We model what we have seen. And what we have seen comes from the five people we are around the most.
And in the case of children, that means the five people are more than likely the individuals in their household and/or their grandparents that have helped to form a certain perspective in their head as far as how relationships should run.
The problem that can erupt from this is that if those patterns of behavior were never checked by your immediate family, friends, coworkers, and ministry partners, you have carried them around in a backpack for years, and now, as you are entering phase three of the relationship cycle in your marriage, you are unloading them onto the other person.
In the next post, we will talk about how these problems manifest themselves in “The Unhealthy Relationship Cycle”.