The year 2020 has had a lot of ups and downs. And to be honest, there seems to have been more downs than ups. In this podcast episode, I will go over some of the things that we have dealt with collectively, as well as individually. I will also dissect what we have as an anchor for the new year. In case you missed the last episode, you can click here to catch up.
Have you ever said something and then you wish that you could take it back? Or perhaps you said something mean, and you have no regrets at all. Whatever may be the case, our words have power. And not only do our words have power, they tell a lot about what is really going on inside of our hearts, own unhealed areas of pain and brokenness. Take a listen to find out how our words manifest our pain.
In case you missed last week’s podcast episode, you can find it here.
A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.
So David went out wherever Saul sent him, and prospered; and Saul set him over the men of war. And it was pleasing in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.
6It happened as they were coming, when David returned from killing the Philistine, that the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with joy and with musical instruments.
7The women sang as they played, and said, “Saul has slain his thousands, And David his ten thousands.”
8Then Saul became very angry, for this saying displeased him; and he said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, but to me they have ascribed thousands. Now what more can he have but the kingdom?” 9Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on.
Saul Turns against David
10Now it came about on the next day that an evil spirit from God came mightily upon Saul, and he raved in the midst of the house, while David was playing the harp with his hand, as usual; and a spear was in Saul’s hand. 11Saul hurled the spear for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David escaped from his presence twice.
Two months ago, I wrote the following post: When Trauma Triggers other Trauma(Racism)—Part 1. Today, we will talk about when trauma triggers other trauma in the area of abandonment. At the beginning of lockdown, everything was new and different. There was a vast sense of paranoia in regard to catching the virus. The questions that came to mind for most people were: Will I catch the virus at work? At the store? In my home from opening up the groceries? Taking a walk outside? The list became endless. There was a sense of emotions and dissociating stirring up inside me whenever I put on masks to go inside at work and at the grocery stores, as well as watching others with their masks on. Because the pandemic was trauma-inducing itself, initially I didn’t investigate the issue.
I also began to notice that the social distancing order caused me to dissociate and stir up certain emotions. But once again, just making it through the trauma of the pandemic was enough. Things were fresh and new, and I was going about my business as usual-until-yes, that is the magic word: until. Until people started asking each other how they were faring during the pandemic, whether alone or with others on social media. They were wondering how it felt to have to navigate the pandemic alone.
That’s when the giant drop occurred. For more on the giant drop, refer to this post. I had no other choice but to deal with the emotions as well as the dissociation. I was able to figure out that the social distancing and masks brought up old wounds of abandonment, and along with the abandonment, it’s friend named loneliness came along. I had to remind myself of the following: 1) that the trauma of the pandemic with the masks and social distancing aspects, along with the space involved, were triggering these feelings. 2) No one was leaving me. 3) I had to invoke a higher level of self-care. 4) I had to connect with others even more than usual, and even if that connection meant phone calls and Zoom, it would have to do. 5) I had to do deep breathing, and practice eye-focusing exercises to help ground me in the present time.
Initially, I realized that my self-care involved more music, reading, and outside time than watching television. I have found that sitting from watching television can actually be more anxiety and depression-inducing when you are going through hard times emotionally and mentally. It also helped when my son came and stayed for a few months right after my revelation of dissociation. However, before and after he left, I had already started implementing the four steps listed above. Thus, it made my journey even easier to navigate. The loneliness didn’t totally dissipate, but it became manageable with adding an extra layer of connection that wasn’t previously needed.
We all have different ways of dealing with trauma. What is helpful to one person may or may not be helpful to another. I am not a therapist. If your symptoms are causing you a heightened level of distress, seeing a therapist, or any other mental health professional is recommended.