When it comes to enmeshment, things can get real tricky. Just like codependency. Think about having ten necklaces getting tangled together. Trust me, I have had it to happen before. It is not fun. As a matter of fact, the more you try to untangle the mess, the more they get entangled. And before we know it, our emotions are entangled with these necklaces.
We start making headway when we go to the beginning of the first necklace and then start pulling from there. It is the same thing when it comes to relationships.
The more that you try to untangle, the more entangled you will become. Getting to the root of the entanglement/enmeshment is where healing begins. It is also where the pain will lie as well. When you are entangled/enmeshed, you are depending on someone else’s feelings to make you happy, sad, angry, etc., and dictate your behavior in general.
You are literally being controlled by someone else’s emotional state. Another way of looking at it is to picture your backyard and your neighbor’s backyard. You both have fences. The fences serve as boundaries. However, you have decided to make your neighbor’s yard free reign to go in and out as you please.
Would your neighbor be upset? Of course!! Who wouldn’t?
This is what happens in an entangled/enmeshed relationship. You ignore each other’s boundaries to the point of having such free reign, that you suffocate one another. So how do you get out? Some form of therapy is definitely needed.
At the same time, so is getting to the root of your issues with identity, self-worth, and not enoughness where you have other people’s emotions serving as your literal lifeline.
Creating an empowered new chapter of life involves healing from past hurts. And healing from past hurts involves reclaiming your power and identity, and enoughness. Reclaiming this power and identity from healing will give you a new perspective and a higher level of resilience so that you can flourish.
Until next time,